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Dirty 30 in 30

UnderYourSpell said:
Funnily enough that's how I first wrote it! Which just goes to show that maybe editting isn't always a good thing! Or perhaps it's just my editting
Click to expand...
Editing is good. But I have edited some poems to the point of no return. They're in my little poetry graveyard. Cry for them.
I just didn't like gerund touching gerund.
 
unpredictablebijou said:
I kick my own ass regularly. It's an excellent exercise.
Click to expand...

Missed


She was on the phone,
again, when I checked for
messages that I had missed
while out taking care of
this and that. Hearing her

reminded me that I still
could feel the warmth of
her body against mine, how
it buffered me from the night
air. I barely needed a blanket

even now, with half the bed
empty and cold. I had to replay
it, working my way through all
five senses--how her hair smelled
of lemons, but her skin was

salt and sweat and made my
stomach growl to breathe in;
the way my fingers would itch
when they'd been too long
from caressing their way up

inside her; and how I always knew
it was her cough even in the very
back of a darkened house full of
laughter and applause. I replayed
it once more to see if anything had

changed, but it was just the same
as every other time I'd missed her.
"I want to come home. Please."
I would understand it more if this
was still her home, but it's not.
------
:cool:

(I left the quote since the reply was supposedly headed in a different direction entirely; I had, I thought, a clear riff on kicking my ass and similar things, but *shrug*) ;)
 
Tho' it may be a lonely slog
thru muck and slough
I'll keep on gnawing like a dog
nibbling on a worn out shoe.

Be wary of the downward path
as many know it well
for as they tread they cut a swath
( of good intent )
thereon the highway t'ward hell.

;) just sayin' all you derty grrls and men :D (who I love and wouldn't give up for the world). I'll be writing onward in t'other thread.
 
2

You filthy gerund rubbing whore
afflatus in each stanza lie
alliteration never knowingly nudging
bawdy bacchic lines.
Your cadence rises and falls
kitsch obliterates each
scriblerus club that dares to
enter there, sijo I implore you
before every spondee
has known and used
your intertextuality.
 
UnderYourSpell said:
You filthy gerund rubbing whore
afflatus in each stanza lie
alliteration never knowingly nudging
bawdy bacchic lines.
Your cadence rises and falls
kitsch obliterates each
scriblerus club that dares to
enter there, sijo I implore you
before every spondee
has known and used
your intertextuality.
Click to expand...
Submit it! Submit it! :D
 
Maybe a few more commas, a period here and there, I suppose.

You filthy gerund rubbing whore,
afflatus in each stanza lie,
alliteration never knowingly nudging
bawdy bacchic lines.
Your cadence rises and falls.
Kitsch obliterates each
scriblerus club that dares to
enter there. Sijo, I implore you
before every spondee
has known and used
your intertextuality.
 
I can't help it.
She has a thing for shiny things.
I have a thing for her
wearing shiny things
and nothing else.
And she knows it.
She can lead me by the nose,
by the cock,
by the leash,
never by the ego.
I have none.
 
</CloakingDevice>
Tristesse2 said:
It looks as if he's no longer interested in any topic in here.

:(
Click to expand...
Geez, Tess. I'm offline, not dead. :rolleyes:

Well was offline, and headed back there.

Right now I'm kinda peeved with people here—not with everyone, of course, and most of all with myself—so I'm in a sort of "time out" mode where I don't really want to talk to anybody.

But I am, as usual, feeling pedantic, so:
WickedEve said:
Gerunds are your naughty parts.
They're ing verbs, like running, laughing, etc.
Click to expand...
Actually, those aren't gerunds in Annie's poem—at least I don't think they are. Gerunds function as nouns (e.g., in the sentence "Swimming is my favorite sport," swimming is a gerund). I think (and please note that parsing grammatical parts of speech is not my strong suit) that those are participles, which are similarly based on verbs but which function as adjectives. (As in "The swimming children look like seals.") The Purdue Online Writing Lab discusses gerunds here, participles here, and compares them here.

The problem with adjectives, or at least too many adjectives, is that they're modifiers (What kind of children are they? Running and laughing children.) and modifiers aren't as strong in forming images as specific nouns and active verbs.

So, simply based on that, I might recast Annie's original poem
Bubbles encapsulated rainbows,
children laughing
running to catch
a little piece of heaven
skimming the trees
and rooftops.
Wind wafting up and beyond
the tired earth
weightless pieces
of frippery.​
this way:
Bubbles encapsulate rainbows.
Children laugh, run, catch
a little piece of heaven
that skims trees and rooftops.
Wind wafts up, beyond
the tired earth
these weightless pieces
of frippery.​
Not better. Just different.

<CloakingDevice>
 
I agree. They are adjectival participial phrases. A whole bunch of them.

