Loyal, Faithful, hardworking husband & father of three

Hi guys,

I'm much better at reading (and enjoying) a great story than writing one. In addition english isn't my native language but maybe one of you guys can do something with this... it's loosely based on personal experience.

A father of three young children (still in kindergarten & daycare) loves his wife and works hard to provide for his family. He is a general manager of a regional branch for an international financial company, in charge of about 35 people. He married his high school sweethart, never looked at another woman since and they've been married for 14 years. (He's 33) The love is still there, but the sex has become more of a background activity over the last few years (especially since the kids arrived). He still loves his wife and never doubted he will always love her & be faithful to her but he can't deny that he would not mind having a more active & adventurous sex life.
Recently however, he started to notice other women. Not that he's checking them out or making advances on them (thought hadn't crossed his mind), but he's become more 'aware' of them so to say... There's the 20-something kindergarten teacher of his oldest daughter (4 years old) who's always very friendly/flirty with him and doesn't look bad at all. As part of the social group at school he's also getting to know with the other parents at school, including a hot 35 year old divorced mother who lives nearby and talks to him any chance she gets, even suggested going on a run together (since in one of the conversations it turned out that they both like jogging). And every morning when dropping of his kids something inside him hopes he'll run into her but nother part knows it's better not to...
At work the 35 people that directly or indirectly report to him, appreciate him (they even threw a surprise party for him), but two of the women (one marketing manager and his own secretary) are quite attractive and he noticed them becoming more open (flirty?) with him recently. Do they seek promotion or a raise, is it just his imagination, do they just like him... ?

So with temptation facing him on multiple sides, what should he do and can he stay loyal to his loving wife?
(in my idea it's a story about a married man trying to do the right thing but being tempted from different sides. In line with the stories from seduceshylas, an_extase, TheTalkMan, DarkBetrayal, etc)

But if anyone is willing to do anything with this setting in general, it's up to you of course.

First I'm contractually obliged to point out that everybody is better at reading than writing and we all started somewhere. Other than your sentences run on a bit (and I'm horrific at run on sentences because I write exactly how I talk) your English is just fine. Actually I find as a general rule that ESL people in general write and speak English better than most natives because you learned and memorized all the rules. Regardless based on this post your language skills is not an adequate reason to avoid writing this story.

However 'I could write it just fine I just don't feel like it right this minute' does qualify as a perfectly logical reason.

I think you've got a fairly excellent set up here. I'm mostly posting here so i can see what other people add to this.

Nice setup. But you've got to decide which direction it is going to go. I can see several:

1. He can stay true to his wife, and the story just deals with his inner turmoil. Nice story, but not very Lit.

2. He falters, has savage sex with his underlings, and then either:
2a. He gets fired, sued, divorced, and eventually hangs himself in a closet
2b. He realizes what a mistake he's made, goes back to his wife, begs for forgiveness, and lives happily ever after.

3. Some sort of "cute" plot, like he has the savage sex, but then in the end we find it was all a fantasy in his mind. Or he turns down the aggressive flirtations of his underlings, only to find that it was a test set up by his wife which he just passed. Or he takes one of his floozies to a seedy motel where he runs into his wife with another guy; they have a good laugh and decide to stay together with an open marriage.

PS - I agree with Sean that your writing is fine, and that ESL people often make the best writers.

Thanks for the reply (and suggestions).

Maybe I'll indeed give it a shot and see how it turns out. And keep my sentences short.
Nice possible directions btw, I'll try to be original (so he won't hang himself at the end )

Honestly my initial instinct was some sort of dream/fantasy. An actual good guy who can't bring himself to genuinely cheat on his wife but gets really intense day dreams. So you end each chapter with.

"Bob, Bob? You with us? I said you should come jogging with me down past the beach and you just spaced."

Nice setup, and there are some good suggestions for where to turn.

However... (to make the LW trolls' heads explode)

Wife doesn't want to go to Hubby's office party. She knows how exciting these types of people can be, and she would rather hang out with her stay-at-home mom friends. As much as she loves her husband, she's never met any of his co-workers, and she's never been in the office for more than a few minutes at a time. At home and on the weekends, he's heavily into the outdoors and sports, saving the drab existence of a paper-shuffler for his time at the office.

