The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

It's important to realise that there are women in the same position perhaps not as many but we do exist. When two people have been married a long time and the sex drives become very different it is very difficult to know how to deal with it. In my case my older husband has been losing interest in sex and it's become very infrequent and predictable. Whereas for me as his sex drive has diminished mine has grown perhaps frustration I don't know. At least I have this safe place to come where I can talk openly and honestly about my situation as it is so hard in real life to talk to friends and family about the subject even difficult to talk to my husband about it. Other than cheating which I feel is not an option for me there is very little you can do about it if you wish to keep a marriage in tact you just have to get on with life make the most of it and make the most of your fantasies. Xx

It's an unfortunate situation all around. Despite the difficulty it may be worth taking the chance and discussing the issue with your husband. Easy for me to say, I know.

I'm very fortunate, as is Larkfield, where as my wife knew that her change in interest in carnal activities would be a sacrifice for me and gladly suggested that I meet someone else. She even went as far as to offer to introduce me to a couple of her co-workers who expressed interest in me.

It's a shame that life issues that can easily be resolved are so difficult to cope with.
 
I used to have a very popular sex blog. 95% of my audience was male, and a whole lot of those guys were dealing with this same issue. It kept my inbox slammed, as they all wanted advice on what to do.

For some older couples, the woman had simply lost interest. It's probably not coming back, and it pains me to say, there is nothing the husband can do about it. But in many cases, the root of the problem was clearly menopausal. Hormone replacement therapy might help. (Please note that I said "might.") I do know several women for whom HRT has been a godsend, and a previously sexless marriage turned into a fuckfest.

There was, however, a very common thread in the stories I was told: She gained weight and didn't feel sexy anymore, and he, being long married, no longer chased her. The two seemed to feed on each other.

You can't make your wife/gf lose weight, but you can return to chasing her. Guys, for women, sex is about a relationship. The one-night-stand with a hot guy is a nice fantasy, but we want to be held in regard and appreciated. If you go about your day and do your things, every day, and then suddenly want sex, it feels like I'm an afterthought.

Lots of guys got angry when I suggested the above, writing things like, "You mean I have to jump through hoops to fuck my own wife?"

Please read that quote again. It totally explains why the writer is not getting sex. Can you see it?

I'm not suggesting that what I have written above will help everyone or even anyone, but I felt it was worth mentioning. People get married and they stop dating. Try dating. Pursue her. What have you got to lose?



I think we all want to be appreciated, desired and chased. No doubt it is often the case that a husband isn't doing enough to rekindle that spirit. But we also need to be careful of always putting that onus on the man and/or ignoring the things that he does or only paying attention when we are receptive.

I have recounted a few times the story of a friend whose husband was doing everything possible to chase her for a very long time with no success. She was going through her own issues and she wasn't receptive to his efforts. That is ok she didn't "owe" it to him to pretend to be receptive when she wasn't. But she does owe it to him to understand how he feels and how her rejection affected him. It isn't up to him to gear it up again the minute she is receptive. It isn't reasonable that her emotional state is of paramount importance but he is supposed to just slough off years of rejection like nothing.

Sometimes it is her (or my) turn to give back, to do some chasing and make him feel desired.

The premise of "jumping through hoops to fuck your own wife" can be seen from more than one perspective. Surely there is the entitled man who thinks she should just service his needs. But there is also the genuine and sincere man giving his all to a wife who rejects him on a whim. And reality usually lies somewhere in between.
 
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I used to have a very popular sex blog. 95% of my audience was male, and a whole lot of those guys were dealing with this same issue. It kept my inbox slammed, as they all wanted advice on what to do.

For some older couples, the woman had simply lost interest. It's probably not coming back, and it pains me to say, there is nothing the husband can do about it. But in many cases, the root of the problem was clearly menopausal. Hormone replacement therapy might help. (Please note that I said "might.") I do know several women for whom HRT has been a godsend, and a previously sexless marriage turned into a fuckfest.

There was, however, a very common thread in the stories I was told: She gained weight and didn't feel sexy anymore, and he, being long married, no longer chased her. The two seemed to feed on each other.

