Age play

I think he has absolutely no right to make that judgement. And he has no right to tell, for instance, someone who comes in with a hurting arm-- could be a break, could be a sprain-- that they should suck it up because the Phillipines.

If he cares so much he should get his ass on a plane and go be a doctor in the field That would actually do the Phillipines some good-- him fake-moralising at you doesn't help them.

I agree with you, I think I'm going to see the guy up the road from now on. Thanks for that.

But what do you think about therapy opening old wounds? You're smart and stuff.
 
I agree with you, I think I'm going to see the guy up the road from now on. Thanks for that.

But what do you think about therapy opening old wounds? You're smart and stuff.
It isn't fun, that's for sure. It's the ugliest hardest work and it might (MIGHT) make you angrier than you ever have been in your life. You might go through grief as if someone has died. It takes as long to get past as any 'real' death would.

But you know-- those wounds are never really closed as well as you'd like to think. If you find yourself considering your erectile dysfunction stems from it, that's a sign right there that it's weighing on your mind. :(

And once the problems start being fixed a little bit-- and you know that it's because of your own hard work-- that is one of the more affirming experiences I've ever experienced.
 
@gagginforit Your doctor had no right to say that. Counseling is difficult and may open up some wounds but that is needed for them to heal properly. I hope you get the help you need/want.
 
It occurred to me that age play may be in my life more than I thought. Though, not necessarily in "play" form. It's not something I've been doing on purpose to portray a young age, just something that I do naturally.

Is it possible to somehow have non-sexual age play? I think that is probably the best way to describe it.
 
Something pretty surreal happened to me today. I'm trying to get the counselling I mentioned paid for by the government so I took the application to my doctor for him to fill it in (he has to state that I need it).

When I told him there was sexual abuse in my past and I wanted therapy he said I should just bury it. That lots of people go through horrible things and you just have to put it behind you and move forward. Therapy will only dredge up bad memories and open up wounds. Then he started going on about the cyclone victims in the Philippines and that it's tragic and bad things happen. Then he went on to tell me he had been sexually fiddled with when he was little and his attitude is to put it behind him and go on with his life.

This all made me rather uncomfortable but do you think he has a point? Is it better to not open old wounds? What if what happened to me is a contributing factor to my erectile dysfunction? If it can be cured isn't it worth exploring?

Thoughts?
Some wounds need to be opened up and cleaned. Only you can decide if this is one of them.
There are different kinds of therapy though, some more focused on going through old stuff and others more on learning to handle the old stuff well enough to function at a level you think is ok.
 
It occurred to me that age play may be in my life more than I thought. Though, not necessarily in "play" form. It's not something I've been doing on purpose to portray a young age, just something that I do naturally.

Is it possible to somehow have non-sexual age play? I think that is probably the best way to describe it.

It's just a personality thing for me. I'm kind of reclaiming the childhood I wanted and didn't have, too. As in... The opportunity to be trusting and playful and simple. Dealing with divorce and abuse at a young age forces you to grow up overnight and be suspicious if everything. When I do what maybe looks like this non-sexual age play, it's me goosing to trust and take everything at face value, it's me giving myself permission to be fascinated and entertained by the things everyone else might take for granted.
 
It's just a personality thing for me. I'm kind of reclaiming the childhood I wanted and didn't have, too. As in... The opportunity to be trusting and playful and simple. Dealing with divorce and abuse at a young age forces you to grow up overnight and be suspicious if everything. When I do what maybe looks like this non-sexual age play, it's me goosing to trust and take everything at face value, it's me giving myself permission to be fascinated and entertained by the things everyone else might take for granted.

I agree, I too have started reclaiming my missing childhood. Mister is a wonderful, stable thing in my life that makes it better. (o^^o) Maybe it isn't age play, just me being me.
 
Something pretty surreal happened to me today. I'm trying to get the counselling I mentioned paid for by the government so I took the application to my doctor for him to fill it in (he has to state that I need it).

When I told him there was sexual abuse in my past and I wanted therapy he said I should just bury it. That lots of people go through horrible things and you just have to put it behind you and move forward. Therapy will only dredge up bad memories and open up wounds. Then he started going on about the cyclone victims in the Philippines and that it's tragic and bad things happen. Then he went on to tell me he had been sexually fiddled with when he was little and his attitude is to put it behind him and go on with his life.

This all made me rather uncomfortable but do you think he has a point? Is it better to not open old wounds? What if what happened to me is a contributing factor to my erectile dysfunction? If it can be cured isn't it worth exploring?

Thoughts?

