the marks of a slave

Even though I say I want to be his slave, I am reluctant to let go of my own resistance. My behavior is affected by some of our sexual activities - and I really don't want to risk the effects erratic (and/or erotic) behavior would have on my developing business. I'm trying so hard right now to sell myself and my work, I don't feel like I can afford some of the more bizarre situations that have arisen when we pursue our desires without inhibitions.

So, even though I say it's him, it's really me putting on the brakes. That's another reason I feel so disappointed. I want the freedom to act without sexual inhibitions.

I'm really asking this for very selfish reasons. What I'd like to know is that if sex was removed from your relationship would you still want to be his slave?

I only asking because I have this desire to move to a D/s relationship maybe somewhat more so Master/Slave but this desire is still driven by my sexual desires. The reality of our relationship is she's already more dominant as far as the direction our relationship has taken but to move to D/s is for me about sexual desire, even though I'd like to be submissive in other ways also.

It's not possible to do so full time as we have two daughters not yet three and I don't want them to believe the only choices they have in a relationship is to be dominant or submissive. They'll have enough to deal with having two mommies but in the world we live in others well impose that upon them, as unfair as that is.

I do fully understand how your lifestyle could affect your business. I know if I practiced law here where we live in Iowa, it's rather homophobic, I'd never really be able to establish myself like I have in New York City.

I just hope you can come up with some kind a compromise that works for both of you.
 
I'm really asking this for very selfish reasons. What I'd like to know is that if sex was removed from your relationship would you still want to be his slave?

Well, we have removed sex from our relationship - and I stayed slave. It's just that removing sex from our relationship didn't actually mean we stopped having sex altogether. It just meant that the expectation of sex was removed.

(I know that's complicated. He hoped that removing sex from our relationship would drive me to seek it out with others. It is much more exciting if my extramarital desires and affairs are something of a surprise to him - it is the cuckoldry that he wants more than the ownership of a shared sexual object.)

But, for me too, my desire to be slave is definitely connected to my sexual desires. Though I would trade a weekend of domestic or yard service for a session of impact play or other pre-negotiated experience, and I use behavior I developed as slave to great benefit in both work and volunteer positions, I don't really want to be someone's slave without the sexual component in place.

Being a slave is highly erotic - in my own practice - saturating the whole of my life with sexual energies.
 
re: contradictory

[...]
Even though I say I want to be his slave, I am reluctant to let go of my own resistance. [...]

When I try to follow such statements, I am better able to understand why there was a time when women were not allowed to enter into legal contracts. :heart:
 
When I try to follow such statements, I am better able to understand why there was a time when women were not allowed to enter into legal contracts. :heart:

Hence, the need for legal contracts. It fixes what is essentially a fluid world. :)
 
When I try to follow such statements, I am better able to understand why there was a time when women were not allowed to enter into legal contracts. :heart:

It seems to me you have the contract signing wrong. When you seem to see a contradiction, using only part of a complete thought, along with no consideration of all the personal thoughts and feelings eastern_star has shared with us. All of which show this statement not being contradictory at all. Along with the contradiction of placing a heart at the end of a rather sexist comment.

It is and maybe always has been, men who should not be able to sign contracts. I wonder if I should place a flower at the end of this......I think not.

I may be accused of generalizing all male behavior, which I am, unfairly might I add, so maybe YOU should consider strongly not doing so the next time you're asked to sign a contract because most likely you won't be able to comprehend the document.

I am including a flower to all the men I insulted. :rose:
 
When I try to follow such statements, I am better able to understand why there was a time when women were not allowed to enter into legal contracts. :heart:
I'm new to the forums, but I have read through this thread and have been following it since I joined. All I can say to you, Mitchell, is that you come off as one very rude individual. It isn't anyone's fault that you lack the capacity to process or show any empathy for eastern_sun's situation and her emotions. Certainly it isn't the fault of all women in history. She is simply sharing what she feels, hopefully with the goal of coming to some understanding herself. There is no need to make us fellow listers wade through your sexist bullshit.

Edited, just to add that I do see you've posted on this thread many times before and managed to keep your comments from sinking to such drivel. What happened?
 
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I'll let mitchell respond for himself, but know that he is a friend of mine. I think his intention is simply to point out the fact that I am holding contradictory views in the palm of my hand.

I read this sentence on fetlife today - describing advanced practitioners of the "masculine" and the "feminine" -

"He needs to know how to circulate energy, go with the flow, and let go. She needs to know how to set and accomplish goals, handle the minutiae of day-to-day life, and be able to project onto the masculine intellectual grid (which looks somewhat insane from the feminine PoV)."

It was the last phrase that was nearly incomprehensible to me. Anyone know what it means?
 
^what he said. Though it also isn't fair to be putting words in Mitchell's mouth, so to speak. Maybe he can clarify his own statement in case we really are misinterpreting everything here.
 
I just wanted to say that when I find myself floundering a bit in my relationships coming back to this thread renews my submissive spirit and encourages me to keep going. Thank you
 
Its misogyny. or some F't up power exchange mantra... but still misogyny. He needs to be less OCD and chill the fuck out. She needs to be more OCD and do all the house work besides, you know, because he's so busy chillaxing. She has to read his mind, so that she knows without asking what he considers to be "common sense".

Was this intended in reference to you?

^what he said. Though it also isn't fair to be putting words in Mitchell's mouth, so to speak. Maybe he can clarify his own statement in case we really are misinterpreting everything here.

These aren't Mitchell's words. I'm sorry for the confusion. It wasn't intended to reference me either. Just a general statement that caught my attention.

I'm curious what people think the "masculine intellectual grid" might be referring to. The original author wasn't describing male gendered people - but masculine energy (like yang).
 
