Story Discussion: August 2, 2017. "He Likes To Read" by aiaiden

Hi guys, I hope everyone is doing well. It's my first time on here, even though I've been reading stories here for a while. I thought I would try out a story of my own, so I would appreciate a little bit of feedback. I wanted to make a nice detailed account of the summer when a kid fresh out of college makes his annual visit to his aunt's sprawling country mansion with his mom and meets the strange kid next door and ends up introduced to an entirely new and ridiculously magical world. I intend for it to be very adventurous and full of fantasy and fairies, so it might get a bit out there sometimes, but I really wanted to weave this tale as something fun and exciting. I hope you guys take a look at the first chapter and let me know what you think about it before I really get into it. Like I said, this will be a nice and detailed account, so I want it to start off a little slower than most. No sex in this first scene. But don't worry, there will be lots to come.

Alright guys! Here's the first part as promised! Please read it and let me know what you think about the development so far!


“Why did you scream like that?” the voice came from somewhere far away- but somehow very close. It was familiar but misplaced, as if heard from underwater or through an entire house. It took a moment to even register that the voice was speaking to him, so when Aiden did eventually get around to opening his eyes and brushing his hair out of his face, he had almost forgotten what the question was in the first place. By that time, his mother was already in his room and leaning over him, shaking his shoulder.

“Hey, are you alright…? You’re good…?” Her voice was low and accented- the way it got when she was really worried. Aiden had always hated that his mother changed the lilt of her voice and raised the pitch when talking to anyone outside of immediate family, but whenever she did use this more natural tone, it was always under such stressful situations and he couldn’t help but wish she would change back again. Now, however, he couldn’t even remember why she had changed in the first place.

“What? Ma…” He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair again as he swallowed hard, feeling his throat raw, and not just from sleep. Hey, maybe he had screamed. Trying to think of why he would, Aiden lifted deep emerald eyes around the room, hoping for any sort of hint. Well for one, the room was different. Well, not different. It was the same as it always had been, he was sure, but it was different from his own room back home. But the room was a nice one- There’s a romantic feel to the place. It was a nice room, really, and pretty big. He couldn’t really complain about anything.



Please follow forum guidelines.

10. Please do not post story submissions to the forums. You may post short snippets (less than 3 paragraphs or so) for discussion, but please post your full stories to the story side.



That doesn't mean 3 paragraphs per post until the whole story is done, either.

Alright guys, there it was! I know it was a bit of a long introduction especially considering I've read some one-shots where the characters have already met, fucked, and come back for more in just as many words, but I gave it a shot with this. I wanted to know what you all thought of it so far. I'm totally new with this, so let me know how you like the descriptions, the wording, the characters. Let me know if I'm way too long-winded or if I need to add in even more. I really wanted to get a feel of how Aiden might be- weird and a bit silly and still very young and full of wonder. There's a lot that goes on in his mind before he ever speaks a single word, so sometimes he comes off as awkward, though he's just a sweetie through and through. Sammy, on the other hand, says whatever he feel like and often just expects everyone else to know what it is that he's talking about. If you're intrigued and would like to know where this is going, let me know. If not, I'll try it again. Thanks for reading!

Sounds like you need to get your ******* sucked.

You may wish to read the site rules, Aiaiden.

aiaiden said:

Hi guys, I hope everyone is doing well.

Click to expand...

"Ploughed" is obviously spelled incorrectly. I'm available as an editor until I'm asked to l

Thanks so much for letting me know. I did read the rules linked above, but for this post, I followed the rules for the Story Discussion posts. Perhaps I just didn't understand. Either way, thanks for looking out. I really appreciate it.

Thank you for noting that. I used a spell checker for this and was unsure about that, but didn't see any spelling suggestions for it. Before I post anything else, I would love a secondhand look at it. Could you send me your details?

Thanks- I'll be sure to review the Story Discussion posting rules before I try this again. I really appreciate it.

Maybe so. Either way, thanks for reading.

There's nothing that specifically indicates a story has to be completed before it's submitted to an editor(s), or that they have to publish it because you used one. Keep in mind they're volunteering their time either way, of course. If you're having trouble with the direction it should go... I can't see anything wrong with someone helping you finish your story. You have some options. I like your story.