Conversation

How about getting a message and while you are reading it you are saying, "Did they read my profile?"

Off Base

I'm a woman and I have zero interest in talking to other women here.

rlaflamme said:

And it isn't only other men you "compete" with her. I have a firm belief that many of the women here really just want another woman's ear to talk about their ideas, life struggles and fantasies with. No man needed. So with a 100 to 1 male to female ratio and that, it's rough.

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applebottomwife said:

I'm a woman and I have zero interest in talking to other women here.

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And I never believed that all women want to talk to another woman, just many do.

I think making the effort is important. Most messages are just asking if I want to play or a simple "hi". If that's the level of energy being put forth in an introduction then it's never going forward.

formertroll said:

I agree, it is a lot of fun. very interesting people from varied backgrounds coming together. that's always a wonderful thing.

if you do send random PMs and such, remember that friends are well worth the effort to make sure you stand out from the crowd.

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applebottomwife said:

I think making the effort is important. Most messages are just asking if I want to play or a simple "hi". If that's the level of energy being put forth in an introduction then it's never going forward.

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And messages that lack any thought should be ignored and those sending them should expect them to be ignored.

sorry wrong place

Do you think that initial messages may be reduced because people get tired of writing an in-depth message that never receives a response?

How many times have you written a "long" introduction message and never gotten a response, when that happens do you feel less inclined to write a lot, and just put out quick "feelers"?

rlaflamme said:

Do you think that initial messages may be reduced because people get tired of writing an in-depth message that never receives a response?

How many times have you written a "long" introduction message and never gotten a response, when that happens do you feel less inclined to write a lot, and just put out quick "feelers"?

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I can’t see pouring so much energy into a message to a woman or guy for that matter if it’s your thing only to get ignored or a no. I love to have a conversation, if I bore you then, at least I had a shot. My thoughts.

Invisable247 said:

I can’t see pouring so much energy into a message to a woman or guy for that matter if it’s your thing only to get ignored or a no. I love to have a conversation, if I bore you then, at least I had a shot. My thoughts.

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And that is what happens I think. People look for a long introduction, full of information and an idea of what the sender is looking for. But, all to often when a message is sent, and it a thoughtful and complete one and no reply is given, it does make that into message useless. And when so many of those are ignored the desire to put in that information vanishes. Why bother putting a bunch in an introduction of you have a 98% chance of it not being replied to? For all you know, the receiver of it never even opened it, they just deleted it.

Makes it tough doesn't it?

How about the other side of the spectrum, you have someone that you talk to a lot. 4 or 5 messages a day, a good conversation going. What does the temptation to look at your page every 5 minutes do? Do you become obsessed with looking to see if they have responded?

I guess it can be bad to have a friend here and god at the same time. Always hoping to hear from them, being nervous for them when you know something bad is near them.

Just random thoughts.

How long do you wait for a response before you delete a message you sent from your sent box? And, do you check to see if that person has been online since you sent it? Does that effect whether you delete it or not?

If you get a message that is just a simple hello, "Hi there." do you respond or just delete it?

I guess some folk figure that it's a huge internet out there, so they can be more picky here than in real life. I have some irl friends, and even exes from lit, and except for one, I would not trade those experiences for anything. I get deleting "Hey babe, wanna fuck" but being offended by just a simple "hello" or "greetings" is a bit ridiculous. Some of us work HARD during the day, and still have things to do around the house after work. If I take the time, after all that, and a simple greeting is beneath you, then it is your loss.

Most folks on here are great, given the chance, but others really need to check their expectations. Since my last ex, I hardly am on anymore. I met a wonderful woman, and we are getting married next month. The only think I look for on here anymore is to catch up with a few friends, and maybe find a willing female for the occasional 3way.

rlaflamme said:

How long do you wait for a response before you delete a message you sent from your sent box? And, do you check to see if that person has been online since you sent it? Does that effect whether you delete it or not?

If you get a message that is just a simple hello, "Hi there." do you respond or just delete it?

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I kinda figure if they are into you like you are them they are checking the box regularly. I sent a message and saw the person online I know they didn’t reply

Jacques_Corbin said:

I guess some folk figure that it's a huge internet out there, so they can be more picky here than in real life. I have some irl friends, and even exes from lit, and except for one, I would not trade those experiences for anything. I get deleting "Hey babe, wanna fuck" but being offended by just a simple "hello" or "greetings" is a bit ridiculous. Some of us work HARD during the day, and still have things to do around the house after work. If I take the time, after all that, and a simple greeting is beneath you, then it is your loss.

Most folks on here are great, given the chance, but others really need to check their expectations. Since my last ex, I hardly am on anymore. I met a wonderful woman, and we are getting married next month. The only think I look for on here anymore is to catch up with a few friends, and maybe find a willing female for the occasional 3way.

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So the expectations of an on-line connection is handicapped because of the high amount of people that are here.

I have seen in profiles "If you have less than 1,000 posts don't bother saying hello." Is that an understandable demand or a far fetched one?

How often do you think the worse when you do not hear from someone you have been talking to for some time? When there is sudden radio silence and your pretty sure you are not being ghosted?

If you receive a message and the sender has no posts, no profile and well, they wouldn't have profile pic, are you less likely to reply?

How many "good" conversations can you have on here at once? Is it possible to have more than 10 people that you keep up with?

