Old 08-14-2012, 02:04 PM   #1
Hang0911
Experienced
 
Hang0911 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 38
New here

Hi, as the topic said I just joined here the other day. I used to write all the time when I was much younger but it left me somehow. I'm recently trying to re-discover it, this just kind of can to me one night. I really don't know the differences or rules about poetry, I just write what I feel. Anyway, comments appreciated

Does anyone know the way
to get through this life
to get through this day
to open my heart
to stop my mind
to keep me seeking
so maybe I'll find
what I need
to make me whole.
to end my searching
to soothe my soul...
this life is so short
will I have the time,
to find what I need
to silence my mind.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-14-2012, 02:53 PM   #2
njoyjade
Literotica Guru
 
njoyjade's Avatar
 
njoyjade is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 515
Hello from a fellow Newbie

Quote:
]Hi, as the topic said I just joined here the other day. I used to write all the time when I was much younger but it left me somehow. I'm recently trying to re-discover it, this just kind of can to me one night. I really don't know the differences or rules about poetry, I just write what I feel. Anyway, comments appreciated
Welcome,
To para-phrase the good witch from The Wizard of Oz, "You always had it, it never left"
__________________
njoy today


"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. Michelangelo
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-20-2012, 11:41 AM   #3
UnderYourSpell
Gerund Whore
 
UnderYourSpell's Avatar
 
UnderYourSpell is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 14,820
I do think you have too many 'to's' in there if it's any help

i.e

Does anyone know the way
to get through this life, this day
open my heart, stop my mind
keep me seeking?
Maybe I'll find what I need
to make me whole
end my searching,
soothe my soul.
Life is so short so
will I find what I need
to silence my mind?
__________________
Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-20-2012, 03:40 PM   #4
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Jazzonia
Posts: 25,940
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I do think you have too many 'to's' in there if it's any help

i.e

Does anyone know the way
to get through this life, this day
open my heart, stop my mind
keep me seeking?
Maybe I'll find what I need
to mak?e me whole
end my searching,
soothe my soul.
Life is so short so
will I find what I need
to silence my mind
That's better and I'd add some line shifts and breaks and punctuation. Maybe:

Does anyone know the way
to get through this life, this day,
open my heart, stop my mind,
keep me seeking?

Maybe I'll find
what I need to make me
whole, end my searching,
soothe my soul.

Life is so short.

Will I find what I need
to silence my mind?

Overall Hang0911 if you keep writing and reading and thinking about how to best present what you want to say, you will not only get your groove back, you'll get even better!
__________________
Terry

Poems
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:48 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.