There are more virgins out there than you know. As for initiating it, things like that tend to work themselves out if the two of you are interested in each other. Don't push it. Relax. Wait for someone you really like, especially since you said you "get involved." If you are desperate to know how to do things, there are books and videos, but there is something to be said for just figuring it out. As far as telling the person, that's up to you.
Having sex for the first time.
- Thread starter xtinelauren1
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time_4sumfun
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xtinelauren1
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Maybe I'm just psyching myself out about it. The last time I was even remotely close to losing my virginity, I was really into it up until the point he mentioned going down on me.
RawHumor
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A lot of women are insecure about a guy going down on them for the first time. If you let it happen, you'll (hopefully) learn to love it.
I think you could go about it a couple ways. It's best to find a guy you feel comfortable with and can open up to... preferably a boyfriend...
But that avenue doesn't seem to be working for you. You could find an online guy to flirt with and maybe fantasize with. That would allow you to work out some nerves and maybe grow your confidence (learning what he likes, what sounds appealing to you, etc.) and then IF AND ONLY IF you don't see red flags, meet somewhere in public for a first date. If you really click, take it private. If you do that, though, make sure a friend knows where you're going and agree that you will call her to let her know how things are going.
Or you could take the easy way out and find a house party, get drunk, give in, get it over with in some meaningless escapade that at least gets the monkey off of your back.
Or you could wait until you are married and save yourself for the one and only...
Cumference
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Look on the bright side!
You are an adult, not a fumbling 16 year old.
I guess you have had your part of "flying solo", and I guess you have had your share of sessions with dildoes and cucumbers?
That is great, because that means you know how to get off, and you know that you will be able to fit "that hairy monster" inside you.
Bring condoms and a good personal lubricant.
.... I especially wish I"d known about lubricant 25 years ago!
We were both "innocent" when it came to PIV, and I honestly think, that said member with the diameter of her wrist, scared her a bit.
We tried, but never succeeded. I think extra lube would have done the trick.
Go for it!
satindesire
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Raw has a point. You have a lot of options, and your feelings are valid. Take the time to think about it. If you can land a relationship it might help with the nervousness, but a drink or two could be the same calming influence. Don't let yourself get too deeply into your own head when you find someone you like. Let it develop naturally. You can do this, baby.
Going down...
...is often such a frank expression of desire for you. The desire to be as intimate with your pleasure as another person can be, he wants you to feel him tasting you, touching you with perhaps his most intimate organ, his tongue. Don't hold back, Share your beautiful pussy with him.
...is often such a frank expression of desire for you. The desire to be as intimate with your pleasure as another person can be, he wants you to feel him tasting you, touching you with perhaps his most intimate organ, his tongue. Don't hold back, Share your beautiful pussy with him.
xtinelauren1
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That was last year and we aren't seeing each other anymore. And even if that's true, he definitely wasn't worth me "sharing my pussy with him." Although I did give him a bj, that was more for me (and satisfying my curiosity) than it was for him.
jacktar48
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Maybe that's how you'll know when you meet someone suitable. When you find someone with whom you want to be that intimate, it will probably lead to more.
hopefulerotic
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As a guy, I say relax. Dont get too worked up about it. I personally prefer to be with someone I care about. Its not about the act, its about an intimate moment shared by two people. Just an old farts two cents about losing ones virginity.
gunthernehmen
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joelafayette
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MeekMe
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The v-card is bullshit. You don't lose anything and your vagina stays the same. The only difference is your experience. Please stop spreading this lie about virgins feeling awesome because their vagina is "unused."
The guy you decide to get down with isn't lucky because you're a virgin. He's lucky because you decided he was the right person to get so intimate with.
Asexualicious
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Good post.
xtinelauren1
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I agree with this 100% I think it's a dangerous and creepy mindset that girls who are virgins are "pure" and girls who have had a lot of sex are used or worthless.. I was just more so asking advice for my first time. I don't think I'm a special snowflake because I'm a virgin, but at the same time I don't think it's wrong for someone to want their first time to be special.
MeekMe
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I'm happy you have a healthy mindset on this subject. My post was mainly directed at the guy I quoted.
I would never suggest that the first time shouldn't be special.
As for ways to enjoy it more? Find someone you can be comfortable with, take lots of time for foreplay, and use lube if needed. If you're worried about someone going down on you, I would suggest learning about your own anatomy. There are a lot of folks out there that will tell you to scrub it and sanitize it and hang an air freshener on the outside. A vagina should smell and taste like a vagina. Not vanilla, flowers, or fresh fruit.
Asexualicious
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Well, as someone that is sort of in your position (only I'm not looking to have sex), I think you just have to sort of find your way. I don't think that losing your virginity is a monolithic event. Not everyone loses it the same way, not everyone has the same likes, dislikes, fears, fetishes, etc.
