How Did We Get Here..Love, Lust, and Divorce (Open to a creative female Scribe)

How did we get here.....Matt Lawrence thought to himself as he looked out the window of the second story conference room at his lawyer's office. It was a cold December morning and the light was reflecting off of the now dirty snow in the small town square. He heard Laurie come in behind him. He only glancing back for a second. Guess she got here before he lawyer too. Matt's lawyer Stan Hardgrove had run out to get coffee and make a few more copies.

Stan was a nice enough guy, a retired Sergeant who was finishing his career as Matt was starting his. The sarge had made time for college thanks to the G.I. bill after Vietnam and went to night school after finishing his shift. He had retired a few years back, but he kept busy and if a police officer needed a will or some other legal work done he was the guy everyone used. When Matt got the divorce papers Stan was his first call after getting Laurie's voice mail. He didn't have much experience and he liked the young couple, but he agreed to help anyway.

Matt was glad to have the old guy's help though. As bad as their marriage had been the divorce was down right hostile. Laurie's lawyer wanted just about everything Matt had bought during the marriage. Laurie laid claim to the house to his tools and hunting rifles and anything else she could think off. She was even claiming stuff he knew she hated. She took the dogs with her and froze his bank accounts and she got a new cell phone. This wasn't the end to a relationship, it was war.
He turned and looked at Laurie. She looked great as usual. The local news anchor didn't have hair out of place, and she wore a lovely jacket and skirt combo with a pretty blouse. She sat down and pulled off her uggs to slip into a pair of designer heels. Always the professional perfectly dressed.

He laughed and tried to keep it in thinking about the muddy park football games they played with the other couples they knew. He had a great picture of her some place in a Jets jersey, jeans, and sneakers with black eye paint and pigtails covered in mud laughing. Seemed like a life time ago though. He moved to his chair across from her and nodded to her as he poured himself a glass of water.

I first met Laurie when she was going to college locally and was writing for the school paper. She came into the police station wanting an interview with an officer and the sergeant at the desk was giving her a hell of time. She wouldn't back down though, and I kept smiling at her and gave her my number when she walked out.

I was working as a civilian aid at the department at the time. The job sucked, but it was a right of passage. They would evaluate you and if they liked how you handled all the dirty jobs and seemed like the right type you got the next partolmen job. So I emptied the trash, did oil changes, and made copies and waited.

I lived in an apartment with a few buddies across the street above a sporting goods store and a Chinese take out place. Beer and fried rice were two food groups for me and the apartment looked like men lived there. Porno magazines, Chinese food containers and beer cans were all over the floor and swim suit models hung on the wall. We were all guys out of high school working and trying to have a good time and didn't think about much else.

She changed everything though. After we met, she didn't call me for like two weeks, but when we finally did hookup we were seldom apart. She made me clean up, go back to school, and became my best friend. The guys thought I was nuts, but she was the best and was the one cheering the loudest at my graduation from the academy and the same when she wore, her cap and gown and graduated with a degree in journalism. After that we got engaged and moved into a small apartment that sat inbetween the TV station and the police station. Laurie started off as a camera woman, but she made the most of it and soon started climbing the ranks. When we got enough money we moved to a nice old farm house on the edge of town. It should have been perfect, but it didn't stay that way.

"The new hair cut looks good. Did some demographic like this style?"

"I'm surprised you even noticed. Nice to see you cleaned up for a change."

He was a jean and t-shirt guy when they got married, but as the job became more serious she liked it less and less. Stan told him a suit would be a good idea while he said he would do the uniform after all he worked 12 hours just last night. Stan of coarse told him to get some sleep and a shower and a shave and wear something else so he compromised. Jeans, button down shirt, and a blazer.

"You used to think I looked good in anything."

"You used to be civil and return phone calls."

"You used to call back and don't talk to me about civil. You took everything out of the house when I was away with work. Coming back to your house and finding no furniture or the dogs isn't exactly civil. Your pet sitter probably sees them more than you, I bet."

"You never liked anything I brought into that house. You never complimented anything and those dogs are mine too! You rescued them on the road side Mr. Hero, but find a wife who thinks it is okay to just bring in five sickly puppies home and takes care of them and bottle feed them and spends a fortune on a vet. And by the way I walk them every day!"

"Oh I am sorry my heroics are BS to you, I am not changing the world by covering the opening of the new shopping mall like you!"

"Don't you dare say that to me. I was with you ever second you were in the hospital. I couldn't sleep most nights, and I was so proud of you. And you know that is not all I do...you never watched me work. It really would have killed you to make one awards dinner wouldn't it. What is the big deal if I work in the city it isn't like you will notice? You volunteered for everything. The Dive team, the Swat team, the joint team with the fire department, and the K9 unit so we had another dog in the house."

"It is not like you were ever there.... " he sighed and thought gawd this is how we got here. He thought to himself at least try and be civil you were married to her and she did make you smile once. He didn't know what she was think, but they both looked away. He thought he even saw her wipe tear. No couldn't have been Laurie never cries.

"Ah Laurie Connan misses you. He always hangs around the door when you were supposed to be home by. I guess he just thinks you're very late, " he laughed and smiled over at her. Matt had moved into a garage apartment that was owned by a couple they had both known. The couple Allison and Veronica knew the couple before they were married. Matt had worked out at the gym with Allison who worked as a stripper and Veronica and Laurie went to school together.

She laughed and looked down. "Yeah guess I kinda am. The kids..I mean the dogs miss you too. They won't lay on your side of the bed. Kids we wanted those didn't we? We just ended up acting like them."

"Yeah we talked about kids. And before I forget the girls did say hi."

"Oh say hi back to them we all have to go out to dinner again," she realized her mistake and just trailed off.

"Ah yeah we did...Both here like an hour early. I know we aren't supposed to, but can we like talk?"

"Talk talk...Not yell or walk away?"

"Yeah something like that Laurie. You still wear the ring."

"Yeah you too..."





That is where we begin..... Not the sexiest of topics or even the most pleasant, but not every erotic story starts off with a couple engaged in hot sweaty passionate love making. Sometimes you have to work into it. Any women who are interested please pm your thoughts. Nothing is set in stone, but I like the start and I like the names but we can discuss it so let me know what you think. I know divorce isn't an easy topic, but as long as you have love and passion you can build the rest is just details. I like using flash backs and love good background. If you feel like writing more then a few sentenses let me know. I tried this idea before but it didn't work. I hope I can do better this time with the right writing partner.

bump....

DeliciousMaiden....has agreed to be my cowriter...We shall begin soon

Laurie Lawrence

Laurie had paced the room over and over that morning. She'd been up and showered and taken the dogs for their run …. She'd then showered again and sat down and forced some breakfast down her even though she felt sick to her stomach. The house, their house, the farmhouse of their dreams had turned into the staging of the disintegration of their marriage.

In exasperation, Laurie went up to dress. Always immaculate, used to co-ordinating, even throwing outfits together skilfully the bed was now littered with discarded coat hangers and skirts, blouses and jackets. She made a sound of exasperation and paused dressed I only her underwear, hold up stockings and heels. The bed was a mess … their bed … She pressed her eyes shut and willed herself to think of the rows, the long lonely nights when Matt was working, or off doing one of his so-noble-volunteer groups. He'd do anything it seemed except come home to her. And so she had thrown herself into her career, taken refuge in it, perhaps to hide the hurt, to deny what she was sure must be happening.

