Anyone out there let their wife screw around?

isshogai7 said:

excuse me,if i express my thoughts,but i've always tought that threads here are like conversations,if you don't like the subject,you can just choose to not be part of it.Like when you watch tv,you don't like the movie,switch channel and that's it.
It's unnecessay to condemn something you don't like.And christian faith is based on forgiveness,not judgin other's peopleand their actions.
I just can't understand why you have to condemn people whose behaviour you don't like: that apply to everybody,including myself here ,that i'm writing this against narrow minded people.Live and let live.It seems strange to me to come back more than once to express strong contempt to other people's choices.I can choose to behave differently,without needing to attack someone else.
Just my humble opinion,and sorry for having bored you with that.

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I could not agree with this more. I am Christian, yet I have threesomes and foursomes with my boyfriend. The various churches and denominations all have their own rules and stigmas about sex. However, the Bible itself has mixed messages. One denomination will take something completely out of context and parade it around as the most important thing in the Bible. So, there really is no point in getting all touchy on this.

One of my favorite websites on Christianity and kinky things:
http://www.libchrist.com/

When and if I do marry, I am going to have a husband who lets me screw around. That is what I want and I will make that clear from the start of the relationship. That is how my relationship with my boyfriend developed. I think I might marry him someday!

I'm SO glad to see this thread.

I'm beginning to open up my relationship with my girlfriend to her having other men. The idea really turns me on, talking about it was incredibly hot, but now that it's actually set in motion, I feel very insecure. I spend most of my time with her, and even when we're apart she's either in class or online and reachable with the click of a button, and will often talk to me.

Now I know she's off with another guy, and... I feel lonely. This is a one-way setup, by the way, and while I've never been the most faithful boyfriend in PAST relationships, I'd rather not betray her trust by searching for someone else in real life. I find myself desperately jumping from distraction to distraction, from friend to friend in an eager attempt to take my mind off of what she's doing. It's not in a turn-on sort of way but a "left out with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs until I fall asleep" sort of way.

Of course she comes back and has her wild story to share, which is great, but I can tell she's going through an infatuation phase with him, and so even when we see each other again, I feel lackluster in comparison because what she has with him is "new and exciting." It's as if all my insecurity has come to surface.

How do you guys deal with the significant other being way while you have no one to play with? Or do you look for someone to, anyway? How do you feel about it? Worse, how do you handle their "crush" on someone else, or has that never been a problem?

I think it would take on hell of a man to watch his wife having sex with another man or men.
My hubby hasn't brought it up yet

The question is being asked, so it invites an answer, not a judgment.
To answer the question, no, it wouldn't turn me on. When I was married it was not something I wanted or thought about.
As a matter of choice it was not and would not be my choice to have anyone screw my partner.
To each his own.

K5Rakitan said:

I could not agree with this more. I am Christian, yet I have threesomes and foursomes with my boyfriend. The various churches and denominations all have their own rules and stigmas about sex. However, the Bible itself has mixed messages. One denomination will take something completely out of context and parade it around as the most important thing in the Bible. So, there really is no point in getting all touchy on this.

One of my favorite websites on Christianity and kinky things:
http://www.libchrist.com/

When and if I do marry, I am going to have a husband who lets me screw around. That is what I want and I will make that clear from the start of the relationship. That is how my relationship with my boyfriend developed. I think I might marry him someday!

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Well look no further for such a husban...lm here

As swingers we've played with many and varied people and when we started we had a half-dozen rules. For instance, she wanted to keep the "booty" for me alone, we would only play together and so on. Fast forward to today, 5 years later, the only rule that still stands is the "we only play together".

I have, on a couple of occasions, stayed in one room while her and a lover had some alone time in another. It was fun to listen but watching and joining is what we like so we do it rarely.

For us, having her or I go and play with another is simply not what we like or want so we avoid your issue completely. When we went through a time where we considered playing alone we both had concerns similar to your situation and decided it was not for us.

Having been outside and listening I offer this: Revel in her enjoyment and use it to stoke your arousal. She's there for fun for YOU and her so turn it into a way to connect and have a better sex life and life generally.

Have you suggested her camming their play to you? Calling you and letting you listen? There are ways to be a part of the fun without actually being there.

If you can't reconcile your feelings through various means then you're left with bringing this part of your sex life to a halt.

We wish you well.

jedclampet69 said:

Well look no further for such a husban...lm here

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You flatter me

Things are going so well with my boyfriend right now that I just don't have much time to screw around with other men. Between work and everything else, I don't think I can handle more than one full-time. I have a sweetheart in the Navy I get to see about once a year and another friend with benefits who is more local. I like threesomes and foursomes with my boyfriend because it is something special we do together and it draws us closer. Other than that, I just like knowing that I have the freedom to go get a good screw when I need one.

