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The Door Into Summer

Magnetron

Magnetron

Deep Under Groundhog
Joined
Feb 12, 2014
Posts
4,089
A companion for Trix's summer challenge to warehouse final rewrites, missed deadline entries and afterthoughts.

Any commentary should go in the original Summer Title Challenge thread
 
Last edited:
missed deadline


The Door Into Summer


Jettisoned from a planet dying
Meteor arcs dissecting starry night sky
Hypersonic trails of galactic snails
Sparks flying from farfetched fairy tails

Yawn

Way too early in the morning
I step out the door
Into summer air
Inhale a sulfuric reek quite stale
Watch the lights streak
Sail right on by

Such weird goings on

All the while my neighbors
For miles around?

Gone

Without warning
Turnabout to see
Mechanized was the monstrosity
Precariously parked on my front lawn
Alien tripod towering high above me

Cowering,
Feeling doomed
As it leeringly loomed
Red glowing cyclops eye
Pulsing

Although
The creatures visible in the cock pit window
Were vomiting
Choking
Convulsing
Flipping in flops

Why?

And the voice of Morgan Freeman says,
Don't worry, Son
You're only dreamin' this

Am I'm dreaming this?

And the voice of Morgan Freeman says,
Have your prostate checked
Now hurry to the bathroom
Take yourself a piss
 
( half baked ) afterthought


The Door Into Summer


Through the door into summer
I gotsta go
Wave your hands in the air
Feel the flow
The word, No
Ain't in my vocabulary
But don't say, Yes
Say, Ho
Like so, see?
Hollaback if your over there
'Cuz there's a party going over here
Answer the call
Shake your booties
Bump that rump
Twerk your rear
Aight, Ladies?
So many wrongs don't make it right
Can't resist all these thongs
Disappearing deep into the crack of dawn
Where we endlessly party on through the night
Dirty dancing to filthy slut mouthed songs
As Nicki and Rihanna grind out
A menage a trois in my mind
No doubt
The low hanging fruit of my banana hammock
Is wreaking havoc with the girlies
Soon to be a fully blown panic
 
STCE #4


The Door Into Summer


Awakening on the sandy shore
To fiddlings of a horseshoe crab orchestra
And their glaring human eyes

Safe haven of the barn no more
Amidst random ruin
Wrought by the Hunter's meteor storm

There
Against dark skies
Upon turbulent waters
Stands the lighthouse
A silent sentinel
Still and tall

Above
What lies hidden
Below
A secret door between worlds

On the other side

I can almost hear him call

Sense the warmth of his touch

Naked
Together
Wading through the tide

My long lost love

For a moment brief
It's all way too much

Distant
As if a horn sounding upon the seas
Piercing many layers of fog surrounding
A sun finally having shone through
Illuminating misty recollections in a mind
Clouded with a lifetime of memories
Belonging to you

Fabric sewn with faded dreams
Within another dream
Not my own


Compass failing to point True North
Once again it seems
I have lost my way

Blindly struggling forth
Forever finding myself
For better or for worse

In how many of these troubled times
Have we ended up here together?
Difficult it is to say

How can one uncover
The people we were before
Without ever knowing who we are today?

Always discovering too late
Wishing to forget
Wipe clean the slate

Your troubles are my curse
 
STCE #7


The Door Into Summer


Hurrying to get outside and play
Rushing through the door into summer
Slammed my little finger in it
Oh, my gosh
Golly
What a bummer
Bad news for a thumb sucker
Who doesn't want to stay
Indoors on a sunny day
Mommy! Mommy! Please!
Make the pain go away!
I'm begging you on my knees
Writhing around on the floor
That motherfucker sure is sore
Being only four years old is really a bitch
 
STCE #13


The Door Into Summer


Call it Climate Change
Extreme weather
Nothing strange
Fluctuation
Variation
Nothing out of the norm

More Lib-lib-liberal spin
Spoon fed to us
In an arena of media bias
New label slapped over old
Catchphrase
Global Warming

Up to the neck in fossil fuel demand
Head buried deep in the frac sand
Dollar signs in your eyes
It's easy to ignore the signs
Dismiss evidence scientific
Write it off as scaremongering
Until the sirens begin blaring
The final warning
To little too late