Fate was against her, and all of her friends had doctor's appointments at the same time that afternoon, so on a whim she decides to join Hubby at the office after all. Wife didn't feel comfortable showing up at his office in her casual clothes, so as a joke, she put on one of her business suits she hadn't worn since before the kids were born.

Without telling anyone that she's going to make an appearance, she walks in the front door to see most of the office has shut down so the employees can all hang out and BS, leaving the interns to handle all of the phone calls. Hubby's secretary sees her walk in, a look of fright covering her face as she puts down her margarita and hurries to her desk to greet Wife.

Secretary thinks that Wife is the new secretary that was being transferred to their office from across the state. She introduces herself to Wife, and before Wife can say who she is, Secretary asks her not tell anyone, Ms. Robinson, no, not a soul, that they were having a surprise party for Hubby. Wife hides her surprise, nodding her head while wondering why she was going along with the ruse.

Because Secretary had been emailing and talking on the phone to this other secretary, she starts talking about some things they had discussed before. Secretary said she wanted to do introductions, starting with the boss man. She asked Wife if she remembered her saying before that there were some handsome men in the office, and the best one of all was Hubby. Her and MarketingManager had flirted with him forever, but had got nowhere with him for ages, but just last week he had actually noticed them as women instead of just co-workers. They even had a bet going, and the first one to get his manhood willingly inside of their body somehow would win a fancy bottle of wine from the losing lady.

While Secretary droned on, Wife felt week in the knees, knowing that in the past week she had turned him down repeatedly for sex. She had even chastised him for trying to make out with her and touch her in sexy ways when the kids weren't watching, and now she felt threatened, thinking that if he cheated it would be partially her fault.

Wife smirks at Secretary, saying she's sure that she can get into his pants before either of them could, asking Secretary to lead the way to her prey. Secretary said that her boss was a tough guy, and married, and as much as she doubted that Wife could do it, she needed to know every detail if it happened, wishing her the best of luck.

Secretary leads the way to Hubby, asking Wife to wait so she can tell him what's going on. She brushes her body across his arm as she tells him about their new employee, and Wife walks up to hear the confusion in her husband's voice. He turns and sees his wife approaching, and his jaw drops. Before he can say a thing, Wife puts out her hand and introduces herself as Miss Robinson, winking subtly as she shakes his hand.

The married couple walks away and Wife asks him to play along, giving him a stern look as she asks if he knew that there were two women competing to get into his pants because they think he's all that. He laughs it off, saying all the ladies in the office are friendly to him; anything beyond that is either harmless flirting, vying for a pay raise, or the first skirmish in a battle where the end-game is getting rich from a lawsuit for sexual harassment.

Not telling him about the look she saw in Secretary's eyes, nor how she could read the other woman's desire, Wife feels in her heart that if she doesn't do something to get her husband back soon, she could easily lose him. She knows she doesn't have her pre-baby body, and from what she saw of these two women chasing him, she assumed that if he slipped for a second, those vulture-like women would swoop in to steal him away in a heartbeat.

Wife makes a point of letting Secretary hear her ask Hubby about the audit that he was working on, giving her husband's secretary a sly wink as they get away from the noise, walking towards his office to talk. As soon as the door closes, Wife takes off her blazer and hangs it up on a coat rack, jiggling the blinds to force a couple of the slats open, assuming that Secretary was sure to be watching.

Marching to his desk, she sits on the side and apologizes for her lack of passion in the bedroom. She doesn't have to fake the look of worry and sadness on her face, and the tears that fall are real as well. She said that she's glad she came in to see what she did, and thinking that either or both of those women could steal her husband away, she told him that she would make changes. Radical changes. She would be more receptive and accommodating to his needs, and she would start any time he wanted her to.

Hubby sighed heavily, nodding slightly as he stared at his desk, the mood of the party broken as he listened to his wife's tearful apology and appeal. He said that maybe they could arrange for a babysitter for the weekend, and they could take a trip to the coast and reconnect, as well as rekindle some things in the bedroom.

Wife stood up, seeing a shadow pass by the disturbed blinds, smiling briefly as another idea crossed her mind. Walking around his desk to stand by his chair, she pushed him back with her knee as she took off her shirt and bra, kneeling in front of him and backing under his desk.