This is something that I've been wanting to do for a while now. I was barely 18 when I got together with my fiance. He was 26, with plenty of experience, and he was my first everything (except for kissing). We've been together for 13 years now, and I'm now reaching the peak of my....well, horniness, lol! I'm finding certain other people incredibly sexually attractive, and I want to act on it. I'm trying to figure out how to suggest a lifestyle change to my fiance. Problem is, I don't want to share him. He's already had his chance to run around. Maybe that makes me selfish, but that's how I feel. I've been checking out this site www.ourhotwives.com to learn about the hotwifing lifestyle, and try to find a way to convince my fiance to let me try it out.

hwwannabe said:

This is something that I've been wanting to do for a while now. I was barely 18 when I got together with my fiance. He was 26, with plenty of experience, and he was my first everything (except for kissing). We've been together for 13 years now, and I'm now reaching the peak of my....well, horniness, lol! I'm finding certain other people incredibly sexually attractive, and I want to act on it. I'm trying to figure out how to suggest a lifestyle change to my fiance. Problem is, I don't want to share him. He's already had his chance to run around. Maybe that makes me selfish, but that's how I feel. I've been checking out this site www.ourhotwives.com to learn about the hotwifing lifestyle, and try to find a way to convince my fiance to let me try it out.

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Yes, I think it's a little selfish but you may have to let him have some fun on the side to get what you want.

I would love to know how he reacts when you bring it up. You maybe surprised, and he might say yes, and he understands.

darkknight01 said:

Yes, I think it's a little selfish but you may have to let him have some fun on the side to get what you want.

I would love to know how he reacts when you bring it up. You maybe surprised, and he might say yes, and he understands.

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He might say yes if I tell him that one of the people I'm fantasizing about is one of my best friends. I think he'd feel less threatened by a woman than a man. Hell, he'd probably want to watch!

hwwannabe said:

He might say yes if I tell him that one of the people I'm fantasizing about is one of my best friends. I think he'd feel less threatened by a woman than a man. Hell, he'd probably want to watch!

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I'm not sure if I know a straight man that wouldn't want to watch is wife with another woman. I'm sure he would have thoughts of joining in as well.

Do you think this could really happen?

I know I'm up for it, and I'm reasonable certain she would be too. We've made out once before, and that was great! I wouldn't move forward without his "blessing" though, so we'll see.

hwwannabe said:

I know I'm up for it, and I'm reasonable certain she would be too. We've made out once before, and that was great! I wouldn't move forward without his "blessing" though, so we'll see.

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I don't think you are going to have a problem getting a yes from him. I wish I could be there to watch it all go down.

darkknight01 said:

I don't think you are going to have a problem getting a yes from him. I wish I could be there to watch it all go down.

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I bet you do

hwwannabe said:

I bet you do

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Oh yes, you can just send the photos if you don't want me in the room. I think that will do. LOL

The allowing a mate to screw around with others is not that uncommon from what I can tell, but also is one of the more dangerous fantasies out there. When I mean dangerous, when faced with the real world baggage of a mate having sex with another raises all kind of questions and problems from what I can see....

-the whole 'in marriage, it is sacred, sex is sacred, for the married partners only, etc' vibe that still informs a lot of what we do and believe whether we are religious or not. It is a taboo that has been out there a long time....

-More importantly, there is the issue of fear, fear that the spouse is going to compare you to others and find you lacking. As much as our mates tell us we are great, they love it, etc, just read the stories on the Loving Wives section sometime and read the comments and you see what a minefield this can be. Especially in couples where the people may not have been that sexually experienced coming into the relationship, there can be that fear. Someone to allow this has to feel pretty strongly about their relationship to not fear someone else taking the spouse away.

-The bigger fear is someone becoming emotionally attached to the person they are having sex with, where it destroys the relationship. There is a pretty sad story in the Loving Wife story area that I wish the author would do more on, called "Pandora's Box" (Being the romantic I am, hoping they will get back together eventually in the aftermath), where the husband pushes the wife into fulfilling the fantasy and it backfires, wife ends up getting emotionally tied to the other man, starts in effect acting like his wife, etc......and it happens.

It is usually a bit better with same sex flings, if only because it (either in perception or reality) is unlikely to end up emotional. The wife who wants to have sex with another woman, either alone or in a MWW threesome, is unlikely to unhinge a marriage unless the wife finds out latent lesbian feelings and wants to leave, it is very different then another man. Lot less competition with a spouse going same gender.