You might give this article a read:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2008/mar/11/mentalhealth.healthandwellbeing

Your doctor has a defensible position. The available scientific evidence suggests that talk therapy is ineffective for many conditions. In some cases, it can even be counterproductive. Uncovering memories that your mind repressed as a coping mechanism might be one of those cases. But there are many different kinds of talk therapy, and many different mental disorders. So it is best not to generalize.

Finding someone who is both unbiased and knowledgeable to help you assess the efficacy of the available treatment options for your condition might be challenging. Your therapist is likely to be more knowledgeable but also more biased. She is unlikely to come to the conclusion that what she does for a living is mostly useless and sometimes even harmful. I would suggest getting as many expert opinions as you can as well as researching the issue on your own. A psychiatrist who specializes in psycho-pharmacy might be a good person to consult. He is likely to be be more knowledgeable than your regular doctor about the available treatment options, but probably less biased than the therapist about the treatments that the therapist offers.
 
Knottygirl, this person doesn't have repressed memories, they KNOW that they were sexually abused. That's why they asked about therapy in the first place.

Having been abused is not a mental disorder, by the way.
 
Knottygirl, this person doesn't have repressed memories, they KNOW that they were sexually abused. That's why they asked about therapy in the first place.

Based on what Gag's first post in this thread, it would seem that he went to the therapist for a different reason and the past sexual abuse came up during the course of conversation in the therapy session.

There is a lot of relevant information missing from the discussion. For example, was the molestation traumatic at the time for Gag? Is it something that he thinks about a lot presently, and is troubled by?

If the abuse is something that doesn't consciously trouble him today, but the therapist thinks it might be unconsciously responsible for his current problems, then I think his doctor is right to be skeptical. The Freudian theories of psychoanalysis (which focuses on unconscious conflicts) were once the mainstream of mental healthcare, but are now on the fringe and considered a pseudoscience by many. Unfortunately, they still dominate pop psychology.

Having been abused is not a mental disorder, by the way.

I never said otherwise, so I'm not sure why you are pointing out this obvious and trivial truth. Based on everything Gag has said, it is clear that he has some mental health issues that he is dealing with. These problems may or may not be related to what his babysitter did to him when he was a kid.
 
Based on what Gag's first post in this thread, it would seem that he went to the therapist for a different reason and the past sexual abuse came up during the course of conversation in the therapy session.

There is a lot of relevant information missing from the discussion. For example, was the molestation traumatic at the time for Gag? Is it something that he thinks about a lot presently, and is troubled by?

If the abuse is something that doesn't consciously trouble him today, but the therapist thinks it might be unconsciously responsible for his current problems, then I think his doctor is right to be skeptical. The Freudian theories of psychoanalysis (which focuses on unconscious conflicts) were once the mainstream of mental healthcare, but are now on the fringe and considered a pseudoscience by many. Unfortunately, they still dominate pop psychology.


I never said otherwise, so I'm not sure why you are pointing out this obvious and trivial truth. Based on everything Gag has said, it is clear that he has some mental health issues that he is dealing with. These problems may or may not be related to what his babysitter did to him when he was a kid.

I bolded what I consider to be very salient points here and I am in agreement with them. Once having pursued a terminal degree in psychology I learned a couple of things that troubled me. The first is that approximately half of the grad students in my class were seeking answers to their own "issues". The second was the focus on labeling within the discipline. Psychology too often, not always, but too often focuses on using the medical model. Diagnose and treat the problem, disorder, issue, etc. while failing to empower the individual, in fact often it is just the opposite. "Keep coming to see me for the next _____ weeks and we can get to the bottom of your pathology". After all the "doctor" or "therapist" knows best.

The article link (thanks for that!) was great and I agree that talk therapy alone is not always productive. Until psychologists and psychiatrists break from the archaic psychoanalysis model then true empowerment will not be realized by their "patients". Therapists can easily become THE rapist if the focus simply is the dredging up and recycling of past trauma. I think there is a movement within the discipline to break away from the medical model; though insurance companies often derail this effort as they insist on a diagnosis to treat. Hopefully some happy medium can be found and clients (not patients) can be shown the tools they personally possess to move forward and leave the past behind.

I know it is not a popular notion and that many current psychologists will largely disagree...but that is the beauty of the internet, we are all permitted our opinions.
 
Therapy is a good option. My own experience helped me to deal with a situation I believed I had gotten past on my own. For a long time I blamed myself and didn't even realize I was making myself miserable over something I didn't actually have control over.

Gaginforit has already stated he was aware and brought up the situation.

