Vanilla people and the world of Kink!

ToPleaseHim · Mar 18, 2017

I am disheartened by the use of "vanilla" as an insult. I think that kinky people, especially, should appreciate the concept of different strokes for different folks.

I discovered BDSM at lit. That was several years ago, and I have done some exploring, and am now in a lovely relationship that I would, like Elle, describe as BDSM lite. It's perfect for us and I know that not one person who isn't close enough to us to have incredibly intimate chats would ever suspect we are kinky. I expect this is the norm for most. Few of us, regardless of our flavor of sexuality, wear it on our sleeves. (I would not judge wearing it proudly on one's sleeve, either. I would find myself intrigued by a person who does so.)

La damnee elle la licorne · Mar 18, 2017

learningslut · Mar 20, 2017

tryn2Bgood said:
Thoughts on icecream and people: There's nothing wrong with vanilla. It's the base for most other flavors. You can add sprinkles, chocolate syrup, caramel, nuts, whipped cream, cherries...or anything else you want to spice it up. It's delicious and can be enjoyed in a variety of ways.

Response to this thread: People are different in a million ways...their opinions, preferences, morals, beliefs, actions, knowledge, desires, curiosities, capabilities, etc... So, in the terms of 'vanilla', kink, or perversion - there are just as many differences. I don't really view a person's 'judgement' of another as necessarily 'judgemental', but more of a lack of understanding. There are some aspects of BDSM that I would never enjoy and can not even comprehend how it would be enjoyable to anyone. As an example, take persons who are into scat...I don't 'judge' them, but I cannot understand their fetish at all. No matter how it is explained to me, it won't change my opinion or 'make me understand'. In turn, I don't expect everyone to understand how I feel about the things I enjoy. No big deal.

I have always been very submissive. I'm also a very private person. I'm not ashamed of how I feel or what I do, but I also don't feel the need to announce it to anyone. If the conversation comes up in a general discussion, I will give my opinion. If people don't agree or 'understand', I just let it go. With my close friends, I will discuss it on a more personal level. And if someone is genuinely curious or seeking advice or guidance, I would share some of my experiences and thoughts. How they view it is up to them.

As far as encountering people with a negative view of BDSM...of course it happens. Why wouldn't it? But it doesn't bother me, and I don't try to convince them they are wrong. If you are asking about instances in which I've been 'condemned' by someone for my choices - it rarely happens, but it has happened. I have had a past partner, who was not into BDSM, accuse me of being 'broken'. Naturally, our relationship ended there. A lot of times people think there is something wrong with you if you enjoy 'kinkier' things than most 'vanilla' people. No, I don't appreciate being 'judged' that way. I don't think anyone does. I might like non-traditional sex, but in no way am I 'broken'. If someone doesn't accept me for who I am, I simply separate myself from them. If they accept me but just don't understand, I'm fine with that...we can still be friends and interact in the things we have in common.

^^^^THIS very well put. i find myself to be very submissive, even slavish - if that's the right term - if that brings out the judgment police, i basically tell them to fuck off. i don't see see myself as damaged, broken, weak, psychotic, stupid, oppressed or any other label said idiots might try to affix.

Iamsubmissive · Mar 22, 2017

tryn2Bgood said:
Thoughts on icecream and people: There's nothing wrong with vanilla. It's the base for most other flavors. You can add sprinkles, chocolate syrup, caramel, nuts, whipped cream, cherries...or anything else you want to spice it up. It's delicious and can be enjoyed in a variety of ways.

Response to this thread: People are different in a million ways...their opinions, preferences, morals, beliefs, actions, knowledge, desires, curiosities, capabilities, etc... So, in the terms of 'vanilla', kink, or perversion - there are just as many differences. I don't really view a person's 'judgement' of another as necessarily 'judgemental', but more of a lack of understanding. There are some aspects of BDSM that I would never enjoy and can not even comprehend how it would be enjoyable to anyone. As an example, take persons who are into scat...I don't 'judge' them, but I cannot understand their fetish at all. No matter how it is explained to me, it won't change my opinion or 'make me understand'. In turn, I don't expect everyone to understand how I feel about the things I enjoy. No big deal.

I have always been very submissive. I'm also a very private person. I'm not ashamed of how I feel or what I do, but I also don't feel the need to announce it to anyone. If the conversation comes up in a general discussion, I will give my opinion. If people don't agree or 'understand', I just let it go. With my close friends, I will discuss it on a more personal level. And if someone is genuinely curious or seeking advice or guidance, I would share some of my experiences and thoughts. How they view it is up to them.

As far as encountering people with a negative view of BDSM...of course it happens. Why wouldn't it? But it doesn't bother me, and I don't try to convince them they are wrong. If you are asking about instances in which I've been 'condemned' by someone for my choices - it rarely happens, but it has happened. I have had a past partner, who was not into BDSM, accuse me of being 'broken'. Naturally, our relationship ended there. A lot of times people think there is something wrong with you if you enjoy 'kinkier' things than most 'vanilla' people. No, I don't appreciate being 'judged' that way. I don't think anyone does. I might like non-traditional sex, but in no way am I 'broken'. If someone doesn't accept me for who I am, I simply separate myself from them. If they accept me but just don't understand, I'm fine with that...we can still be friends and interact in the things we have in common.

^I like this. One's journey to discovering their sexual self is a very personal one. I am more than happy to share my views with like-minded people. The rest of the world...well, they just haven't caught up yet.

La damnee elle la licorne · Mar 22, 2017

NewDomE · Mar 22, 2017

Iamsubmissive said:
^I like this. One's journey to discovering their sexual self is a very personal one. I am more than happy to share my views with like-minded people. The rest of the world...well, they just haven't caught up yet.

This, is probably the closest answer to what I was looking for.

Thank you everyone for making the time to comment!

Iamsubmissive · Mar 22, 2017

La damnee elle la licorne said:
I disagree, they might well be up to speed, but on a totally different route. In a different vehicle, opting to take in different sights along the way. And thank god there is choice. Just read this board; see the breadth within bdsm and the differences here within people's preferences.

I never said everyone needed to be on the same page. Wherever they are at in their journey is right where they're suppose to be at the time. People grow, learn, change, discover something new all the time. That's how it's suppose to be. So, some haven't caught up to where I'm at. Maybe they never will, and that's just fine. Others have way surpassed me on their journey...

Vanilla people and the world of Kink!

ToPleaseHim

JtohisPB/Brooke :)

La damnee elle la licorne

Guest

learningslut

Virgin

Iamsubmissive

Really Really Experienced

La damnee elle la licorne

Guest

NewDomE

Virgin

Iamsubmissive

Really Really Experienced

Similar threads