female domination
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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Guys are not a monolith and don't all work the same way. What's hot is completely dependent on who you're dealing with. It may be a cold shower, but you won't know unless you ask in some way.
Also, some guys want to be punished consistently for every breach, and others just want you to beat their butt because it makes you horny, and some guys won't benefit by being "punished" at all because they're always doing their best and punishment is too demoralizing, and some guys will make punishment the most fun sexual game you ever played. Find a guy who likes the same games you like and who thinks like you do.
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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Oh good - so you can talk to him, and you know his limits and you might also know things that are hot for him for strange reasons.
I have a pet project who likes to write lines, over and over by hand till the wrist cramps come on and then write some more. Likes to have soap in his mouth every time he says something I don't like. Thrives on this kind of thing. I get a kick out of it, but I don't have to live with it.
In relationships, I stole an idea from somewhere I don't remember, but loved. Have your SO write down appropriate punishments on slips of paper and appropriate rewards on slips of paper and put the slips in separate jars, one for being good one for messing up. When he's good, tell him "get the jar" when he's bad tell him "get the jar." All of the slips are things he came up with - which is a nice added mindfuck when he's dipping into the punishment jar.
I think it's important to figure out if you like punishment dynamics enough to enforce them all the time or if the game has boundaries and start and end times. It can be frustrating to be expected to catch every slip up for things that he cares about more than you do, and often this is a thing that happens.
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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A guy I dominate periodically is all I meant. I really like the jar idea a lot - the more you work together on it the better. He probably won't come up with super lightweight punishments, because the point isn't to get out of the whole thing. He also will have to come up with punishments that fit your limits, too.
beardedmariner
Darkness
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We are all different. Communication is key.
respeito
functional idiot
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Hi, riannauk.
In a D/s dynamic, punishments are typically used to modify behavior; they aren't meant to be pleasurable.
There are a few things you should keep in mind when you, as the Dominant, find that you have to punish your submissive:
Make sure the punishment fits the crime. Punishments are used to motivate the submissive to stop their negative behavior. Spanking a submissive who enjoys spankings is not going to be effective when you are trying to discipline your submissive.
Be respectful of limits and boundaries, and never issue punishments out of anger.
As mentioned before, communication is the key in any relationship.
Not all punishments have to involve physical discomfort. The idea is to make your submissive aware that they've displeased you so that they correct their behavior.
If you're just starting out, some ideas to consider would be:
Making your sub stand in time out for a number of minutes. You can take this further by placing a ball or coin against the wall that they have to hold in place with their nose until their minutes are up. If the object falls, they have to start over.
Not allowing your submissive to speak.
Taking away computer/television privileges.
Writing assignments can also be used as a form of punishment.
Good luck on your journey, I hope that you find something that fits in with your activities.
In a D/s dynamic, punishments are typically used to modify behavior; they aren't meant to be pleasurable.
There are a few things you should keep in mind when you, as the Dominant, find that you have to punish your submissive:
Make sure the punishment fits the crime. Punishments are used to motivate the submissive to stop their negative behavior. Spanking a submissive who enjoys spankings is not going to be effective when you are trying to discipline your submissive.
Be respectful of limits and boundaries, and never issue punishments out of anger.
As mentioned before, communication is the key in any relationship.
Not all punishments have to involve physical discomfort. The idea is to make your submissive aware that they've displeased you so that they correct their behavior.
If you're just starting out, some ideas to consider would be:
Making your sub stand in time out for a number of minutes. You can take this further by placing a ball or coin against the wall that they have to hold in place with their nose until their minutes are up. If the object falls, they have to start over.
Not allowing your submissive to speak.
Taking away computer/television privileges.
Writing assignments can also be used as a form of punishment.
Good luck on your journey, I hope that you find something that fits in with your activities.
Depends on a lot of things. Do you want to be sexually dominant or dominant in general? How interested are both of you and have there been any specific fantasies to start with? As its been said before, talking about it with him is key.
