Polyamory

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kittiGoddess said:

I have noticed that this is a common thread within this lifestyle but how do you cope with it, especially when the Dom only wants to play with the other sub and then makes it known how much he enjoys them and how lovely they are. The only attention I get is when he wants to whore me out to other Doms.

Need advice on jealousy and would like to hear from dom on why a sub deserves to be treated like this and what are others thoughts on polyamory.

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Polyamory is not something that is automatically a part of all BDSM relationships. If it isn't your thing, you don't have to take part in a polyamorous relationship. A lot of people, most people probably, are monogamous.

If you don't wish to be a part of a polyamorous relationship, it is your right and responsibility to say so.

If you want to learn about polyamory, there are a couple of excellent threads on that topic here.

Polyamory
Polyamory, D/s & Acceptance

If you're wired for poly, awesome.

If you aren't wired for poly, awesome.

I have been non-monogamous for quite a few years now, but I retain the right (and am open to the possibility) that may change if/when the right person walks into my life.

Some reading on the subject:

Ethical Slut
More Than Two
Opening Up

If the only attention you get is attention that makes you unhappy, and sharing your partner makes you unhappy - end the relationship.

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As a side note do not mistake polyamory for

a) an open relationship where people just sleep with others without getting emotionally involved

b) A Harem where the dom is allowed multiple partners but he expects his subs to belong solely to him.

c) abuse, where the dom makes his sub feel inhuman by forcing them to sleep with others even when they do not want to.

as with everything it needs to be discussed at the start and mutually agreed by both parties. Also there is no one size fits all answer.

If you want to be mono to someone but are ok with them being poly with someone else then that's fine as long as it works for all the parties involved (and with poly you can end up with some convoluted family trees believe me).

if you think D/s / Poly is wrong for you then getting out is probably for the best. If it's just a few aspects are wrong but you crave some form of D/s in your life then keep hunting for the right person. they're out there.... somewhere!

kittiGoddess said:

Thank you for all the comments. I have learned that this lifestyle is not for me.I am getting out of all of it.

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Curious question -

If your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend relationship fell flat, did you stop dating?

Relationships are relationships. You got involved with someone who ultimately wasn't compatible. Why let that one guy/experience determine all of your relationships moving forward? Why not slow down, educate yourself a bit about kink/BDSM (to minimize future bad situations), and keep moving forward?

kittiGoddess said:

Thank you for all the comments. I have learned that this lifestyle is not for me.I am getting out of all of it.

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You know, sometimes it is just the wrong constallation of people.

Try to look at why you reacted like you did with these people. Can you imagine other ways to do things, that would have made you feel good about the situation?

On the other hand, it may well be that it wasn't for you.
It's just that post breakup is not always a good time to decide, in my experience.

*sighs*

Kids, her stories the last three weeks have been completely inconsistent.

Please don't feed the drama queen.

Primalex said:

Please don't feed the drama king.

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Self reflective today?

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kittiGoddess said:

to answer your question, I married my first boyfriend, 28years ago.

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Her question was a hypothetical. You didn't really answer it.

i tend to only have one sub at a time for that reason whoring your subs out to another dom is not exactly a great thing