Would you sleep with a married person?

Is it only ok when their marriage is "open" and the other knows? Are relationships/marriages really all that simple and black and white? Do we really need to reduce sex to solely an expression of love, or sometype of emotion? certainly we are beyond that construct, aren't we?

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Beck31 said:

"Lots of time we can't pick who we were drawn to, married or single".

That is very true. Can't tell you why but I know that particular feeling very well.

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Forbidden fruits taste sweeter..

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Beck31 said:

That is a good point SophieUK and accurate.

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good avatar too! -blush-

HotHelen said:

good avatar too! -blush-

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It's a nice idea though, don't cha think?

SophieUK said:

It's a nice idea though, don't cha think?

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yup!

Beck31 said:

"Lots of time we can't pick who we were drawn to, married or single".

That is very true. Can't tell you why but I know that particular feeling very well.

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Yes, that statement is true. We can't control our attractions and feelings. It's in our wiring, programming, DNA... whatever.

But what we can control is our actions and behaviours. Acting on our attractions or feelings, with disregard to the effects it will have on those involved - both directly and collaterally - is a conscious decision. Some would say a purely a selfish decision as well, as you would only be thinking about yourself.

All of this is easy to say, armchair quarterbacking even, when you are not caught up in the feelings, getting the craved attention, feel the attraction. But at the end of the day we are all responsible for our actions. Acting on something just because of how we feel, and using these "feelings" as justification for those actions is just not right.

What if you applied this logic to murders? I stabbed him because I just hated him, felt this uncontrolable loathing. So I stuck the blade in. I can't control who I hate.
Sure, a different and slightly extreme example, but the logic is as unsound applied here as above. I did what I did because I can't control how I feel, my actions were carried out for my own satisfaction, with little or no regard to how it will affect others or evven myself.

there are all kinds of problems with the above anology, between stabbing and sex, that aren't even worth engaging. Sex obviously takes the willingness of the two, or three or four! involved - we aren't talking rape here. Getting involved with another, whether you are married or the other or both, is a choice you both make, knowing. For some, the fact the other is married is in itself a turn on. Does it potentially effect others - such as the spouses - that depends on their own sense of possession, jealously, insecurity, and understanding of what marriage is.

But to define sex as something solely as a commitment between two people is a social construction - it has a history and has been so naturalized, but that doesn't stop it from being man-made, a convenience for the patriarchical order to control the sexuality of women!

sex and stabbing??? lmao

I'm curious, do those who hold marriage in such high, sanctified esteem masturbate? is that cheating? do your spouses know you loiter on a porn/adult site?

I seem to recall that some perceive masturbation as cheating too..

In which case I am damned to hell in oh so many ways....

I've been with three married women but they were either legally seperated or marking time waiting for their divorces to be finalized. Since they were reborn virgins, they were very responsive and grateful. So was I!

SophieUK said:

I seem to recall that some perceive masturbation as cheating too..

In which case I am damned to hell in oh so many ways....

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I think we are all walking damned if that is the case!

Are we more damned if we like to watch another and don't stop them from sinning?

Lost_Yonder said:

I think we are all walking damned if that is the case!

Are we more damned if we like to watch another and don't stop them from sinning?

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Or more so for letting another watch?

SophieUK said:

Or more so for letting another watch?

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I think this question has been plaguing theologians and moral philosophers for centuries, if not millenia!

Obviously, allowing another watch is in fact a double sin, so much more grave - not only is one masturbating, but corrupting another who is watching! tsk tsk tsk

I could certainly go for a lil corrupting right now!

Lost_Yonder said:

there are all kinds of problems with the above anology, between stabbing and sex, that aren't even worth engaging. Sex obviously takes the willingness of the two, or three or four! involved - we aren't talking rape here. Getting involved with another, whether you are married or the other or both, is a choice you both make, knowing. For some, the fact the other is married is in itself a turn on. Does it potentially effect others - such as the spouses - that depends on their own sense of possession, jealously, insecurity, and understanding of what marriage is.

But to define sex as something solely as a commitment between two people is a social construction - it has a history and has been so naturalized, but that doesn't stop it from being man-made, a convenience for the patriarchical order to control the sexuality of women!

sex and stabbing??? lmao

I'm curious, do those who hold marriage in such high, sanctified esteem masturbate? is that cheating? do your spouses know you loiter on a porn/adult site?

