More than one online sub?

The bottom line is only you can decide what is acceptable and what is not. But, if you are wanting an online Dom to be your one and only then you are probably expecting too much.

Stella_Omega said:

I swear though, SO MANY heteros talk about BDSM in a way they might as well be talking about marriage. Instead of engagement rings, they talk about a "Collar of consideration" and then they all can't wait to be COLLARED FOREVER AND EVER!

It's.. I guess it's kind of sweet.

Click to expand...

Most marriages that I have been unfortunate enough to observe seem to devolve into some kind of psychological warfare to try and deside who's on top. At least when someone is Collared don't have that crap. But the forever and ever thing is often way over the top.

CutieMouse said:

A better way of thinking about it, is that there are so many people online claiming to be dominant and/ or submissive. Which means there are plenty of fish in the kinky sea - even if it doesn't feel like it.

It's a pretty common tactic for people to identify as "dominant" online, when they really just want some cheap [as in, free] cybersex, nude pictures, or sometimes just because they think it's fun to see what they can "order" someone to do.

It's also a pretty common tactic for someone to identify as "submissive" online, because they really just want some cheap [as in, free] cybersex, escape from day to day responsibilities, or sometimes just because they think it's fun to see what someone might "order" them to do.

In the end, remember...

Click to expand...

Love the way CutieMouse manages to say things so much better than I ever could. Could I borrow you sometime have a few people I need to negotiate with and I open my mouth I'm gonna make it worse.

Most online doms and subs are pretty fake the amount of online doms who have told me how much they are into bdsm then get upset when I interrupt the cyber to point out that I'm not into being stomped, beaten with a baseball bat or carved up with knives. Now I'm hoping they never try to play in the real world and if they do then the police and paramedics better be close by.

Maybe I'm just serial killer bait

Make sure your safe word is 911 and say it loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

999 works better over here, but were I live screaming seems a bit too normal so shouting fire is most likely to work no one wants their house to burn down and mine will take theirs with it.

bdsmshade said:

Most online doms and subs are pretty fake the amount of online doms who have told me how much they are into bdsm then get upset when I interrupt the cyber to point out that I'm not into being stomped, beaten with a baseball bat or carved up with knives.

Click to expand...

And see, those are the times I question how exactly one DOES THAT, in an "online" arrangement.

I do recognize that there are online relationships/ arrangements that work, that do involve physical activities (spank yourself, etc). However, every so often there are people out there who go into these really really elaborate setups, and I'm thinking "huh... how exactly does one get beaten by a baseball bat or "stomped on" [via the online dominant], when there is A) no baseball bat in the vicinity, and B) the online dominant lives 3 continents away?"

CutieMouse said:

And see, those are the times I question how exactly one DOES THAT, in an "online" arrangement.

I do recognize that there are online relationships/ arrangements that work, that do involve physical activities (spank yourself, etc). However, every so often there are people out there who go into these really really elaborate setups, and I'm thinking "huh... how exactly does one get beaten by a baseball bat or "stomped on" [via the online dominant], when there is A) no baseball bat in the vicinity, and B) the online dominant lives 3 continents away?"

Click to expand...

Well cyber sex can only really work if everyone plays along with the fantasy thats probably why they get frustrated when you resist their little psycho games. Easy to do when they are 100 miles away but, then occasionally hear of some fruitcake who tryed pulling the same thing in the real world and suddenly sex with humans seems stupid.

I have done cyber and sometimes it's been really good and positive but not so sure about online relationships. Sometimes just want a hug that isn't in brackets

Online, pretty much anything goes, regardless of what the majority think. When they get together, people consent, but usually on the basis of insufficient information.

quicky1 said:

Online, pretty much anything goes, regardless of what the majority think. When they get together, people consent, but usually on the basis of insufficient information.

Click to expand...

Are you speaking for others than yourself?

quicky1 said:

Online, pretty much anything goes, regardless of what the majority think. When they get together, people consent, but usually on the basis of insufficient information.

Click to expand...

Anything goes? Not really, though. Each relationship is different, and generalizing is almost always a bad idea.

This thread has good info. Nice to see some "old posters. Glad it was bumped.

ToPleaseHim said:

Anything goes? Not really, though. Each relationship is different, and generalizing is almost always a bad idea.

Click to expand...

Now waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait just a minute...

cookiecat said:

This thread has good info.

Click to expand...

Where?

quicky1 said:

Online, pretty much anything goes, regardless of what the majority think. When they get together, people consent, but usually on the basis of insufficient information.

Click to expand...

I think Quicky has a point. Not sure it is the one intended, but still, it's there.

On line, in an environment where the 30-something, bisexual mother of two looking for a good with a another woman can actually be a guy and his two best friends looking to score boob pics... anyone can declare themselves to be anything.

(Side note: I get a chuckle out of people in any forum or site reciting the litany of why their opinions are valid. Maybe you are a lawyer. Maybe you are a subject matter expert. But in an on line discussion, this with whom you disagree aren't likely to buy it or assign you expert status.)

