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Having sex for the first time.

joelafayette said:
... except that I live in the real world, and you're wrong. Granted, it's not always true, but sometimes there is a noticeable difference. I wouldn't write something like that if I didn't personally observe it. And even if the feel of the vagina is no different the first time, for some men, the psychological aspect of being with someone for their first time might make it very special.

So, to the lady who started this post, yes, your virginity matters, to you and to the guy you choose, even though there is an overwhelming feminist force that would like for you to believe that all men don't care and that you shouldn't give a shit even if they do care.

Some people would criticize what I am saying and say I am implying you are in some way less special after you first time. Ridiculous. You bring different things to the table each time. There are great things about experienced lovers and more innocent ones. whatever.

But I do agree with the post I am quoting above on one thing, and that's that the guy should feel lucky he's the guy you decided to be intimate with. But, he is also lucky because you are a virgin.

Respects to you, and for the people that disagree also. I am just presenting an alternative view.
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I'm a virgin, not a naive 12 year old with no understanding of men. And there isn't a difference. Vaginas are vaginas. When a woman is aroused enough, even if she's a virgin, her vagina will expand. If in your experience a virgin was "tight", it was because she wasn't aroused enough. But that bolded part made me chuckle and was enough to not take anything you've posted seriously. Your alternative view is dangerous and I'm thankful there is an "overwhelming feminist force" who truly understand these things.
 
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joelafayette said:
... except that I live in the real world, and you're wrong. Granted, it's not always true, but sometimes there is a noticeable difference. I wouldn't write something like that if I didn't personally observe it. And even if the feel of the vagina is no different the first time, for some men, the psychological aspect of being with someone for their first time might make it very special.

So, to the lady who started this post, yes, your virginity matters, to you and to the guy you choose, even though there is an overwhelming feminist force that would like for you to believe that all men don't care and that you shouldn't give a shit even if they do care.

Some people would criticize what I am saying and say I am implying you are in some way less special after you first time. Ridiculous. You bring different things to the table each time. There are great things about experienced lovers and more innocent ones. whatever.

But I do agree with the post I am quoting above on one thing, and that's that the guy should feel lucky he's the guy you decided to be intimate with. But, he is also lucky because you are a virgin.

Respects to you, and for the people that disagree also. I am just presenting an alternative view.
Click to expand...

Did you even click the link?

I happen to own a vagina, but clearly I'M wrong. :rolleyes: You got with four virgins, and you bragged that they were "tight." What you really meant was you didn't turn them on enough. Then you flippantly said, "awesome, sucks to be a girl cause sometimes sex hurts." You fetishize virgins and it's rather disturbing.
 
xtinelauren1 said:
I'm a virgin, not a naive 12 year old with no understanding of men. And there isn't a difference. Vaginas are vaginas. When a woman is aroused enough, even if she's a virgin, her vagina will expand. If in your experience if a virgin was "tight" it was because she wasn't aroused enough. But that bolded part made me chuckle and was enough to not take anything you've posted seriously. Your alternative view is dangerous and I'm thankful there is an "overwhelming feminist force" on these board who truly understand these things.
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:heart::cool:
 
joelafayette said:
I've done this four times. All the women were fantastic lovers. Sure, they didn't know what they were doing so much. But there was nothing fake, and they were totally into me, else they wouldn't have done it. And yes, in many cases the vagina actually fells better the first time, at least for us (so sorry it can hurt for you all! life isn't fair sometimes).
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Uh huh....I see. Well there you have it virgin ladies of the world. Our resident cherry popper expert is here to service your needs. The OP should look this guy up, I mean who wouldn't?
 
joelafayette said:
So here's the problem. I wrote several points for the original poster to consider. You extracted one bullet, were a complete A-hole to me for no reason, and put me in the uncomfortable position of having to retort. I know this is the Internet, but come on. Now we are focusing on something that is really a non-issue (vaginal tightness), and many people are jumping on the band wagon.

