Desultory and Impulsive

y=mx+b

___________
Joined
Jul 1, 2003
Posts
25,378
If I had a photo I would post it

But I don't
I don't even really have anything to say at the moment

I did earlier today while busting my balls at work
It was a thought of some kind
And the kind of thought
I wanted someone to know about
An intimate thought that needed to be read
And hopefully felt the way it felt inside of me
It was the kind of thought that I could have posted on Facebook

But I didn't want to

They wouldn't understand
In spite of being friends and family

I would be stuck somewhere between having to explain and having to defend. Neither of which I care to do.


So yeah... this is my somewhere that isn't anywhere anyone but you need to know about.

Or to put it more simply, Bits and Pieces (part 2)

Stay tuned.
 
Yes! This is the best bit of news for the Sunday morning. (Yep, it's Sunday morning for me)
 
Steep curve....

....this is shallow curve.

Looking forward to seeing some pictures.
 
I now have a photo

She likes to watch me
I don't know why
She doesn't either

But she kinda does.

She gets this feeling

Like
She's
Getting away

With something

As though she is witnessing
Some ancient secret
Only meant to be passed down
And observed by those within the masculine order of brotherhood

And she watches
And she kinda wants to runaway
When she is caught
Eventhough she isn't
Eventhough it isn't a secret
Eventhough her company is welcome

Eventhough she never has anything to say

She just watches

And the secret feeling changes belonging.
From that between those of the masculine order
To
"Just between us"

And she feels welcome
Trusted
And thus...

Protected














Forever.
 

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She likes to watch me
I don't know why
She doesn't either

But she kinda does.

She gets this feeling

Like
She's
Getting away

With something

As though she is witnessing
Some ancient secret
Only meant to be passed down
And observed by those within the masculine order of brotherhood

And she watches
And she kinda wants to runaway
When she is caught
Eventhough she isn't
Eventhough it isn't a secret
Eventhough her company is welcome

Eventhough she never has anything to say

She just watches

And the secret feeling changes belonging.
From that between those of the masculine order
To
"Just between us"

And she feels welcome
Trusted
And thus...

Protected














Forever.


I only have one word.

veins.
 
I adore this image for how simple it is, but coupled with the text, how it makes me keep looking.
 
Speaking of rubydlite...

First off... Hi ruby it is nice making your acquaintance.

Secondly...
Secondly...
Secondly I think I was going to say something along the lines of how she and I got nothing going on behind the scenes so all you envious psycho-types can relax okay?

But now I'm like "fuck it. she's hot."

So I'm staking my claim and you all will just have to fucking deal with it.



Now on with the show.

Being the self-absorbed narcissistic cathartic neurotic mess that I am, seldom do I venture far beyond my own thread.

Besides... what online hottie wants anything to do with me anyway? I mean... they all are tits deep in a cast-iron cauldron of eagerly imposing self-entitled sausage gumbo already as it is!

Anyway... I digress.

And so I keep to myself


But here's the thing.
You see the other day Ruby posts the following which really resonates with something I ruminate over quite a lot and have been for quite a long time now.

Here it is, directly quoted from her thread.

The real struggle of a sexually charged introvert...

In my mind, still a child, waiting to be scolded, corrected, guided.
How can I let you know what thoughts are in my mind?

To the world, small, shy, unassuming.
How can I let you know I have very grown up demons that need to play?

To everyday strangers, unemotional, prudish, stuck up.
How can I let you know the secrets that make me blush?

To my family and friends, a mom, a co worker, reliable and never says no.
How can I let you know it's you who I'd never say no to?

How can I let you know that while I sit shyly next to you I'm dreaming of the day you'll grab my hair and leave marks on my flesh?

How can I let you know words that casually fall from your mouth like good girl, are you listening, do you understand, have an entirely sinful pavlovian effect on me?

How can I let you know I'd allow you to tear and mark my flesh when I cry from a splinter?