After blowing him for two minutes, she pushes him back and stands up, grabbing his hand and leading him to the side of his desk, thinking that's where Secretary most likely stood a dozen times a day. Wife wanted to not only remind Hubby that his dick only belonged in her, and no other woman, she now wanted to let the other woman see what she could never have. Thinking of her assumed audience, she knelt down in front of her husband and showed off the oral skills she hadn't practiced in forever.

She looked up at Hubby to see his head rolled back as he moaned in pleasure, then glanced to the window where she could see the dark spot where her observer was hiding. Knowing that her imperfect body couldn't compete with the young pert secretary, she needed to show the other woman that firm breasts and a flat belly weren't the only things that mattered to a man.

Pulling Hubby away from the desk, she pulled up her skirt and bent over where he had been sitting, looking over her shoulder at the look of need on her husband's face as he penetrated her. A furious few minutes later, she felt his change, then spun around and took his climax in her mouth.

-----------

After getting dressed, Hubby and Wife exited the office. Hubby made a beeline for the restroom, and she promised to follow, but instead she angled away to find the two ladies that were chasing her husband. She could see the blush on their cheeks, their rigid nipples poking through their sensible blouses that were unbuttoned more than they should have been, and the look of disbelief on their faces.

Wife made a point of wiping up some invisible liquid around her lips, leaning back on the nearest desk as the two women gathered around her. They thanked her for the show, each of them promising her a bottle of wine the next day when she came back to work.

Shaking her head, Wife said she wasn't coming in the next day since the job wasn't hers. Savoring the moment, she said to give the wine to Hubby, and he'd bring it home to her. She said she hoped the ladies enjoyed the view, because it was the last time they would see it.

"I'm his wife, you wanna-be home wrecking bitches. Think about that the next time you think he's gonna fuck you because you brought him a cup of coffee or a pretty spreadsheet. I may not have the body you two do, but I'm still all he wants."

===============

Son of a... There I go again. I had intended on doing like one paragraph for another direction the story could take, and then my muse made my fingers hit the keyboard way too much.

Anywho, there's another idea that you could use, whether it's the whole thing, selected parts, the idea, or none of.

OP: Like others have said, feel free to write this yourself. From what you've written already, even if you don't like how the end result looks, it's sure to be better than many stories posted here already. If you can use a volunteer editor from the boards here, they can help you with parts that may be a challenge or don't flow quite right. Good luck!

Sean Renaud said:

Honestly my initial instinct was some sort of dream/fantasy. An actual good guy who can't bring himself to genuinely cheat on his wife but gets really intense day dreams. So you end each chapter with.

"Bob, Bob? You with us? I said you should come jogging with me down past the beach and you just spaced."

Click to expand...

Ah, the old "Walter Mitty" syndrome, eh?

I hadn't seen that movie to get the reference but yes.

Wow...
Please don't let your intentions stop you, just keep writing... )

About your plot twist: very nice!!! Allthough I'd like to think that seeing Wife go down on her husband like that, makes MarketingManager and Secretary only more motivated to get to their prize. And while Wife admits that she doesn't have the body that the other two have (although she certainly still is attractive), it makes the other two realize they have some leverage over her, they just have to use it better. And maybe even team up to seduce their boss...
And that's only the office temptation we're talking about. After work Hubby gets home, meets Wife's friends in their sports outfit, ready to go for a run. And next he has to collect his kids from school, resisting the sultry looks and gently words of the kindergarten teacher...


As for my writing: I must admit I think it's probably ok for a story especially if an editor is willing to take a look at it. But I feel my strength lies in creating settings & scenario's but I suck at writing 'hardcore' sex scenes. It just feels so... fake or forced. (however in your mini-scenario you refrain from obvious sex descriptions as well and it's still a great piece of writing)

Sean Renaud said:

Honestly my initial instinct was some sort of dream/fantasy. An actual good guy who can't bring himself to genuinely cheat on his wife but gets really intense day dreams. So you end each chapter with.

"Bob, Bob? You with us? I said you should come jogging with me down past the beach and you just spaced."

Click to expand...

Good idea for exploring multiple scenario's and 'what if's' !

But if you know it's only daydreaming part of the seduction is gone I think. I want the temptation to be real. (well, as real as pen and paper or keyboard and screen can get anyway)

Carnevil9 said:

Ah, the old "Walter Mitty" syndrome, eh?

Click to expand...

Sean Renaud said:

I hadn't seen that movie to get the reference but yes.

Click to expand...

It was a short story first. Without rabbits.