Look
Up in the sky
Cataclysmic storming
Colossal is the hurricane
Eye forming in the ozone
Microwave
Purple haze
Maze of deadly ultraviolet rays
Flash charring skin
Fusing flesh to bone

Who left the door into summer wide open?
Invited in biological devastation
Eventual Human Extinction

You did
Mister Greedy Corporate Kiss Ass
You did this

You made your tanning bed
Now lie in it
Fry
Lie in it
I sincerely hope to God
You fucking die in it

Shithead
In need of tanning lotion?
Give Wesson oil a try
Let your fat cat ass boil
I hope you fucking deep fry

Who left the door into summer wide open?
You did
Mister Greedy Corporate Kiss Ass
You did this

Can't shut the door anymore
Fluctuation
Variation
The new norm?
Killer storm
In the form of radiation
 
STCE #16


The Door Into Summer


The door into summer was shut
Quietly rather than with a big bang
Forty-something years ago
Give or take a decade
When vacant lots sprouted up
Replacing drive-in movie theatres
Now infested with mutant Grass Crabs
And hordes of ferocious Dandy Lions
Having implanted themselves into society
Deep within concrete chasm outposts
Absent the luxury of potting soil
To toil slowly in a painstakingly
Labored day to day invasion
Plotting against the Human Race
Cultivating the demise of our species
Such horrid horticulturists
Being lesser of greater evils
Treated with disdain by Earthlings
As we eagerly whip computer chip embedded
Plastic currency niftily from wallet and purse
Subscribe to Hulu, Netflix, Amazon
And curse under our breath
Rooting for the death of alien creatures
On all manner of handheld electronic screens
While waiting in Big Box Store lines to purchase
Smart Bug Bombs
And
Spider Slay Sprays
 
STCE #19


The Door Into Summer


June 21st, 2015
Diary Entry: No.1

Despite having no obstacle in my path
It was indeed a laborious struggle
Having only shouldered a sack of rations
Empty of any worldly belongings
And no responsibilities whatsoever
I managed to overcome the odds
Navigating constricting terrain
Pressing ever onward
Forging
Ahead
Until I finally emerged
Exiting the door into summer

Breathing fresh air for the very first time

Feeling truly alive

And here before me was
A brave new world to explore
Pristine
From the topless beaches of Brazil
To the crumbling Great Wall of China

This magnificent day
I look back upon it all
My journey

Only to see
The stretched opening that was once your
Vagina
 
STC #20 Spring Flows Into Summer (the poem that was not submitted)

Spring woke me with a gentle invitation
into your world of sonnets and panties.
We shared music, poets, things lyrical...

Our conversation meandered, a brook rippling over boulders of hidden meaning.
You opened with a question, or was it I
who invited you to a picture of my desire?
Awkward and shy eddied together with brazen and wanton.

You pried away hesitation gently, my petals falling open
as you showed me your columned passion fisted and cradled
in your fingers. My lips ached for it, my tongue hungered
for that velvet, to slide around its ridge and dip into its crevice.

You distracted me with talk of irony and rhythm and meter
while coaxing the other nipple into your cyber mouth,
and I felt the pull of your earnest suckling twixt my thighs.

The melody flowed freeform from your fingers, handling
a guitar neck as lovingly as they might ripple over naked flesh.
And my rivers flowed for you, viscous between swollen banks.
 
Last edited:
Magnetron said:
STCE #7


The Door Into Summer


Hurrying to get outside and play
Rushing through the door into summer
Slammed my little finger in it
Oh, my gosh
Golly
What a bummer
Bad news for a thumb sucker
Who doesn't want to stay
Indoors on a sunny day
Mommy! Mommy! Please!
Make the pain go away!
I'm begging you on my knees
Writhing around on the floor
That motherfucker sure is sore
Being only four years old is really a bitch
Click to expand...

As a matter of interest did you use the words 'mothefucker' and 'bitch' when you
were four?
 
legerdemer said:
Spring woke me with a gentle invitation
into your world of sonnets and panties.
We shared music, poets, things lyrical...
Click to expand...

I have no constructive comment at the moment, but I wanted to take a moment to tell you that I like this very much. The whole poem, by the way, I just quoted a bit for ease of scrolling. :)
 
legerdemer said:
Spring woke me with a gentle invitation
into your world of sonnets and panties.
We shared music, poets, things lyrical...