He had choices; either he merely didn't want to come home or he had somewhere better to go to, somewhere better than the alleged Dive or SWOT team, or wherever the hell he'd claimed to be every night. The bastard hadn't cared a jot for her feelings so why was she even getting uptight about what to wear.

Determined to wear the next items out of the wardrobe, Laurie ended up taking out a grey skirt, light dusky pink blouse and matched it with a co-ordinating jacket. The effect was softer than she had wanted, but what the hell, it was all down to lawyers anyhow and hers was pretty damn good …. Frighteningly so if she were to be honest.

And so it was that despite the half hour clothes fiasco, she still arrived an hour earlier for her appointment, the appointment she had been dreading. So far … negotiations … had been through their lawyers. She had even avoided speaking to him directly for months. He had no idea how much he'd hurt her, how many evenings she cried at a loss as to what was going wrong. But she'd never shown him that. She'd masked all that hurt with an air of indifference, with a hard-nosed determination to get on in her career.
He was a success. So was she. But there was nobody home.

She almost faltered when she saw the silhouette of Matt ahead of her.
The blazer suited him, she thought as she admired the breadth of his shoulders and then wrenched her eyes away sitting and brusquely changing her shoes, a necessity she carried over from work and an action which gave her time to regain her composure.
She managed to return the perfunctory nod as he poured water and uncharacteristically felt the urge to down a glass of something strong and wished herself miles away from here.

And then it started … the exchanging of comments escalating into bitter retorts:
Her hair, his appearance .. and then the calls, the house, the dogs …. Anything she thought of she threw at him, hurt making her bitter and alienating him all over again the way it had become over the past six months when all she really wanted was to ….

She brought herself up short fighting for composure. Shit … she couldn't break down now … couldn't let him see that weakness … let him realise just how shattered she was.

His conciliatory tone surprised her as he began to speak of Connan.
It was easier this way she told herself. She would not let him get to her!
She watched as he laughed and found her brief smile turning into the lightest of chuckles.

Despite her intentions, that first companionable connection in months put her off her guard.

"The kids..I mean the dogs miss you too. They won't lay on your side of the bed. "

The bed seemed empty now, the house even more so.
Not the family home they had planned. She sighed wistfully.

"Kids we wanted those didn't we? We just ended up acting like them."

It was sad, tragic. She glanced around the office.
A fine end to what had once been.

"Yeah we talked about kids. And before I forget the girls did say hi."

She responded automatically immediately realising her mistake.
It was useless to try to cover it, so she just shrugged and looked away.

"… Both here like an hour early. I know we aren't supposed to, but can we like talk?"

She turned to face him. What could he want to "talk" about?
Inside she panicked! This is what she'd been avoiding for months.

"Talk talk...Not yell or walk away?"

She responded trying to provoke him.

"Yeah something like that Laurie."

For some reason he wasn't biting. His voice still sounded ... sad.

"You still wear the ring."

Her eyes widened in shock as she followed the direction of his gaze.
Her wedding ring was still securely on her finger.
It didn't make sense, but … somehow she just wasn't ready to …
She looked across suddenly checking out his finger.

"Yeah you too..."

She tried not to sound to incredulous as she stared across at his hand.
But why would he? Surely he was happy to get out … to get free … to do all those oh-so-important things without the impediment of a wife waiting at home.

"So … can we…?"

Matt seemed in earnest. All the protests froze on her tongue.
She should have said, what was the point? She should have said, you didn't want to talk when you were home, why now? She should have said so many things that would have made him recoil and revert to their usual level of communication and respond in kind.
But she didn't.

After what seemed an endless pause she responded.

" OK … but not here …. "

She looked round hating the oppressive surroundings and now that she had agreed to talk she feared that if her lawyer she would put an end to any informal discussions which might prejudice proceedings.
She stood suddenly in a rush to get out of there.

"Nostradamus?"

She suggested giving the name of a cheap and cheerful eatery round the corner from there, a place you could get everything from doughnut and coffee to a four course meal with an eclectic mix of dishes.

Years ago, they had often gone there, discarding mud-laden over garments at the door and eaten ravenously, their appetite stimulated by the wild football games they had played.
In those days they thought nothing of devouring any combination of platters until their hunger was sated.
In those days they were carefre

Definitely not the best venue for an amicable chat at this time, Laurie realised!
But it was too late now!

Laurie Lawrence

Leaving the office

He was a little surprised at her suggestion. Nostradamus was a place they used to enjoy during happier times. As they go busier they would have coffee or a late night there, and as they got even busier the pair would get take out from there and eat together at home on the couch. Then when things got really bad someone would end up eating alone annoyed and angry and feeling neglected.

"Nostradamus would be fine baby. Ah I mean that would be fine Laurie. The lunch crowd won't be there, yet so we can get a table. We can go Dutch."

He swallowed and considered, okay you can' t do that. She isn't your baby any more, and you will just piss her off. Thing was if someone asked him ask him if he loved her, he would have said yes. Well, he was mad to be sure and things weren't working. They hadn't worked for awhile, so why was he hanging on to their relationship. Half a dozen times he had to stop himself from order her favorite when he ordered Chinese food. That was just a force of habit he thought, but well it was more than just that he supposed as he looked into her lovely eyes.

"Why don't you pull on your uggs and I will leave the lawyers a note . They're going to charge us for the time anyway. It's not like they need us. I mean they know what we want right?"

She cleared her throat and murmured, "yeah mine knows everything I want, and she has notes."

"Yeah mine to it kinda sucks listing down everything you have. It just brings back memories you know? Reminds you of all the stories about how you got all the stuff. " Don't show weakness. She will assume your trying something.

"Well we don't have to handle everything through the lawyers you know. I don't want to take things like your mixed martial arts DVDs and your tools. I mean they're just sitting there where you left them."

They looked at each and just started doing what they said they would do. Matt couldn't help himself, and even though he knew it wouldn't help things he watched her change her shoes. He loved looking at her and that hadn't changed. He watched her slip off her heels and reveal pretty pedicured toes in stockings before she slid on the long furry boot up her sexy leg that was exposed when she moved her skirt. He knew he was looking long enough that she might notice so he ducked his head down and scribbled a note on a blank legal pad.

Start without us. We're going to sit and talk. You handle the legal stuff we will handle the other stuff.

He slid the pad over to the center of the table, so she could see what he wrote and walked by the door and glanced over as she got herself together to head out.

"Are those the boots I bought for you last Christmas?"

"No those were ripped apart by one of the dogs."

"Sorry about that. I mean I am sorry the dog shouldn't have done that."

"They're better trained now and that wasn't your fault."

Everything else was the thought, but well he wasn't alone in screwing things up. He opened the door and looked at her dressed perfectly as ususal. Her hair and makeup were perfect and all he could think was he wanted to mess it up, but that wasn't going to happen.

They walked down the stairs that led to the street, and though they didn't hold hands like, they used to they did walk side by side. It seemed both their heads turned as a young couple age couple walked by giggling and kissing as they walked each with an arm around the other's waist.

"They look happy."

"Why not they aren't married."

They both laughed a little and headed down the street as snow began to fall. Fortunetly the orange awning with white letters on it proudly displaying Nostradamus came into view.

Matt wasn't sure what they were going to talk about he pondered as he glanced over at the row of familiar shops. Stan told him not to say anything period. He had just wanted to give her the house and get some of his stuff back and part ways, but Stan wasn't to hot on that idea. After all Laurie's lawyer wanted it all and she even part of Matt's pension. Thing was Laurie made more than he did now. Well maybe they could work things out and not end up hating each other.

