New and looking for advice

Hi everyone! I just found this forum and hope that I can get some help. A little background about me...I'm in my 40's and have been married for 6 years. Prior to meeting my husband I had never heard about bdsm or fetishes in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, I just had not been exposed to any of this. My husband enjoys several things...being talked down to/humiliated, made messy, made a sissy, etc. since these things are new to me I have had a real hard time coming up with things to do to him and it has caused stress in our marriage. I don't get any sexual gratification in any of these acts, other than it does turn me on to see him get so turned on. I do it because I want to please him and he really enjoys it. If people could give me some tips on things I can do to him and also things I can to enjoy myself in the process. I am turning to help in hopes that some experienced people would be willing to share advice/tips with me. All advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!!!!

Inneedofhelp said:

Hi everyone! I just found this forum and hope that I can get some help. A little background about me...I'm in my 40's and have been married for 6 years. Prior to meeting my husband I had never heard about bdsm or fetishes in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, I just had not been exposed to any of this. My husband enjoys several things...being talked down to/humiliated, made messy, made a sissy, etc. since these things are new to me I have had a real hard time coming up with things to do to him and it has caused stress in our marriage. I don't get any sexual gratification in any of these acts, other than it does turn me on to see him get so turned on. I do it because I want to please him and he really enjoys it. If people could give me some tips on things I can do to him and also things I can to enjoy myself in the process. I am turning to help in hopes that some experienced people would be willing to share advice/tips with me. All advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!!!!

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Has he expressed any interest in being made to watch you with others? It's not that you have to run out and actually do that, but it does often add a layer of heat to a humiliation or sissification exchange to be able to tease, talk about it, threaten it, think about it, torture him with it.

Taking any actual real-world step in that direction is something you will have to communicate over. Introducing this topic is something you should definitely communicate about. But it often goes with that package of turn ons, and when it does it can be fun, and you may find it a source of actual turn on.

Another fun trick - tell him he's the slut of a slut, put him in the corner dressed or covered in mess and loudly play with a million toys while he has to hold his nose against the wall. Not necessarily ignoring him, but making it about you can be a turn on for him, too.

Order him to please you in various ways. He'll love it and you will love it too.

That's not the answer to everything. What guys don't understand is that seeing your partner ridiculed, humiliated, filthed up and berated isn't exactly a "take me now bad boy"
kind of eroticism for women, including Dominant ones who like to do that kind of thing. And some of us can live fine without that and never look back, but the vast majority of us do not. We like it hot, empowered, mutualistic if not man-led, and most of us like our partners to do the pawing and humping.

It doesn't necessarily kill all desire for the guy, but it does present what I call the pussy toilet bowl problem.

You want to be the lowest of the low and tongue clean my toilet seat. Cool. You want to go down on me, cool. But if you expect those two things to happen in the same 24 hour span you are out of your mind.

If the only sex that she's getting is weird humiliation sex that she's not entirely into (remember, I love that, I get off on that and I STILL don't want to be married to it!) and he's not doing things actively, including communicating, to keep her respect for him alive or take turns serving up exactly what she DOES like, sexually, without her "making him" he's gonna lose and lose big time. If you need to feel that zero-respect thing all the time and want your life to be one of those femdom novels written by dudes, you will not be married for long and/or you won't be doing BDSM for long with the wife.