an essay about my late wife

MattIsRight

Experienced
Joined
Oct 25, 2018
Posts
30
This is a tough one...

My Spouse took her life 5 years ago around this time of year. I would like to write about it at some point, as I put my sexuality before the marriage, before her, cheated on her with her friends... I hurt her deeply

I don't have a good explanation for it other than the usual BS from therapy (absent drunk father, cheating bi-polar mother)

I never shared with my wife any of this.

Nothing that would humanize me or give her a clue (hell I did not have a clue)

I basically stopped adoring my wife and began fucking everything fro men, tranny's , crack whores, sugar babies, her friends, high end escorts... nothing was off limits to me except loving my wife.

I have her journals. Found them after she died... she knew so much and loved me anyway. I guess in a way I hated her for it ...I had LONG term relationships outside my marriage that my wife found out about and never said a word.

She got sick... stayed in bed in a dark room.

I was honestly disgusted by her. I did not know her.

What I would not give to be able to go back in time and Love Her Right.

I read about her childhood.

She was a survivor

kept it to herself.

I guess she thought she didn't deserve love either... she wasted it on me. She covered for me , behind my back.
 
That is one hell of a tough one, but I don't think you'd be the first to seek redemption by writing about it. You should write about it, the truth and the horror, the hate and the love. You might even find a quiet place on the other side of it all. Whether you publish it or burn it is a whole 'nother question, which only you can answer.
 
I was a drug addict. I lived the life of a criminal. I overdosed twice. I miscarried a baby through my own neglect. I stole from family and friends. I fucked anyone who could get me high.

I cleaned up and got sober. I spent some time in prison and came out determined to build a new and better life. I met a wonderful man who fell in love with me.

But still, I felt the shadows of my past always hanging over me. Only when I began to write my story, to purge years of pent up emotion through words, was I able to truly move forward with my new life and accept love into my heart.

Write.
 
I write as therapy. I use my fears, insecurities, and regrets to make up my characters and their motivations. There's no turning back the clock, but writing can be a very powerful way to move forward.
 
Much continued success to you. This is a tough one. My addiction ... well, I don't have to tell you about the impact of addiction. Thank You
 
This is a tough one...

My Spouse took her life 5 years ago around this time of year. I would like to write about it at some point, as I put my sexuality before the marriage, before her, cheated on her with her friends... I hurt her deeply

I don't have a good explanation for it other than the usual BS from therapy (absent drunk father, cheating bi-polar mother)

I never shared with my wife any of this.

Nothing that would humanize me or give her a clue (hell I did not have a clue)

I basically stopped adoring my wife and began fucking everything fro men, tranny's , crack whores, sugar babies, her friends, high end escorts... nothing was off limits to me except loving my wife.

I have her journals. Found them after she died... she knew so much and loved me anyway. I guess in a way I hated her for it ...I had LONG term relationships outside my marriage that my wife found out about and never said a word.

She got sick... stayed in bed in a dark room.

I was honestly disgusted by her. I did not know her.

What I would not give to be able to go back in time and Love Her Right.

I read about her childhood.

She was a survivor

kept it to herself.

I guess she thought she didn't deserve love either... she wasted it on me. She covered for me , behind my back.

Perbaps writing from her viewpoint as honestly as possible would serve many purposes.
 
Retracted by Sammael Bard due to a violation of the forum mandate.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top