Maybe a peaceful gesture would get things moving; he thought and well nothing was set in stone.

"Laurie you know I love the house, but you put everything in it and you love it. You did a great job with it and well I was just being a slob. I was mad when you took stuff for your place back in the city, but your home now and well. We can work something out right? I mean I don't your money baby. I mean. God I don't want to fight about this at all just."

He drifted off and looked around. They were at the front door of the coffee shop. He looked inside and saw it was pretty empty. Good at least this would be semi private. He just held the door open for her and nodded.

"Let's have some coffee." And pull yourself together. She doesn't care about this stuff any more. She just wants to move on and do stories about divorced women, therapy, and dealing with life without a spouse and how great it was. She was probably just back at the farm because her lease ran out or something. She would sell it to a developer or something. He walked in behind her and told himself, whatever he had to keep things hostile in his mine.

"Nostradamus would be fine baby. Ah I mean that would be fine Laurie."

The endearment was not lost on her, neither was the rapid amendment, which though expected was so sad somehow.

"The lunch crowd won't be there, yet so we can get a table. We can go Dutch."

She nodded not quite trusting her voice berating herself for suggesting that place for their "discussion".

"Why don't you pull on your uggs and I will leave the lawyers a note . They're going to charge us for the time anyway. It's not like they need us. I mean they know what we want right?"

She agreed and found herself talking about lists and items and … stuff … all the things her lawyer had been adamant that she should claim as part of the settlement and in truth things that she was weary of discussing.
Even so she found herself watching as he scribbled a note to their lawyers and knew that hers would go ballistic at the idea of a "talk" the one thing he had advised her NOT to get into. In fact it was he who had insisted that she even side-step his calls, an instruction that was all too easy as merely hearing his voice on her answer phone had cut her up inside.

And so they made small talk … boots … dogs … as they walked down the stairs and down the street, walking beside each other, but with such a massive chasm between them it seemed impossible that they had once been inseparable.

"They look happy."

The couple approaching them were kissing and cuddling and seemed without a care in the world.

"Why not they aren't married."

Her tone was light with just the edge of wistfulness. He chose to take her comment as a quip and they shared a moment of laughter, a laughter that for her part could so easily have turned to tears had she not been fighting to control herself, knowing she could not let her emotions run away with her, not let herself get carried away by the memories that this place held for them both.

"Laurie you know I love the house, but you put everything in it and you love it. You did a great job with it and well I was just being a slob.
I was mad when you took stuff for your place back in the city, but your home now and well.
We can work something out right? I mean I don't your money baby.
I mean. God I don't want to fight about this at all just."

She sighed wearily as his words drifted off.

"I don't want to fight either."

She told him sadly.

"That's what our lawyers were for … to prevent this all getting … personal … "

She flinched then at her own words.
How in hell could a divorce NOT be personal?
How could splitting up one's life not bloody well hurt?!

"… you know what I mean … "

She murmured helplessly.
Just when was it that words had become potential weapons between them?
But for once he did not retort. Her smile was warm with gratitude when he decided not to take issue with her reply. Instead he held the door open for her and murmured:

"Let's have some coffee."

She nodded and walked through.

"Thank you … "
… not just for holding the door open … for not picking a fight - yet at least.

They found a seat, a small booth with a tiny table between them. She picked up the menu and pretended to study it in a vain effort to buy herself some time. She could feel his eyes on her and prayed that he merely considered her unaffected enough to be able to consider eating, when in truth tears choked her throat and she fought for control. The waitress arrived promptly as the waiting staff always did at busy times.

"Ummm… just a cappuccino … "

She murmured again attempting to give the impression she had considered other options and realising all too late that her order was painfully predictable.
She had always ordered cappuccino.
Matt had always teased her about it ... about how she always drew pictures in the froth, then ate the chocolate topping, before finally indulging in sipping the coffee and despite her efforts usually ending up with a frothy moustache of foam above her lip.

She looked round finding the intimacy of the booth claustrophobic and unable to escape from her soon-to-be-ex-husband's too searching gaze.

"Perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all .."

She murmured desperate for escape.
She could go to the ladies' room perhaps, if she could get away in time.
She had never broken down in front of him and now was so the wrong time to start.

" … too many memories … I can't … "

Tears pooled and threatened to fall.
She made a move, vain effort to get away.
So many times she had hidden the hurt from him.
She could not, would not let him see her cry now!

The waitress scribbled Laurie's ususal and seemed completely unaware of the seriousness of the conversation. They had been to Nostradamus many times before, but though they didn't know this girl the only thing she was probably thinking that was off was that they were around during their ususal time.

"And what will you have sir?"

"Ah I'll have the same thanks and before you ask I won't be having anything else. We know how great the deserts are." His order drew a look of surprise from his soon to be exwife who always joked it wouldn't kill him to have something else other than regular coffee. As the girl walked off toward the kitchen he looked at Laurie and nodded, "might actually enjoy it right."

"Perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all … too many memories … I can't," Laurie said in a voice that wasn't like the strong woman he knew or even the news reporter he watched on TV. It wasn't like her to get upset. Even when things starting going bad. Well when he noticed them going bad she always kept her cool. She never cried or screamed. She just raised her voice and acted like she was always correct.

Matt put up his hands in a calming gesture as he tried to take control of the situation. "Laurie believe me I understand. We had a lot of good times here together and I don't want any bad ones, but we have to workout a few things. Oh and let me put your mind at ease about something right now okay."

Unconsciously he reached out and touched her hand like he had done a million times as a sign of comfort and support. He realized that might not have been the best move, and this wasn't helping things. Well at least not helping them split apart, but he never liked to see his girl hurt even by him.

"Can you just give me a minute ad I will tell you a few things I need for you to know before we go back to...." he wasn't sure what to say. Back to what? Being hostile and not talking. Fighting over things and emotionally scarring each other. "Ah before we got back to that stuff with the lawyers okay?"

The coversation and the intensity of the moment was brought down a few notches by the interuption of the waitress who was all smiles as she brought the drinks on a tray. She saw the out stretched hands, but she knew fromt he body language she wasn't joining a happy moment. She passed out the hot cups and went through the ususal routine and made sure they knew to watchout for the hot cups and to let her know if they needed anything else and backed away quickly.

As the waitress turned for a second time Matt reached back and pulled from his back pocket a piece of yellow legal note pad paper and unfolded it like a kid at school. It was in different inks and as the light showing through revealed things had been scratched out, marked, and numbered.

Matt cleared his throat and began after he glanced over the paper. "I have been alone alot lately and that gave me time to think about you and I a lot, and well this doesn't have anything to do with the legal stuff. I'm mean this is a you and me thing. A breakup thing, a love thing, and well I just want you to hear this okay. This isn't a ploy or anything and your lawyer will tell you it won't mean a damn thing, but it is something I have to say to you Laurie."

He clenched the paper in his hand and took a deep breath as he began to go threw the list. At the top he wrote marriage mistakes. "Okay first of all I'm sorry for making fun of your job. You do good work and you get paid good money for it and well I have nothing to complain about. I should have told everyone how proud I was of you not make jokes at your expense. And for the record I am so proud of you baby."

