A rotund marital decision

Bramblethorn said:

Even leaving aside the question of whether his joblessness or her weight gain are voluntary... I don't accept that these are equivalent situations. Putting your partner at risk of bankruptcy and homelessness (or forcing them to work a second job to avoid same, or whatever) is not on the same level as failing to look slim and sexy.

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Why aren't they equivalent?

If he is indeed repulsed by excess body fat - and he did use to date very skinny girls - she pretty much killed his sex life by gaining weight. I tell you, that if you gave me the choice between developing erectile dysfunction or losing my job, I'd hand in my resignation in a heartbeat... and grab an Xbox on the way home!

I feel compelled to use a Dr. Phil quote here: "The importance of the sex-life in a normal marriage is about 10%. Until the day it doesn't work - then it suddenly becomes 99%"

MSTarot said:

Marriage is a journey through life with the one person that is willing to put up with your crap. That person better be your best friend in the world, because you will be spending a lot of time together. They have to want to be with you for many reasons, and the way you look is far down that list. Because the way you look is going to change and unless you have the money to keep ahead of the changes your going to look different than you did when you first met.

And if the two of you can't laugh about it when your bodies start to fall apart what the hell are you going to do when your seventy or eighty and cant find where you left your glasses?

You have to have someone there to tell you you're wearing them.

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This is a very young couple though, and a new marriage too. If they find incompatibilities already, how bad will it not get later on? At least you should start out on the same page. If physical appearance is important for one party and not for the other, I'd say we have a clear case of irreconcilable differences. There is an elderly couple living in a shack out near my office. They are hoarders with a garden and a house full of... well trash basically. They are nice, but they have a squadrillion cats living all over the place and it stinks! Yet they seem to be perfectly happy together. But imagine if one of them had been a neat-freak?

MSTarot said:

Take responsibility that what you do affects how long you live then enjoy what you want.

Except for anything off the menu at McDonald's. That stuff will kill you.

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Truer words were never spoken.

Swilly said:

So fat people, and fat women specifically, are slobs SL?

That statement shows incredible ignorance, casting of stereotypes, and pretty much sums up your opinion on the topic. Why even start a poll like this?

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That's a strawman argument Swilly. I never generalized fat women as slobs. Some probably are, but there are skinny slobs as well. Being fat doesn't indicate anything about your personality.

The poll is about whether it's acceptable to divorce a spouse because of looks.

Trixareforkids said:

I haven't looked yet, but I'm betting this doesn't go over well.

Since you do not know the specifics or the ins and outs of their relationship all this idle speculation is a train to polarizing opinions and possibly mud slinging.

It sucks that he's leaving her for the stated reason of her looks. It's good that you're a voice of dissent in the family discussions, all family gang-ups need a devil's advocate there to take the unpopular side. And my only other comment would be that you can't "fix" anyone, ever. You can change yourself and your own opinions but never someone else's, that is entirely up to them and thinking of a person or any aspect of a person as "fixable" is setting you and them up for heartache.

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Of course you can fix other people.

Yeah, I know the opposite is frequently said, but that's a cop-out. If it was my wife that had suddenly developed balloonitis, I'd have that problem taken care of before she knew what happened. Her ass wouldn't have a prayer, trust me.

Of course a trip to the physician would be first on the agenda. Like Penn say, there could be other reasons behind a weight gain.

PennLady said:

...And I will point out one thing about how so many think it's so "easy." You can stop smoking by simply not picking up another cigarette. Or stop drinking by not ingesting alcoholic stuff. You can chuck your Xbox and not play games. But you can't NOT EAT....

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Right, but you can change waht you eat.

StrangeLife;56740038If it was [I said:

my[/I] wife that had suddenly developed balloonitis, I'd have that problem taken care of before she knew what happened. Her ass wouldn't have a prayer, trust me.

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OK, I'm ready to respond to the poll of whether your wife should dump you.

This thread certainly has turned into the train wreck I thought it would.

SikFuk said:

Right, but you can change waht you eat.

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It is a good point though. Every substance abuse program require the participants to go cold turkey and practice total abstinence for life, except for food abuse. To obese people alcoholics and drug addicts have it easy...

sr71plt said:

OK, I'm ready to respond to the poll of whether your wife should dump you.

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Not gonna happen - she doesn't believe in divorce, But she is a crack shot so a "hunting accident" could occur...

sr71plt said:

This thread certainly has turned into the train wreck I thought it would.