I recently spoke to a therapist and admitted that I had been molested when I was young by my babysitter. The therapist, predictably, made a connnection between that experience and the fact that I like to play the same age I was when that happened. She ignored the fact that my real life molester was a girl and I play with men. I'm not suggesting there is no connection, or saying there is, I just brought it up for people to make of it what they will. (Copy, pasted, it's easier on my phone.)

Ultimately, it's his decision to find someone to talk about this with and it should be pointed out that finding the right therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist is like finding a general practice doctor. You have to find the one that works for you and your situation. Each one is different and may approach the problem differently.

Talking helped me greatly and I was able to see things in a new light. I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do, gaginforit. :)
 
Hi everyone.

I just wanted to thank everyone for your concerns and support, and knottygirl for the article.

My situation is very different from those people in the article, and probably what a lot of people here went through, in that I'm not traumatised by the event itself. My issue is with low sex drive and erectile dysfunction, and depression over the fact that I've never had a girlfriend. I don't know why but women have never seen me as being sexually attractive. I always get the "you're a great guy but I don't feel a spark" talk. This really effects my self esteem and my outlook on life... that is what I went to therapy for, because I thought maybe there was something wrong with me and I wanted to explore that. I don't feel I need to get over the actual abuse. In fact I'm uncomfortable using those words to describe it because it almost diminishes what some people have gone through. What happened to me doesn't compare to being kidnapped and raped for example.

I am approaching therapy as a way of exploring if it might have anything to do with my issues. And I realised I would be a bit naive to think it didn't have any effect on me. I have conflicting views on it.

There's also the age play, and I wonder where that comes from as I'm not even gay. I'm quite ashamed about that but there clearly is a strong drive to do it.

In addition the the therapy I'm also trying out testosterone patches in the hopes that might be the cause of the dysfunction and low sex drive. They seem to have helped with the low drive but not the dysfunction as yet.

I also do have some other anxiety issues that I've been in therapy and on medication for in the past. I used to have quite crippling social anxiety but now I'm completely over that. Currently I'm having a lot of stress and anxiety about finding a new job. But I don't see myself as being mentally ill for what it's worth.

I've only had one session as yet, and I'm going to keep an open mind but also be cautious about it. If I don't think it's helping me I just won't go.

Thanks again everyone. :)
 
^_^ I'm really happy you're keeping an open mind gagginforit!

I too had anxiety and depression problems that I was able to work through with the help of a professional. The depression itself could be a main cause for ED. I know my libido was shot. Also, medications can cause ED or low libido. While I was on certain meds I couldn't get turned on to save my life :(.

I used meds to find an equilibrium because I had been depressed since childhood (seriously) and I didn't know what "normal" was or how to just be. After getting the meds I found out how not being depressed felt and was better able to handle myself and my anxiety.

Good luck job hunting! You can do it! *\(^o^)/*
 
^_^ I'm really happy you're keeping an open mind gagginforit!

I too had anxiety and depression problems that I was able to work through with the help of a professional. The depression itself could be a main cause for ED. I know my libido was shot. Also, medications can cause ED or low libido. While I was on certain meds I couldn't get turned on to save my life :(.

I used meds to find an equilibrium because I had been depressed since childhood (seriously) and I didn't know what "normal" was or how to just be. After getting the meds I found out how not being depressed felt and was better able to handle myself and my anxiety.

Good luck job hunting! You can do it! *\(^o^)/*

It must have been awful to have to put up with that for so long. I'm happy you're better.

You're right about the meds too. I'm recently off them and have noticed a difference.

Thank you. :)
 
[continuing the therapy hijack]

Maybe I've been living under a rock for a very very long time, but in ummmm....25 years in and out of therapy, I've never had anyone (psychiatrist, or psychotherapist) analyze me from a Freudian perspective. Any talk therapy I've done has been Jungian based, with lots of play therapy (as a child/ teen), animal therapy (same time period), or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (with psycho-drama & peripheral light therapy). I don't even know of any counseling groups that DO Freudian therapy, anymore. :confused:

Therapy can dredge up some seriously ugly shit. I've quit therapy more often than I've continued, due to the trauma therapy [itself] caused when facing old wounds. However, I wouldn't be the relatively high-functioning person I am today, without it. I just had to be kind to myself, and recognize when it was, or wasn't a useful thing for me to experience. What I couldn't handle X years ago, I dealt with a few years later. When I wasn't strong enough to do Y, I set it aside until I was.