He glanced over his paper and saw she hadn't walked out yet so he continued, "sorry for all the missed dinners, date nights, and anniveraries. The job is important, but so are you and I shouldn't have taken you for granted all of those times. You shouldn't have been left alone. I know a bunch of times you'd make my favorite set a nice table, and I wouldn't be there. I shouldn't have been mad you gave the dogs mine. I should have called. I'm sorry I know it doesn't make it better, but I love you and well..."

He didn't dare finish that thought Matt thought to himself. Apologize and get this over with. This is far to little to late. Still though he went on. "This isn't just sorries though ah they're plenty of those on here. Thanks. When I thought about it you were a good wife more of the time than a bad one. That is more than any guy can ask for. You kept a house, took care of me and the dogs, and you didn't ask a lot from me. So thanks for notes in my lunch, visiting me in the hospital, and a million other things that made life good that I took for granted."

Before she could respond he continued on and said, "sorry for not making love to you. I know we had sex and did right up until we went our seperate ways, but it wasn't love making. It seemed like it was something we had to do because it was part the job. Well I'm sorry for not sitting down and talking to you and saying this isn't us. I love how your skin feels and the touch of your lips and..," he cut himself off and decided to make a point before she got mad and said something about not talking this way in public.

"I guess I'm trying to say is it shouldn't have been that way. I miss that intimacy we share. We had a lot of fun for a long time. I guess I...you me we should haven't just accepted 'I'm to tired,' and 'next weekend when I'm home,' I look back and think how stupid that was. It used to be the best part of my day was coming home to your kiss."

He was nervous and looked at the other things on his list and just crunched the piece of paper and put it down in front of her. "Well you can read it when you want okay. It is all there. Just know I'm really sorry for my part in things. " He looked down at his rapidly cooling beverage and felt the tightness in his chest. Funny you can jump out of helicopters into darkness, climb mountains, and exchange fire with suspects and nearly die but it all pales in comparision with bearing your soul. Never mind being vunerable now to someone who could just use it all for ammunition.

He took a deep breath, "bottom line honey is my life was better with you in it. You been good to me baby, better than I was to myself. I'm sorry we got here. I'm not saying everything was my fault, but I was always doing what I said I was doing. I know your lawyer said I cheated or suspects or whatever, but I have only been with you."

He shared more than even he thought he would and felt like a weight had been lifted off him. Thing was he didn't know if she was going to drop it back on him. He could see her ripping into him yelling your sorry, you ruined my life, or something else like that. Waiting for backlash he picked up hi cup and took a long sip and wiped his face. Not made maybe he should have tried it sooner.

His comforting gesture didn't help, but caused Laurie to raise her head in surprise.

"Laurie believe me I understand. We had a lot of good times here together and I don't want any bad ones, but we have to workout a few things."

She pressed her eyes closed. God not the house and the pension again!
Sure things had gotten out of hand, but she really didn't want to negotiate terms, not like this …

"Oh and let me put your mind at ease about something right now okay."

His touch on her hand was fleeting, but so familiar. It made the memories come tumbling back, made her ache with loneliness and wish even now that his arms were round her … but that was how she'd felt night after night when they'd still been together. She shook her head to clear the memory, nothing would change that now.

"Can you just give me a minute ad I will tell you a few things I need for you to know before we go back to....Ah before we got back to that stuff with the lawyers okay?"

He must have assumed she was refusing to talk with him. He only wanted a minute, she considered, but a lot of damage could be done in a minute … and yet there were there and coffee was on the way so … she felt she had little choice.

" … sure … "

She murmured and made no further comment as the waitress brought their cappuccinos. Her mundane warnings and bustlings giving her that essential time to compose herself again. As the woman moved away, Laurie stirred patterns in the froth and then looked up as Matt pulled a legal looking pad from his pocket.

… Oh God … here we go …
Laurie thought to herself as she licked the spoon and took a gulp of the scalding liquid.

"I have been alone alot lately and that gave me time to think about you and I a lot …"

He must have split from his Mistress ,Laurie considered.
Was that what all this was about…?
She eyed the paper which seemed to be an untidy, multicoloured handwritten list rather than some immaculate document.
And Matt seemed strangely nervous …

" … and well this doesn't have anything to do with the legal stuff.
I'm mean this is a you and me thing. A breakup thing, a love thing,"

The spoon clattered from her fingers at that.

" … and well I just want you to hear this okay."

It went unnoticed as she stared wondering what he was up to.

" … This isn't a ploy or anything and your lawyer will tell you it won't mean a damn thing,
but it is something I have to say to you Laurie."

Again she nodded and sat back in the booth, the coffee forgotten as she watched her soon-to-be-ex-husband
wondering just what it was he felt he had to say now.

"Okay first of all I'm sorry for making fun of your job."

She hadn't expected a sorry.

"You do good work and you get paid good money for it and well I have nothing to complain about.
I should have told everyone how proud I was of you not make jokes at your expense.
And for the record I am so proud of you baby."

She felt her heart contort at that.
It was the first time she'd heard anything like it from him.

"… sorry for all the missed dinners, date nights, and anniveraries."

Stunned, she remained silent.

" .. The job is important, but so are you and I shouldn't have taken you for granted all of those times.
You shouldn't have been left alone. I know a bunch of times you'd make my favorite set a nice table, and I wouldn't be there. I shouldn't have been mad you gave the dogs mine. I should have called.

Each word cut her up.
She hadn't even thought he realised how she'd felt.
But … why now …?

…I'm sorry I know it doesn't make it better, but I love you and well..."

She stared as he went silent. He … still … loved her … as she did him …
But that didn't make things any better either…

"This isn't just sorries though ah they're plenty of those on here. Thanks.
When I thought about it you were a good wife more of the time than a bad one."

She frowned. Good wife award … how nice … she had to speak, had to stop this … NOW … yet he continued.

" … That is more than any guy can ask for. You kept a house, took care of me and the dogs,
and you didn't ask a lot from me. So thanks for notes in my lunch, visiting me in the hospital,
and a million other things that made life good that I took for granted."

She opened her mouth to halt him, yet the words remained unspoken as he stated.

" … sorry for not making love to you."

The image that instantly filled her mind stopped her in her tracks.

I know we had sex and did right up until we went our seperate ways, but it wasn't love making.
It seemed like it was something we had to do because it was part the job.
Well I'm sorry for not sitting down and talking to you and saying this isn't us.

She flinched at her own thoughts:
Which is why he went elsewhere ….
Oh God, he was in confession mode!
Please don't let him tell her about his Mistresses …. !she prayed.

" I love how your skin feels and the touch of your lips and..,"

Her mouth opened but no words came out.

"I guess I'm trying to say is it shouldn't have been that way. I miss that intimacy we share.
We had a lot of fun for a long time. I guess I...you me we should haven't just accepted 'I'm to tired,'
and 'next weekend when I'm home,' I look back and think how stupid that was.
It used to be the best part of my day was coming home to your kiss."

She blinked down at the paper he put before her.

"Well you can read it when you want okay. It is all there. Just know I'm really sorry for my part in things. "

Her mind was still reeling.

"…bottom line honey is my life was better with you in it. You been good to me baby, better than I was to myself.
I'm sorry we got here.
I'm not saying everything was my fault, but I was always doing what I said I was doing.
I know your lawyer said I cheated or suspects or whatever, but I have only been with you."

She stared blindly as he picked up his cup and sipped at it.
He had said so much … and yet all she could hear was that last line.