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What did you expect? This forum is the creative hub of Literotica. No thread is safe here.

I didn't make a straw man argument. Go back and read what you wrote. The implication was that she is a slob because she is fat. You used the word. And you refuse to acknowledge that one can get fat without sitting around eating ice cream all day. You are wrong. You CAN get fat without doing so.
It is simplistic thinking, but you aren't alone in thinking that way. Its prevalent. That doesn't make it right though.

SikFuk said:

Right, but you can change waht you eat.

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It's still not that simple.

Swilly said:

I didn't make a straw man argument. Go back and read what you wrote. The implication was that she is a slob because she is fat. You used the word. And you refuse to acknowledge that one can get fat without sitting around eating ice cream all day. You are wrong. You CAN get fat without doing so.
It is simplistic thinking, but you aren't alone in thinking that way. Its prevalent. That doesn't make it right though.

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I have made no such statement Swilly. In fact I have conceded several times that there could be other reasons for her obesity - I am not close enough to her to ask such a question, so I simply don't know. You are making a snap judgement of me based on a few trigger-words taken out of context and is in a hurry to file me in one of the standard boxes - probably the one marked "superficial prejudiced asshat".

I might be, but you wont find arguments to support that position in this thread...

PennLady said:

It's still not that simple.

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I agree. It's complicated if you change what you eat but your family doesn't. But if it's just your food we're talking about, it can be very simple. All you have to do is change how you think about food and then act accordingly. Here's but one example of how thinking differently about food can have a profound affect on one's health. In Bill Clinton's case, it was a matter of life or death.

http://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-living/info-08-2013/bill-clinton-vegan.html

SikFuk said:

I agree. It's complicated if you change what you eat but your family doesn't. But if it's just your food we're talking about, it can be very simple. All you have to do is change how you think about food and then act accordingly. Here's but one example of how thinking differently about food can have a profound affect on one's health. In Bill Clinton's case, it was a matter of life or death.

http://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-living/info-08-2013/bill-clinton-vegan.html

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To me, the article proves a point. Even when someone wants to eat better, they are plagued by bad and conflicting information.

No need to take drastic measures. Good old fashioned calorie counting works.

StrangeLife said:

Why aren't they equivalent?

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Because you need to eat to live and you need money to eat. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need sex to live.

If he is indeed repulsed by excess body fat - and he did use to date very skinny girls - she pretty much killed his sex life by gaining weight.

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Plenty of people don't have a problem with sleeping with larger women. Sounds like he knew he wasn't one of those - so did he tell her in advance that her gaining weight would be a boner-killer?

If he didn't... well, that seems a bit like me complaining when somebody serves up food I can't eat because I never bothered mentioning my allergies to them.

I tell you, that if you gave me the choice between developing erectile dysfunction or losing my job, I'd hand in my resignation in a heartbeat... and grab an Xbox on the way home!

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Out of curiosity, what's the longest you've been out of work, without a working partner to support you?

I feel compelled to use a Dr. Phil quote here: "The importance of the sex-life in a normal marriage is about 10%. Until the day it doesn't work - then it suddenly becomes 99%"

That does sound like the sort of thing I'd expect to hear from Dr. Phil... but then we're talking about a guy who was once sanctioned for an inappropriate relationship with a 19-year-old former therapy client, and who's made it very clear that his show is about providing entertainment, not psychological expertise. (He's not licensed to practice, hasn't been for quite a while.)

This is a very young couple though, and a new marriage too. If they find incompatibilities already, how bad will it not get later on?

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Sure. Sounds to me like they're quite likely both better off separated. The Catholic side of things might cause her difficulty, but there are ways around that; she might be able to apply for annulment on the grounds that he wasn't serious about viewing marriage as a permanent arrangement, if she can find a sympathetic tribunal.

But I don't think it's fair to blame her alone for that incompatibility, if he didn't tell her in advance that gaining weight would be an exception to the "for better or worse" clause.

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StrangeLife said:

No need to take drastic measures. Good old fashioned calorie counting works.

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...no, it doesn't. I already posted links to studies indicating that diets for weight loss do not work, long-term.

StrangeLife said:

That's one of the issues with dating an over weight woman which I have experienced myself earlier in life. No matter how often you keep repeating that you don't care, she won't believe you. And of course you can forget about having the lights on during sex.

*snip*

For some reason it's perfectly ok for a woman to divorce a loser, but it's wrong for a man to divorce a slob. Somehow there's an imbalance here.

