LDRs and Pregnancy

First of all, no I have not gotten anybody pregnant. So calm down. I'm posting this because I'd like to keep it that way.

I have met a woman online. We met through an online video game and hit it off amazingly. She's really awesome. We share common interests, easily hold conversations, and are overall a pretty good match. She's 32-years-old with no children and one 9-year marriage in her distant past. When it comes to overall personality, she's very down-to-earth and understanding. She's patient, kind, and selfless. There's not a whole lot of bad I could say about her when it comes to her character. She just seems to be a really good person.

So we've been dating for 2 months. One of the foundations of the relationship was that I did not want kids. She knew that and agreed that she signed up for that. So all is good.... well..... kinda.... You see, this is where it gets tricky. She is from Canada and is flying in to town this coming May for my birthday. This is the part that freaks me out. Why? Well.... it's really fast...

Here is the position from my perspective. I have a girl on my hands who wants to have sex and lots of it. She does not want to use a condom and has no other form of birth control. Any preventative measure taken during her trip here is MY sole decision. Otherwise, pregnancy will be left up to chance. And another red flag is that she is very casual about this idea. She actually has even tried to convince me that using a condom completely sucks and will ruin the intimacy of us being together. She has given pretty much every con there is to using a condom.

Now from her side, it's an entirely different story. The problems are in fact, my fears and anxiety. She claims that it's me who puts her in a position as if there are other options when they're aren't. And when we talk, she basically just says "What do you want me to say? There's nothing we can do." And she goes on and on about how I over analyze every little thing.

I do not want to get baby trapped. And typically, I'm really good at avoiding this altogether by simply being emotionally detached from the situation and leaving. But the problem is.... I really have fallen in love with her. It really sucks. If this trip wasn't looming over our heads, our relationship would be amazing and perfect. But it's not...

Advice? Please?

And yes, I have been alcohol-free for a long ass time.

Danger, Will Robinson!

Short of having a vasectomy, wrap it up, and flush the condom. Do not let her near that condom.

I'm guessing it has come up in conversation what you do for a living?

If the roles were reversed and it was a guy pressuring a girl for bareback sex we would all be hollering FLEE!!!

I have heard some women claim that bareback feels better, I can't know, obviously, but that seems over stated.

For the guy of course bareback feels better, but that is because for the guy it is a friction barrier. to the woman it may not be that way to the same degree...she is getting the friction of the condom encased penis.

i am assuming she has nothing in her medical history that makes it impossible for her to become a mother. assuming that's the case...

run, do not walk from her.

now.

she sounds mind-bogglingly nonchalant about the prospect of becoming a mother. that says something about her that makes the prospect of a serious relationship intensely problematic. whether it's that she is monumentally incapable of being honest with herself and/or you, a disconnection from reality, or what have you, she sounds like trouble.

that isn't just a warning flag: it's a warning skyscraper.

ed

silverwhisper said:

that isn't just a warning flag: it's a warning skyscraper.

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Times 10 million!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a load of baggage you want no claim over! Run, don't walk, away from this frightening atrocity!

First off, congrats on being alcohol free. That's really good to hear. So happy for you.

Second, congrats on meeting a girl. Sort of. I'm glad you share common interests. But man, she's putting you at a huge risk. I mean, you're a virgin, yes? There's nothing about a condom that's going to make sex boring for you.

You aren't going to know the difference, for one. It may even help you not cum in the first 8 seconds. And I'm not saying that to be mean. I'm being serious. You're probably going to cum quickly. This might help you last a little longer.

Everyone gave good advice. Some mistakes make your pee burn or give you dick bumps. Other mistakes grow legs and cost a lot to raise. Don't fall prey to this, man. She obviously can get pregnant. She might be on a baby search.

And DO NOT trust her if she says she's taking care of the birth control.

This informational video should help your decision.

http://youtu.be/6vwNcNOTVzY

Chris, if she loves you, she'll want to hear you out about why you want to have protected sex. The trouble is, because she knows you so well, she is arguing that your decision to have protected sex is just a function of all the other things going on in your head. There are some things that a person can just go for, using their common sense, but this is life-altering stuff.

Like you, parenthood was not for me. When I was 27, I got clipped, and have never regretted it. If you don't want children, DO NOT count on anyone else for birth control...this is high stakes poker.

twister947 said:

If you don't want children, DO NOT count on anyone else for birth control...this is high stakes poker.

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This. Absolutely this.

Congrats on the sobriety! (89 days here.)

What you have here is a future child support payment.