How can I let you know, to be Your slut, to hear you call me Your whore, filthy bitch makes me weak but swearing on TV annoys me?

How can I let you know?



attachment.php

Is it safe to assume that many are able to relate? Introverted or not?


Confession time.

With all the shit I've written
All the thoughts I so freely express
One would think that all my wife's sexual needs are met 70% of the time.
Just as one would think that mine are as well

Well... they are not.

As I told ruby via PM prior to writing this post, my wife very well could have written the same thing she posted on her thread. And we've been married for however many years ago 1998 was.

Balls...
That's a long-ass time.

And still I feel the need to ask her if she would like to give me a blow-job.

How the fuck weak is that?!

Fucking just tell her that's what you fucking want!!!
Honest to fuck all I gotta do is read what Ruby wrote to know what women like and long for!

Because time and again I've read something similar from another woman. Because time and again I've found myself clicking the links women have posted on their lit profiles to their tumblr pages and find myself seeing similarly themed pages. And time and again my wife has told me herself what it is she wants from me.

Confident dominance.

It's that fucking simple.

Yet... it isn't.

A question I have; which no one, not my wife, nor my therapist have been able to directly answer is--what role does consideration have in all this?



I am currently finding myself hitting a wall in spite of wanting to continue on but I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea as I feel the nature of this post has slightly deviated away from what it was i wish to express.
 
Okay. Back on track.

So here's the deal/confessions of a sexually charged introvert.

I want rape a willing woman.

I do.
I absolutely do.

And perhaps that's why what ruby wrote resonated so much

And just like her I'm left questioning how I can make it known and be taken seriously.

You know?


The problem with sex is that by-and-large we are all selfish in wanting all our own needs met. We don't want to be just accommodated or placated. We want the other to be as into what we are into--if not more.

Now "we" is generally speaking. Certainly there are exceptions to the rule. But they are assholes unable to identify so fuck 'em they can go elsewhere for now.



I believe I bitched about this before on my other thread... about how all the relationship experts and marriage councilors have high hardons and gushy wet panties about the importance of communication bla d da fucking da.

My wife has no interest in being raped. Willing or otherwise.

Taken? Sure.
Raped? No.

And yes there is a difference.

We can communicate and have proper open dialog and nothing will change anyone's mind. Period.

Speaking of... My wife may have this burning desire to make me go down on her during her heaviest flow. And guess what? I'm not going to do it. I have no interest. No desire. Would it kill me to do so? No. Would it be right for her to find someone that would? Some would say yes. Some would say no.


So what the fucks my point?

I don't fucking know
And I think I stopped caring shortly after the first time I fell asleep typing this out on my little iPod

The only reason why I continued on with it all is because you all were hoping I'd bestow upon your weary weary delicate souls and broken spirits something insightful

Well I'm sorry to say you all been fucking duped. Again.





Suckers.
 
So...

I was asked via PM how much hate mail I was getting for my admission to wanting to rape a willing woman.

It's a good question and one I feel worth answering and addressing publicly.

So how much hate mail have I gotten?



None.


Should I get hate mail?
I personally don't think so
But I can see why I would

Just as much as I can understand why however popular I may be for whatever swath of people creeping my thread has dropped substantially.

Why I haven't I suppose is because those most likely offended figure that whatever they had to tell me would fall on deaf ears. With which I have to say would be correct.

Because I don't want to just rape a willing woman. I want to make her feel as though she's been gang raped and left to sit on the edge of an emotional breakdown for a week or two afterwards. And who ever would confess such a this really shouldn't give a fuck what others may think.

And I don't.


Why I also suppose I've not gotten any hate mail is because I state that the woman is willing to be raped.

I have no interest in actual rape. I find it appalling.

But for the sake of argument let's say that I'm sitting here masturbating to the thought of strangle raping a woman and am about to blow my load and do the very moment the idea of dumping her cum filled naked unconscious body in a cornfield of which she would have to walk through enduring further abuse as each blade of corn cut across her naked battered flesh.

