Cuckolding--Turn on? or not?

Carnevil9 said:

A real cuckold doesn't know that he's being cuckolded. His wife and her lover know, and the rest of the community may know, but he doesn't. Hence having a fetish about it is pretty much impossible. Any other use of the term is just plain incorrect.

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You are 100% correct, traditionally a cuckold is exactly as you describe. That's why I prefixed my comments by saying that in the modern sexual fetish sense a cuckold is a man who is humiliated or shamed by his wifes slutty behaviour, either by her taunting him or simply by him knowing she finds more pleasure with others. For a cuckold it's about the humiliation, not the joy and pleasure of sharing his wife as an equal partner.

Cuckolding -- Turn on - or not

When I started this I had no idea there were so many different thoughts about what defines a cuckold. Thank you all for the opinions. I just want to watch and enjoy without feeling humiliated -- maybe even join in a little. And since this is all in my head anyway it can be whatever I want it to be.

Imagination is a wonderful thing, especially when you're older and it's all you've got!

andy371 said:

When I started this I had no idea there were so many different thoughts about what defines a cuckold.

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Outside of the lifestyle, there are hundreds of definitions of a cuckold. Inside the lifestyle, not so much. Humiliation is just a flavoring, just like some people like to have their sex rough, or with the lights on, or doggy style. It is very popular, but it's not a requirement.

andy371 said:

Never tried it and never will but somehow it is now my favorite fantasy _ watching my wife with another man. Especially if it's interracial. I'm reading the stories and watching vids Am I alone?

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It's one of my favorite role play fantasies!!

littlecordelera said:

Outside of the lifestyle, there are hundreds of definitions of a cuckold. Inside the lifestyle, not so much. Humiliation is just a flavoring, just like some people like to have their sex rough, or with the lights on, or doggy style. It is very popular, but it's not a requirement.

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I agree.

Most definitions seem to come from the era when the notion of a wife having sex with other men was inherently humiliating. The "cuckold" part was the fact that the wife was having sex outside the marriage on her own volition - it was assumed that the husband was humiliated because society of the day could imagine it no other way. I think that is different from humiliation being part of the definition, but that is just my arbitrary view.

In my case I have sex with other men whenever I please and he does not have sex with other women unless I permit it. I choose what I tell him or don't tell him about my sexual activity. Our relationship has many aspects of dom/sub so while we aren't equal in the traditional sense he is the centre of my life and we share this "fetish" together. For reasons particular to us he does not feel humiliated (even though many think he should). Nevertheless he and I both consider him my cuckold.

It's a conflicting one for me.

The fantasy turned me on a lot, and I have a huge cum fetish and would love to have a wife or girlfriend feed me creampies.

I also think being faithful to one person is very important in love, but I guess that doesn't have to extend to lust.

So I could really enjoy seeing her take pleasure from a bunch of guys, but would want to know she is mine at the end of the day.

I was a cuckold once...the real deal, it was not a game, I didn't watch, she was promiscuous. It was painful to deal with, at first, but I never considered leaving her, and over time, I came to acceptance: it was simply the way it was. Only gradually did it come to have an erotic component, and now, years later, the pain is all but forgotten, and the fantasy dominates my imagination.

No, no! You're not talking about cuckoldry!

andy371 said:

Never tried it and never will but somehow it is now my favorite fantasy _ watching my wife with another man. Especially if it's interracial. I'm reading the stories and watching vids Am I alone?

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What you're talking about is SHARING YOUR WIFE. . . . Cuckoldry is when the woman makes love to another and the man doesn't know, and ISN'T ENJOYING IT!

Perfect, well said!

SissyKatie said:

It's a conflicting one for me.

The fantasy turned me on a lot, and I have a huge cum fetish and would love to have a wife or girlfriend feed me creampies.

I also think being faithful to one person is very important in love, but I guess that doesn't have to extend to lust.

So I could really enjoy seeing her take pleasure from a bunch of guys, but would want to know she is mine at the end of the day.

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You've said it all so well . . . I've done what you say, and believe me, it's an ENORMOUS turn-on. IT'S NOT UNUSUAL! Pride in one's mate dates back millennia! For example, nearly 2000 years ago it was the custom of Parthian warlords to have their wives walk naked through the village to his house on their wedding days, so that all could see what prize they had.

During the estrogen/oxytocin days of a woman's cycle, she's just as eager to show off as you are to have her seen . . . and more. Take advantage of that! . . .

*****

magicalmoments said:

In my opinion, a cuckold, in the modern sense as a sexual fetish, is not just someone who enjoys the idea, or the actuality, of watching his wife have sex with another man. If watching or participating in a loving and inclusive arrangement where the other guy is just a marital aid, a flesh and blood dildo so to speak, to enhance the married couples lovemaking, that is not cuckoldry.