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The intended comparison, or analogy as you've referred to it, is not between sex and stabbing.
I was speaking to the fact that using the argument or excuse that actions (affair / murder) are justified on the basis of feelings is weak, whether we are talking about sex, murder, or as I pointed out in an earlier post, theft.
As far as marriage (you said said "sex", but I assume you mean marriage as this thread is about sleeping with married people) between two people being a social construct, that's a little beyond this thread and may be worthy of it's own thread.
In the context of this thread, it would be safe to say that the marriages involved are defined by the two married folks, not society.
If there is an open type relationship and sex is had with others outside of the marriage, with the knowledge of all involve, that is a marriage that works for them.
In other marriages there is an expectation of monogamy, and faithfulness, the degree of which (masterbating, having an affair, talking to others of the opposite sex, whatever) I would hope were understood by both involved, before tying the knot.
If married to someone who subscribes to the latter definition of marriage, and you get caught having relations (sexual, emotional, or otherwise) outside of the understood and defined (by the married couple) boundaries of that marriage, try pointing out social construct or the convenience for the patriarchical order ... you might just get stabbed.

Again, I'm sorry if you read my post and thought I was equating or comparing sex with stabbing. I was simply using one scenario to point out that, if one applies the same arguement (can't control my feelings) to the other situation, it is still a silly justification for your behaviour. I could have used breaking windows or stealing cars.

There are plenty of other reasons why people sleep with married people. Some of which I'm sure we would both agree are fine reasons, others we may agree to disagree.

For your curiousity - My marriage is dear and sacred to me. I would never do anything that would hurt my wife. She knows I post here. We are crystal clear where the boundaries are as far as cheating goes. No, rubbing one out is not considered cheating or unfaithful in our relationship. We talk and communicate about everything, and understand fully our roles in our relationship and what is expected of each other. We are stronger because of this, the sex is mind blowing, and we still hold hands and laugh like it's our second date.

Sorry about the verbose post.

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Though it is technically not adultery for a married man to sleep with an unmarried woman...

If you fuck a married woman you are honourless slime and deserving of the retaliation from her husband. I'd give him the rope to hang you.

Also, women who go after married men tend to be guttersluts. Single or not, they are whores and not deserving of recognition in the main.

The anonymous format of this forum no doubt contributes to the fact that the peculiar sexual ethics of this place. Sometimes you have outbursts of intense moral righteousness (especially in retaliation to anyone who dare say they are wrong) and other times you have (no doubt excessive and fraudulent) stories of their sexual depravity.

Beck31 said:

Would you sleep with a married person?

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Short answer? No, I would not. I've got my ethics and general respect for others.

Long answer? That's actually a tricky one. I would normally not, unless their marriage is in essence broken, let's say, they don't even live together in the same room anymore. I would never, ever be someone they cheated on their other half with, however if they are already independent from each other, I might -- if we both felt one hell of an attraction, that is. It certainly would not be a casual thing.

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Beck31 said:

Let me put it this way. She and her hubby don't sleep together. She does not love him nor does she desire his affections.

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Then I'd like to answer with a question (and I WOULD ask this to the said man, too) - why the hell are they still married? Maybe it's time to rethink his life and THEN we'd talk? See I prefer men who are decisive and do things deliberately rather than stay in their comfort zone simply cause it's there. But all that aside, if he actually had a good reasoning for that, then I *might* end up sleeping with him - but I don't do casual sex in general so that probably would complicate things in the long run anyway (yes, there'd be a long run, lol).

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Beck31 said:

B/c she of the fact her husband brings in a steady paycheck and she won't get divorced. Either she winds up killing him b/c he is a verbal abuser or he finally has a heartattack b/c he has heart trouble. Either way it is very complicated. I care for her but she treats my affection as a joke. I should probably just quit and count my losses. I have others who genuinly care for me. Thank you for your well thought out responces.

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That's what I would do. It seems to me that you care about her more than she does for you. The fact that she treats your affections as a joke can either mean she doesn't want you to get too attached or that she generally is not that interested in you. Not just that, she's staying in a financially satisfying situation despite the fact that she doesn't even like the man, apparently. Either she's using her husband for his pay checks or she's too scared to pack her things and start anew (and she most probably won't). Do you really want that kind of person if there are so many problems that come with her?

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Affections are fine as long as you have more than one and they don't mess up your life (i.e. you don't fixate on them). Btw, the fact that you can't seem to stay away from engaged or married woman does hint at a few things...