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Hmm I think removing the whole gender aspect from the equation for that one phrase seems a bit problematic, since whoever posted the original statement forewent gender neutral pronouns... the whole thing kind of becomes a ball of confusion really. Assuming you want to remove gender from the entire thing, then it becomes much more about how masculine and feminine energies can interact so that they coexist. Still though, I don't say I agree with the qualities attached to either femininity or masculinity by whoever wrote that.. If anything you'd flip those qualities around and have a more accurate depiction of the two.
 
My world has been filled with anger in the last few days. Long-held deep-seated anger.

I'm not sure what to make of it, but most people I talk to think I'm the source.
 
My world has been filled with anger in the last few days. Long-held deep-seated anger.

I'm not sure what to make of it, but most people I talk to think I'm the source.

That would make sense. Sometimes it's bloody hard when you're the one who has to choose :(
 
re: Blackstone

Hence, the need for legal contracts. It fixes what is essentially a fluid world. :)

The fluid world follows its own immutable laws. A contract is only as good as the honorable intentions of the parties bound by it.
 
My world has been filled with anger in the last few days. Long-held deep-seated anger.

I'm not sure what to make of it, but most people I talk to think I'm the source.
I have been angry too. It is a crazy ball that doesn't hit anyone in specific. It doesn't hit me either. It just bounces around the room threatening me.
 
My world has been filled with anger in the last few days. Long-held deep-seated anger.

I'm not sure what to make of it, but most people I talk to think I'm the source.

Anger ... yes.

I hate feeling like this.
I hate this corroding fire that feels like acid-reflux of the soul.

Yes, I'm taking responsibility for it, for holding on to it instead of letting it wash over and be gone.

But I just fear that it is all that is left of me right now, the only source of energy I have. So I nurse it and give it oxygen to keep burning.

And what is left of my submissive self, is the empty shell that (barely) keep up with the domestic chores and errands.
 
"Drastic times call for drastic measures"

My head has been spinning for the last 2 years. Yes, He accepted another submissive but that wasn't the major change. We've been together 8 years. Our lives are intertwined but life puts so many pressures and stresses on us. Change was inevitable.

I tried so many ways to just surrender and trust that everything would work out. My head was perfectly fine. It could go with the flow and accept what come along. It could be happy.

But my heart, my submissive soul, that vulnerable tiny self that needed her Daddy couldn't give up the old and enjoy the new.

The struggle consumed me.

But he said "I own you, I will not let you go even if you ask to be released"

He said it months ago, maybe a year. It both scared me making me feel trapped at times and consoled me, reminding me of my place in his life.

It called for a drastic measure, a sacrifice to bring about a renewal of spirit. A sacrifice I offered.

It is only the beginning. The new beginning. My head and my heart are finally focused together.

I'm excited about the future, our future.
 
"Drastic times call for drastic measures"

My head has been spinning for the last 2 years. Yes, He accepted another submissive but that wasn't the major change. We've been together 8 years. Our lives are intertwined but life puts so many pressures and stresses on us. Change was inevitable.

I tried so many ways to just surrender and trust that everything would work out. My head was perfectly fine. It could go with the flow and accept what come along. It could be happy.

But my heart, my submissive soul, that vulnerable tiny self that needed her Daddy couldn't give up the old and enjoy the new.

The struggle consumed me.

But he said "I own you, I will not let you go even if you ask to be released"

He said it months ago, maybe a year. It both scared me making me feel trapped at times and consoled me, reminding me of my place in his life.

It called for a drastic measure, a sacrifice to bring about a renewal of spirit. A sacrifice I offered.

It is only the beginning. The new beginning. My head and my heart are finally focused together.

I'm excited about the future, our future.

What kind of sacrifice? I know how meaningful that can be.
 
My world has been filled with anger in the last few days. Long-held deep-seated anger.

I'm not sure what to make of it, but most people I talk to think I'm the source.

I won't presume to know you, but I can empathize with the end result. I would respectfully question the assessment, though, and the source of such. You always seem to be very together and focused in your...place in your world. Sometimes I think that sort of conclusion is just a reflection of the person giving it, though.

But perhaps I'm tainted with my own bitterness at the moment.

Whatever.

I'm sorry that you are hurting. :rose:
 
Thank you, friends. Things are changing. The anger has subsided.

I'm discovering that it's the conflict between my internal and external worlds that causes me the most pain.

For instance, today I'm sick. If I try to behave as though I am not sick (or spend time wishing I wasn't sick), I feel great internal tension, fill myself with pain and discomfort, and am incapable of "doing" anything.

But if I allow myself my weakened state, and relax internally, it turns out that - in spite of my fears - I am still capable of doing a lot.
 
My apologies for pushing it. I have details I wouldn't state publicly too.

No apology necessary, but thank-you :rose:

Thank you, friends. Things are changing. The anger has subsided.

I'm discovering that it's the conflict between my internal and external worlds that causes me the most pain.

For instance, today I'm sick. If I try to behave as though I am not sick (or spend time wishing I wasn't sick), I feel great internal tension, fill myself with pain and discomfort, and am incapable of "doing" anything.

But if I allow myself my weakened state, and relax internally, it turns out that - in spite of my fears - I am still capable of doing a lot.

The part I bolded is true also for me. Now that I have found a way that on it's surface was something I absolutely did not want, I am more relaxed-physically and mentally- than I have been in a very, very long time. I am also much happier.

I am still a work in progress. But I am hopeful and even better I am feeling more like the me I know I am.
 
re: Gautama says...

Thank you, friends. Things are changing. The anger has subsided.

I'm discovering that it's the conflict between my internal and external worlds that causes me the most pain. [...]

It appears that somebody has forgotten the first noble truth.
 
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