You can't make your wife/gf lose weight, but you can return to chasing her. Guys, for women, sex is about a relationship. The one-night-stand with a hot guy is a nice fantasy, but we want to be held in regard and appreciated. If you go about your day and do your things, every day, and then suddenly want sex, it feels like I'm an afterthought.

Lots of guys got angry when I suggested the above, writing things like, "You mean I have to jump through hoops to fuck my own wife?"

Please read that quote again. It totally explains why the writer is not getting sex. Can you see it?

I'm not suggesting that what I have written above will help everyone or even anyone, but I felt it was worth mentioning. People get married and they stop dating. Try dating. Pursue her. What have you got to lose?


Funny how it is completely appropriate for women to regard men as an afterthought. When a woman goes through her day doing her things the man is supposed to be understanding and solicitous and earn her affections. Then it is reversed - it is up to him to understand her things, not up to her to set them aside.

All she has to do is show up......if she feels like it and not if she doesn't.......like he is an afterthought.

And precisely how long do you pursue somebody before it is reasonable to say well maybe that is enough rejection?
 
Oh, if only I could predict the stock market as well as I predicted the responses to my post.

In my own defense, please let me reiterate a sentence in my post. "There was, however, a very common thread in the stories I was told."

I have that common thread to provide, nothing else. And also, I didn't hear from women. I heard from men. That's the only information I have to convey.

And before you try to troll me about my perspective, might I remind you of the title of this thread?
 
Divorced but its why...

I started out married. Been married 3 times and all 3 ended due to their medical or emotional issues. My last marriage ended when in the last yr of feeling alone in the same room with wife we divorced. My next SO started OK but she had no where my sex drive but it was good when it was. In Sep 2012 she developed medical issues and we wound up having sex only twice since then. She actually moved home out of state to be around family in Dec due to health and I have been alone since then. I love sex and I'm good at it but I'm really afraid of a new relationship for fear it will wind up with me as a SO caretaker the rest of my life(I was willing to do this with last SO) and not an equal partnership of love and desires. I don't have a lot of options to meet new women anyway but I don't want to die...eventually (Im healthy with only an ex-military knee issue)alone with no one.
 
I think it is relatively rare that both partners have equal interest in sex. Even if they do the timing or intensity won't always line up.

It seems that there are all kinds of sexual scenarios that can still work. Maybe non-monogamy or genuine understanding and effort on the part of both parties. Relationships all take work.

I just think it is key that it be a two-way street. IMO we are far too inundate and influenced by gender stereotypes that facilitate both partners ignoring or minimizing the perspective of their partners. Too often we let cultural norms or trite advice guide us. Like in the discussion above - it is completely valid that some men need to do more to demonstrate their affection and entice their wife but as a man I sometimes feel that we are too quick to jump to that assumption and any suggestion that the wife may not be doing her part meets with recrimination. Truth is either or both could be the case and the best approach is mutual and honest reflection with a concerted effort to avoid stereotypes.
 
Still signing up for this club

Now been the best part of 12 months since full sex. 6 month's since any intimacy, and then 5 thrusts in she climaxed and I was told to "finish off in the bathroom".

5 years since regular sex.

First 3 years she was insatiable.


It sucks. Big time. Her depression rules our lives. She's a great mother to our kid, but right now that's it.

She doesn't work, socialise, or exercise any more.

Kissing, hand holding, and even affection has died.

Please and thank you doesn't even exist. It's just blunt request and instructions.

Nothing anyone does is good enough for her. Ever.

Have I tried to talk about it? Hell yeah I have, her reply?

"Not now"

Or "stop being so selfish"

Nothing is her fault, ever.


Years of battling this has taken it's toll.

Now at the point where it's a choice between;

* An affair (small town, I'm no looker)
* Leave - small child. She'll ruin me financially, and use the child against me. Her mother would love it.
* Get her to sort the problems.
* Shut up. Say nothing. hope for a better day in the future.


The latter terrifies me, do I want children growing up walking on eggshells because she's so delicate?


8 out of the last 10 years I've tolerated this. Supported her. I've been mindful of her mental, physical and imaginary health problems..