I know your lawyer said I cheated or suspects or whatever, but I have only been with you.

"There … wasn't anyone else ... ?"

Her murmur was almost lost as she tried out the phrase as if to herself then lifted her eyes to his.

"There wasn't … you …. You were never with anyone else…?"

Her voice was half incredulous, half hopeful.

"But … all that time Matt … all those times … ! "

She thought of everything he had apologised for.
There could only have been one explanation for it … or so she had thought …
Matt assumed the adultery idea had been planted by her lawyer.
How could he not know that she had believed he had been cheating for months … maybe years …?

" … why else would you … "

She stammered, her mind reeling.

" … it couldn't have been just … work … being busy …
You never came home …
And I lived in dread of coming back to find your bags packed and you ... gone … "

She held back a sob and shook her head.

" … If I didn't know about her … about who … or when … or .. where … I thought I could … cope … "

She told him brokenly, the words finally tumbling from her.

"But … it became a nightmare waiting to happen … so I moved out … before you could leave me …"

She had thought it would help and yet all that meant that she constantly imagined Matt coming home
... to his Mistress … Mistresses … bringing them to their own home …
Rather than solve the problem, it had been the beginning of the final chapter of their marriage.

"It … doesn't make sense … "

How could he not have looked elsewhere?
She had been so lonely, craved the intimacy that was missing from their marriage.
How could his work have filled the gap that grew between them?
Perhaps it was just that he didn't love her enough to come home?

" … and I guess … it doesn't matter now … anyway … "

She groped for her bag, the coffee now a cold slurry before her.
Her head was spinning. She needed some fresh air …

He sat across from his soon to be exwife and witnessed something he had never seen before. She was losing control of her emotions. Since he had known her she was always able to control her emotions and keep things together. Sure he knew she hurt sometimes, but


" … it couldn't have been just … work … being busy … "

The fact was he was that busy. He craved the adventure and excitement and there was always somethign else to do. Problem was he never knew when to say when. He should have simply told people I have a wife to go home to and want to see. He took for granted that she would always be waiting, and than she gets a new job and they only see each other one weekends. It started off great. She would come home late Friday and they would hit the bar and come home and stay in bed all day and than see friends Sunday.

" … If I didn't know about her … about who … or when … or .. where … I thought I could … cope … "

What her? There was no her. Sure women flirt and I flirted back, and it was nice, but nothing every happen. Thing was when you were a couple only hooking up on weekends you fill the week with another life, and other friends. She had her people in the city and I my friends here. The few times he made it out to the city the people were different, her clothes were different. Seemed like he was meeting another person. Thing was he thought she had. He guessed she was thinking the same thing.


"But … it became a nightmare waiting to happen … so I moved out … before you could leave me …"


Nightmare she had gaul he thought. He was the one who came home to an empty farm. No dogs in their kennels in the heat barn. Furniture missing and of coarse Laurie, but that stangely had hit him last since they never got home at the same time. He was mad but he realized just how bad things could get when you didn't communicate. Her mind had run wild without him there and she ran. For the first time he was beginning to understand her thinking.

"It … doesn't make sense … and I guess … it doesn't matter now … anyway … "

He nodded looking at her as she clutched at her purse. She wanted to go. If she had been a suspect he would have thought she was pulling a weapon. Hell before today he might of thought the same of her. He words though told him that she was resolved to things. Well, people get divorced and stay friendly he thought. They would work something out and he would visit her. He would visit the dogs he corrected himself. She had a life and he wasn't in it anymore, but something still made him say something.

"I guess it didn't make sense. I mean you and me. We had different goals in life well we never took time out to be with the other."

That wasn't all that he wanted to say, but how could he say anything else. She thought the worst of him. She did not the lawyer at least she believed it.

"Ah I guess it doesn't matter. You weren't cheating I wasn't, but well we didn't get along otherwise. I mean we were in love right, but we stopped trying. Guess love isn't enough."

He did a quick little drum beat on the table making everything jump slightly and looked across from her and smiled litteraly trying to put on a good face.

"I said my piece and well it doesn't happen much when people break up, but well thanks. I mean it we had more good times and bad. I don't know why it was different towards the end, but well...."

He paused going out on a limp. She could laugh at him or at the very least be so put off she would storm out.

"Before you walk off and go back to the lawyer or your therapist or where ever one more thing."

When she moved her eyes to him and he knew he had her attention he leaned over to her and whispered, "I never stopped loving you and I never meant to hurt you."

"I guess it didn't make sense. I mean you and me. We had different goals in life well we never took time out to be with the other."

She met his eyes then. Different goals he had said, but that wasn't how it had started. They were one when they'd started and then moved to living parallel lives. Only when they had veered in opposite directions had it seemed to her that she had no choice but to get out.

"Ah I guess it doesn't matter. You weren't cheating I wasn't, but well we didn't get along otherwise. I mean we were in love right, but we stopped trying. Guess love isn't enough."

She lowered her gaze and then looked away at that. Anything to avoid the pain of his words. In some ways it had been easier to think he'd cheated. If they'd just stopped trying then it was doubly tragic, surely?

"I said my piece and well it doesn't happen much when people break up, but well thanks."

She looked back at that.

"I mean it we had more good times and bad. I don't know why it was different towards the end, but well...."

She shrugged off the thank you.
It had been good and now it wasn't.
Unpicking what when wrong and why was too painful and as they'd both said, pointless now.

"Before you walk off and go back to the lawyer or your therapist or where ever one more thing."

She looked at him sharply then. He didn't believe in therapists, or any of that well-being nonsense ... "navel-gazing" he'd called it ... but it seemed strange if he was having a dig at her ... after all ... he couldn't know ...

"I never stopped loving you and I never meant to hurt you."

His words, kind where she had prepared herself for sarcasm hit her like a physical blow.

"I know ... "

She managed to choke out, before stumbling to her feet.
She had to get out of there and do it right now.
Unable to put an explanation into words, she just shook her head without meeting his gaze, sure that tears were swimming in her eyes and threatening to fall.

Hastily she eased out of the booth and headed out of the door ... turning right.... she rushed on finding the direction by instinct rather than plan. Somehow she managed to cross the busy road and slipped down the narrow walkway and into the green park-like area that gave the impression of countryside relief within the built up noise of the city.

Finally she reached the bench and collapsed onto it, reassured by the trees and thick bushes around her muffling the urban noise beyond. Finally she let the tears fall, a silent stream of grief. No matter how much she'd tried to avoid this, avoid the pain of being left, avoid the pain of taking his calls, he had ambushed her and she couldn't even use anger as a defence to shield her from that terrible sense of loss.

She took a shuddering breath and laid her head on her hands letting the silent tears flow and riding the storm of her emotions knowing it had to pass before she could even begin to decide whether to go back to the lawyer's office or return to the place that used to be "home".

Now he had done it. Granted he didn't know what he had done, but that didn't really matter when it came down to it. In male female relations since the dawn of time men had done things that had been devastating, but they were the last to know about it. Funny thing was up to this point it had always been just a joke. No man could claim to know women, at best a guy could claim they were unpredictable. As he watched his soon to be ex-wife run out of their once favorite restaurant all he could think was, 'I didn't see that coming'.

Matt just sighed and paid the bill and tried to ignore the stares of others and the waitress trying so hard to act normal though you could plainly see she was effected like everyone else. Well he was going to go after her and finish this as best he could. So after he paid he dashed out of the restaurant and headed across the street into the park. He had a good idea where he would find her in the park though.