And I hear what you and Penn are saying about possible medical or psychological problems, but I will still maintain that there is a significant culpability on the part of the fatee. It simply doesn't happen without a hand moving the spoon and the jaw chewing.

She is getting plenty of sympathy, believe you me. I am not having an easy time at the dinner table these days. Wifey takes stuff like this personally...

And I am not saying that he is right. In fact, from the little I know he is being pretty damned stupid in discarding a good woman that could be easily fixed. He will learn soon enough that love isn't so easy to find. But then again I can also understand why - after only three years and no kids - a young man might choose to simply cut his losses and move on. If I may use a car analogy again, if you end up with a lemon some people might choose to trade it in right away rather than going through the trouble of having it in the shop every month.

I am not close enough to either of them to be the person he is relying on for support, but I am defending him before "the family court" for the sake of the principles.

*snip*

All that aside I will also refute the claim that appearance isn't a valid reason to ditch a spouse, when the deterioration is caused by a wilful or neglectful act by the ditchee. As a wife she is supposed to make an effort for her man just like he is supposed to do his best for for her, so by letting herself go like that she has essentially informed him - by her actions - that she she doesn't care about his needs or happiness. That's not a good basis for a marriage.

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You are losing your high ground. If you had ANY to begin with.

I'm reading every single one of your posts, and each one goes thus:

"Okay, I know that you just said a bunch of reasonable things, BUT HEY SHE'S A STUPID FAT BITCH WHO CAN'T STOP EATING AMIRITE?"

Every argument you make is putting sex on a huge pedestal. Comparing a loser who refuses to pull their weight to somebody who gains weight? There is a huge difference between somebody who isn't helping to keep themselves and their partner sheltered, fed, clean, and safe. Vs a partner who isn't as hawt as they used to be.

I mean, do you even fucking hear yourself? Calling this woman doubling in weight 'willful and neglectful'. Calling her weight loss a conscious fuck-you to her husband? Oh, I'm sorry, is your wife trying to treat this woman like a human being? Does that make you roll your eyes?

That was just the shit in this last post.

I have a feeling that you thought your side would be more popular in this poll. I have a feeling that you think you should have more support than you do.

Bramblethorn said:

Because you need to eat to live and you need money to eat. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need sex to live. .

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We aren't talking about existing - you can do that as a hustler. It's about the standard of living and priorities. What's most important - a great sex-life or an extra car? If I had the choice between a wife that was willing and awesome in bed or 200K extra a year, I'd go for the hot wife. Or to turn it around, I would never dump a girl because of her inability to generate a high income, but if she killed our sex life without a valid reason I would.

Bramblethorn said:

Plenty of people don't have a problem with sleeping with larger women. Sounds like he knew he wasn't one of those - so did he tell her in advance that her gaining weight would be a boner-killer?

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She was 5 feet and 100 pound! When she was 20 she still shopped in the teen section of the clothes store. How was he supposed to know that that would even be an issue within 3 years? Maybe after childbirth or a decade of marriage, but 3 years? I'd say that changing this drastic falls way outside reasonable expectations.

Bramblethorn said:

Out of curiosity, what's the longest you've been out of work, without a working partner to support you?

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I have never tried either. But I have often lived with partners who didn't work. Money was never a parameter when I was "auditioning" - even during times when I was poor. Unless you're a gigolo I think that's the common male attitude...

Bramblethorn said:

Sounds to me like they're quite likely both better off separated. The Catholic side of things might cause her difficulty, but there are ways around that; she might be able to apply for annulment on the grounds that he wasn't serious about viewing marriage as a permanent arrangement, if she can find a sympathetic tribunal.

But I don't think it's fair to blame her alone for that incompatibility, if he didn't tell her in advance that gaining weight would be an exception to the "for better or worse" clause.

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Like I said, we don't know why she suddenly beach-balled like that. But in either case it was never a question of blaming her - nobody does that. The question is, whether or not to blame him.

I wonder if either of them thought of talking to one another. If he has let it go on for three years or more, she must be quite unhappy and he should have begun the struggle then. Staying together is everyday work, but can be a work of art and joy.

StrangeLife said:

That's a huge sacrifice to make for [the wife] who doesn't even care enough about you to control her calorie intake.

I suspect she is simply bored.

She bears "the scars of Ben & Jerry".

But they can't because she has unilaterally robbed them both of all that in return for the selfish pleasure of over-eating on chips and candy.