But I'm tired. Sexless marriage at 30, is that acceptable?
 
Now been the best part of 12 months since full sex. 6 month's since any intimacy, and then 5 thrusts in she climaxed and I was told to "finish off in the bathroom".

5 years since regular sex.

First 3 years she was insatiable.


It sucks. Big time. Her depression rules our lives. She's a great mother to our kid, but right now that's it.

She doesn't work, socialise, or exercise any more.

Kissing, hand holding, and even affection has died.

Please and thank you doesn't even exist. It's just blunt request and instructions.

Nothing anyone does is good enough for her. Ever.

Have I tried to talk about it? Hell yeah I have, her reply?

"Not now"

Or "stop being so selfish"

Nothing is her fault, ever.


Years of battling this has taken it's toll.

Now at the point where it's a choice between;

* An affair (small town, I'm no looker)
* Leave - small child. She'll ruin me financially, and use the child against me. Her mother would love it.
* Get her to sort the problems.
* Shut up. Say nothing. hope for a better day in the future.


The latter terrifies me, do I want children growing up walking on eggshells because she's so delicate?


8 out of the last 10 years I've tolerated this. Supported her. I've been mindful of her mental, physical and imaginary health problems..


But I'm tired. Sexless marriage at 30, is that acceptable?


No that is not acceptable. Look at all the possibilities. Do everything in your power to make s change that is not detrimental to her. But do not accept the premise that it always comes back to you needing to do more.
 
No that is not acceptable. Look at all the possibilities. Do everything in your power to make s change that is not detrimental to her. But do not accept the premise that it always comes back to you needing to do more.

Oddly enough your claims sound very similar to my own experiences. My 2nd wife became bipolar,and menopause at the same time. She would get angry and distant with me and hold it for weeks. But other people never saw that side. She has since gotten balanced medication, realized she is a sub, rid herself of her compulsions to please EVERYONE, and has anxiety issues. Now in the beginning our sex was AMAZING. She was the only oral providing partner I ever had. She could ride me for he's Cummings multiple times, and I could get her to squirt beyond the length of a king size bed. She gushes now. We haven't fucked for many years since our divorce...3 times actually... but not since she realized her sub status.

So there really are possible reasons that are correctable if she...and with your help can get to those better days.
 
Oddly enough your claims sound very similar to my own experiences. My 2nd wife became bipolar,and menopause at the same time. She would get angry and distant with me and hold it for weeks. But other people never saw that side. She has since gotten balanced medication, realized she is a sub, rid herself of her compulsions to please EVERYONE, and has anxiety issues. Now in the beginning our sex was AMAZING. She was the only oral providing partner I ever had. She could ride me for he's Cummings multiple times, and I could get her to squirt beyond the length of a king size bed. She gushes now. We haven't fucked for many years since our divorce...3 times actually... but not since she realized her sub status.

So there really are possible reasons that are correctable if she...and with your help can get to those better days.

That's what she was like in the beginning.

Then a year before kids. Medication helped.

However all meds stopped for pregnancy, breastfeeding etc and never resumed.

So now, we're back at square one. "I'm fine, I don't need meds"

Equally, GP, friends etc can see her unhappiness beyond childcare.

Her mother is a depression denier. Never her daughter's mental health issues, it's always someone else fault... Job, friends, me, the town, etc etc.

As hard as this is to admit, if I worked away or such... I'd be actively looking for sex outside of marriage.

Had fwb in my youth, done right it's exquisitely simple. Both get release,no expectations or demands.


Cruz of the issue is were opposites.. stress makes me want to fuck for release, no different to exercise, drink, or smoking.

Her, stress kills her libido stone dead.
 
No that is not acceptable. Look at all the possibilities. Do everything in your power to make s change that is not detrimental to her. But do not accept the premise that it always comes back to you needing to do more.



"You need to do more"

Or "you need to be more understanding"

Is all I've heard from her and her mother for the last few years.


I could work 2 jobs, not go to bed for a week, keep the house spotless, and win father of the year... They'd both state the above because I'd missed a glass to be washed, or forgot one item on a 3 page shopping list.
 