People who do this normally have ground rules, and there is a reason for this, whether threesomes, swinging or straight out 1 partner having fun on the side. Honesty is the key one, even if hubby let's say is okay with it, the wife just going out and getting laid is likely to cause friction. A big part of the agreement has to be kind of like in BD/SM, there needs to be a safe word or whatever, so that if either party is no longer feeling safe with it, it stops then and there. I have known some people in Poly relationships, and that is even tougher, and they have serious rules to keep it going.


For the poster who said she wanted to play but since her ever loving had already had time to have his flings so he couldn't, that is both selfish and quite frankly a way to break up the relationship. It is saying that you have the right to have that kind of fun but he only is for you (which is fine if he agrees to it, that is your relationship), but it also is insulting to him. You are saying you can go out there, sample the wares, compare him against other guys, to see 'how it is', and there is the implied idea in there that if you find him lacking, well that is it (in effect, you are saying 'you test drove other women, you found me okay, so now you are stuck with me; I didn't, so I want to compare after having you and if I don't like you, I'll trade up). Put it this way, what would you tell a husband or boyfriend who said he wanted to sample other women but his GF/Wife couldn't, because he needed to 'experience life'? What if you BF said that to you, you think maybe he would be on the road to being thrown out? Sorry, I don't buy the crap that it is different for women, that they can play like that and it isn't harmful, women are more likely then men IME if they play around to get emotionally tangled with another guy; men do tend to view sex just as sex, many women have strong emotional ties to it. Would you feel like you hubby loves you and wanted to be with you if he wanted to have sex with others, or would you feel like he was unhappy and wanted to trade up? Too, what is he supposed to do while you are having sex with others, twiddle his thumbs? If this sounds judgmental I apologize, I am not judging you, but you need to think about how you do things in a relationship, it is a two way street. If you are honest with him, and tell him you want to experience others to see what it is like, and he is okay with that and the potential consequences, that is great, and even if he agrees and says he doesn't want to see others, that is fine (basically, say "Honey, I would rather you didn't go outside our relationship" and let him decide, don't tell him). Just don't make it a one sided declaration, I can almost guarantee you your SO won't react well to it. Doing things unilaterally in a relationship is kind of like trying to play tennis by yourself, it doesn't work well.

We've been together almost 14 years, so if I were that serious about fooling around I would have already. I *WILL NOT* do anything he isn't ok with because I don't want to lose him. These are fantasies. True, I'd like to be able to act upon them, but that is a decision we will have to make together. I'm not going to say "Too bad, I'm gonna play but you'd better not, or else." I understand that he may not be comfortable with me experimenting, and if that's the case, I won't. Period. At this point I have barely begun bringing this stuff up with him. It's going to be a long road for me to even get it all out because this isn't something we've ever discussed before. If he agrees on any level, it's going to be an even longer road before anything happens. If you think these thoughts are selfish, so be it. My actions will not be selfish, because I won't pursue it further if he isn't ok with me playing while he stays home.

hwwannabe said:

We've been together almost 14 years, so if I were that serious about fooling around I would have already. I *WILL NOT* do anything he isn't ok with because I don't want to lose him. These are fantasies. True, I'd like to be able to act upon them, but that is a decision we will have to make together. I'm not going to say "Too bad, I'm gonna play but you'd better not, or else." I understand that he may not be comfortable with me experimenting, and if that's the case, I won't. Period. At this point I have barely begun bringing this stuff up with him. It's going to be a long road for me to even get it all out because this isn't something we've ever discussed before. If he agrees on any level, it's going to be an even longer road before anything happens. If you think these thoughts are selfish, so be it. My actions will not be selfish, because I won't pursue it further if he isn't ok with me playing while he stays home.

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You are going about it in the right way.

darkknight01 said:

You are going about it in the right way.

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Thank you. I didn't realize my previous posts may have come off sounding any other way than I had intended. I have no intentions of presenting an ultimatum. I plan to tell him what I'd like to happen. If he's ok with it, AWESOME! If not, we'll figure out another outlet for my desires.

hwwannabe said:

Thank you. I didn't realize my previous posts may have come off sounding any other way than I had intended. I have no intentions of presenting an ultimatum. I plan to tell him what I'd like to happen. If he's ok with it, AWESOME! If not, we'll figure out another outlet for my desires.

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The problem with most relationships is that they don't talk to each other about their want's and desires. They also don't put their partner first, when both put the other first both cum out ahead.

It is so nice to hear that you can communicate with your hubby in that way. I'm sure you two are very happy together.

hwwannabe said:

Thank you. I didn't realize my previous posts may have come off sounding any other way than I had intended. I have no intentions of presenting an ultimatum. I plan to tell him what I'd like to happen. If he's ok with it, AWESOME! If not, we'll figure out another outlet for my desires.