As a male sub for my wife, i allow her to discipline me whatever turns her on. She will spank me with a belt, slap me, have me stand in the corner, or use a strap on, and even choke me. When we do the dom/sub fun it is about her pleasure which also turns me on. I am for her pleasure alone. She rewards me at the finish. And we have a safe word which i have only used a couple of times. And I wear my collar during our sessesions. We dom/sub maybe 20% of the time, the rest is kinky vanilla. Hope that helps
redzinger
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I've found loads of Domme info here:
http://dumbdomme.com/category/bdsm
Most of the site is humorous, which makes it easy to read, and there's quite about about how she treats her sub.
e.g.
http://dumbdomme.com/2012/04/agenda.html
http://dumbdomme.com/2014/08/he-doesnt-swallow.html
http://dumbdomme.com/2014/04/touch-your-cock-for-me-edging-supervised-masturbation.html
http://dumbdomme.com/category/bdsm
Most of the site is humorous, which makes it easy to read, and there's quite about about how she treats her sub.
e.g.
http://dumbdomme.com/2012/04/agenda.html
http://dumbdomme.com/2014/08/he-doesnt-swallow.html
http://dumbdomme.com/2014/04/touch-your-cock-for-me-edging-supervised-masturbation.html
Have him fill out one of the "kinky" checklists you can get online. Some of them are very detailed and involved- you can get a good idea of his limits. Ask him what his "go to" porn is- that will sometimes give you some insight! Have him send you the link of porn clips he finds hot. Tumblr is a good porn site- he can text/email you the link of pics he likes.
eroticspank
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I agree, talk is most important.
There are a lot of good comments on this thread on what to do. My thought is you certainly need to talk to your Bf and find out what really turns him on. You can't really try anything until you know what he likes and turns him on.
Being a dominant in the bedroom can be as simple as telling him what to do, and guiding the sex to a successful conclusion.
Example: You tell me to come into the bedroom. You tell him to take off his clothes and get on the bed face up. Then you decide what to do to him, how to tease him and when/if you are going to have sex with him. That is the simplest form of domination, just telling your partner what to do and controlling the pace and what happens in the bedroom. For SOME guys this is a major turn on, just having their partner run things in the bedroom. It does not have to be any punishments, it is just their partner taking control.
The best thing you can do, like mentioned above, is talk to your bf and find out what he really likes. He MAY not even be into punishments or BDSM, he may be more into you taking control.
My thought is there is a reason why he likes you to be the female dominant. Try to get him to tell you the reasons he is turned on by it or have him write about it. Either way, have him explain his passion for you being the Domme and you might find the answers really cool. There are all kinds of books with fantasy ideas in them, IF you want, try reading that kind of stuff together to get ideas on what he thinks may turn him on.
ES
There are a lot of good comments on this thread on what to do. My thought is you certainly need to talk to your Bf and find out what really turns him on. You can't really try anything until you know what he likes and turns him on.
Being a dominant in the bedroom can be as simple as telling him what to do, and guiding the sex to a successful conclusion.
Example: You tell me to come into the bedroom. You tell him to take off his clothes and get on the bed face up. Then you decide what to do to him, how to tease him and when/if you are going to have sex with him. That is the simplest form of domination, just telling your partner what to do and controlling the pace and what happens in the bedroom. For SOME guys this is a major turn on, just having their partner run things in the bedroom. It does not have to be any punishments, it is just their partner taking control.
The best thing you can do, like mentioned above, is talk to your bf and find out what he really likes. He MAY not even be into punishments or BDSM, he may be more into you taking control.
My thought is there is a reason why he likes you to be the female dominant. Try to get him to tell you the reasons he is turned on by it or have him write about it. Either way, have him explain his passion for you being the Domme and you might find the answers really cool. There are all kinds of books with fantasy ideas in them, IF you want, try reading that kind of stuff together to get ideas on what he thinks may turn him on.