I imagine some of you Masturbate daily to satisfy your sexual needs? What if you stopped and asked your partner to fulfill that need? (I understand this thread is about having a partner that does not fulfill your sexual needs etc.This is a what if.) What IF every time your were horny you made a pact to tell your partner?

I bet we can all think of ways that something like this could go wrong. Insensitive comments like, "Again?" or "Is that all you think about?" is just one way.

But I suggest we look at something like this in a positive way and it may lead to something very good. Example: Telling your wife that you are turned on and want to be with her physically could be taken as a compliment. Another thought is this kind of arrangement COULD lead to more communication about sex. Example: I send a msg to my wife while she is at work that I am very horny for her. She replies asking me to describe what I am thinking about. I tell her and now I am really turned on. She may tell me to wait for her until she gets home or tell me it is okay to masturbate. Or make up a different scenario, the key is the wife becomes part of your sexual play even solo sex. The same can be done for the woman, confessing/sharing whenever she feels turned on with her husband.

I can see where this could even go a step further into talking about feelings and emotions. After having sex, "I feel great and I am in a good mood. I feel close to you because you took time out to please me." Prior to sex, "I am irritable and frustrated. I feel ignored or neglected."

ES

My suggestion above is more about taking the desire to have sex with your wife and translating it into a language that she may understand and appreciate. A positive loving sentiment like: "I want to be with you, hold you, make love to you."
This one statement will not save a marriage, it is about talking in a language that will work for both of you. It may be a while before you find it.

The way I see it, men have a need for sexual release and affection. Typically, in a loving relationship they are experienced together when they make love and sometimes during the day a woman will show affection through touching, smiles, comments, etc. Fast forward in the relationship several years and the man will get much less affection, so his need for it in the bedroom will increase. If there is no sex in the relationship the need for release and affection goes way up. A guy can provide his own release but he is still missing the affection part. If things are not resolved in many cases this leads to divorce.

Some have suggested relationships where the woman lets the man seek sex outside their relationship. While I am not a fan, I can see how that would work because the man is getting sexual release. But it would work only if he is still getting affection from his wife. If he is getting affection from the other woman it may be a problem.

Many times the need for sexual release and affection can combine into one need. If that need is not being met, it feels like we (men) are being rejected. It is more because of the lack of affection I feel.

Some women see the need for sexual release in men as bad vs natural and healthy. Then as if to reinforce this statement, when the woman does have sex with a man it is usually when he is starving for release and he is more selfish than normal. In some cases her needs are barely tended to or forgotten.

I have read most of the posts on this thread. I do understand both sides of this. I know it is not easy. Example: Some women have told me they want to be appreciated and not just seen as a "vessel" to get off in. I will be the first to raise my hand and say that during sex their have been times when I am very turned on, close to orgasm, and thinking how bad I want to shoot my load into her vessel! During that heated moment I do feel that way, but after I have cum, I think about how wonderful it was that she let me do that. I see the person inside and feel genuine affection. I don't like getting that "Primal", "animalistic", or out of control with just anyone. Just my lady, it is very personal. Perhaps women can see this as a good thing and the affection something good too.


ES
 
What if, when you tell her all of the above, how badly you want her, her reply is;

"Wait until I'm in bed, wank if you must"
 
Here's a thought: vaginal het sex means the man has to have an erection. He has to want it, to want her. So women want to be wanted, so sex can happen. What happens if pegging becomes more widely accepted? No longer does the man need to be in the mood; her desire and his shrugging acceptance are sufficient.

Anyone with pegging experience in a long-term het relationship have anything to add about its apparent effects on desire?

And what about men without that experience: have you tried getting into the headspace of a person whose sexual identity comes from being fucked, and not being the fucker? Has that helped you understand your woman better?
 
Now been the best part of 12 months since full sex. 6 month's since any intimacy, and then 5 thrusts in she climaxed and I was told to "finish off in the bathroom".

5 years since regular sex.

First 3 years she was insatiable.


It sucks. Big time. Her depression rules our lives. She's a great mother to our kid, but right now that's it.

