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Distance Domination-Support Thread

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ecstaticsub said:
Thanks sweetie, it can be a bit of a roller coaster but it going well.

Congratulations on your new LDR!! Enjoy the anticipation!
Click to expand...

Thats good to hear chick :rose:

And thankyou...i'm very excited and if all goes well it wont be an LDR for very long either :D
 
Elphie70 said:
Hi, I am brand new here sent by my new ldr/Dom . I am so new to this and have some questions
I don't know how to do this without getting so attatched emotionally. Knowing we could never met.
No disipline yet, I do not plan on displeasing him. But I am worried and glad I have found this thread.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't do it. It is not fun in the end. JMO
 
Elphie70 said:
Hi, I am brand new here sent by my new ldr/Dom . I am so new to this and have some questions
I don't know how to do this without getting so attatched emotionally. Knowing we could never met.
No disipline yet, I do not plan on displeasing him. But I am worried and glad I have found this thread.
Click to expand...

There's nothing wrong with getting attached, as long as you keep reality in mind. I've gotten attached to many things I eventually have to leave behind.

However, if you know that emotional attachment is something that will be a problem for you, or that you emotionally need more than you're going to be getting out of this...either reconsider or prepare for some heartache. It's hard enough to manage a LDR when everyone is on the same plane...if there's a disjoint between your expectations/needs, there's going to be some serious difficulties.

But, mostly, I wish you luck and happiness. Get the most you can and be happy :)
 
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?

I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.

The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
 
ecstaticsub said:
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?

I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.

The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
Click to expand...


I'd have to agree with that.

To me, submission is emotional, so without that attachment, it would feel very hollow.

Emotional rollercoasters are hard work too. But, those low points do make the good parts *really* good, I find. That, and the fact that he understands when I'm having a difficult time with stuff, and listens to me when I ask that we take some time and nuture us, and agrees readily to set a few of his own kinks aside so we can do that, really makes me realise it's worth it, that he's worth it.
 
ecstaticsub said:
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?

I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.

The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
Click to expand...

I have, to some extent.

I mean, we weren't saying we'd only be cassual play partners, but we were only suposed to be friends with benefits. But we ended up with a greater attachment than we expected. I don't know what the fuck to call it anymore.
 
ecstaticsub said:
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?

I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.

The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
Click to expand...

No, not me. I think I am unable to have a relationship without developing emotional attachments, to varying degrees. In the cases where it hasnt materialised, the relationship has ended.

Sometimes, because of that emotional rollercoaster, I wish I could be more detached.
 
ecstaticsub said:
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?

I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.

The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
Click to expand...

I think it depends on the degree of emotional attachment. Not loving someone - yes. Not feeling anything - no.

Perhaps it was that distinction that the poster, who mentioned this initially, meant instead of 'no' emotional attachment at all.
 
Last edited:
More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.

There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.

On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.

3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.

I don't know what to do....
 
DreamSensualist said:
More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.

There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.

On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.

3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.

I don't know what to do....
Click to expand...


Humongous hugs!! I am so so sorry you are going through this.

I fully understand why this would be so painful. I, too would need some validation that the relationship meant as much to him as it did to myself.

A far as what to do now. I know what I would do. I would hound him until he gave me a satisfactory answer how he could go from making you promise to never pull away to releasing you so quickly. This may not be the smartest advice but my emotional self would need it.

Even cases such as yours where their are spouses or other significant others there is bound to be some hurt eventually. But the suddenness is borderline cruel.

I hope you either get the answers you seek or at least make peace with it eventually. But it will take time, lots of time.

I am so very sorry.

:rose:
 
Thanks for responding to my drunken outburst last night, I have to remember that alcohol and keyboards don't mix.


Lizzie_Borden said:
I'd have to agree with that.

To me, submission is emotional, so without that attachment, it would feel very hollow.

Emotional rollercoasters are hard work too. But, those low points do make the good parts *really* good, I find. That, and the fact that he understands when I'm having a difficult time with stuff, and listens to me when I ask that we take some time and nurture us, and agrees readily to set a few of his own kinks aside so we can do that, really makes me realise it's worth it, that he's worth it.
Click to expand...

Yes this is something I am learning. Especially the bolded comment.

the captians wench said:
I have, to some extent.

I mean, we weren't saying we'd only be cassual play partners, but we were only suposed to be friends with benefits. But we ended up with a greater attachment than we expected. I don't know what the fuck to call it anymore.
Click to expand...

Friends have an emotional relationship too, right? :)

minx1 said:
No, not me. I think I am unable to have a relationship without developing emotional attachments, to varying degrees. In the cases where it hasnt materialised, the relationship has ended.