ES
Have him fill out one of the "kinky" checklists you can get online. Some of them are very detailed and involved- you can get a good idea of his limits. Ask him what his "go to" porn is- that will sometimes give you some insight! Have him send you the link of porn clips he finds hot. Tumblr is a good porn site- he can text/email you the link of pics he likes.
eroticspank
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Great idea!
This is a great idea and I would suggest you do the same thing. You might find some areas that he likes and you don't or even better areas that you both are really interested in trying.
Try to be open and accepting as possible to whatever his fantasies are and this is easier when you also discuss/state your own.
ES
This is a great idea and I would suggest you do the same thing. You might find some areas that he likes and you don't or even better areas that you both are really interested in trying.
Try to be open and accepting as possible to whatever his fantasies are and this is easier when you also discuss/state your own.
ES
riannauk
Experienced
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Thank you everyone for the advice, and talk to him about the kinky checklist, "go to" porn and why he likes me being dominant. So far he really likes me punishing him because it motivates him to dote on me even more outside of sex. But will see if about the rest. 
coy_one
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I have a sub that just goes nuts if I don't talk to him. I have another one that likes his ass to be a flaming red from spankings.
It really depends. I have an old friend who was a sub who still loves for me to dictate our get togethers. He flies into town, I tell him where and when to meet me - without any regard to his schedule. He always adheres. Too bad he had to move... we had so many good times together.
It's as different as can be.
It really depends. I have an old friend who was a sub who still loves for me to dictate our get togethers. He flies into town, I tell him where and when to meet me - without any regard to his schedule. He always adheres. Too bad he had to move... we had so many good times together.
It's as different as can be.
NickiC
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Explore his mind and ask questions not as an interrogation but in everyday conversation. I think it depends also on how prevalent you want this part of your life to be in your everyday life. Is it only in the bedroom or is it 24 hours a day? There are different approaches to both. Be brave and try it out because sometimes it is only an idea and the reality is very different and it is good to know early. Personally, a good old fashioned spanking test is the tell. If he runs from you after 2 hard spanks then you know it was all in his head.
preacher72
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I think everyone is giving you pretty good advice. Communication is very important im sure he would actually get really turned on. Most of us do i think we are so used to being the ones in control when a female dominates us its such an extraordinary aroused feeling its hard to describe. My first time i was shocked but amazed. Youd be surprised what us guys are willing to do once you get us in control.
eroticspank
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Exactly
As mentioned there is a lot of good advice being given on this thread.
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/03/male-submission-fantasy-vs-reality/
You can try this link, it MAY be helpful for you. I tried to find a link that does not involve buying a book etc but has some good information.
I know when I first started out, what was in my "head" or my fantasy of Female Domination was much different than what others were thinking. It seemed like everyone I came across saw FemDom as something completely different. So as mentioned before, and in this quote above, make sure you are both on the same page regarding FemDom and D/s play before you move into likes and dislikes. Everyone is different. Something as simple as spanking can mean different things to different people.
ES
As mentioned there is a lot of good advice being given on this thread.
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/03/male-submission-fantasy-vs-reality/
You can try this link, it MAY be helpful for you. I tried to find a link that does not involve buying a book etc but has some good information.
I know when I first started out, what was in my "head" or my fantasy of Female Domination was much different than what others were thinking. It seemed like everyone I came across saw FemDom as something completely different. So as mentioned before, and in this quote above, make sure you are both on the same page regarding FemDom and D/s play before you move into likes and dislikes. Everyone is different. Something as simple as spanking can mean different things to different people.
ES
Kitty
~besa mi culo~
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That's the thing. With fetishes, anything goes with that person. That's what makes it a fetish. One foot-licker and another foot-licker are snowflakes. But I'm sure if they mention B&D, D&S, or S&M (I assume you know those) then I'm sure they'll run the order for how they want it.
But normally bondage, that seems to be the um elementary level for BDSM. But I mentioned it to my ex and he was like freaked out