Back before they were married, and back when things were good between them the park across from Nostradamus had been a fun spot. When they took time out from their busy days to have lunch the park was a place to take a stroll. After dinner with friends it was place to walk and see the stars, and on the cool fall days it was where they went to watch the leaves change.

As he quickly walked across the street remembered in the early days when they lived in their cramped little apartment the park was like their own yard. God, there were so many damn memories in this town. So many places and things that would remind him of her, and the life they shared. At the end of the day it really wasn't all that bad. Just a lot of missed connections and disappointed nights.

As he made his way down down the main path a cold rain began to fall. It chilled him to the bone and it only took him a few moments for him to get soaking wet. He shook his head and soon he saw Laurie sitting on a bench head slumped over with her hands covering her face. He gently touched her shoulder and she reacted by all most jumping up.

She settled back down on the bench and though it was raining he could see she had tears in her eyes. Laurie never cried over anything he thought. He used to joke with her about that, and when the marriage got bad well he would call her ice queen. Now as he looked at her soaking wet and up set he could only do what felt natural.

He leaned over her and wrapped his arms around her began to hold her shielding her from the rain. She didn't pull back, she only quietly sighed and after a few long moments she reached out and hugged him back. This was the first phyical contact the pair had shared in so long, but it wasn't awkard in any way, it just felt right. After a long time of enduring the cold rain Matt moved away from her and as she looked up at him he took Laurie's hands.

Matt glanced back and saw a gazebo a few hundred yards on the opposite side of the path. It had only been added the summer that had just passed long after the couple had stopped talking. He took Laurie by the hand and the quickly ran over to get shelter from the rain that wasn't letting up at all.

Once they were in the gazebo they each sat down on one of the benches side by side and for a few moments just listened to the rain against the wooden roof. Matt leaned back and listened and smile crept across his face.

"Remember our first night at the farm when it rained? We woke up and listened to it hit the roof."

Laurie cleared her throat and nodded remembering. "Yeah it was a big deal. Our roof, our house, and everything that came with it. We were so happy back than."

"Yeah we were weren't we," Matt said as he look at her than at himself. They were soaked to the bone and fighting with each other.

"Now look at us Laurie. This wasn't supposed to be like this you know?"

"You don't need to tell me Matt!"

"I'm sorry. This was supposed to be simple. Divide up everything rip each other's hearts out and move on. "

"Matt you know today is the first time either one of us brought love into this since this whole mess started?"

So caught up was she with her emotions that she had not even realised that it had started to rain, much less that Matt was seated beside her. She jumped at the touch on her shoulder and forced herself to turn assuming that some well-meaning passerby had stopped to check if she were alright. A mix of emotions fought with each other when she saw the face of her soon-to-be-ex-husband, but it was too late to cover up her distress, so defeated, she settled back down and looked up into the sky where the rain was beginning to pour in earnest.

She didn’t even think when his arm went around her. Moving up to him seemed natural, yet it was a reflex from a time well past. Sighing regretfully, Laurie allowed her body to sink against his, the solid reassurance of his warm torso, so achingly familiar, yet missed for so long. He had come after her, was all she could think. He had cared enough to check that she was alright, well as alright as she could be given the circumstances, which demonstrated a level of concern beyond what had gotten the norm for him. Wordlessly she reached out and hugged him, unable to vocalise how grateful she was that he had made the effort to do so.

After an age it seemed, Matt moved away. It was time for words and words always complicated things, she knew. Yet instead he took her hand and drew her upwards and along with him to the belated shelter of a gazebo she had not even seen on her flight to the park bench. Then once again they were seated closely together, still no words were spoken. Instead the rain beat out its own rhythm on the room. Laurie exhaled a deep sigh and savoured the companionable silence between them.


"Remember our first night at the farm when it rained? We woke up and listened to it hit the roof."

She turned and saw his easy smile and nodded in response.

"Yeah it was a big deal. Our roof, our house, and everything that came with it. “

She felt herself lost in the memory and could not help but add.

”...We were so happy back then."

Belatedly she realised what she’d said, but instead of opening up further conflict and discussion Matt merely agreed with her...

"Yeah we were weren't we,"

It was painfully sad and yet it was good that they could admit how happy they had once been. It was just that it made this ending such a tragic waste.

"Now look at us Laurie.”

His words cut through her thoughts. She considered where they were now. Not just soaked and hurting like hell as they took that final step to end their marriage, but at all that had led up to what had happened.

”This wasn't supposed to be like this you know?"

It was as if he had read her thoughts.
They had had such hopes and dreams; shared goals and now ...

"You don't need to tell me Matt!"

She agreed, adding;

”We started so well ... “

She paused, considering. Things hadn’t suddenly gone wrong, it had been so gradual neither had noticed. It was as if one day they’d woken up and found they’d drifted in opposite directions and had different priorities ... and then it began to hurt.

"I'm sorry. This was supposed to be simple. Divide up everything rip each other's hearts out and move on. "

She flinched at his attempt at humour.
For the first time she realised that the pain had been caused on both sides.

"Matt ... you know today is the first time either one of us brought love into this since this whole mess started?"

She watched him closely and had to admire the fact that he at least had admitted the love that was still there between them.

”I guess sometimes though loving each other just isn’t enough ... “

She murmured wistfully...

”I guess sometimes though loving each other just isn’t enough,“ she murmured wistfully.

Without really thinking Matt simply replied and said, "yeah we seemed to be in love there for most of it. I mean well we stopped saying it, but it doesn't mean you don't love a person you know."

She nodded looked down at the floor. "No it doesn't but it is nice to hear, and being loving is also real nice too."


"I think we had some fun with that too," Matt said with a sly grin as he thought of all the times they had fun rolling around in their big old bed at the farm, but also cuddling up close in his apartment before they rented their own.

As if she could sense what she was thinking about Laurie shook her head and interrupted his thought by saying, "you know there is more to the relationship to good sex."

Matt shot back and smiled and said, " oh well at least you concede that it was good sex or do you want to talk to your lawyer about that."

His comment darkened the whole mood between the pair who sat and heard nothing but the rain. For both there was a feeling of regret because that for the first time in a long time they were sharing a close moment together, and it wasn't in the aftermath of a fight. Several long moments passed before either would even think of something to say.

Matt was the first to break his silence though and after letting out a sigh he looked at Laurie and thought about what they were going to do next. They finally got back to talking, but it was as they were about to get divorced. He looked over at Laurie and reached out and took her hand in his and gently squeezed it.

"Look I don't really want to get divorced, but well what we have going. I mean what got us here, isn't something I want to go back too. We were miserable, and I'm sorry for my part, but well I guess there has to be more to it than love. Does that sound right to you honey?"

"yeah we seemed to be in love there for most of it.
I mean well we stopped saying, but it doesn't mean you don't love a person you know."

Laurie nodded.

"No it doesn't but it is nice to hear, and being loving is also real nice too."

They hadn't said it and they hadn't shown it, neither of them. At least at the end.

"I think we had some fun with that too,"

She glanced at him. That familiar grin made it clear what he was thinking about.
Their love life had always been good, but like everything else, they had not made time for it.
They had hardly made time just to be together. His job had come between them and if she was being honest, so had hers.

"you know there is more to the relationship to good sex."

She spoke without thinking.

" oh well at least you concede that it was good sex or do you want to talk to your lawyer about that."