I know this probably isn't much help, but I think this may be a situation in which you will know when you are comfortable enough, and with someone who is worth you sharing your first time with. I would advise you not to do something just because society has perhaps encouraged you to believe you must. I think that it's very easy to feel pressured and to "get it over with" so you can then just proceed with your life.
This is a big thing, even if that "V-Card" thing IS bullshit. I think you should do it when it truly makes sense for you, and never let anyone attempt to shame you for waiting.
And if you want to do it as soon as possible, you go girl and have a great time. And never let anyone try to shame you for THAT either.
Best of luck, and once it's happened, then you can make the decision if you want to continue with that person or move on. That is your decision alone.
And if you feel comfortable, feel free to share and let us know how it went. I'm pulling for you. Um...I mean...so to speak.
pplwatching
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I don't really have anything to add to this thread, except a couple of observations about sex.
For me at least, there is a big emotional element to sex. I'm not wired for one night stands, and have never had one. Physically, sex is great but for me most of my pleasure is making a woman that I care for glow. I want her to feel good about herself. I want her to feel good about me. I want her to feel connected to me. And, of course, I want her to melt. When she's thinking the exact same thing about me, then the earth moves. It takes a pretty strong emotional connection to make that happen, so one night stands aren't very appealing to me. There have been opportunities, but I wasn't interested.
One night stands have always seemed rather mercenary to me. They're usually not about pleasing each other in that deeply intimate way. If you're lucky, you'll find a guy who cares about your pleasure but the focus is usually more self centered on both sides of the bed. Be prepared for guys who would seduce you and then act like it meant nothing, or worse like it never happened. Whether that's something that will bother you, only you can say. Your experience may not be like that, but it's something to think about.
The other thing about sex is that it creates entanglements. Aside from diseases and pregnancy, plenty of people find themselves emotionally attached and in bad relationships because they've become sexually involved. It can be easier to stay in a mediocre relationship with someone because of sexual intimacy, than to break it off and find someone who's a better fit. Of course, pregnancy is always a risk even if birth control makes it a small one. It's best to consider what you'll do if you get pregnant before you start having sex. If you are the type of individual who won't consider anything but raising a child, then you'll want to pick sexual partners who are likely to be a part of a child's life in the unlikely (but unpredictable) event that you get pregnant.
Just my couple of cents worth. I'm sure that there are people who enjoy no strings sex. I'm just not one of them.
For me at least, there is a big emotional element to sex. I'm not wired for one night stands, and have never had one. Physically, sex is great but for me most of my pleasure is making a woman that I care for glow. I want her to feel good about herself. I want her to feel good about me. I want her to feel connected to me. And, of course, I want her to melt. When she's thinking the exact same thing about me, then the earth moves. It takes a pretty strong emotional connection to make that happen, so one night stands aren't very appealing to me. There have been opportunities, but I wasn't interested.
One night stands have always seemed rather mercenary to me. They're usually not about pleasing each other in that deeply intimate way. If you're lucky, you'll find a guy who cares about your pleasure but the focus is usually more self centered on both sides of the bed. Be prepared for guys who would seduce you and then act like it meant nothing, or worse like it never happened. Whether that's something that will bother you, only you can say. Your experience may not be like that, but it's something to think about.
The other thing about sex is that it creates entanglements. Aside from diseases and pregnancy, plenty of people find themselves emotionally attached and in bad relationships because they've become sexually involved. It can be easier to stay in a mediocre relationship with someone because of sexual intimacy, than to break it off and find someone who's a better fit. Of course, pregnancy is always a risk even if birth control makes it a small one. It's best to consider what you'll do if you get pregnant before you start having sex. If you are the type of individual who won't consider anything but raising a child, then you'll want to pick sexual partners who are likely to be a part of a child's life in the unlikely (but unpredictable) event that you get pregnant.
Just my couple of cents worth. I'm sure that there are people who enjoy no strings sex. I'm just not one of them.
xtinelauren1
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I couldn't see myself having no strings attached sex either. I mean, you never know, and I don't think there's anything inherently bad about it, but I can't even make out with someone who I don't at least really like. But thank you for your input, it's refreshing to see a guy make a post that doesn't make my stomach turn haha.
xtinelauren1
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OMG yaaas. I work in a pharmacy and can't tell you how many times I've walked past the douches thinking to myself "I can't imagine being the kind of woman who wants her vagina to smell like an ocean breeze."
basic_desires
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Whatever you do, just don't try to force the issue. Unfortunately some people/men will take advantage at the smallest indication that you are exploring your sexuality/are 'ready for it' and will exploit that vulnerability.
When you are r e a l l y ready, everything will fall into place
When you are r e a l l y ready, everything will fall into place
seth6138
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cosmic_peach
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+1 - Very true. If this is something you really want then find a mature man that turns you on. He will have you craving sex and putting you well at ease long before he touches you.
GiggLeGasm
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that made me laugh out loud.. and totally changes my opinion about bacon panties
Lord Pmann
Lord
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Pronounced fuh-JI-tus. Fajitas vaginas.
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