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I'm curious as to why it has to be this one way street, not that you are posing this as an ultimatum, but that the only way you can explore these fantasies is if Hubby stays home.

I understand that he has "had his time to explore", but is it also true that he has been faithful and only with you for the last 14 years? Or am I missing something?

I find it strange that who you were with beforehand in a relationship should be evened up. At least the opportunity anyways....

Shouldn't this have been brought up a lot sooner in the relationship?

TorontoBoyWest said:

I'm curious as to why it has to be this one way street, not that you are posing this as an ultimatum, but that the only way you can explore these fantasies is if Hubby stays home.

I understand that he has "had his time to explore", but is it also true that he has been faithful and only with you for the last 14 years? Or am I missing something?

I find it strange that who you were with beforehand in a relationship should be evened up. At least the opportunity anyways....

Shouldn't this have been brought up a lot sooner in the relationship?

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Neither of us has ever cheated. As far it having been brought up sooner, I only recently discovered the desire to experiment with others. I'm 32, he's 40. In the last year or two my sex drive has increased exponentially, while his has plateaued. Perhaps this has had an effect on my fantasies? At this time I'm not comfortable with letting him explore. Maybe down the road that will change. Who knows? I promise you that 10 years ago I never would have thought I could have the desires I'm having now. I'm not trying to "even up" as you put it, I'm just finding myself curious. As I've already said, it's a fantasy. Once we've had time to hash this out fully, we will make a decision together. For better or worse, I will abide by OUR decision (not just MY decision).

hwwannabe said:

Neither of us has ever cheated. As far it having been brought up sooner, I only recently discovered the desire to experiment with others. I'm 32, he's 40. In the last year or two my sex drive has increased exponentially, while his has plateaued. Perhaps this has had an effect on my fantasies? At this time I'm not comfortable with letting him explore. Maybe down the road that will change. Who knows? I promise you that 10 years ago I never would have thought I could have the desires I'm having now. I'm not trying to "even up" as you put it, I'm just finding myself curious. As I've already said, it's a fantasy. Once we've had time to hash this out fully, we will make a decision together. For better or worse, I will abide by OUR decision (not just MY decision).

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Believe me I'm not trying to be judgmental at all.

I do however, in reading your posts, sense that you are missing one key point.

A previous poster commented to you that you should try and slip into your hubby's shoes, and see this from his point of view. If he were to come to you and said that he had fantasies to explore, but he didnt want you to, that it might change down the road but for now he wouldnt want you to do anything but stay home while he went out and played, how would you feel?

In saying that, maybe it might be best said that you should give this serious consideration BEFORE you have that conversation.

Right now all it is is fantasy. Important ones to consider discussing them with your hubby for sure. Once you do discuss them however........

TorontoBoyWest said:

Believe me I'm not trying to be judgmental at all.

I do however, in reading your posts, sense that you are missing one key point.

A previous poster commented to you that you should try and slip into your hubby's shoes, and see this from his point of view. If he were to come to you and said that he had fantasies to explore, but he didnt want you to, that it might change down the road but for now he wouldnt want you to do anything but stay home while he went out and played, how would you feel?

In saying that, maybe it might be best said that you should give this serious consideration BEFORE you have that conversation.

Right now all it is is fantasy. Important ones to consider discussing them with your hubby for sure. Once you do discuss them however........

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I would hope that he would be completely honest with me as well, if the roles were reversed. I would also assume that he would respect whatever agreement we reached in the matter. I plan to let him in on this fantasy veeeeeery slowly. Once I can gauge his reaction I will decide whether or not to tell him that I want to make it a reality. At some point I think I'll tell him either way, but maybe not. I realize that it's a delicate subject, and I will move forward (or not) accordingly.
I really do appreciate the input. You guys have brought up some important points that I need to take into consideration. Thank you

ETA: He's aware that I read plenty of erotica (encourages it, in fact). I'm thinking this may be a convenient way to ease him into the idea....see what he thinks.

hwwannabe said:

I would hope that he would be completely honest with me as well, if the roles were reversed. I would also assume that he would respect whatever agreement we reached in the matter. I plan to let him in on this fantasy veeeeeery slowly. Once I can gauge his reaction I will decide whether or not to tell him that I want to make it a reality. At some point I think I'll tell him either way, but maybe not. I realize that it's a delicate subject, and I will move forward (or not) accordingly.
I really do appreciate the input. You guys have brought up some important points that I need to take into consideration. Thank you

ETA: He's aware that I read plenty of erotica (encourages it, in fact). I'm thinking this may be a convenient way to ease him into the idea....see what he thinks.

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That is a great idea. It does seem that you are thinking this through, and that his opinion and happiness is very important to you

I am still curious as to why you don't like the idea of him playing right now?