[/continuing the therapy hijack]
 
[continuing the therapy hijack]

Maybe I've been living under a rock for a very very long time, but in ummmm....25 years in and out of therapy, I've never had anyone (psychiatrist, or psychotherapist) analyze me from a Freudian perspective. Any talk therapy I've done has been Jungian based, with lots of play therapy (as a child/ teen), animal therapy (same time period), or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (with psycho-drama & peripheral light therapy). I don't even know of any counseling groups that DO Freudian therapy, anymore. :confused:

Therapy can dredge up some seriously ugly shit. I've quit therapy more often than I've continued, due to the trauma therapy [itself] caused when facing old wounds. However, I wouldn't be the relatively high-functioning person I am today, without it. I just had to be kind to myself, and recognize when it was, or wasn't a useful thing for me to experience. What I couldn't handle X years ago, I dealt with a few years later. When I wasn't strong enough to do Y, I set it aside until I was.

[/continuing the therapy hijack]

I am glad you found therapy to be useful.I certainly did not mean to imply therapy wasn't good, though rereading my post I can see that being interpreted. I merely think there is an over reliance on fixing rather than empowering. There are subtle differences. There also seems to be too much past focus...without resolution steps. The therapist then simply continue to reopen old wounds, particularly if starting with a new therapist. I think cognitive therapy and related have great benefits. Congratulations with your success. I too have engaged in therapy and have found it useful. I've also made myself an educated consumer and am choosy when selecting a therapist. I hope others also select carefully.
 
It's just a personality thing for me. I'm kind of reclaiming the childhood I wanted and didn't have, too. As in... The opportunity to be trusting and playful and simple. Dealing with divorce and abuse at a young age forces you to grow up overnight and be suspicious if everything. When I do what maybe looks like this non-sexual age play, it's me goosing to trust and take everything at face value, it's me giving myself permission to be fascinated and entertained by the things everyone else might take for granted.

This decibes how I feel as well. My father passed away last year and while I am not in any way replacing him it does fill a very empty hole with his loss.
 
[continuing the therapy hijack]

Maybe I've been living under a rock for a very very long time, but in ummmm....25 years in and out of therapy, I've never had anyone (psychiatrist, or psychotherapist) analyze me from a Freudian perspective. Any talk therapy I've done has been Jungian based, with lots of play therapy (as a child/ teen), animal therapy (same time period), or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (with psycho-drama & peripheral light therapy). I don't even know of any counseling groups that DO Freudian therapy, anymore. :confused:

[/continuing the therapy hijack]

Freud and Jung had their differences, but they were basically from the same school of thought. This is oversimplifying things quite a bit, but you could say there are essentially two approaches to therapy today: the traditional and the modern. The traditional approach has its roots in Freudian ideas about the unconscious mind. Psychoanalysis, psychodynamic therapy, group therapy, play therapy, art therapy, and others all draw upon psychoanalytical theories originally popularized by Freud. The modern approach to therapy is mainly identified with cognitive behavioral therapy.

You could say that the traditional approach views therapy as an art, while the modern approach views it as a science. Case studies are the primary support for the efficacy of the traditional approach, while the efficacy of the modern approach is supported by scientific trials. Recently, an emphasis has been made to conduct scientific studies of the traditional approach, but CBT is more structured and so it more easily lends itself to this type of study.

Most therapists today take an eclectic approach, which sounds good. But this New York Times Article makes a strong argument that therapists rely too much on treatments that haven't been proven effective, and too little on treatments like CBT that have been proven effective.
 
I think the question of therapy deserves a thread of its own. Age play should have a space for discussion.

At the play party I went to on Saturday, there was a puppy and its owner-- combination of age regression, because it was a very young puppy, and pet play.
 
Anyone mix s&m with their age play? I've been wanting to experiment but am not sure how to incooperate it.
 
Anyone mix s&m with their age play? I've been wanting to experiment but am not sure how to incooperate it.

I think the most common way is probably naughty school girl. Everyone knows corporal punishment is the only way to adjust her behavior. ;)

I can't say I've experienced this, though. It's also possible I'm giving you the worst answer. If anyone else has suggestions, I'm curious, because clearly I have no imagination when it comes to age play and s&m.
 
BDSM specifics in ageplay is difficult to talk about on this forum, because it gets uncomfortably close to the things that make pedofilia so nauseatingly evil. I think we've lost at least one thread, and I know one member has gotten a warning-- which never happens for other forms of speech, not even hate speech.

But, yeah.
 
BDSM specifics in ageplay is difficult to talk about on this forum, because it gets uncomfortably close to the things that make pedofilia so nauseatingly evil. I think we've lost at least one thread, and I know one member has gotten a warning-- which never happens for other forms of speech, not even hate speech.

But, yeah.

Which is complete and utter bullshit, given that it's consenting adults we're talking about.
 
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