So, let's focus on this non-issue a bit more and maybe you can play nice since I probably agree with you on about everything. I would agree with you that many variables contribute to how a woman feels down there to a man at any given moment, such as arousal level, natural shape, whatever. I am certainly not an expert or have claimed to be. I am saying if you hold all those variables constant, I do believe some women might feel just a bit more extra special on her first time. No, it's not that important and we're splitting hairs, but it can be noticeable. I would agree that me, like all men especially when learning, have perhaps put it in a bit too early and confused "wow she feels tight" with "I screwed up and she isn't ready." But at least in my very limited experience with first timers, that is not the case. Foreplay went on for days and days, and on that night for at least an hour. I hope and suspect our good friend that started this thread gets that too.

I think it's not a comment on vaginal tightness that pisses people off. It's the insinuation that a woman can be in any way worth more or less due to the number of partners she's had. I am not suggesting that, nor do I subscribe that that. Although I do see how you can interpret my suggestion that it's cool to be with a virgin as somehow implying that. But I am not. But that doesn't mean the original poster shouldn't realize that she bring something special to the party here. She even hinted she was worried that some men would be turned off by her inexperience. I was trying to reassure her that is definitely not the case. Even if we say all guys are full of crap, at least I can show they are full of crap in such a way as to they will like that she is a virgin.
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Whoa there cowboy, cool those heels and get yourself a whisky from the bar (recommend Penderyn).

Anything any us of write is subject to critique, people can and do pick out specific things we say and comment on them. That's pretty normal around here and to be expected. The comments may seem like a non issue to you but that's necessarily going to be the case for other people reading this.

The other thing to keep in mind is much of your comments are based purely on supposition. You are speaking on behalf of women. You might experience a different sensation but that doesn't mean they are too. By all mean comment on your perspective but expect to get negative critique when you start speaking for others.

Let me also add, spending hours, days, months and even years of foreplay doesn't necessarily mean the woman is ready for you.

Note, I am not saying you are necessarily wrong in your opinion, maybe for those women it is exactly how you say it is, just keep in mind there is a possibility that is not the case.
 
joelafayette said:
So here's the problem. I wrote several points for the original poster to consider. You extracted one bullet, were a complete A-hole to me for no reason, and put me in the uncomfortable position of having to retort. I know this is the Internet, but come on. Now we are focusing on something that is really a non-issue (vaginal tightness), and many people are jumping on the band wagon.
Click to expand...

I'm an asshole for asking you to stop spreading lies and myths about vaginas? I only focused on ONE bullet point? Listen, you posted on a discussion board, people are going to reply.

You're failing to see the implications of continuing to spread the myth about vaginal tightness. It really isn't a "non-issue."

So, let's focus on this non-issue a bit more and maybe you can play nice since I probably agree with you on about everything. I would agree with you that many variables contribute to how a woman feels down there to a man at any given moment, such as arousal level, natural shape, whatever. I am certainly not an expert or have claimed to be. I am saying if you hold all those variables constant, I do believe some women might feel just a bit more extra special on her first time. No, it's not that important and we're splitting hairs, but it can be noticeable. I would agree that me, like all men especially when learning, have perhaps put it in a bit too early and confused "wow she feels tight" with "I screwed up and she isn't ready." But at least in my very limited experience with first timers, that is not the case. Foreplay went on for days and days, and on that night for at least an hour. I hope and suspect our good friend that started this thread gets that too.
Click to expand...

You BELIEVE that. And that's where it gets bad. LOTS of people BELIEVE that. Even young girls who never learned what their bodies ACTUALLY DO. A lot of pressure is put on women to remain virgins in our society. It leads to all kinds of trouble. There's the myth about the hymen. Did you know doctors can't actually tell if a girl is a virgin or not? Some women are born without them. It's often a useless piece of flimsy membrane that -shock- doesn't cover the entrance entirely and stretches when things are put in there. It can sometimes get torn and cause bleeding.


I think it's not a comment on vaginal tightness that pisses people off. It's the insinuation that a woman can be in any way worth more or less due to the number of partners she's had. I am not suggesting that, nor do I subscribe that that. Although I do see how you can interpret my suggestion that it's cool to be with a virgin as somehow implying that. But I am not. But that doesn't mean the original poster shouldn't realize that she bring something special to the party here. She even hinted she was worried that some men would be turned off by her inexperience. I was trying to reassure her that is definitely not the case. Even if we say all guys are full of crap, at least I can show they are full of crap in such a way as to they will like that she is a virgin.
Click to expand...