She doesn't work, socialise, or exercise any more.

Kissing, hand holding, and even affection has died.

Please and thank you doesn't even exist. It's just blunt request and instructions.

Nothing anyone does is good enough for her. Ever.

Have I tried to talk about it? Hell yeah I have, her reply?

"Not now"

Or "stop being so selfish"

Nothing is her fault, ever.


Years of battling this has taken it's toll.

Now at the point where it's a choice between;

* An affair (small town, I'm no looker)
* Leave - small child. She'll ruin me financially, and use the child against me. Her mother would love it.
* Get her to sort the problems.
* Shut up. Say nothing. hope for a better day in the future.


The latter terrifies me, do I want children growing up walking on eggshells because she's so delicate?


8 out of the last 10 years I've tolerated this. Supported her. I've been mindful of her mental, physical and imaginary health problems..


But I'm tired. Sexless marriage at 30, is that acceptable?

I can relate a bit as I was once a bit like that. I often denied my husband sex. I was so upset at him for a few things, I just couldn't give myself to him.

I hope things improve for you, for us, things are getting better. I am not sure what happened, but I knew it had to change, it wasn't right. We talked about it, went on vacation, maybe those things did help.

Good luck to you
 
I can relate a bit as I was once a bit like that. I often denied my husband sex. I was so upset at him for a few things, I just couldn't give myself to him.

I hope things improve for you, for us, things are getting better. I am not sure what happened, but I knew it had to change, it wasn't right. We talked about it, went on vacation, maybe those things did help.

Good luck to you



Thanks. I tried talking about it all last night to her. Would seem that heafty weight gain since kids, and depression are to blame.

Brief moment of understanding, before the door was slammed shut on the convo. Back to "wank or cheat, your call"
 
I wouldn't exactly say no sex drive, but has been fucked up by my medication. I am working on it though. Told her I get aroused when I eat her pussy, so she says after her period we will give it a shot.
 
"You need to do more"

Or "you need to be more understanding"

Is all I've heard from her and her mother for the last few years.


I could work 2 jobs, not go to bed for a week, keep the house spotless, and win father of the year... They'd both state the above because I'd missed a glass to be washed, or forgot one item on a 3 page shopping list.


I think that outside influences can be a significant exacerbating factor in a lot of these types of situations. Friends and family who mean well have a tendency to offer opinions that are rooted in stereotypes, their own experiences or a desire to provide unqualified support. That is natural but if you have a spouse who doesn't want to face the challenges in a relationship, dialogue and perspective are hindered by outside parties who are constantly telling them that they are right. A true friend and supporter needs to be able to call them on their bullshit.

I know I may take grief for the following heretical comments but here goes......

The premise that men need to do more to romance their wife is such a default assumption that it has become a cliche that women adopt as well. Not only does it come from friends and family but from popular culture. Nearly every sitcom presents a pre-canned version of men being insensitive buffoons who need to be taught a lesson.

There is a risk that your efforts to please your wife are not engendering appreciation and recognition of your commitment but rather reinforcement of these simplistic "husband" perceptions. The harder you try the more you are taken for granted and the more she is convinced that this is the way it is supposed to be. If you establish the pattern that you are prepared to turn yourself inside out and all she has to do is show up and deign whether to have sexual relations with you then she accepts that as the norm.

As the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting to get a different result. Look deep down. If you are trying and it is based upon an honest assessment of her (not just outside assumption) and it isn't working......then you are on the wrong track.

How many women who have known a guy who takes them for granted find that kissing his ass and doing everything he wants will make him more appreciative? Anybody, anybody.......? Yes exactly. I get that men and women are different, but not that much. Women are perfectly capable of being self involved and when they are giving them more is not going to be appreciated anymore than when the roles are reversed.

The point was made earlier in the thread that many women don't want to see themselves simply as a vessel for your sexual desires. Fair enough. But when does that stop and start. Clearly if you are an unhelpful buffoon who ignores her except when you want somewhere to put your dick then there is a problem. But what if you are a caring, attentive husband who happens to be exhausted from a long day of work and want some sexual intimacy that doesn't involve a huge warm up. Is it reasonable that you be criticized for your lack of romance in that one instance as if there is no connection whatsoever to the rest of your existence together? If you are working two jobs to keep the family afloat and are always gentle and kind with the family but don't quite have enough left in you for candle light, have you not already proven your devotion?