Good to see you, Tz. Hope you don't stay mad for too long. People are butt-heads, but even butt-heads can be fuzzy and cuddly and . . . (ok I was going to take this metaphor places it just shouldn't go but I'll restrain myself. Anyone have a straightjacket I can borrow?)
 
PandoraGlitters said:
IGood to see you, Tz. Hope you don't stay mad for too long. People are butt-heads, but even butt-heads can be fuzzy and cuddly and . . . (ok I was going to take this metaphor places it just shouldn't go but I'll restrain myself. Anyone have a straightjacket I can borrow?)
Click to expand...

Eeeew, Dora! :D
my jacket is in the laundry, but i may have a spare...

i'll try to keep up with the poetry in here. i missed a day and already two pages have flown by. happy writing you dirty poets. :cattail:
 
Last edited:
Tzara said:
</CloakingDevice>Geez, Tess. I'm offline, not dead. :rolleyes:

Well was offline, and headed back there.

Right now I'm kinda peeved with people here—not with everyone, of course, and most of all with myself—so I'm in a sort of "time out" mode where I don't really want to talk to anybody.

But I am, as usual, feeling pedantic, so:
Actually, those aren't gerunds in Annie's poem—at least I don't think they are. Gerunds function as nouns (e.g., in the sentence "Swimming is my favorite sport," swimming is a gerund). I think (and please note that parsing grammatical parts of speech is not my strong suit) that those are participles, which are similarly based on verbs but which function as adjectives. (As in "The swimming children look like seals.") The Purdue Online Writing Lab discusses gerunds here, participles here, and compares them here.

The problem with adjectives, or at least too many adjectives, is that they're modifiers (What kind of children are they? Running and laughing children.) and modifiers aren't as strong in forming images as specific nouns and active verbs.

So, simply based on that, I might recast Annie's original poem
Bubbles encapsulated rainbows,
children laughing
running to catch
a little piece of heaven
skimming the trees
and rooftops.
Wind wafting up and beyond
the tired earth
weightless pieces
of frippery.​
this way:
Bubbles encapsulate rainbows.
Children laugh, run, catch
a little piece of heaven
that skims trees and rooftops.
Wind wafts up, beyond
the tired earth
these weightless pieces
of frippery.​
Not better. Just different.

<CloakingDevice>
Click to expand...

Hi TZ well thank goodness you have resurfaced your profile read that you were an N/A like you had gone for good.
Anyway to the gerund whore thing actually I didn't write it to have gerunds in it ... come to think of it perhaps I should have . I just used different poetic terms that I googled! Do you think I should do another fulll of gerunds? Poor Eve if she read that she doesn't like her gerunds all in one go!
 
UnderYourSpell said:
Hi TZ well thank goodness you have resurfaced your profile read that you were an N/A like you had gone for good.
Anyway to the gerund whore thing actually I didn't write it to have gerunds in it ... come to think of it perhaps I should have . I just used different poetic terms that I googled! Do you think I should do another fulll of gerunds? Poor Eve if she read that she doesn't like her gerunds all in one go!
Click to expand...
Tzara, thanks for all the information on gerunds. I've read before about what is and isn't a gerund. So, let me just call them ing words or whatever. Annie's ings weren't a big deal, but I do hate poems that are full of ing verbs, adjectives, etc. I don't think they read well at all.
And Tz, sorry you're still peeved. How exhausting that must be. :rose:
 
WickedEve said:
Tzara, thanks for all the information on gerunds. I've read before about what is and isn't a gerund. So, let me just call them ing words or whatever. Annie's ings weren't a big deal, but I do hate poems that are full of ing verbs, adjectives, etc. I don't think they read well at all.
Click to expand...
I did say I was being pedantic. :rolleyes:

It's been unclear to me for quite some time exactly what gerunds are, so I finally looked it up and, I hope, finally understood the difference between gerunds and participles. I found that interesting and thank you and Annie for talking about it enough that it made me go read about the topic.

The adjectival forms are probably weak in poems simply because they are adjectives. You can't, or don't want to, get rid of adjectives altogether, but it's better to use nouns and verbs than ornamentation.

Gerunds, though, are kind of interesting. What do you call swimming other than, well, swimming? I guess the preference would be to avoid the noun form and simply use the verb with a different subject, unless that gets all convoluted and such.

Anyway, thanks for making me think about it.
WickedEve said:
And Tz, sorry you're still peeved. How exhausting that must be. :rose:
Click to expand...
Thanks, but this is again, not still. Different people, different subject.

I'm just kind of peeved generally, probably in part because my work is kind of stressful at the moment. Major project next week that I'm feeling kind of clueless about, for example. No one's problem but my own.

Why I found reading about gerunds, etc. enjoyable, though. Reading about grammar calms me.

Or puts me to sleep.
 
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