Our conversation meandered, a brook rippling over boulders of hidden meaning.
You opened with a question, or was it I
who invited you to a picture of my desire?
Awkward and shy eddied together with brazen and wanton.

You pried away hesitation gently, my petals falling open
as you showed me your columned passion fisted and cradled
in your fingers. My lips ached for it, my tongue hungered
for that velvet, to slide around its ridge and dip into its crevice.

You distracted me with talk of irony and rhythm and meter
while coaxing the other nipple into your cyber mouth,
and I felt the pull of your earnest suckling twixt my thighs.

The melody flowed freeform from your fingers, handling
a guitar neck as lovingly as they might ripple over naked flesh.
And my rivers flowed for you, viscous between swollen banks.
Click to expand...

The first two lines are powerful, Mer. They grab the reader's attention. The whole poem is wonderfully erotic and tasteful (no pun intended)

While I'm sometime guilty of being redundant in a poem for any number of reasons, I find paring back is always a good exercise in the final draft. That said, I'm still often blindsided and don't see it until I re-visit a poem several weeks or even months later.

"We shared music, poets, things lyrical..." is a fine line, but except for "music," haven't you already stated the "sharing" in the first two lines and, as I said, in a very powerful way?

As to "music," I'll bet you can find a way to include its mention in the second stanza, given the sound of water.

"Cyber" didn't work well for me. The image of you and your lover beside a meandering brook, even if only in your imagination, feels like it would be at odds with a computer.

I'm not sure why you "chose "irony." Rhyme and meter work because of what precedes it in the poem.

"You distracted me with talk of rhythm and meter/while coaxing the other nipple into your mouth," I think says it well.

"Viscous" I know means something that's a thick liquid. I understand the allusion. However, I first think of motor oil whenever I read that word. It must be a guy thing. I'll have to run it by my editor-in-chief. If you and my wife both agree on its inclusion, I'll concede.

Sometimes, redundancy does work to emphasize a point. So I'll say again this is a wonderfully written erotic poem. My comments are intended to merely provoke some further thinking on your part. I enjoyed reading it.
 
UnderYourSpell said:
As a matter of interest did you use the words 'mothefucker' and 'bitch' when you
were four?
Click to expand...

Me? Never. But it's hilarious when kids curse. And nowadays with more kids cursing vicariously through memes and photos on Facebook etc, their children will likely be dropping F Bombs during the third trimester.
 
gm, thank you for the detailed analysis and I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I put the poem up and tinkered with it, and the silence was deafening (I thought the rawness of it might have offended) - but I kinda liked it, so I went ahead and submitted it. I wish I hadn't, and I will edit it perhaps in the future. But see my responses - I'm curious what you make of them.

greenmountaineer said:
The first two lines are powerful, Mer. They grab the reader's attention. The whole poem is wonderfully erotic and tasteful (no pun intended)

While I'm sometime guilty of being redundant in a poem for any number of reasons, I find paring back is always a good exercise in the final draft. That said, I'm still often blindsided and don't see it until I re-visit a poem several weeks or even months later.

"We shared music, poets, things lyrical..." is a fine line, but except for "music," haven't you already stated the "sharing" in the first two lines and, as I said, in a very powerful way?

You're right that there is some redundancy here, but the reason I think I shouldn't delete the third line is that it shifts the interaction from a one-sided one to a two-way shared exchange, and thus it shows progression. Perhaps you can suggest a better way to show that, if something comes up.

As to "music," I'll bet you can find a way to include its mention in the second stanza, given the sound of water.

A good idea, I will definitely think about it.

"Cyber" didn't work well for me. The image of you and your lover beside a meandering brook, even if only in your imagination, feels like it would be at odds with a computer.

Yes, I see what you mean. Will think about this as well.

I'm not sure why you "chose "irony." Rhyme and meter work because of what precedes it in the poem.

Irony needs to be there, but I can't elaborate beyond that.

"You distracted me with talk of rhythm and meter/while coaxing the other nipple into your mouth," I think says it well.

"Viscous" I know means something that's a thick liquid. I understand the allusion. However, I first think of motor oil whenever I read that word. It must be a guy thing. I'll have to run it by my editor-in-chief. If you and my wife both agree on its inclusion, I'll concede.