There comes a point for any person that feels taken for granted where you must stand up for yourself. They key is to not be confrontational. Don't try to claim moral high ground or debate the right and wrong of given circumstances. You can't win an argument with someone whose mind is closed. Calmly state what you feel and what you want and stick to it. See nobody - not your wife or her mother or her friends or the people on TV - get to tell you how you feel. That is the refuge in which you and you alone are the authority.

If you don't like the way her motor treats you then claim the right not to accompany her to visit her parents or to go out when her mother comes over. Don't grandstand and bar her from the house. And when your wife starts to make excuses for her mother simply say you disagree and you don't like the way she treats you. No fuss. No debate. Don't get drawn into validating your feelings or asserting a specific characterization of her mother. Simply state clearly and calmly your right to remove yourself from situations you find unpleasant. If she insists that you do it for her use that opportunity to reinforce the fact that it is a compromise and as such has limits. Either way do not allow her to live in the delusion that her mother's influence is innocuous.

If a circumstance makes you feel unappreciated say so and if she rejects your perspective reserve AND exercise the right to opt out of repeating it. If you get rejected for dinner out three times in a row then next time plan a night with friends and go out with them. And don't ask. Tell her you have made these plans. If she complains tell her you understand that she doesn't want to go out with you and you don't want to be rejected again by her so you are going elsewhere (for companionship, not sex). If she gives a pile of excuses while she has been rejecting you, say you understand and that is why you are giving her some room. If she says that excuse doesn't apply tonight say you could not have known that, you are carrying on with your plans and hopefully next time your perspectives will align. Either way reject the premise that it is up to you to always reserve a spot for her that she may reject at a whim leaving you lonely and unappreciated.

Don't get sucked into trite romantic notions that are not reciprocated. "I'll always be there for you" is a two-way-street.

It is human nature that people take their lead from you as to how you are prepared to be treated.

The trap many spouses fall into is to accept the premise that they have to win the argument on any given point failing which the other person's perspective prevails. But that is often not the case. Going back to the mother-in-law situation, you don't have to convince you are right about her mother. That will not likely ever happen. All you have to do is claim the right to remove yourself from a situation you find unacceptable.

Obviously you want to avoid a situation in which you are withdrawing from your relationship. Don't be vindictive or mean or argumentative. Be sensitive to issues like depression and weight gain. Simply reserve the right to remove yourself from situations where you do not believe you are being appreciated. Being understanding does not need to entail taking abuse. Taking shit for missing something on the shopping list doesn't have anything to do with her body image issues.....and if it does it is because she is using you as a punching bag to take out her frustrations and she needs to be called on that shit.
 
SlutAddicted, the title of this thread is, "The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club." You need to create a thread called, "The Men Who's Wives Are Bitches Support Club."

There's a difference.
 
I think that outside influences can be a significant exacerbating factor in a lot of these types of situations. Friends and family who mean well have a tendency to offer opinions that are rooted in stereotypes, their own experiences or a desire to provide unqualified support. That is natural but if you have a spouse who doesn't want to face the challenges in a relationship, dialogue and perspective are hindered by outside parties who are constantly telling them that they are right. A true friend and supporter needs to be able to call them on their bullshit.

Sorry to cut your quite right down, but the above is the nail on the head. Her mother to a tee.

Father in law is a heavy drinking, thug, who's done time. Mother in law has a collosal chip on her shoulder.

Daughter can't cope with life. Mother reinforces that it's not her fault.

Case and point was a few years ago, wife had a breakdown,big time, even filed for divorce and started an affair.

I stood by her through it all as I knew it was depression/bipolar. 12-16 weeks of hell, most stressful time of my life.

What did her mother do?