The same extends to PYL/pyl and I BELIEVE that this goes to Quicky's point re: insufficient information. And worse, if someone's first experience with our thing is at the mercy of someone without a clue, they have no frame of reference to even know that (insert insane, unsafe, non-consensual act here) isn't what BDSM is about. And it's that utter lack of a capability to know what you don't know that leads people into an "anything goes" mindset. Those with RW experiences may know full well that cutting is a bit over the edge -relatively- but the newbie looking to understand themselves has no idea.

So, for all the wrong reasons and in all the wrong ways, a climate does indeed exist where "anything goes".

Gotham_Central said:

I think Quicky has a point. Not sure it is the one intended, but still, it's there.

On line, in an environment where the 30-something, bisexual mother of two looking for a good with a another woman can actually be a guy and his two best friends looking to score boob pics... anyone can declare themselves to be anything.

(Side note: I get a chuckle out of people in any forum or site reciting the litany of why their opinions are valid. Maybe you are a lawyer. Maybe you are a subject matter expert. But in an on line discussion, this with whom you disagree aren't likely to buy it or assign you expert status.)

The same extends to PYL/pyl and I BELIEVE that this goes to Quicky's point re: insufficient information. And worse, if someone's first experience with our thing is at the mercy of someone without a clue, they have no frame of reference to even know that (insert insane, unsafe, non-consensual act here) isn't what BDSM is about. And it's that utter lack of a capability to know what you don't know that leads people into an "anything goes" mindset. Those with RW experiences may know full well that cutting is a bit over the edge -relatively- but the newbie looking to understand themselves has no idea.

So, for all the wrong reasons and in all the wrong ways, a climate does indeed exist where "anything goes".

Click to expand...

That's why you talk on the phone.
If your girl is a boy and you want to believe she's your girl, go right ahead.

Farawyn said:

That's why you talk on the phone.
If your girl is a boy and you want to believe she's your girl, go right ahead.

Click to expand...

Certainly, when you can, you do. But, how does that address the issue of inexperienced or downright unsafe PYLs?

bdsmshade said:

Most online doms and subs are pretty fake the amount of online doms who have told me how much they are into bdsm then get upset when I interrupt the cyber to point out that I'm not into being stomped, beaten with a baseball bat or carved up with knives. Now I'm hoping they never try to play in the real world and if they do then the police and paramedics better be close by.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I've gotten responses along the lines of, "Oh, wow, you're actually sane," when I have not lead with some utterly ridiculous instruction, or when I've talked about things like wanting to know what their circumstances realistically allowed them to do, or about safety.

I remember one girl in particular who said something like, "A lot of guys want me to just take my clothes off and run down the street(!)" Seriously, how can even a horny teenager be so stupid? If she ever did follow that instruction, presumably she'd either be arrested, or there'd at least be an uproar that would keep her from ever getting back to that part of the Internet. In either case, her new "Dom" would never hear from her again, and if he was lucky, that would be the end of the consequences to him.

I guess a lot of the people "exploring" online simply go into it assuming that it's all fantasy on both ends.

Gotham_Central said:

(Side note: I get a chuckle out of people in any forum or site reciting the litany of why their opinions are valid. Maybe you are a lawyer. Maybe you are a subject matter expert. But in an on line discussion, this with whom you disagree aren't likely to buy it or assign you expert status.)

Click to expand...

Most often it's not really about an opinion (as there is no true or false there), but about facts. People who have no particular knowledge about something declare a fact as wrong, because the fact would invalidate their opinion. Argueing with people who have never ever read a single law and couldn't explain the difference between intent and willful negligence if their life would depend on it, are disagreeing with facts about such topics. I don't think it has anything to do with credibility though - they wouldn't listen to an actual lawyer either.

(Side side note: I think the scientific community makes a big mistake by insisting on the term "climate change". They should break it down, like 'water level raise challenge'.)

And worse, if someone's first experience with our thing is at the mercy of someone without a clue, they have no frame of reference to even know that (insert insane, unsafe, non-consensual act here) isn't what BDSM is about. And it's that utter lack of a capability to know what you don't know that leads people into an "anything goes" mindset. Those with RW experiences may know full well that cutting is a bit over the edge -relatively- but the newbie looking to understand themselves has no idea.

Click to expand...

I think you are overestimating the saneness of the offline population. There is also no magical newbie detector that activates when you go offline. I'm sure just right now some dude points a gun at some girl just for the excitement who has never even heard about BDSM. 99% of what happens in the bedroom (or a relationship) is learning-by-doing. The 1 "I'm new and want to inform me"-person we perceive seems relevant, but just because we don't see the 99 other people who go:"That sounds hot! Let's do it."

I can't recall that I was ever asked in the offline world the last 20 years about my "BDSM expertise". It just has no relevance for the interaction of people (professional paid services excluded).