To be cuckoldry there needs to be an extra element. an element of humiliation, ignominy, shame and degradation for the husband. Being put down for being a lesser man than the lover, having a smaller cock and/or not lasting as long. That is cuckoldry in the modern sense.

I love the idea of my wife being fucked by other males, but I'm not a cuckold. Any suggestion of me being humiliated would not work for me.

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you captured the problem very well, a lot of guys fetishize it to such an extent they never stop to realize they're not really capable of being in a situation like that.
Cuckolding a desperate idiot is thrilling and a total feminist power rip and I've seriously considered putting effort into locating a suitable idiot, but haven't actually tried to implement any of my ideas at this point.

siobhansmut said:

Cuckolding a desperate idiot is thrilling

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For those who are interested in sex play with a desperate idiot.

littlecordelera said:

For those who are interested in sex play with a desperate idiot.

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on the contrary i would say that thats exactly what a true cuckold is so it would be quite the opposite of "sex play" but rather the correct choice for a woman seeking an actual cuckold lifestyle as opposed to sex play.

My wife

For me the only aspect of cuckolding I enjoy is the sex. I find the idea of a wife getting laid by another man with the husband's approval and arousal quite stimulating. But I'll pass on the humiliation and degradation, thank you.

I'd love to hand my wife and bed over to another man where he fucks her brains out all night. But the fucker better "respect me in the morning" lol

Use The Dictionary !!!!!!!!

MERRIAM WEBSTER DICTIONARY
Definition of CUCKOLD

cuck·old noun \ˈkə-kəld, -(ˌ)kōld\
: a man whose wife has sex with someone else : a man's whose wife commits adultery

: a man whose wife is unfaithful
— cuckold transitive verb

Origin of CUCKOLD:

Middle English cokewold
First Known Use: 13th century


The condition of cuckolding or being cuckolded: cuckoldry

MilkFountain said:

MERRIAM WEBSTER DICTIONARY
Definition of CUCKOLD

cuck·old noun \ˈkə-kəld, -(ˌ)kōld\
: a man whose wife has sex with someone else : a man's whose wife commits adultery

: a man whose wife is unfaithful
— cuckold transitive verb

Origin of CUCKOLD:

Middle English cokewold
First Known Use: 13th century


The condition of cuckolding or being cuckolded: cuckoldry

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[PEDANT MODE]
If you want to understand the early usage of the term, try reading Chaucer's The Miller's Tale. That makes it quite clear that the man is regarded as an idiot and is the subject of ridicule because everyone else knew what was going on but not him.

My dictionary gives the Middle English origin as cukeweld (Middle Ages England wasn't too hot on spelling). That derives from the Old French cucuault, which in turn derives from cucu - the cuckoo, which lays its egg in another bird's nest, unknown to that bird.

It is the fact that the act in question was unknown to the 'victim' but known to others that is the essence of the original word. Today, the sense of the 'victim' being an 'idiot' has translated into the husband who likes to be humiliated, and the act has become both known and approved of.

But, to use the word cuckold or cuckoldry to describe any relationship in which those aspects of ridicule and humiliation do not occur, is stretching the meaning of the word beyond reasonable limits. What we are talking about there is, plain and simple, a threesome.
[/PEDANT MODE]

nealh417 said:

i would like it too happen but it is my fantasy . wife not interested, but i love the idea

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Maybe you know someone your wife would be attracted to if she were not married, (and that you trust), and give him permission to seduce her. For many women, cuckolding her husband has to happen naturally. It's a big jump for a woman to go from being a monogamous wife to taking a lover with her husband's full knowledge. It can be a big hurdle for a woman her first time, but if she is seduced, it makes it easier. Even then, she may have to work through some guilt feelings.

MilkFountain said:

MERRIAM WEBSTER DICTIONARY
Definition of CUCKOLD

cuck·old noun \ˈkə-kəld, -(ˌ)kōld\
: a man whose wife has sex with someone else : a man's whose wife commits adultery

: a man whose wife is unfaithful
— cuckold transitive verb

Origin of CUCKOLD:

Middle English cokewold
First Known Use: 13th century


The condition of cuckolding or being cuckolded: cuckoldry

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Cokewhore?

hmm

i had a woman that was married that loved my cock

she told hubby about us

we even had breakfast a few times together

he never watched - although once when he was there i was just in a robe and while we were chatting she had my cock in her hand under the robe and he watched her hand

I've know a lot of guys into this, and I love how they get off...however... I love strong, manly men, and cucks are by necessity weak and sub... but please more power to those that enjoy it. Enjoy what gets you off.

mara101 said:

however... I love strong, manly men, and cucks are by necessity weak and sub...

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Right!

I've only been cuckolded and it was the best sex I've ever witnessed and had (After)! Read my story if your into cuckolding!