1) reinforced her daughter with the idea that it was my fault

2) refused to admit that her daughter had mental health issues, despite them being GP logged and medicated for over a decade

3) took her to get a divorce solicitor the day after the breakdown started

4) even when her daughter admitted an affair, attempting suicide and making up DV claims to get me kicked out my own house, claimed it was my fault

5) within 72 hours of daughter/wife leaving me, was taking her flat hunting and furniture shopping for what she'd get with "her share of the house and divorce".... Which was a wholly owned gift from my parents


So yeah, a lovely woman who really knows how to support her daughtery wife.
 
That's a lot on your shoulders!

Wow, I've seen that power struggle in my own family growing up with my mom's mother putting her granddaughter agains my father. In other words, my grandmother sided with her granddaughter not her son in law or daughter. Outcome: Arguments galore.

I feel bad for the situations as this should be between you and your wife, your in-law should respect both of you, if anything she should be helping your wife to see what a good wife is.

I am trying my best to get out of the no-sex-drive relationship, but I am having a few set backs as I think my husband is mis-interpreting my hints and has become more unattractively controlling. I want him to respect me and treat me right and I will unbelievably treat him right.

In a rut at the moment, change and adaptation takes time and trial and error.
 
Wow, I've seen that power struggle in my own family growing up with my mom's mother putting her granddaughter agains my father. In other words, my grandmother sided with her granddaughter not her son in law or daughter. Outcome: Arguments galore.

I feel bad for the situations as this should be between you and your wife, your in-law should respect both of you, if anything she should be helping your wife to see what a good wife is.

I am trying my best to get out of the no-sex-drive relationship, but I am having a few set backs as I think my husband is mis-interpreting my hints and has become more unattractively controlling. I want him to respect me and treat me right and I will unbelievably treat him right.

In a rut at the moment, change and adaptation takes time and trial and error.
Patience is a virtue! - Dicky
 
Here's a thought: vaginal het sex means the man has to have an erection. He has to want it, to want her. So women want to be wanted, so sex can happen. What happens if pegging becomes more widely accepted? No longer does the man need to be in the mood; her desire and his shrugging acceptance are sufficient.

Anyone with pegging experience in a long-term het relationship have anything to add about its apparent effects on desire?

And what about men without that experience: have you tried getting into the headspace of a person whose sexual identity comes from being fucked, and not being the fucker? Has that helped you understand your woman better?

I agree with your statement above. The woman does want to be "wanted" so sex can happen. The problem is when women are wanted and they have no desire for sex themselves, for any number of reasons. That means the guy is out of luck.

Yes pegging, in my opinion, does help me understand the woman better. If my partner comes up to me and tells me she wants to peg me and I am not in the mood, I can see how that would be a problem. But I must admit that I have never actually been in that situation and I find it a bit of a turn on. To me I see it as she wants me physically and that objectification is a role reversal but a turn on for me. If I was not in the mood, her touching my ass, or grabbing my dick, telling me she wants to fuck me, would get me in the mood fairly quickly.

I would even go a step further and say that bending over and sacrificing my ass for her would be something that I would do for her and her pleasure even if I got no physical pleasure. It may hurt and I may not even have an orgasm, but knowing that she enjoyed it in some form, orgasm or just mentally would be enough for me. Sure I can think of things that would irritate me, no cuddling after, just getting up and leaving for the bathroom etc. I know these are the things that help me understand my partner better. Anything that helps me do that is good I feel.

Thanks, you brought up some good points.

ES
 
Wow, I've seen that power struggle in my own family growing up with my mom's mother putting her granddaughter agains my father. In other words, my grandmother sided with her granddaughter not her son in law or daughter. Outcome: Arguments galore.

I feel bad for the situations as this should be between you and your wife, your in-law should respect both of you, if anything she should be helping your wife to see what a good wife is.

I am trying my best to get out of the no-sex-drive relationship, but I am having a few set backs as I think my husband is mis-interpreting my hints and has become more unattractively controlling. I want him to respect me and treat me right and I will unbelievably treat him right.

In a rut at the moment, change and adaptation takes time and trial and error.



Her loyalty is to herself, even at detriment of he daughters health.

Simply will not believe that she needs help.

Good luck with your battle
 
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