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Dungeon behavior protocol

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SunlitAsrai18

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I recently visited a dungeon near where I live. It was my first dungeon experience. I was in the DdLG section where all the activities were taking place, coloring and putting on glitter.

While it was fun, one guy made me extremely uncomfortable by being persistent about being his sub. I wasn't sure about protocol and how strongly I could refuse him without losing my LG persona. So I just moved into the play zone and watched people play as thankfully he left me alone.

My question is, is this common in dungeon meets and if so, how assertive can I be as a submissive?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
SunlitAsrai18 said:
I recently visited a dungeon near where I live. It was my first dungeon experience. I was in the DdLG section where all the activities were taking place, coloring and putting on glitter.

While it was fun, one guy made me extremely uncomfortable by being persistent about being his sub. I wasn't sure about protocol and how strongly I could refuse him without losing my LG persona. So I just moved into the play zone and watched people play as thankfully he left me alone.

My question is, is this common in dungeon meets and if so, how assertive can I be as a submissive?
Click to expand...

You can be as assertive as you want or need to be regardless of your orientation. Standing up for yourself when a stranger is harrassing you does not negate your submissiveness in any way or form.

If somebody doesn't leave you alone after you have said that you're not interested, you can tell a monitor about the situation. They want to keep the space fun and safe for everybody and if somebody is going around making others uncomfortable, the monitors want to know about it.

I hope your next visit will be more pleasant.
 
Submissive doesn't mean cattle. It doesn't mean you are submissive to EVERYBODY. Doesn't mean everybody can take advantage of you or else you are a fraud.

It's fine to be submissive to one person. And before you find that person, you are your own thing (and really, even after).

If this particular guy is not the one, it's totally fine to act non-submissive to him. Even if you are someone's slave, you can act non-submissive to him, because your loyalty is to your master, not every man around.
 
SunlitAsrai18, seela said pretty much everything already. You can refuse as strongly as you need to. In the case of a persistent guy, tell him plainly "no, I am not interested in being your _____." Most people get it and back off. If they don't, definitely let staff for the venue know and if you have to, get louder with your refusal. Don't worry about hurting his feelings or causing a scene if he's making you uncomfortable and persisting after a hard no.
 
Long time lurker, first time poster.

BDSM is a consensual activity. The submissive of the pyl is purely a state of mind, theatrics, if you will. At any point, the safe word stops it. (No, in that sense, still means no.) Remove consent from any scene, even the consent to push boundaries, and it becomes, at best, assault.

If it's a reputable club, the staff and patrons will understand if you must break character for your own protection. Be as loud as you need to be to stay safe. No one who understands Safe-Sane-Consensual will judge you for staying safe.
 
Thank you. I read what you all wrote and it makes perfect sense. I think the first time at such places are overwhelming and I was rather lost. I am going to visit a more popular dungeon this weekend as a pet and this time, I shall go with a friend who is more experienced.
So it should get me a better understanding of how to behave.

It seems like a whole different ball game, the shift from online to real play with strangers.

I appreciate the feedback and it's great to have a forum to ask these noobie questions.
Xoxo
 
Just remember that if you go there as a pet or a sub - it doesn't mean you are open to play with everyone and anyone around.
 
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