UGHhhhh! I just rocketed jizz everywhere!!! To bad the woman I wish to do that to isn't here to be made to snort it off my chest. All well.

So go ahead. Send me your hate male. Alert the authorities. Do whatever it is that you need to do to pacify your justified offended sensibilities. Just make sure that before you do that you vilify and shame whatever woman you can find with an active rape fantasy. Because if I'm not allowed to have perpetrator fantasies she's not allowed to have victim fantasies. Period.


Now... that said, should there be any rapists or potential rapists out there reading my bullshit find themselves so inspired by my cornfield rape scenario (or post in general) to actually do such a thing do me a favor and test out your orgasm via auto-erotic asphyxiation first to be certain the experience is worth the effort. Be sure to make that belt or rope or neck-tie around your neck real fucking tight and difficult to escape from as it would be really embarrassing; not to mention, inconvenient.
 
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I am done with that topic

Nothing more need be said for now and we are moving on.
 

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Nothing more need be said for now and we are moving on.

I totally get your rape fantasy. I have similar fantasies of being willingly raped. I think a lot of women do and just don't use that word because of the negative connotation. Either way, I get it.

And this picture.........

Wonderful! :)
 
I totally get your rape fantasy. I have similar fantasies of being willingly raped. I think a lot of women do and just don't use that word because of the negative connotation. Either way, I get it.

And this picture.........

Wonderful! :)

What she said!
 
In heat

Calm and quiet
In a night of thighs and sweat
Sleep comes between thoughts

In what way
Can I touch you
If you so wish?

Closed eyes
She thought this
Alone
Wishing that she wasn't

He thought about her
Laying next to him
In love
With the thought of her as a mother

If she only was laying next to him
Rather than just in his thoughts

She brought her hand up to her face
To brush her hair away from it as she turned over
The humid night caused it to stick to her
And it hurt as she did so

He loved how the length of her hair
Covered her breasts as she straddled him from above
He loved how it soft it felt between his hands and the flesh of her breasts
He loved how he could make out the detail of her nipples under the slip silk strands of it

She wanted to remember how he felt on top of her
She wanted to feel the stubble against her lips
She wanted to feel herself kissing him once again

He wanted to stop it
He wanted to stop the thought of calling her
--of texting her
But he also wanted to not be alone anymore.
 
Calm and quiet
In a night of thighs and sweat
Sleep comes between thoughts

In what way
Can I touch you
If you so wish?

Closed eyes
She thought this
Alone
Wishing that she wasn't

He thought about her
Laying next to him
In love
With the thought of her as a mother

If she only was laying next to him
Rather than just in his thoughts

She brought her hand up to her face
To brush her hair away from it as she turned over
The humid night caused it to stick to her
And it hurt as she did so

He loved how the length of her hair
Covered her breasts as she straddled him from above
He loved how it soft it felt between his hands and the flesh of her breasts
He loved how he could make out the detail of her nipples under the slip silk strands of it

She wanted to remember how he felt on top of her
She wanted to feel the stubble against her lips
She wanted to feel herself kissing him once again

He wanted to stop it
He wanted to stop the thought of calling her
--of texting her
But he also wanted to not be alone anymore.

well said, well said. .
 
I want to write you...

...who ever you are.

I want to write you
And tell you that it is raining here

It is raining a beautiful kind of rain
A perfect summer rain
With warm humid air between the drops of water
Falling from a sky the color of quiet

The same shade that I saw as my eyes closed
The moment I finally kissed you

The same shade I felt
When my hand
Took hold of your breast
Above the clothing you wore over it

It wasn't days in the making
It wasn't weeks.

It was months

And yet
It took place

With each word you spoke to me
With each message you sent me

And with every word I sent back to you


In hopes
That you would get it.
 
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When the wife's away...

I shall blow the evening surfing porn and edging myself up to the point of getting bored.

Then hating all that I am afterwards.
 
Edging to the point of boredom? I think you're not edging quite far enough then ;)
 
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