It's perfectly fine to be a virgin and to have a special first time. No one is arguing against that, especially not me. I'm going to touch on the many points you originally made, because you said I only focused on one.


joelafayette said:
The thought of being with a virgin is a gigantic, huge turn on for me. So much so, that I can't imagine any guy being turned off by it. If they are, then they are very insecure or have a major psychological disorder.
Click to expand...

It's a gigantic turn on for you. Good point.

I've done this four times. All the women were fantastic lovers. Sure, they didn't know what they were doing so much. But there was nothing fake, and they were totally into me, else they wouldn't have done it. And yes, in many cases the vagina actually fells better the first time, at least for us (so sorry it can hurt for you all! life isn't fair sometimes).
Click to expand...

You've had sex with four virgins. In many cases virigns feel better (at least for guys). Sorry ladies, you drew the short straw. ;) Good point.

You will be an incredible lover your first time. You don't need to worry about any of the physical steps. Your only job is to choose the lucky guy carefully and make sure he appreciates what he is getting, and just use your instincts to perform. And yes, tell him you are a virgin.
Click to expand...

Just show up. Tell him you're a virgin, he'll feel lucky. Great point.

I'm going to piss off the feminists here now, but I don't care. The V-card can only be played once, so choose wisely. Know that you bring something special to the table, and use it when it matters. And if it matters, I think you will enjoy it more also.
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The v-card can only be played once. A little personal anecdote from me: I lost my virginity and it sucked. It was really tight and a pretty bad experience. I later got with a new guy, and it felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. Turns out, when your nervous or not turned on enough the muscles clamp down unconciously. There's also things like vaginismus that cause pain upon insertion for some women. You might only be able to SAY your a virgin once, but I can assure you that physcially, it doesn't change. The only thing that changes is the mindset.

You may be reading this as me attacking you. Maybe I am. Truth is I don't care about YOU. I care about people reading your posts and getting more misinformation.
 
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MeekMe said:
I'm an asshole for asking you to stop spreading lies and myths about vaginas? I only focused on ONE bullet point? Listen, you posted on a discussion board, people are going to reply.

You're failing to see the implications of continuing to spread the myth about vaginal tightness. It really isn't a "non-issue."



You BELIEVE that. And that's where it gets bad. LOTS of people BELIEVE that. Even young girls who never learned what their bodies ACTUALLY DO. A lot of pressure is put on women to remain virgins in our society. It leads to all kinds of trouble. There's the myth about the hymen. Did you know doctors can't actually tell if a girl is a virgin or not? Some women are born without them. It's often a useless piece of flimsy membrane that -shock- doesn't cover the entrance entirely and stretches when things are put in there. It can sometimes get torn and cause bleeding.




It's perfectly fine to be a virgin and to have a special first time. No one is arguing against that, especially not me. I'm going to touch on the many points you originally made, because you said I only focused on one.




It's a gigantic turn on for you. Good point.



You've had sex with four virgins. In many cases virigns feel better (at least for guys). Sorry ladies, you drew the short straw. ;) Good point.



Just show up. Tell him you're a virgin, he'll feel lucky. Great point.



The v-card can only be played once. A little personal anecdote from me: I lost my virginity and it sucked. It was really tight and a pretty bad experience. I later got with a new guy, and it felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. Turns out, when your nervous or not turned on enough the muscles clamp down unconciously. There's also things like vaginismus that cause pain upon insertion for some women. You might only be able to SAY your a virgin once, but I can assure you that physcially, it doesn't change. The only thing that changes is the mindset.

You may be reading this as me attacking you. Maybe I am. Truth is I don't care about YOU. I care about people reading your posts and getting more misinformation.
Click to expand...

TPVWqeP.gif
 
joelafayette said:
I just read this again and realized you are the thread-starter. If you already know the answers you want, then why ask the question?

