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Feeling shameful after masturbating.

xtinelauren1

xtinelauren1

Really Really Experienced
Joined
Aug 15, 2014
Posts
368
I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.

How do I get over the embarrassment and shame that I experience pretty much whenever I masturbate/after I orgasm? Has anyone else experienced this?

I will say that I've noticed it's a lot worse when porn is involved. Especially anything with females because I know in the back of my mind how awful the porn industry can be for them. I have a love/hate relationship with it, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Even when I just let my imagination do the work, it doesn't make me feel any better after I orgasm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
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xtinelauren1 said:
I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.

How do I get over the embarrassment and shame that I experience pretty much whenever I touch myself? Has anyone else experienced this?

I will say that I've noticed it's a lot worse when porn is involved. Especially anything with females because I know in the back of my mind how awful the porn industry can be for them. I have a love/hate relationship with it, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Even when I just let my imagination do the work, it doesn't make me feel any better after I orgasm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

Well.

It gets better with practice!:D

and it can be fun with help.
 
xtinelauren1 said:
I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.

How do I get over the embarrassment and shame that I experience pretty much whenever I masturbate/after I orgasm? Has anyone else experienced this?

I will say that I've noticed it's a lot worse when porn is involved. Especially anything with females because I know in the back of my mind how awful the porn industry can be for them. I have a love/hate relationship with it, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Even when I just let my imagination do the work, it doesn't make me feel any better after I orgasm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...


I used to experience the shame and guilt a lot after masturbation, but it was mostly because of religious reasons, so not being religious anymore helps that haha. And yeah, it sucks when you know the porn industry can/does exploit a lot of women. So for that, find different venues I.e, amateur-submitted porn, Erotic stories, etc. But you also said it happens when you just use your imagination, and I don't want to get too sappy, but here's my personal experience: I watched porn because I'm an incredibly horny person and didn't have an outlet for all that energy. But watching it left me feeling a little empty (easily confused as guilt/shame) because I wanted a connection stronger than what I had with my computer screen.... Since I've joined lit, I've discovered the joy of "dirty chatting", specifically voice chatting, and have met someone really cool that I click with that does that with me. It provides that human connection I wanted as well as all the dirty fun I need, and I don't feel empty or guilty or shameful after it's done. I actually don't watch porn now at all unless I'm just curious about something.

Now that might not be your experience at all. Either way, you've got to get to the root of what's making you feel guilty or shameful about it and address it.

TL;DR Figure out what really is making you feel guilty (if it even is guilt) and address it!
 
There is no shame in self pleasure. It is my suspicion that it isn't masturbation that you're ashamed of, it is the lack of partner to share yourself with, hence a feeling of being unfulfilled.

:rose: Finding a worthy partner is tough, don't rush into it.
:rose: Masturbation is a good thing, it connects you with your sexuality, let's you become familiar with yourself and what it takes to bring yourself to orgasm.

:rose: Don't be ashamed, rejoice in who you are. Embrace your sexuality, and explore yourself to the fullest! The more you know about yourself, the more you can share with a partner.:rose:
 
irreligious

Shame doesn't have to have a religious basis. Somehow you were taught that your body, some of it's parts, or bodily pleasures were not to be pleasured. You might want to think about what you learned and how you learned it. I know of a lady who seems to have gotten a big dose of shame from her parents telling her not to scratch or rub her genitals when she was just old enough to know the meaning of the words. It's a dad gum shame that so much pleasure was denied her.
First off, you are doing no damage to yourself nor anyone else by masturbating. Second, iIt is probably better for your body to get off than not. And, last, no matter how you were taught to feel that shame and no matter who taught you, they were WRONG and the concept is WRONG.
 
NippleMuncher said:
There is no shame in self pleasure. It is my suspicion that it isn't masturbation that you're ashamed of, it is the lack of partner to share yourself with, hence a feeling of being unfulfilled.
Click to expand...