The comment stung. She looked out at the rain averting her eyes.
This was what it had been like. One moment they felt close and Laurie could feel herself falling in love with him all over again, but then in a second, his words would cut her to the quick. And she was too wounded to be able to protect herself from him any more.

She glanced at him as he sighed, did not pull away when he took her hand in his.

"Look I don't really want to get divorced, but well what we have going.”

His admission shocked her.

”I mean what got us here, isn't something I want to go back too. We were miserable, and I'm sorry for my part, but well I guess there has to be more to it than love.”

He had apologised and seemed to mean it.

”Does that sound right to you honey?"

The endearment cut her to the quick just as effectively as his harsh words had.

”I'm sorry too Matt … “

She murmured.

”We were miserable then … and I'm miserable now but … “

She took a steadying breath.

”Perhaps in time, if we don't give ourselves the opportunity to tear each other to bits … things can feel better again … “

She sighed and squeezed his hand.

” … but … we can't do that together … “

Just sitting with him was tearing her up inside.
She had known that facing him would be the most painful thing she'd ever done.
But at least now … she could move on …
She faced him ran a hand lightly down his cheek.

”There's still love there, but it's all emotion and words.
It stopped actually BEING in love. Without living it, it's pointless …
And this already hurts … far too much! I can't go through any more.“

”There's still love there, but its all emotion and words.
It stopped actually BEING in love. Without living it, it's pointless …
And this already hurts … far too much! I can't go through any more. “

Matt nodded and looked at Laurie. She was always so beautiful, but now she was a mess. She was wet, upset and crying and he so wanted to hug her to him and make all the pain go away. One problem though, he was the one causing all the pain. They just had a simple legal meeting and he had turned it into a train wreck. Well there comes a time when a man has to do what a man has to do. It might sound cliché, but there are times when you just have to step up and be that man they want you to be.

Without a word he hugged her and than kissed her on the forehead and looked in her eyes. "OK no more pain baby OK? No more from me anyway. This is what we're going to do. I will go my way you go your way from here on out. The house and everything is yours, and that means the animals too. You make enough without me around anyway I mean you don’t need me around.”

Almost before he finished his statement Matt was thinking, you don’t need me around but there was a time you wanted me around more than anything, and I wanted the same thing. The problem was they had let things desecrate so much between them over the last couple years. Now there was only fighting and nothing changed.

There was a time when they fought worked things out and made love. He couldn’t remember the last time they made love. A day like to day where they got caught in the rain would mean the pair of them would undress throw all their clothes in the washers and shower and cuddle up in bed. Afterwards they would eat and snuggle on the couch. The shame of it was those wonderful little days he missed the most.

Sure celebrating a new job or going to a friend’s wedding was wonderful and memorable, but it was the little things. Making the special homemade dip to watch the game on TV or taking out the special quilt on cold nights were wonderful memories. They were as special as the time they went to Laurie’s family’s home village in England and found the farm that they owned by before immigrating to the United States. There were all wonderful memories that didn’t mean much now that they wouldn’t be together any longer.

“Look sweetheart I don’t want be mean to each other any more. Maybe we should have worked on all this sooner, but we’re here now, and well I don’t feel like bloodying each other any more. So let’s call it a day and go home.” He paused for a moment and rethought what he had just said.

“You go home and I’ll go home. Call your lawyer and ask her to right up something fair. I mean like what I said. I don’t take anything you keep what you have and I keep what I have. I’ll have my guy read and return it ok? No more fighting. Love you honey and people that well love or well loved each other shouldn’t be this way.”

He gave her one last peck on the cheek and walked out into the rain and than turned and looked back. “You call me Blondie, oh and for what it is worth. It was great while it lasted babe.”

With those last few words he walked through the park and up the block to his car. On the way he called his lawyer and explained things to him. His lawyer screamed at him over the phone, but he just replied make it happen. It was always sad for love to come to an end, but well it was like a good book. When you’re at the last chapter you don’t keep writing because it was good rather you stop and look back at it enjoy what was written. What kept nagging at him as he walked was why couldn’t there be a sequel.

She watched him nod, knew that tears were joining the rain drops running down her face, but she couldn’t hide from how terribly she felt now as she stood facing him. Her heart broke all over again as he held her and kissed her forehead.

“OK no more pain baby OK? No more from me anyway. This is what we’re going to do. “

She listened as he layout his plan to give her the house, animals, any possessions she wanted.
\
“Look sweetheart I don’t want be mean to each other any more. Maybe we should have worked on all this sooner, but we’re here now, and well I don’t feel like bloodying each other any more. So let’s call it a day and go home.”

She blinked at that. She couldn’t remember when they last went home together.

“You go home and I’ll go home.”

She nodded as he clarified his words.

”Call your lawyer and ask her to right up something fair. I mean like what I said. I don’t take anything you keep what you have and I keep what I have. I’ll have my guy read and return it ok? No more fighting. Love you honey and people that well love or well loved each other shouldn’t be this way.”

His generosity and his words confused her. After what seemed like an age, it seemed that he no longer cared about the “things” that were all that were left of their marriage. He said he loved her ... did he still?

“You call me Blondie, oh and for what it is worth. It was great while it lasted babe.”

She was still rooted mutely to the spot as he walked back through the park.

... Blondie ...

He had called her that years ago; an old endearment dating back to the days when they were first together ...

She shuddered. The rain had soaked her to the skin. She felt chilled to the core. It was as if those bleeding wounds had been doused with anaesthetic. Automaton-like, she somehow put one foot in front of the other, sightlessly making her way through the park, out towards the road, turning towards her car, the traffic unseen as she took the keys out of her bag.



She listened to the ringing tone. It was the third time she had tried to call him that day. The first time, it was she who had hung up before the connection was made, the second she had reached his answer machine and decided against leaving a message. This time she prayed that she would not chicken out and that he would actually be in. It was almost a shock when she heard his voice at the end.

”M - Matt ...?”

Her voice sounded shaking even to herself.

”It’s ... Laurie ... “

She heard him repeat her name and was encouraged to continue.

”I ... know I’ve not been in touch but ... “

Her mind raced. How much should she tell him. She did not want to worry him, not that he would be worried, although he might if ...

”Laurie..?”

She realised belatedly that she had been silent for too long.

”I ... need a favour ... “

She told him breathlessly.

” ... can you take care of the dogs ... just for a while ... ?”

She winced as she moved uneasily on the sofa.

”I can arrange for you to pick them up from the girls ... you don’t have to come here ... “

She murmured glancing around the all too familiar living room.

”I’m ... not playing games, Matt. I just ... can’t ... can’t cope with them right now ... “


She heard concern in his voice and knew she was going to offer some explanation.

”I had a bit of an accident ... nothing major ... bumps, bruises ... few breaks ... “

She forced a laugh.

”But ... I’m confined to quarters...”

The banter dropped suddenly.

”I’m having enough trouble looking after myself right now. I can’t get around enough to take care of them and exercise them. Will you help us out, please Matt?”

Well you do what you can do at the end of the day. When you've played your last card or hear the click of an empty chamber in your revolver you know everything is done, and than comes the hard decision of what to do next. Well, with Laurie it was a hard decision that had to be made, and what's more it had to be made quickly. As hard as she came off sometimes I knew she was a soft flower, and that type of woman didn't need to go through the hell that a divorce process can be.