I am an author on this site, and I love honest feedback from readers. It's not always pretty. I get slammed sometimes, but I know someone took the time to consider what I wrote and provide honest feedback to help me, and I appreciate that. Now, it's possible my thoughts on virginity are horrible. But I am quite certain this paragraph is good advice.
Click to expand...

I certainly don't have all the answers, and I've gotten tons of great advice and feedback, however your post was incredibly problematic and it doesn't take someone with tons of sexual experience to realize that.
 
MeekMe said:
I'm an asshole for asking you to stop spreading lies and myths about vaginas? I only focused on ONE bullet point? Listen, you posted on a discussion board, people are going to reply.

You're failing to see the implications of continuing to spread the myth about vaginal tightness. It really isn't a "non-issue."



You BELIEVE that. And that's where it gets bad. LOTS of people BELIEVE that. Even young girls who never learned what their bodies ACTUALLY DO. A lot of pressure is put on women to remain virgins in our society. It leads to all kinds of trouble. There's the myth about the hymen. Did you know doctors can't actually tell if a girl is a virgin or not? Some women are born without them. It's often a useless piece of flimsy membrane that -shock- doesn't cover the entrance entirely and stretches when things are put in there. It can sometimes get torn and cause bleeding.




It's perfectly fine to be a virgin and to have a special first time. No one is arguing against that, especially not me. I'm going to touch on the many points you originally made, because you said I only focused on one.




It's a gigantic turn on for you. Good point.



You've had sex with four virgins. In many cases virigns feel better (at least for guys). Sorry ladies, you drew the short straw. ;) Good point.



Just show up. Tell him you're a virgin, he'll feel lucky. Great point.



The v-card can only be played once. A little personal anecdote from me: I lost my virginity and it sucked. It was really tight and a pretty bad experience. I later got with a new guy, and it felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. Turns out, when your nervous or not turned on enough the muscles clamp down unconciously. There's also things like vaginismus that cause pain upon insertion for some women. You might only be able to SAY your a virgin once, but I can assure you that physcially, it doesn't change. The only thing that changes is the mindset.

You may be reading this as me attacking you. Maybe I am. Truth is I don't care about YOU. I care about people reading your posts and getting more misinformation.
Click to expand...
bless this post.
 
One thing I wish I had known the first time was how much of that cum is going to come right back out. I don't even understand how anyone get's pregnant.
 
Masquerades said:
One thing I wish I had known the first time was how much of that cum is going to come right back out. I don't even understand how anyone get's pregnant.
Click to expand...

Maybe I'm just immature, but this always seemed so gross to me haha. I mean, I'm sure it's different when you're with someone you care about and all that jazz, but whenever I've watched porn where the guy cums inside the girl, it makes my stomach turn. It's just so off-putting to me, but semen itself just looks nasty (sometimes). How much of it actually comes back out? and how fast? Like if i get up and walk to the bathroom, will it just be dripping down my leg as soon as i stand up?(ugh).
 
xtinelauren1 said:
Maybe I'm just immature, but this always seemed so gross to me haha. I mean, I'm sure it's different when you're with someone you care about and all that jazz, but whenever I've watched porn where the guy cums inside the girl, it makes my stomach turn. It's just so off-putting to me, but semen itself just looks nasty (sometimes). How much of it actually comes back out? and how fast? Like if i get up and walk to the bathroom, will it just be dripping down my leg as soon as i stand up?(ugh).
Click to expand...

Yes. :)

Cupping your hand under it, with a coy smile over your shoulder, will probably ensure that round two will be not long in starting. ;)
 
joelafayette said:
Wow. Somebody here suggested you go fuck a married guy, and you took that in stride and thanked him. You asked a serious question about if a guy would be put off if he knew you were a virgin, I reassure you sincerely but make a controversial comment about how virgins in my experience feel tighter and suddenly I am the biggest douche on the internet.