I'd love to know her verdict. You made me smile with the motor oil, and it brought memories back of my dad showing me how to change my own oil, to make me independent. Has nothing to do with our ages (I don't think we're that far apart).

Sometimes, redundancy does work to emphasize a point. So I'll say again this is a wonderfully written erotic poem. My comments are intended to merely provoke some further thinking on your part. I enjoyed reading it.
Click to expand...

And, in the same spirit, thanks again. I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. I should have controlled myself in posting, but posting an edit is easy.
 
legerdemer said:
Thank you. :rose:
Click to expand...

You're welcome.

For what it's worth, I like viscous. Can't say anything crossed my mind other than your meaning. I'm also curious what GM's wife will say.

Perhaps it's because I relate so, so well to this piece, but the descriptive cyber doesn't feel at odds from the rest of the piece for me. I can say that I knew by the end of the third stanza what you were alluding to, so using cyber isn't necessary to make the point if you decide to remove it.
 
greenmountaineer said:
The first two lines are powerful, Mer. They grab the reader's attention. The whole poem is wonderfully erotic and tasteful (no pun intended)

While I'm sometime guilty of being redundant in a poem for any number of reasons, I find paring back is always a good exercise in the final draft. That said, I'm still often blindsided and don't see it until I re-visit a poem several weeks or even months later.

"We shared music, poets, things lyrical..." is a fine line, but except for "music," haven't you already stated the "sharing" in the first two lines and, as I said, in a very powerful way?

As to "music," I'll bet you can find a way to include its mention in the second stanza, given the sound of water.

"Cyber" didn't work well for me. The image of you and your lover beside a meandering brook, even if only in your imagination, feels like it would be at odds with a computer.

I'm not sure why you "chose "irony." Rhyme and meter work because of what precedes it in the poem.

"You distracted me with talk of rhythm and meter/while coaxing the other nipple into your mouth," I think says it well.

"Viscous" I know means something that's a thick liquid. I understand the allusion. However, I first think of motor oil whenever I read that word. It must be a guy thing. I'll have to run it by my editor-in-chief. If you and my wife both agree on its inclusion, I'll concede.

Sometimes, redundancy does work to emphasize a point. So I'll say again this is a wonderfully written erotic poem. My comments are intended to merely provoke some further thinking on your part. I enjoyed reading it.
Click to expand...

legerdemer said:
gm, thank you for the detailed analysis and I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I put the poem up and tinkered with it, and the silence was deafening (I thought the rawness of it might have offended) - but I kinda liked it, so I went ahead and submitted it. I wish I hadn't, and I will edit it perhaps in the future. But see my responses - I'm curious what you make of them.



And, in the same spirit, thanks again. I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. I should have controlled myself in posting, but posting an edit is easy.
Click to expand...

I didn't find it raw. There's plenty of that under "New Poems." There are some poets, most of here on PF&D, who know how to write erotic poems well. I don't consider myself one of them which doesn't bother me. I consider your "Door into Summer" among those, rather than the "Ooh Baby, Baby, Yeah Baby, Baby" stuff I read elsewhere.

I still feel the same about line 3, Mer, because line 1 of the 2nd stanza establishes that it's a conversation. It's a good line. Keep it if it works for you. I just think there's enough there to get the reader to the same place in his/her imagination.

"irony" sounds personal. If so, I hope he reads the poem and enjoys it.

I was joking about my wife, although on more than one occasion, she's listened to a final draft and gave me suggestions that resulted in a better poem. I certainly know that you're not referring to motor oil. LOL
 
Last edited:
Spring Flows Into Summer - edited

(my thanks to gm)

Spring woke me with a gentle invitation
into your world of sonnets and panties.

Our conversation meandered, a brook rippling
melodious over boulders of hidden meaning.
You opened with a question, or was it I
who invited you to a picture of my desire?
Awkward and shy eddied together with brazen and wanton.

You pried away hesitation gently, my petals falling open
as you showed me your columned passion fisted and cradled
in your fingers. My lips ached for it, my tongue hungered
for that velvet, to slide around its ridge and dip into its crevice.