Rings true for me as well. I feel like a pervert touching myself all the time.
 
i've always thought it would be fun to convert the shameful feeling into something with an erotic edge to it.

ed
 
When I was too young to discuss on lit I had A bit of shame involved after orgasm mainly when I masturbated while looking at the male models in the sears catalog. I spent about equal time fantasizing about both. The ones with guys made me feel a tad shameful because of the confusion of preconceived morality. Not so much any more. :)
 
BiTodd said:
When I was too young to discuss on lit I had A bit of shame involved after orgasm mainly when I masturbated while looking at the male models in the sears catalog. I spent about equal time fantasizing about both. The ones with guys made me feel a tad shameful because of the confusion of preconceived morality. Not so much any more. :)
Click to expand...

I think it's pretty brave to admit to being Bisexual. I'm female and while I do like to look at women I don't want to have sex with them. My uncle was gay, (he died a while back) and he told me there was no such thing as a bisexual male and gave me some information on why he thought that way. I didn't think it could be true for all males. My guess is you like beauty in all its forms.
 
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I echo NM, but would like to also add this: often, we are taught that sex is between two people who share some sort of connection. Whenever we deviate from the norm and what we have been taught, we tend to feel guilty.

Additionally, there is still a prevalent thought that people masturbate because of pent up sexual tension as opposed to self-love, and therefore we rush the deed because we have to. Quite a few people either think of masturbation as a purely physical action or it is something that people do when they are not in a relationship.

Furthermore, we still think that anything done solely for ourselves is selfish. Think of the last time you took time for you, whether it was to watch a movie, or to indulge in your favourite foods, getting a pedicure, or taking a long bath. It felt good, decadent, and I bet you it took a while to realign your thought that it was okay to do that.

Try to figure out what masturbation means for you. Is it a physical release? Is it a way to explore what you like? Stress relief? Or is it a way to reconnect with yourself? It is not selfish to focus on you - studies have shown that you NEED to spend time with you. Once you've figured out what masturbation means for you, then I am quite sure that the feelings of guilt will start to evaporate.

Finally, realise that whatever it means, it's okay.

:rose:
 
fire_breeze said:
I echo NM, but would like to also add this: often, we are taught that sex is between two people who share some sort of connection. Whenever we deviate from the norm and what we have been taught, we tend to feel guilty.



Additionally, there is still a prevalent thought that people masturbate because of pent up sexual tension as opposed to self-love, and therefore we rush the deed because we have to. Quite a few people either think of masturbation as a purely physical action or it is something that people do when they are not in a relationship.

Furthermore, we still think that anything done solely for ourselves is selfish. Think of the last time you took time for you, whether it was to watch a movie, or to indulge in your favourite foods, getting a pedicure, or taking a long bath. It felt good, decadent, and I bet you it took a while to realign your thought that it was okay to do that.

Try to figure out what masturbation means for you. Is it a physical release? Is it a way to explore what you like? Stress relief? Or is it a way to reconnect with yourself? It is not selfish to focus on you - studies have shown that you NEED to spend time with you. Once you've figured out what masturbation means for you, then I am quite sure that the feelings of guilt will start to evaporate.

Finally, realise that whatever it means, it's okay.

:rose:
Click to expand...

You are truly amazing!!!! Intelligence mixed with an open mind is so fucking sexy!!!
 
Learn to take your time masterbating and enjoy it. I love to take a long shower and run my soapy hands over my body working myself up
 
NippleMuncher said:
There is no shame in self pleasure. It is my suspicion that it isn't masturbation that you're ashamed of, it is the lack of partner to share yourself with, hence a feeling of being unfulfilled.
Click to expand...

That's a good point. John Prine once wrote what I think is the most intelligent, sensitive song ever written on the subject of masturbation. It's called "Donald and Lydia." The whole irony of the song is that these two people are satisfying themselves as best they can, but their circumstances keep them from making love with each other.

Similarly, there's a lot of peer pressure against it. People put down wankers on the grounds that they're losers, because if they weren't losers they'd have a partner for sex. Before I had an active sex life, my masturbation sessions made me feel like that, too. My religious upbringing didn't make it any better, but since the idea of masturbation being a sin never made any sense to me, I don't think that had much to do with my sense of shame.
 