Great! Thank you!

norfolklad said:

[PEDANT MODE]
If you want to understand the early usage of the term, try reading Chaucer's The Miller's Tale. That makes it quite clear that the man is regarded as an idiot and is the subject of ridicule because everyone else knew what was going on but not him.

My dictionary gives the Middle English origin as cukeweld (Middle Ages England wasn't too hot on spelling). That derives from the Old French cucuault, which in turn derives from cucu - the cuckoo, which lays its egg in another bird's nest, unknown to that bird.

It is the fact that the act in question was unknown to the 'victim' but known to others that is the essence of the original word. Today, the sense of the 'victim' being an 'idiot' has translated into the husband who likes to be humiliated, and the act has become both known and approved of.

But, to use the word cuckold or cuckoldry to describe any relationship in which those aspects of ridicule and humiliation do not occur, is stretching the meaning of the word beyond reasonable limits. What we are talking about there is, plain and simple, a threesome.
[/PEDANT MODE]

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Perfect, thanks for the interesting note about cuckoo birds . . . Didn't know!

MilkFountain said:

Perfect, thanks for the interesting note about cuckoo birds . . . Didn't know!

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I should have added that the European Cuckoo is not only a parasitic creature in that it lays its egg in another bird's nest but, when the chick hatches, it kicks all the other eggs out of the nest and takes over.

Maybe there's a message in there somewhere that those contemplating threesomes ought at least to consider.

norfolklad said:

[PEDANT MODE]
If you want to understand the early usage of the term, try reading Chaucer's The Miller's Tale. That makes it quite clear that the man is regarded as an idiot and is the subject of ridicule because everyone else knew what was going on but not him.

My dictionary gives the Middle English origin as cukeweld (Middle Ages England wasn't too hot on spelling). That derives from the Old French cucuault, which in turn derives from cucu - the cuckoo, which lays its egg in another bird's nest, unknown to that bird.

It is the fact that the act in question was unknown to the 'victim' but known to others that is the essence of the original word. Today, the sense of the 'victim' being an 'idiot' has translated into the husband who likes to be humiliated, and the act has become both known and approved of.

But, to use the word cuckold or cuckoldry to describe any relationship in which those aspects of ridicule and humiliation do not occur, is stretching the meaning of the word beyond reasonable limits. What we are talking about there is, plain and simple, a threesome.
[/PEDANT MODE]

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I am not sure the semantics are all that important but I'll take a turn at pedant just for fun.

It has been a long time since I read Chaucer, however I do note your reference about the "early use of the term" - in other words the view is somewhat reliant on context. I think that with a lot of these types of definitions we amalgamate concepts. In the first instance the definition is that of a man whose wife is cheating or committing adultery. The fact that the cuckold in Chaucer's story is considered an idiot and ridiculed is a function of the time and how people regarded this behaviour. That is not the same as being integral to the definition. In that same era the derogatory connotation was also aimed at the fact that the man did not have "control" of his woman. One might extrapolate that it is this lack of control more so than (or in addition to) the attendant presumption of humiliation that is the deciding factor.

Would the cuckold in The Miller's Tale have instantly ceased to be a cuckold if he didn't feel shame or other characters accepted his status or switched their attitude to empathy? Cheating is more prevalent and excepted in our society today. The cheated on do not always feel humiliated and often don't feel the same need to answer to society. Meanwhile society is just as likely to have empathy as disdain for the cheated upon. Does that mean cuckolds no longer exist?

There is lots of literature wherein homosexuals were thought to be deviant or mentally flawed. That doesn't mean we must attach those characteristics to the definition of the word now.

If we go back to the definition put forward by Siobhan we actually have inconsistency within the dictionary definition.

My first reading of "Adultery" is as a biblical concept. It entails a woman who has sex with a man other than her husband. That's is it that is all, there is no other criteria other than extramarital sex to be an adulteress.

The concept of "Cheating" implies behaviour that violates the implicit marriage contract. That entails more than being an adultress, but does not automatically come with humiliation or society's contempt.

Personally, I think of it as kind of a continuum. If a man's wife is having sex with someone behind his back and he would be angry and humiliated if he knew about it, he is definitely a cuckold. If a man is in an open marriage he is not a cuckold.

However, what about a wife led marriage? My hubby has not consented to anything. I make my sexual decisions independent of him - neither against his wishes nor with his approval. We are somewhere in between. If he felt humiliated or others felt that he should be ridiculed would that make him more of a cuckold?

In any case, I will still use the word. And there is enough range of interpretation I am not quite sure how anyone can claim to have the definitive answer. Strongly held opinion is not the same as fact. Further, we are rapidly approaching the point where the word cuckold will have been used in a modern context long enough and across a broad enough spectrum to affect the definition just as much as Chaucer's view of it.