Hell it was necessary, but fighting over everything we'd bought together, and deciding who got what items that brought up painful memories, that isn't necessary. So, I made a call you take what you need I take what I need and we walk away and that would be that. I mean you fight when you love each other because all that pain and suffering has to have a point, and the point is to get back to all the good stuff. Now what we just experienced that was as good as it would get, and that wasn't enough to keep the marriage going. Getting along once in awhile and remembering the good times isn't enough, because you have to be keep having good times to go with the bad, so I made a call.

I spent the next few days contemplating that very decision. Sure there was regret, but I wasn't about to let myself make a mistake like driving over to her place or calling her in the dead of night. I went to a friend's cabin in the woods. It is a isolated stop a 30 minute drive from the nearest signs of civilization, and that is only a bait store/ gas station where a few of the town's older residence hang out. My buddy whose also a cop let me have it and told me to stay as long as I wanted, so I threw a few thing in my truck left a note for the girls, and turned off my cell phone and headed on out.

For the next few days I slept, read, and listened to the rain. A few times I ventured out to walk around the pond near the small cabin, but I had no idea what was going on in the world around me. I never bothered to check my cell phone, and I had no intention of driving back any earlier than I had too. It was just the same though since the weather was lousy, and it was hard to get reception in the area.

If it had been I would have gotten some of the dozen or so calls from friends and the women I was renting from. When Laurie had her accident she might not of wanted to call me, but the first officer on scene knew her and called, along with an EMT I knew. A firemen I'd worked out with dialed my number and left a voice mail along with a retired police officer who was working as security in the hospital. Nobody could find me and Laurie didn't call me until it was all over.

I was driving home when I finally turned on my phone. Laurie had called twice earlier and I had something like 16 voice mails and texts, but before I could go through any off it she called. Well I just picked up the phone, I had no idea it was her since she got her number changed, but she told me everything that happen, and asked for help with the dogs. Well she knew I'd help, how could I not, I mean we treated them like kids. Sure it was pain sometimes, but it was always fun to have them around, accept for the times they would interrupt their love making, but after some giggling they'd close the door and go back to their fun.

The past though quickly slipped from her memory and he knew what had to do. He let her finish and broke in, "look Laurie you don't need to do that I'm on the highway and it is easier to come to the farm from this direction. Not that I'd mind coming out to the house anyway. Sit tight I'll be there to collect the dogs in a little while. Ah I only have an old set of keys so leave the back open for me please."

He hung up with her and began to drive faster. Great you leave your phone off the hook for a few days and everything goes to hell. What if they needed to do surgery or need some papers signed. What was the hospital going to do, call her parents, her lawyer? No they'd look for her husband until someone said they were divorced, and precious time would have been lost.

He pulled on to the road where the farm was located close to two hours later. It should have only take about an hour, but he had made a few stops. If Laurie wasn't going to stay at the hospital he'd make sure she was comfortable. He soon got to their mail box and smiled than signed. He was reminded about how much things had changed.

The mail box now had her last name on the top of it, and the old dirt driveway was now paved. Something he'd always promised they do, and well he hoped she left the backdoor open, because she'd changed the locks. He was about to get mad, but he stopped himself. She probably did it all in a fit of angry, and the driveway should have been paved anyway. Just go in, say hi, take the animals. Anything else extra had to be pleasant.

When he went in the back door was unlocked, she'd probably wondered about that one when she did it. He always told her to lock the door encase someone tried to get in, and she'd usually just leave it wide open when she took the animals out or went for a jog. It was a constant battle, but out of love and affection for each other.

He entered carrying a few items and he needed to put them on the counter quickly as he was greeted by a small herd of dogs. He laughed and bent down and accepted all the licks and dog kisses as he pet them and hugged his dogs. "Hey puppies, taking good care of mommy for me?"

After playing with the dogs for a bit he stood up and yelled into the other room that he was in the house, and heard Laurie reply back that she was in the living room. He let the dogs out and put them in one of the empty animal pens, and got the rest of the items from the car and headed inside.

A sore and battered Laurie greeted him with a smile. She was on the couch surrounded by pill bottles, water bottles, and her cell phone and laptop. Along with a few other house hold items there were flowers from friends and colleagues wishing her well. Mostly people he never bothered to get to know. "Thanks for coming by, but it isn't necessary. I need a dog sitter, can't risk one of them jumping on me wanting to wrestle, and well can't run."

Matt just put down his stuff and smiled and raised his hands. "Look we were married and well things haven't been great, but I'm glad I can help you out. It isn't any trouble, and I don't need to take the dogs with me to take care of them."

"But...?"

He interrupted before she could say he didn't live there any more and said, "look I need to take care of a few things here, so I'll stay for a little while, and take care of them for the day. Tomorrow before work I'll drive by and let them out for a bit, and come again when I take lunch, and just before the end of the shift. We used to just put them out three times a day, and if we have some real nice ones I can put them in the pen, and set them up with water."

"Matt that sounds like to much work I couldn't ask you too do all that."

"It won't be any trouble. I got my sergeant to assign me to this area to patrol, and he knows I need to stick close to here, so it won't be any problem. I stopped by his house there is some fresh chicken soup from her by the way. She made a ton of it. Also I have some numbers for you."

He handed her a loose leaf piece of paper with several numbers on it. "They're all friends of mine, ah ours really, who want to help. The guy who delivers from the pharmacy, ah there is a handyman whose a brother of a friend he works in the are all the time and has dogs, and there are police officers, and the head of the ambulance service the next town over. Call him before 9-11. He can get his people here faster than our town because of their location."

Laurie opened her mouth surprised a little. "AH how did you get my prescriptions?"

Matt laughed and smiled. "They knew I was your husband and since I wasn't asking for poison they were willing to give me the stuff for you. I got some other stuff too like a heating pad and a few more things to make you comfortable. Oh and those doggy treats they love so much. Also got you a bunch of things to eat. All take out from your favorite restaurants, all packaged and ready to eat once you heat them up. I can help with when I'm over if you need me too. Got a case of your favorite diet soda and put it in the fridge. Oh and coffee too I know you can't survive without it. "


"Thanks honey...ah Matt there is money in the kitchen you just take what it cost you and money for gas."

Matt rubbed his hands over his face. "Laurie I want to do this for you. It is a favor, and you don't take money from, " he pause for a moment thinking for the right word. "From friends who need help. Look ah just buy me dinner when this is all over okay. I hope you don't think your going into work like this. Now I'll set you up with some soup and than I'll take the dogs for a long walk and take care of the chores.


After setting up Laurie with a large bowl of soup and some crackers he set to work around the house. Bring her books, papers, and whatever else she wanted. He brought down more quilts and pillows, and than set to work outside. The rain had stopped enough so he could put things in order and he'd called a friend with the city garage and had Laurie's car brought over and the tickets erased from her record.

She wouldn't have been fined if she could have gotten to her car. He took care of the barn, the pens, took fire wood in, and even made a run for the dump. It was close, but he had a key so Laurie didn't have to worry about trash stinking up the place and attracting bears.

When everything was finally taken care of it was late in the evening and he was tired. He just yelled to her from the kitchen when he left and promised to be back early to take the dogs out. He drove home, talked to the girls, took a hot shower, and went to bed secure in his thoughts that he'd been a good man today.

The past months they'd just fought, he'd made jokes at her expense, and had been as bad as she was. He regretted that all now because he could have lost her permanently. Sure they would get divorced, but from here on out they'd, well he'd at least start acting like her friend.