Maybe it isn't the Masturbation

It could be that you're less guilty about the physical act than you are about the accompanying fantasies (where you are soooo naughty, Christine!). The good news there is that you get to be bad with zero risk of acquiring an STD. The other good news is that everybody has fantasies that they know are better left to the imagination than acted out in the real world, so you're not alone.

Of course, if it takes you 10 hours to reach orgasm and you have a big deadline approaching, you'll feel an entirely different kind of shame.
 
Simple answer..... don't feel ashamed about what is natural. Just enjoy it. I've been playing with my winkie since I was waaaaayyyyy to young to even mention here without getting busted and I've never felt an ounce of guilt about it even though I was raised Catholic. I will admit to once trying to give it up for Lent when I was about 14. That lasted for almost a week before I decided to "just play with it a little" and I came so hard I shot my ownself in the face. That's when I decided it was unhelthy to build up that much pressure.
 
I remember having similar feelings once upon a time, to the point where I would limit my self loving to once a week! (Eeek!) This is despite being actively encouraged by my religion to masturbate, so this feeling can definitely crop up no matter what your background is.

Two things to keep in mind:

1) It's okay to feel good, and make yourself feel good. I feel like western society sometimes stigmatizes joy and playfulness as something you shouldn't waste your time on. It's okay to waste time masturbating. It feels good, it's good for you, it's normal. Don't be hung up on feeling too much pleasure or too good, there's nothing wrong with it.

2) Don't get hung up on your fantasies being "dirty" at this point. It doesn't matter if you're picturing Megan Fox, your next door neighbor, or your mom for heaven's sake. They're are just fantasies at this point, think about what gets you off and don't dwell on the real world implications of what you are thinking of. After all, it's just pretend right? As you go on in life and find a partner, you'll find sexual acts which are mutually satisfying for the both of you, that probably won't resemble fucking your 40 yo Spanish teacher.
 
There's no logical reason for sex. It's not needed like food or air. We just have to, so we don't go insane. And quite unlike catching a bite at some fast food joint, the majority of people, open-minded or no, would not want to know about or understand your need at any given moment of the day. Maybe there are people you could talk to about it, but you have no idea how to tell who they are.

So I suppose that whole dissonance with "normal" life, and the necessary isolation from ridicule and embarrassment, is what might lead to feelings of shame and guilt.

Being middle-aged I don't think I have much to offer someone, and I know I've been a disappointment to my spouse at times. And yet I feel unfulfilled and need an outlet that I can engage with...well, just because. All of those feelings make me kind of wish for old age and not giving a shit anymore. It isn't worth all the effort I wonder.

But you might try reading (or writing) porn instead of watching porn. Yes I think you're probably correct in your concern...that a lot of porn really looks misogynistic. But in reading, the images are in your own mind, and not in someone's potentially poor judgement when they were 18.
 
xtinelauren1 said:
I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.
Click to expand...
(My bolding)


As you say, you know intellectually that:

- it is fun
- it is healthy
- it is great training for sex with a partner
- you enjoy it

But you still feel guilty afterwards.

My guess is, that the fact that your parents did NOT talk about sex has installed a bit of taboo in you.
Not much, because it does not stop you.... but it is still there.

I think, that the best you can do, is to diddle away as often and thoroughly as possible. When the shame sets in, be aware of it, and tell yourself clearly, that: "Whoops, I did it again! There is nothing to be ashamed of, and it felt bloody good!"

Likewise, before you start: "I'm horny! And I'm going to do this, because I like it and I want to!"

I think, that should wear down the shame in time, but what is imprinted in us as young, is hard to get rid of!
 
NippleMuncher said:
There is no shame in self pleasure. It is my suspicion that it isn't masturbation that you're ashamed of, it is the lack of partner to share yourself with, hence a feeling of being unfulfilled.

:rose: Finding a worthy partner is tough, don't rush into it.
:rose: Masturbation is a good thing, it connects you with your sexuality, let's you become familiar with yourself and what it takes to bring yourself to orgasm.

:rose: Don't be ashamed, rejoice in who you are. Embrace your sexuality, and explore yourself to the fullest! The more you know about yourself, the more you can share with a partner.:rose:
Click to expand...

I think NM is suggesting you masturbate with roses.
 
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