That's pretty fucked up.
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Did you read any of those links at all? Someone suggested I fuck a married guy which was a stupid comment that I highly doubt anyone would actually consider a viable option. Or anyone in my position who was in their right mind, at least. I'm not calling you names, you came up with that all by yourself. Stop victimizing yourself and maybe try to realize how what you said is really damaging and like I said, problematic. If it wasn't an issue, no one would have called you out on it.
 
xtinelauren1 said:
Maybe I'm just immature, but this always seemed so gross to me haha. I mean, I'm sure it's different when you're with someone you care about and all that jazz, but whenever I've watched porn where the guy cums inside the girl, it makes my stomach turn. It's just so off-putting to me, but semen itself just looks nasty (sometimes). How much of it actually comes back out? and how fast? Like if i get up and walk to the bathroom, will it just be dripping down my leg as soon as i stand up?(ugh).
Click to expand...

I guess if you use a condom that won't be an issue.

I hate to think of a woman having sex for the first time with a condom though. It's kind of sad if you have to, really.

As for how long it may take to come out, as usual, it depends. If you're experiencing vaginal contractions, which I hope you are, it won't be long. Don't worry about it. There's going to be a wet spot on the bed. If that really bothers you, put a towel down first.
 
xtinelauren1 said:
Maybe I'm just immature, but this always seemed so gross to me haha. I mean, I'm sure it's different when you're with someone you care about and all that jazz, but whenever I've watched porn where the guy cums inside the girl, it makes my stomach turn. It's just so off-putting to me, but semen itself just looks nasty (sometimes). How much of it actually comes back out? and how fast? Like if i get up and walk to the bathroom, will it just be dripping down my leg as soon as i stand up?(ugh).
Click to expand...

jacktar48 said:
I guess if you use a condom that won't be an issue.

I hate to think of a woman having sex for the first time with a condom though. It's kind of sad if you have to, really.

As for how long it may take to come out, as usual, it depends. If you're experiencing vaginal contractions, which I hope you are, it won't be long. Don't worry about it. There's going to be a wet spot on the bed. If that really bothers you, put a towel down first.
Click to expand...

Not all women leak. I'm a non-leaker, as in I don't leak at all, or very little, similar to a bit heavier discharge that you experience when you exercise. I found this out after my all and I were together the first time - he is the only one I've ever had sex with without a condom so I had no way of knowing - and no leakage, much to our surprise. And delight, I'll add. We don't have to worry about wet spots on the bed. :D Who knows, maybe you'll be the same as me and never have to worry about spilled semen (there's a bad joke in there somewhere...)

However, remember porn is not an accurate portrayal of sex, even if the pornography depicts a guy cumming inside a girl. Those leakages are faked.

If you're worried, keep a towel handy, but honestly, for your first time unless you both are thoroughly tested and you're on a reliable form birth control (pull-out method does not work) or are open to pregnancy, use a condom.
 
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xtinelauren1 said:
I'm a virgin, not a naive 12 year old with no understanding of men. And there isn't a difference. Vaginas are vaginas. When a woman is aroused enough, even if she's a virgin, her vagina will expand. If in your experience a virgin was "tight", it was because she wasn't aroused enough. But that bolded part made me chuckle and was enough to not take anything you've posted seriously. Your alternative view is dangerous and I'm thankful there is an "overwhelming feminist force" who truly understand these things.
Click to expand...

Hell yes! All the stars for this post.

And for Meeks, who is a kick ass person all around for debunking those ridiculous ignorant "virgin vagina" myths.

jacktar48 said:
I hate to think of a woman having sex for the first time with a condom though. It's kind of sad if you have to, really.
Click to expand...

EVERYONE should use condoms until they're with tested monogamous partners and ready to either have an abortion or a child.
 
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xtinelauren1 said:
Maybe I'm just immature, but this always seemed so gross to me haha. I mean, I'm sure it's different when you're with someone you care about and all that jazz, but whenever I've watched porn where the guy cums inside the girl, it makes my stomach turn. It's just so off-putting to me, but semen itself just looks nasty (sometimes). How much of it actually comes back out? and how fast? Like if i get up and walk to the bathroom, will it just be dripping down my leg as soon as i stand up?(ugh).
Click to expand...

If the thought of a man cumming in you makes your stomach turn I think you really are not quite ready to have sex.
 
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