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StrangeLife said:

Exactly. I can see it from both sides as well. Of course he should love her unconditionally, but on the other hand he has a right to be happy in life too. And no matter how we twist the issue, her overweight is self afflicted. She did it all by herself, yet her husband suffers for it.

What can he do other than putting forth an ultimatum?

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StrangeLife said:

He might be as boring as a house plant, but he didn't force feed her.

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StrangeLife said:

StrangeLife said:

Why aren't they equivalent?

She pretty much killed his sex life by gaining weight.

I tell you, that if you gave me the choice between developing erectile dysfunction or losing my job, I'd hand in my resignation in a heartbeat... and grab an Xbox on the way home!

I never generalized fat women as slobs.

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StrangeLife said:

Of course you can fix other people.

Yeah, I know the opposite is frequently said, but that's a cop-out. If it was my wife that had suddenly developed balloonitis, I'd have that problem taken care of before she knew what happened.

Her ass wouldn't have a prayer, trust me.

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StrangeLife said:

If I had the choice between a wife that was willing and awesome in bed or 200K extra a year, I'd go for the hot wife.

Or to turn it around, I would never dump a girl because of her inability to generate a high income, but if she killed our sex life without a valid reason I would.

I have often lived with partners who didn't work.

Money was never a parameter when I was "auditioning" - even during times when I was poor.

Like I said, we don't know why she suddenly beach-balled like that.

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You keep paying lip service to how decent you are. I think your vernacular is a bit telling.

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StrangeLife said:

We aren't talking about existing - you can do that as a hustler. It's about the standard of living and priorities. What's most important - a great sex-life or an extra car? If I had the choice between a wife that was willing and awesome in bed or 200K extra a year, I'd go for the hot wife. Or to turn it around, I would never dump a girl because of her inability to generate a high income, but if she killed our sex life without a valid reason I would.

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Everybody's entitled to their preferences. I suspect yours might shift a bit if you ever do experience a spell of long-term unemployment and poverty, but whether or not, you have every right to decide that you value hotness over somebody who's willing to work for a living.

But I very much hope you communicated that to your wife before the two of you got together.

She was 5 feet and 100 pound! When she was 20 she still shopped in the teen section of the clothes store. How was he supposed to know that that would even be an issue within 3 years?

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I dunno, maybe the same way that she was supposed to know that when he said "for better or for worse, until death do us part" he didn't actually mean it?

Unexpected stuff happens in a relationship. People get sick or injured, they lose their jobs, they get pregnant when they weren't expecting it or can't get pregnant when they want to. If you're not willing to deal with some shocks along the way, you've got no business signing up for a long-term relationship.

If one person is deliberately exploiting their partner's loyalty, then all bets are off, in my view - but that doesn't seem likely to be what's going on here. I've never heard of a woman getting up and saying "today I'm going to start gaining weight so I can be ridiculed by half the world and become unattractive to my husband!"

Like I said, we don't know why she suddenly beach-balled like that.

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Hold on to that thought. It's a good one.

But in either case it was never a question of blaming her - nobody does that.

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Perhaps I've been misreading your posts. I thought these bits sounded quite blame-y:

the pregnancy excuse doesn't apply

One could be tempted to make the assumption that the woman in question only kept in shape in order to land a good husband, and then afterwards felt secure enough to stop making an effort

her overweight is self afflicted. She did it all by herself, yet her husband suffers for it

she has unilaterally robbed them both of all that in return for the selfish pleasure of over-eating on chips and candy.

I will still maintain that there is a significant culpability on the part of the fatee. It simply doesn't happen without a hand moving the spoon and the jaw chewing.

StrangeLife said:

Councillor? Try "priest".

Yep - it's that kind of family. And since we all know that the D-word was invented by Satan I can guarantee that they have been councilled to the point of exhaustion and beyond.

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Apologies for the delay in replying - alcohol played a significant factor

All I would really add to the comments is that if they are relying on a virgin in a dress to save their relationship then they are truly screwed. Seriously, are they that weak-willed that they can't look beyond what a hierarchical money-grabbing organisation that relies on fear to gain adherents tells them to do?