The series of events:

1. She lives in Canada and apparently you don't.

2. She flies in for your birthday, and you and she have unprotected sex.

3. She gets knocked up and goes back to Canada.

4. The next communication you get from her is from her lawyer, demanding child support.

5. And this is the fucking you get for the fucking you got!

There is an old saying: "You can dig your grave fasted with your dick than you can with a pick."

Poke you dick in this woman and you will end up paying for a kid you are never going to see. Or maybe you'll get lucky and she won't be ovulating on your birthday, but I wouldn't bet my future on it. I don't care how good her pussy is, it isn't worth the cost!

On a side note: Bareback sex is much better than sex with a condom. Having sex with a condom is like taking a shower with a raincoat on. You know, they do sell BCP in Canada too! When a woman has unprotected sex, there is always a reason: either she can't get pregnant, or she wants to get pregnant. Don't be a sap!

Well I just broke up with her. I hate her for manipulating me. She's right. She had me broken. I can hardly stand on my own two feet and walk away. I thought she was genuine.

The sad thing is, I don't think this is over really. I have a feeling I'm about to go through a lot more pain.

There are sane women that you can meet and bed locally.

Pain hurts but you'll look back when you are happy again and be glad you dodged that bullet.

Imagine you are happily in a relationship later maybe traveling, enjoying hobbies or whatever, with no having to explain why x amount of your income is going to some one time fling from Canada.

You could have sired a Skiddles. That is nothing to consider lightly.

I would be willing to knock up Ms. GreekGeek, but she seems mostly sane, happy and likely to make a good mother for my love child.

Everyone has been very spot on with their advice. If you leave birth control in her hands, you really have no idea if she's being truthful or not. In ANY situation, protect yourself. Pregnancy isn't the only risk here. You also have to think of STD's. She can SAY she's clean, but is she really? You only have her word. I don't mean to cast aspersions on her, maybe she really is a stand-up gal, BUT, you must also be a realist. The major issue with online relationships is that the other party can pretty well project themselves as whatever they want.

And you must also ask yourself this question...do you love HER or the IDEA of her (the image that she's projecting)? I'm not belittling your feelings, please don't get me wrong. Right now she's sending humungous red flags. Another question, is she mentally sound?

You really need to take a step back, breathe deeply and really look at this objectively. This is the time to be selfish and look out for yourself.

*IF* you do decide to go through with this, condoms have to be a deal-breaker. For her protection as well as yours. (She could be looking to have a kid with an American for dual citizenship. I don't know what the laws are, but she could be looking for an easy in to the USA).

Best of luck to you.

Oh and congratulations to both you and Eilan on your sobriety.

There is a reason that AA recommends waiting for a while in the program before getting romantically entangled. You are not used to feeling all these emotions without some anesthetic.

Bear in mind feeling means you are getting healthy.


Best wishes with life.

Getting over a break up is the same as falling off a horse: get back in the saddle as quick as you can. Find a new girlfriend, (one that knows what BCP is), and do you best to fuck her brains out. You'll be surprised at how quick you will forget the last one. Nothing like a fresh steak to forget about last weeks stale hamburger!

JtohisPB said:

Oh, and Query. You do realize that female genitalia is comprised of skin and nerve endings and such. Women can absolutely feel the difference in sex with vs without a condom. Skin to skin feels infinitely better, just like for dudes. Your response on this was flippant and incorrect, somehow implying women aren't sexual creatures just like men.

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Pfft. Yeah. Next you'll be claiming you can orgasm too?

And Chris, you really dodged a bullet on this one. A bullet with legs and child support. I know it hurts, but you're better off. Hang in there.

pmann said:

And Chris, you really dodged a bullet on this one. A bullet with legs and child support. I know it hurts, but you're better off. Hang in there.

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I'm still getting played.

Wow... She's really got me tied around her finger. This fucking sucks.

Well that break-up lasted for 1 hr 27 minutes. This sucks because I still feel like I'm getting played but at the same time, I'm willing to accept it just for one moment of pain relief. The hurt is gone momentarily. I know this is going to suck. :/

Christopher2012 said:

Well that break-up lasted for 1 hr 27 minutes. This sucks because I still feel like I'm getting played but at the same time, I'm willing to accept it just for one moment of pain relief. The hurt is gone momentarily. I know this is going to suck. :/

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Go with your gut. She's almost certainly playing you. If you can attract one woman you'll find another in good time. And maybe then you can get laid on your own responsible terms.

Yes, a breakup sucks. They all do. That's life.

if

If it walks like a manipulator, talks like a manipulator, swaggers like a manipulator and every single other thing about this woman is PERFECT, you are still being manipulated. Are you sure the fucking you get is worth the fucking you'll take?

Haha Uhh you guys are severely overestimating my abilities to get women.