Sometimes, because of that emotional rollercoaster, I wish I could be more detached.
Click to expand...

Sometimes I think so too. But then Like Lizzie said the downs really make the good great.


wicked woman said:
I think it depends on the degree of emotional attachment. Not loving someone - yes. Not feeling anything - no.

Perhaps it was that distinction that the poster, who mentioned this initially, meant instead of 'no' emotional attachment at all.
Click to expand...


I see what you are saying. There is a whole spectrum of emotions between love and not feeling anything,
 
DreamSensualist said:
More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.

There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.

On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.

3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.

I don't know what to do....
Click to expand...

I feel your pain :(
 
ecstaticsub said:
Friends have an emotional relationship too, right? :)

,
Click to expand...

Yeah, but it's suposed to feel different. *giggles*:eek:

I'm a bit moody right now, so I don't think I can explain myself as clearly as I would like to.

I tend to catagorize people, compartmentalize if you will. And usually, they don't move from drawer to drawer. But every now and then some one sparks something I didn't expect and all the drawers get dumped out and I have to re-order everything!

It's very unsettling, often exciting, currently soul wrenching.
 
ecstaticsub said:
Does anyone ever enter into a relationship thinking they won't develop emotional attachments? I'm talking a real relationship, not very occasional play partner?

I don't know...I've had a few drinks but I can't imagine submitting (NOT bottoming) fucking submitting to someone that I did not have emotional feeling for.

The problem then is deciding if the relationship is worth the fucking emotional roller coaster.
Click to expand...

I tried, but, it didn't work. I don't think you can submit yourself to someone and not become emotionally attached . I am on the same roller coaster.
 
DreamSensualist said:
More that 3 years ago I meet a guy on Lit & soon after we met in person. Some of you may remember him / us. We had our ups & downs, my husband went back on what he said which pushed my Dom aside to a certain extent even though he still owned my heart. And then my Dom meet someone else & since then we have kept our relationship secret from our partners. There have been ups & downs. We have lived very far apart & not had an opportunity to see each other in a long time. But despite all that, despite him getting to know himself better, and our dynamic shifting, no matter what I loved him & I even saw myself growing old with him. I don't think I ever mentioned this to him because I knew that it would take a lot of strength to leave my marriage and it would just be cruel to ask him to wait indefinitely when he could be with her.

There is so much more to it than thais... not so much drama but emotions we went through.

On Sunday, via a message on the other website he released / finished it with me. I understand why he did, but that doesn't make it easier.

3 Years! And just dumped like he never loved me. No mention that I will always be in his heart but that it doesn't change anything. No reference to the ups & downs we went though that made us stronger, when we stood by each other. No reference that just last week he said that he would never marry her or anybody again unless it was me, no mention that within the last few weeks, after the electricity was knocked out where he lives & he said he had time to reflect that he made me promise to never let go or pull away.

I don't know what to do....
Click to expand...

So sorry. This is exactly what I am afraid of.
 
Well I have jumped on the emotional roller coaster and am in for a ride. Worried, and excited at the same time.
 
Yeah, me too. Whatever happens, I'm certainly looking forward to it, even though my experience in relationships is a little limited, especially long distance. In fact, I'd certainly welcome any advice y'all have, since this is my first time being a distance Dom :)
 
*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*

I need HIM now!

There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
 
the captians wench said:
*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*

I need HIM now!

There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
Click to expand...

*huge hugs*

Have you spoken about a visit chick?
 
the captians wench said:
*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*

I need HIM now!

There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
Click to expand...

<hug> I feel ye, chica. Maybe talk to him about a visit in the future some time? It doesn't matter how distant, a "goal" sometimes really helps :)
 
the captians wench said:
*warning on heavy pain killers because of period from hell and there for hormonal as well*

I need HIM now!

There is so much going on in my life right now, I just want to be able to come home and snuggle with him and have him pet my hair and tell me every thing will be better soon. Not even every night, though that would be ideal, I'd be happy if I could even get a weekend. Fuck I"d be tickled pink if I knew I'd have something anytime in the future. I need a date. I need to know that he needs me too. I need to know that he still wants me there, that he still wants to progress, that he wants a future with me. I need to know that I'll be in his embrace again. I need him. I just need him.
Click to expand...

Then go to him. Make it happen. Talk with him, set a date, buy your airplane tickets and just go.

I know that easier said then done but it is long overdue.

:rose:
 
ecstaticsub said:
Then go to him. Make it happen. Talk with him, set a date, buy your airplane tickets and just go.

I know that easier said then done but it is long overdue.

:rose:
Click to expand...

Agreed.

And when he says it's not the right time to visit, go anyway. You need it for your own sanity, and you can make it work out.
 
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