A Special Kind of Love

Feedback Request - A Special Kind of Love

I've been around writing for the site for a couple of months now, and I'm always looking for feedback. One of my top reasons for writing is just to hear people's opinions. I'm in the early stages of a new project, but before I get too far into it, I need to know how I'm doing now. I want to know what I excel at, as well as what I utterly suck at.

My first story on the site was A Special Kind of Love. It's a five-part story about a romance between a woman and a man with autism (Asperger's Syndrome, to be exact).Through the story, she learns more about her guy's past and the things he's had to deal with.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-special-kind-of-love-ch-01
https://www.literotica.com/s/a-special-kind-of-love-ch-02
https://www.literotica.com/s/a-special-kind-of-love-ch-03
https://www.literotica.com/s/a-special-kind-of-love-ch-04
https://www.literotica.com/s/a-special-kind-of-love-ch-05

This is the entire story. Each chapter is relatively short, no more than three pages. I would very much appreciate your opinions and feedback, as the chapters themselves don't have very many comments.

Thank you in advance!

With love,
CC <3

The technical aspects of this story were pretty good, and I'm always up for stories with sympathetic aspies, but I had a huge problem with suspension of disbelief when it came to Billy's job.

Every autistic person is different, but in general, aspies are not worldly people. We tend to be naive, we have difficulty dealing with dishonest people, and with thinking on our feet in changing situations. You captured some of that in Billy's home life, but I wouldn't expect somebody like Billy to make it through the academy, let alone get promoted to detective. This is a guy who literally does not know what a blowjob is, but he's supposed to be catching criminals?

I'm not saying it's impossible for somebody like Billy to become a detective but I would need the story to persuade me on this, show me how it works.

Some other bits that didn't quite work for me:

Chapter 3, "The two women snorted from holding their laughter" - really? A nurse and a THERAPIST who laugh at a patient falling over, and in front of his family at that?

Billy's mother shows up: "I'm here because I needed to tell you two that Jimmy and I are having dinner tonight" - why would she make the trip to hospital for that, instead of just phoning them? It felt like you wanted the protag to meet her but couldn't figure out a better reason for it to happen.

I found her a bit too cartoonish - not so much her attitude towards Billy, but that she's so blase about expressing it.

The bit with Maddi in chapter 4 confused me - I thought you were starting a new complication to the story here, but then it just stopped again, and she didn't really seem to serve a purpose in the story. Likewise the stuff with Courtney in that chapter - weird for an adult woman to be suggesting her adult brother lie on top of her, unless it's intended to be an incest story, which apparently it wasn't.

"Our eyes met, and I could see the fires of love also burning in his irises" - confusing. "Fires of love" is metaphorical, poetic language; "irises" is a very specific anatomical word, and they don't fit together. You can't see love-fires in somebody's irises. "Eyes" would have been a better choice here (and then change the previous "eyes" to something else to avoid repetition).

Sorry I can't be more positive here - I appreciated what you were trying to do, but there were just too many distractions along the way for me to enjoy it.

I understand.

Thank you so much for your feedback! I truly appreciate it.