You distracted me with talk of irony and rhythm and meter
while coaxing the other nipple into your mouth,
and I felt the pull of your ardent suckling twixt my thighs.

Melody flowed freeform from your fingers, handling
a guitar neck as lovingly as they might ripple over naked flesh.
And my rivers flowed for you, viscous between swollen banks.
 
legerdemer said:
(my thanks to gm)

Spring woke me with a gentle invitation
into your world of sonnets and panties.

Our conversation meandered, a brook rippling
melodious over boulders of hidden meaning.
You opened with a question, or was it I
who invited you to a picture of my desire?
Awkward and shy eddied together with brazen and wanton.

You pried away hesitation gently, my petals falling open
as you showed me your columned passion fisted and cradled
in your fingers. My lips ached for it, my tongue hungered
for that velvet, to slide around its ridge and dip into its crevice.

You distracted me with talk of irony and rhythm and meter
while coaxing the other nipple into your mouth,
and I felt the pull of your ardent suckling twixt my thighs.

Melody flowed freeform from your fingers, handling
a guitar neck as lovingly as they might ripple over naked flesh.
And my rivers flowed for you, viscous between swollen banks.
Click to expand...

This is far clearer and cleaner with the revision legerdemer
I think the use of guitar neck though it gives a visual clue kind of adds a different and maybe jarring element to the sounds so many river sounds and words guitar neck is so different unless your intention is to really highlight thay s section?
 
Very nice, Mer. Sensual in so many ways. The 2nd stanza is as good as the opening couplet. "Columned passion" is a killer phrase. I like the way reciprocity works its way into the poem in the combination of stanzas 3&4. I might have written something like "I felt the ardent pull of your lips between my thighs" instead. S5 finishes the poem nicely. If you ever post this under "New Poems," I'll be sure to add this to my favorite list.
 
greenmountaineer said:
Very nice, Mer. Sensual in so many ways. The 2nd stanza is as good as the opening couplet. "Columned passion" is a killer phrase. I like the way reciprocity works its way into the poem in the combination of stanzas 3&4. I might have written something like "I felt the ardent pull of your lips between my thighs" instead. S5 finishes the poem nicely. If you ever post this under "New Poems," I'll be sure to add this to my favorite list.
Click to expand...

Its there now :)
 
greenmountaineer said:
Very nice, Mer. Sensual in so many ways. The 2nd stanza is as good as the opening couplet. "Columned passion" is a killer phrase. I like the way reciprocity works its way into the poem in the combination of stanzas 3&4. I might have written something like "I felt the ardent pull of your lips between my thighs" instead. S5 finishes the poem nicely. If you ever post this under "New Poems," I'll be sure to add this to my favorite list.
Click to expand...

todski28 said:
Its there now :)
Click to expand...

Unfortunately I jumped the gun and submitted the first one, which appeared live today. The edited version you like better is already submitted to replace the present one, but it will take it a few days to a week in my experience.

More importantly, thank you for your comments and help, gm. - it's better for your input. :rose::rose:
 
The Door Into Summer

I close my eyes as I feel her near
the air around me stills
until her warm breath
caresses my bared skin
I lean my head back, breath her in
as she moves over me
bringing the scent of life
lips part in anticipation of drought's end
With those first drops
of her sweet rain
a storm begins
I dance below her
until a distance rumble
becomes a crescendo
in a flash I dive
for the door into Summer
We crash together
howling our need and
praises unto the gods
until we are spent
 
his words are the doorway
his smile the guide to my blind hand
leads me to the (don't use 'knob')
to rotate and press
(and this is going in a totally different direction to the one i intended)
gently push, release
swing wide the vista of possibilities
(when i meant to talk of green grass - that lure to bare feet)
of catch-breath and exhalation
freedom ahead
wide-eyed skies
(can i bring this back together?)
and sky-wide sighs
imminent bliss
come
cross the threshold
 
The Door Into Summer

It wasn't your autumn eyes
or their brisk coolness
as you took your time
sizing me up and then down
It wasn't your winter's calm
or your snowflake words
with their many layered meanings
all said with fireside heat
It wasn't your spring blossom smile
or the blush in your cheeks
as you opened up
about your colorful past
It was all about your summer passion
the way you'd burn and sweat
for anything you believed in
or loved, like me
 
Last edited:
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