T
Tallulah82
Guest
This is a non-paid, temporary position (or two) to be a friend and confidante to Wonky Donkey, who is terribly upset that I am leaving him behind whilst I go on holiday for the next four weeks.
I tried to sign him up for the local stables, but he refused saying he was a grown-up Donkey who could look after himself. However, after finding him wailing into his bucket of carrots (again), I realised that whilst he can technically feed and bathe himself (impressive, right?) he DOES need support and distraction when he is awake and bored. I am also gravely concerned about his right hand. Without decent conversation, he is liable to develop Wanker’s Wrist *shudder*.
You will be required to:
- PM him and check that he is alive and happy.
- Chat to him about all kinds of subjects including his poor taste in music, his fussiness in foods and his unhealthy love of Davina McCall’s work-out videos.
- Be available to reply to his PM’s when he cannot sleep (those in USA/Canada/that area of the world are in the perfect time-zone for this. Just saying.)
- Tolerate his weird sense of humour, which is not based on being British. Or male. Or young(ish). He can be clumsy with his words, which makes him endearing.
You will NOT be required to message dirty unless you both find yourself drunk and frisky at the same time, then happy fireworks
Also, please don’t worry about his perversions: he will keep those firmly in check, though if you could imitate my cross between a crypt-keeper and Yeti, then I would greatly appreciate it.
Wonky is a prime slab of Donkey meat, and your life will be better for having him randomly burst in the door at inappropriate times.
Finally: I think that if you are a male wanting some general friendly banter, you should drop him a PM too. But please, don’t be misled, he is not interested in your cock. If you scare the bejesus out of him by flashing him or flirting with him – I WILL come and find you and kick your arse from here to Timbuktu for making me put him into therapy when I get back.
Thank you in advance for your help in this matter, I can now sod off and enjoy my holiday without having to worry about my friend's wellbeing.
(psst - good luck. And by replying to this post, or PMing Wonky you waive any right to seek compensation of any form should things go tits-up and you are left in an unhappy state yourself. Happy Donkeying!)
I tried to sign him up for the local stables, but he refused saying he was a grown-up Donkey who could look after himself. However, after finding him wailing into his bucket of carrots (again), I realised that whilst he can technically feed and bathe himself (impressive, right?) he DOES need support and distraction when he is awake and bored. I am also gravely concerned about his right hand. Without decent conversation, he is liable to develop Wanker’s Wrist *shudder*.
You will be required to:
- PM him and check that he is alive and happy.
- Chat to him about all kinds of subjects including his poor taste in music, his fussiness in foods and his unhealthy love of Davina McCall’s work-out videos.
- Be available to reply to his PM’s when he cannot sleep (those in USA/Canada/that area of the world are in the perfect time-zone for this. Just saying.)
- Tolerate his weird sense of humour, which is not based on being British. Or male. Or young(ish). He can be clumsy with his words, which makes him endearing.
You will NOT be required to message dirty unless you both find yourself drunk and frisky at the same time, then happy fireworks
Also, please don’t worry about his perversions: he will keep those firmly in check, though if you could imitate my cross between a crypt-keeper and Yeti, then I would greatly appreciate it. Wonky is a prime slab of Donkey meat, and your life will be better for having him randomly burst in the door at inappropriate times.
Finally: I think that if you are a male wanting some general friendly banter, you should drop him a PM too. But please, don’t be misled, he is not interested in your cock. If you scare the bejesus out of him by flashing him or flirting with him – I WILL come and find you and kick your arse from here to Timbuktu for making me put him into therapy when I get back.
Thank you in advance for your help in this matter, I can now sod off and enjoy my holiday without having to worry about my friend's wellbeing.
(psst - good luck. And by replying to this post, or PMing Wonky you waive any right to seek compensation of any form should things go tits-up and you are left in an unhappy state yourself. Happy Donkeying!)