I'm the worst for ghosting people sadly.
Which is pretty awful considering no one ghosts me!
I literally don't know what happens I just forgot to reply and then clear my messages , ughh.

Hey guys! Mind if i join you?

If my mouth gets out of control, feel free to take away my talking stick. *hides it up my sleeve*

I guess ghosting doesn't really bother me so much unless it was someone I was talking to for a while. Then it might.

rlaflamme said:

Do you think that initial messages may be reduced because people get tired of writing an in-depth message that never receives a response?

How many times have you written a "long" introduction message and never gotten a response, when that happens do you feel less inclined to write a lot, and just put out quick "feelers"?

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Long introductory messages are a bad risk. Keep them short, focused, relevant to the receiver's interests, and don't hold your breath for a reply.

rlaflamme said:

How about the other side of the spectrum, you have someone that you talk to a lot. 4 or 5 messages a day, a good conversation going. What does the temptation to look at your page every 5 minutes do? Do you become obsessed with looking to see if they have responded?

I guess it can be bad to have a friend here and god at the same time. Always hoping to hear from them, being nervous for them when you know something bad is near them.

Just random thoughts.

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If i like someone, i move them to a chat app so i can hear the notification chime alerting me to a new message. I like Skype the best.

rlaflamme said:

How long do you wait for a response before you delete a message you sent from your sent box? And, do you check to see if that person has been online since you sent it? Does that effect whether you delete it or not?

If you get a message that is just a simple hello, "Hi there." do you respond or just delete it?

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I delete my sent messages when i need more room in my box, regardless of whether I've gotten a reply. I don't waste my energy replying to 'hi there' and the like. Make an effort or don't bother me.

Okay, i will admit to occasionally trolling some idiot whose message was just to good (read: ridiculously awful) to pass up, but not very often.

rlaflamme said:

So the expectations of an on-line connection is handicapped because of the high amount of people that are here.

I have seen in profiles "If you have less than 1,000 posts don't bother saying hello." Is that an understandable demand or a far fetched one?

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If i liked the message, i will reply, full stop. Yes, i read profiles and do a bit of post-stalking. It is to their disadvantage to give me nothing to work with but a single message, but lurkers with no posts are quite common, and can be just as charming and articulate as some of the well-known posters. It really comes down to the message and whether i find it amusing, intriguing, or tedious.

rlaflamme said:

How often do you think the worse when you do not hear from someone you have been talking to for some time? When there is sudden radio silence and your pretty sure you are not being ghosted?

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I've never had this happen. I have, however, been ghosted countless times.

rlaflamme said:

If you receive a message and the sender has no posts, no profile and well, they wouldn't have profile pic, are you less likely to reply?

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Again, depends on the quality of the message itself.

rlaflamme said:

How many "good" conversations can you have on here at once? Is it possible to have more than 10 people that you keep up with?

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Yes. I use my PM box as something of a clearing house. Anyone i want to get to know better gets moved to a chat app. People who stay here may be perfectly nice, but i don't want them in my inner circle. Or they may be clearly too busy and we are both content to message occasionally and keep the friendship more casual.

I just counted and i currently have 20 people in my PM box who i don't have on a chat app, email, etc. These are folks I'm likely to speak with occasionally, but not every day or even every week. How many do i speak to more often than that? Hm... looks like i have 25ish on other chat apps, but i probably only talk to 5 of those every day or nearly every day.

I'd like to point out that frequency of communication is not an accurate indicator of a person's importance in my life. There are several who i consider very important, but with whom i communicate only sporadically. Life, you know.

Jada59 said:

I guess ghosting doesn't really bother me so much unless it was someone I was talking to for a while. Then it might.

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Hey Jada!

Ghosting bugs the SHIT out of me. I mean come ON, how hard is it to take five minutes and write, 'It was great getting to know you. See you around on the boards!'

And if we were involved and they did that?..... :caning:
There's just no excuse for bad manners.

Thank you all for your insights.

It just seems to be an odd struggle here, and I know that not all people struggle with it and some don't even want it.

I look forward to putting more random thoughts of conversation on here, and really look forward to hearing more of all the thoughts that come back.

Interesting thread...

I think most people would like to have someone to talk to when they're in the mood for conversation. Sometimes you're looking for advice from someone who might understand what you're going through. Or you're just feeling lonely and might need a friend. Maybe you're just bored. Whatever the case, it's nice to be able to log on and hopefully fill that need.

Just like in real life, everyone you meet isn't going to "click" with your personality or interests so it's not always easy to find a good conversation buddy.

I have only made a couple of friends on here that I talk to regularly. And even with them, sometimes life gets so busy I don't have time to check in as often as I'd like, which makes me feel bad.

Also, I think a lot of people want to talk but just don't know what to talk about. Starting a conversation with a stranger can be awkward. I think that's why the boards are useful. You find a topic that's interesting and chime in. Sometimes things just flow from there.

As far as being "ghosted", I wouldn't do that to anyone but I have had it happen. Did I assume the worst? If assuming they died is assuming the worst, then I guess...yeah, I did. Why else would they stop talking to me? Lol.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great day and finds someone to talk to

And I think you are right, just finding a person to bounce ideas and feelings off of is a great thing.

I think the difference of finding someone here and finding someone outside of cyberland is here you don't have as much worry of being embarrassed as to what you are thinking or feeling. They cannot see you blush when you say an odd confession, or your tear up when telling a sad experience.

Being ghosted sucks. I wish it upon nobody.