Topless Jen Ch01 Revision

I want to shorten my first story Topless Jen Ch 01 where she goes to the beach topless for the first time. People have told me it's too long. I was wondering what scenario would be best to remove from the story to make it shorter and easier to read, the bikini shop part or the music store? Also if there's any other part you think I should remove please let me know. I wanna do this with my other stories too while I'm working on new ones but I wanna see how this one goes first. Please let me know and I'll adjust it accordingly. I put the link for my story here so you can read it and decide.

https://www.literotica.com/s/topless-jen-ch-01

Also another question should I write the story from my POV or Jen's? I've tried both ways and I'm not sure which would work best. Would it be best to do past tense or present tense in the story? I like these stories a lot and I know I could make them so much better.

Michael

ShirtlessMike05 said:

I want to shorten my first story Topless Jen Ch 01 where she goes to the beach topless for the first time. People have told me it's too long. I was wondering what scenario would be best to remove from the story to make it shorter and easier to read, the bikini shop part or the music store? Also if there's any other part you think I should remove please let me know. I wanna do this with my other stories too while I'm working on new ones but I wanna see how this one goes first. Please let me know and I'll adjust it accordingly. I put the link for my story here so you can read it and decide.

https://www.literotica.com/s/topless-jen-ch-01

Also another question should I write the story from my POV or Jen's? I've tried both ways and I'm not sure which would work best. Would it be best to do past tense or present tense in the story? I like these stories a lot and I know I could make them so much better.

Michael

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Its not too long i loved your story one of my favourites i hope you dont change a thing just add to it tell us more.

I agree, the story is not too long, but then again I am dealing with some of the same issues in a story I have in progress. Some of us like "longer works". My concerns would be more along the lines of:

1. Unrealistic events- you know when your bikini is removed.

2. Extraneous actions may be an issue- I have not quite decided on that question, and need to read it more closely to decide. For example, I'm not seeing Kathy as adding a lot of value, but she keeps popping up. Or after the cd store, the "big wave"incident just comes and goes

3. I would like some more color on the reactions of the opposite sex. In fact, doesn't this ever get to actual sex? At very least the guys should have something to show for all Jen's efforts- maybe someone whips it out to see if she's interested?

4. I think first person on one or two character's part is better than third person. In this story , that person might be Jen, but doesn't have to be her alone.

1. I get the whole bikini removed thing is unrealistic. I did that for the shock value. She was distracted and I wanted people to see her reaction when she found out she lost her bikini. It's supposed to be the first time that ever happened to her.


2. I just added Kathy because I wanted some other female characters besides just Jen and Crystal. Originally it was going to be just them but a friend of mine suggested I add other characters. They're kind of one off characters. I didn't plan on them being in other stories. The "big wave" thing was just to have something between the cd store part and them leaving because I felt like it was too early to leave and after everything that happened Jen felt like she needed a quick dip.

3. I hadn't really thought out the male component of the story yet. This one was primarily to flesh out the characters of Jen and Crystal. I added the Dan part as kind of an after thought because Crystal did say something about Jen meeting guys there. As for actual sex I hadn't intended to have a sex scene in the story that's not what it's about. As far as a guy whipping it out I suppose he could but since it's not a nude beach I don't know what else he could do without getting into trouble.

4. I was considering a first person POV version of the story. Maybe as a separate story I wanna keep the original intact. Obviously it would be from Jens POV. Maybe later I could do one from both of their POV.