I get that you are stuck in this situation without wanting to be, and I get that you are playing Devil's Advocate (I probably would too, hell, I have done in the past), but it seems to me that you could actually do some good here - being an intelligent, sentient being unlike most of the braindead sheep who can only act when Monsignor tells them to. Pick up the phone. Talk to this woman. Ask her if there is something you could help with. Be a friend. Then talk to the man involved, if he'll listen. Find out if he has tried to help, and see if he needs help himself. Again, be a friend. The worst that can happen is that they tell you to 'fuck off'. The best that can happen is that you could be directly responsible for helping to save a relationship - a noble thing. The reality will probably be somewhere in between, but I'm guessing you'll be the one person who is listening to them rather than forcing dogma on them.

Cruel2BKind said:

You are losing your high ground. If you had ANY to begin with.

I'm reading every single one of your posts, and each one goes thus:

"Okay, I know that you just said a bunch of reasonable things, BUT HEY SHE'S A STUPID FAT BITCH WHO CAN'T STOP EATING AMIRITE?"

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I never said she was stupid - she's a political science major or something like that. But for some reason she has changed her lifestyle in a way that has completely transformed her physically in a timespan of just three years. There can be many reasons for that and intelligence or lack thereof do not factor into any of them.

Cruel2BKind said:

Every argument you make is putting sex on a huge pedestal. Comparing a loser who refuses to pull their weight to somebody who gains weight? There is a huge difference between somebody who isn't helping to keep themselves and their partner sheltered, fed, clean, and safe. Vs a partner who isn't as hawt as they used to be.

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Because sex is of immense importance for the stability of a marriage. If you look at the divorce statistics, a bad sex life features prominently as one of the main reasons why men file for divorce. It's apparently less important for the opposite sex judging from their top reasons and maybe that is why many women are completely blindsided when hubby suddenly wants out of a "well functioning" marriage.

Remember the old rule: "If ya ain't fucking it, it ain't yours"

Cruel2BKind said:

I mean, do you even fucking hear yourself? Calling this woman doubling in weight 'willful and neglectful'. Calling her weight loss a conscious fuck-you to her husband? Oh, I'm sorry, is your wife trying to treat this woman like a human being? Does that make you roll your eyes?

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Assuming that her weight gain doesn't have a medical reason, she has done it wilfully (unless you believe that some third party shoved food down her throat) and she has been neglectful (because the ultimate person in charge of your lifestyle is you). And that is a slap in the face of her husband because he depends on her for physical love, according to the normal parameters for a marriage.

She was in charge of the object of his desire and failed to take proper care of it. That's not a gender specific thing - a man could have made the same infraction...

Cruel2BKind said:

I have a feeling that you thought your side would be more popular in this poll. I have a feeling that you think you should have more support than you do.

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I knew it would create a few emotional responses, but yes - this being an authors forum on an erotica site I had expected a more prominent ability to empathise with both sides. It was probably a mistake to make the poll public... I think an anonymous poll would have provided a more realistic picture given the nature of the subject of discussion.

That's my point. You assume there isn't s medical reason she gained weight, and you assume she doesn't try nor does she care. It's calories in vs. Calories out. No exceptions or possibility beyond that. She...to use your word, is a slob

You don't come across as reasonable and intelligent. You sound like an ass..

robertreams said:

I wonder if either of them thought of talking to one another. If he has let it go on for three years or more, she must be quite unhappy and he should have begun the struggle then. Staying together is everyday work, but can be a work of art and joy.

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I suspect the separation is the culmination of a long process, most of which has taken place behind closed doors. He probably didn't suddenly wake up one day and say, "Whoa! You're fat. I'm gone."

I would hope he has done his outmost to make her fix the situation before walking out.

Cruel2BKind said:

You keep paying lip service to how decent you are. I think your vernacular is a bit telling.

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I don't know whether people see me as a decent person or not C2BK, but I try my best to be one and never deliberately hurt anybody (unless they deserve it or beg me to ).

The remark about "fixing my wife" for instance should be understood as "rather than dumping her if she does something I can't accept." Or to phrase it differently, "not give up on her easily." I don't see how that philosophy is supposed to put me in a bad light as a husband.

Bramblethorn said:

Everybody's entitled to their preferences. I suspect yours might shift a bit if you ever do experience a spell of long-term unemployment and poverty, but whether or not, you have every right to decide that you value hotness over somebody who's willing to work for a living.

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Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes. Of course a situation can arise where making money becomes crucial in order to secure our existence. But hopefully we will spend most of our lives in a financial zone where "we have what we need, but more money would of course always be nice."

In such a situation, if the price of "more money" is "less sex" then it's too high.

Bramblethorn said:

But I very much hope you communicated that to your wife before the two of you got together.

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It's my second marriage - I've learned my lesson. We both have a pretty clear picture of how to make it work.

Bramblethorn said:

If one person is deliberately exploiting their partner's loyalty, then all bets are off, in my view - but that doesn't seem likely to be what's going on here. I've never heard of a woman getting up and saying "today I'm going to start gaining weight so I can be ridiculed by half the world and become unattractive to my husband!"

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Hold on here. Why do so many people insist on removing the responsibility for poor life style choices from those who make them?

"Poor drug addict - he had a traumatic child hood"

"Poor rapist - he was molested by an uncle"

"Poor gangsta - he grew up in a tough hood"

"Poor cheater - his wife doesn't understand him"

"Poor fat guy - he has an emotional crisis"

"Poor slut - her daddy never loved her."

I am sorry, but that's no better than when religious nuts blame it all on the devil. Our ability to make informed choices is what sets us apart from animals, and that ability comes with a responsibility to make the right choices and own up to the consequences if we don't. You can't explain every bad action away as if we don't have a choice.

Bramblethorn said:

Perhaps I've been misreading your posts. I thought these bits sounded quite blame-y:

the pregnancy excuse doesn't apply

One could be tempted to make the assumption that the woman in question only kept in shape in order to land a good husband, and then afterwards felt secure enough to stop making an effort

her overweight is self afflicted. She did it all by herself, yet her husband suffers for it

she has unilaterally robbed them both of all that in return for the selfish pleasure of over-eating on chips and candy.

I will still maintain that there is a significant culpability on the part of the fatee. It simply doesn't happen without a hand moving the spoon and the jaw chewing.

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He filed for divorce. If we ignore the religious faction (I usually do ) the question is: Was it a marriage that just didn't work due to mutual incompatibilities or is he a selfish ass who walked out on his young wife?

In other words, the focus is on him - not on her.

What I have suggested is, that there are mitigating circumstances in his favor. Her rapid weight gain changed the parameters of the marriage and that gives her an amount of culpability which in turn lessens the karmic load on him for pulling the plug.

Everybody have certain "knock-out conditions" they cannot - or refuse to - compromise with. What if your spouse is in the NAACP and you join a nazi party? What if she is ready to start a family and you enlist in the army to go fight in some remote country after declaring that you hate kids? What if you buy your dream house in Gustavus Alaska while she only feels good in a New York apartment? What if you are a very sexual person while she loves Jesus and consider everything beyond five minutes once a month fornication?

You can change something that triggers a knock-out condition in your partner. And if you do that deliberately, it makes you culpable in the break-down of the marriage even if you aren't the one filing for divorce.

Swilly said:

That's my point. You assume there isn't s medical reason she gained weight, and you assume she doesn't try nor does she care. It's calories in vs. Calories out. No exceptions or possibility beyond that. She...to use your word, is a slob

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Yes, I do assume that. Because otherwise the poll would be meaningless. Dumping a spouse because she is sick is considered universally unacceptable, so there would be no question or discussion about the result.

Swilly said:

You don't come across as reasonable and intelligent. You sound like an ass..

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Will that be as in "Heehaw" or "Prrrrth..."? Because I have been accused of both several times...

StrangeLife said:

In such a situation, if the price of "more money" is "less sex" then it's too high.

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While I agree that sex is important in marriage, just how important it is differs from one couple to the other.

StrangeLife said:

Yes, I do assume that. Because otherwise the poll would be meaningless. Dumping a spouse because she is sick is considered universally unacceptable, so there would be no question or discussion about the result.

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But I found the poll to be meaningless anyway. I looked at the question, then the options, which allow no nuance. I still hold that gaining 80lbs in three years is more than just letting oneself go.

PennLady said:

But I found the poll to be meaningless anyway. I looked at the question, then the options, which allow no nuance. I still hold that gaining 80lbs in three years is more than just letting oneself go.

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There are no nuances in this question. Either you would or you wouldn't.

The "elasticism" in the decision is provided by the intangible definition of the concept of "letting yourself go." The interpretation is solely at the discretion of the spouse and people have very different expectations and thresholds of tolerance. If a massive weight gain isn't a problem for you, then pick another issue.

What for instance if your husband bought himself a Harley, let his hair and beard grow wild, got tattoos all over his body and informed you that, "Next holiday we're going to Sturgis bitch"?


We all have limits...