Desultory and Impulsive

Secretly....

I do not want to stack wood today.

I also do not want to hangout with people

Hopefully no one will feel compelled to help and my business will make them want to go elsewhere.

Remember...

...when I slid this up inside you?

How did it feel?
What are your thoughts about it now?
Would you like for it to happen again?

Do you think about it?
About me?

This was where
I wanted her to see
That I was more than just
A passing thing.

This was where
I wanted her to
Fall in love with me.

We will worry about that when it happens.

When what happens?

I don't know. Just get in the fucking car.

Fuck you.


What?

Nothing.

Exactly. Now get in the fucking car.


She's in the trunk right?

Yes?

Feet tied?

Yes.

Gagged?

Yes.

And you are sure she wants this?

Yes.

Who gets to do her?

All of us.

All of us?

Yes.

Protection?

No.

Is she on the pill or something?

Not our problem.

Are we taking turns?

No. All at once.

She seems quiet.
Is she okay?

I drugged her?

What!
How?

Crushed some Xanax.
Made her snort it.
She didn't want to at first
Said it wasn't part of the deal

Was it?

Yes.
Saved her text messages.

How long do we have her for?

Her husband comes back late Wednesday.
I will clean her up.

What about the rope burns and bruising?

She'll figure it out.

"I feel the need to tell you something."

"Okay."


"This happened some years ago.
I had taken up residence next to a large house.

It was a weird house.
Something about it wasn't right.

But then... I wasn't right.

I'm... not right.



Anyway

There was this girl.
Young.
Reminded me of my daughte...

If she had lived... I got to believing she would have been a lot like this young woman.

She had a good family
Friends...

She was loved.



She went missing.

But only for part of a night.




I was out
As I usually was

And saw the whole thing.

I fought the change
I was new.
I liked the neighborhood
I wanted to go straight
Be normal
And lose everything that I was.

I was so close to stopping
So close to forgetting

But the memory of my wife... my daughter...
It burns so deep.


She screamed as this woman grabbed her.
There was a tussle
The girl fought hard and bit down upon the woman's hand
The smell of blood filled the air.

I got hard.
I fought it.
But the blood...
A hot... salty mist
All too fine for any human to smell

But me...
A bouquet of want filled my lungs

The fine tuning...
My senses... my hearing...

A pinky finger dropped into the leaf litter
Blood from the woman's hand ran from the corner of the girls mouth.

The red of her youthful lips
Flush crimson hot

She kicked to get away just as the woman grabbed the girl violently by the hair

The sound of her voice as she held up her pinky-less hand...

"What do you think that's going to do?"

She threw the girl down.
Kicked her repeated in the abdomen

She was gasping
Then... She was out."

"It was my time.
No matter what happened.

The girl...
She experienced enough
She has seen enough
No need to see more

No need to see... me.



I jumped the fence just as two men showed up.

A father and son

' The cunt bit my finger off!...'

They had her clothing stripped off except her panties. I could see the crack of her ass threw the fabric. I began to run.

The distinct sound of zippers...

I yelled out to make my self known.

I could feel the things inside me shift...
Change... accommodating a rage I knew all to well but was getting so close to controlling.


I've gone to meetings
Made up addictions that I didn't have...
To fit in. To cope. To help go by the law...


I thought just being there would get them to stop...

All it did was get me a pipe crack to the back of the skull

The woman...

Mistake."

"Stars and blood.

I went down.

A brick to the teeth.
Enamel cracking up into my sinuses

They had their dicks out of the fly of their pants.
Flopping... but swelling.

They are laughing

Echoed memories around the raped bleeding bodies of my wife and daughter.... "burn the witches..."

"They propped the girl up over a log...

It was all so quiet.
.. the ripping last bit of her clothing


Burn the witches..."

"The change isn't pleasant.

Movies have you believe that it is.
It's not some simple jump over a long and you're some sparkly wolf

Nor is it some shift into some wolf-man thing

Bones break.
Organs move.
The pelvis... it's all so fucked up.

Skin and muscle
Growing, shifting, changing
Sliding over everything else like leather upon leather.

The sound of it all...
The skull... the muzzle extending out...
Teeth and tongue and flairing nostrils...

Like... like An American Werewolf in London... but so much more painful...

But once it's over
And you take that first erect step
And you see what your hands have become
And you feel the strength you have
And that the pain you felt that called you into being is no longer...

Fuck."

"The dad had her gagging when I ripped the face off his wife.

I wanted to crush it like a pop can but my first three fingers pierced her skull and once her eyes pop like bloated blueberry sized wood ticks I just continued with the natural momentum. Took her face right off. Bone, frontal lobe and all."

"The son was lining up behind her. The tip of his cock just touched her dry asshole when I bull-rushed him to the ground.

I took him down with such force that a trench was dug into the earth. During the slide, my knee found his scrotum and I used it along with the weight of my body to bring us to a stop. I felt his testicles down around my foot and thread what kept them still connected to his body between my toes and kicked my leg back."

"I'm not clear if I felt the twelve-gauge slug burst open my lung first... or if I heard the shot first.

Didn't matter. Half my innards were liquefied. The girl wasn't safe. And I hadn't won.

Second barrel sounds off.

My spine.
Legs go numb.

Fumbling for rounds...
He's in a panic.

Time...
Blood is coming out of my mouth.
It hurts to breath.

A round falls to the ground
Lands next to a pinky finger.

The girl.
Her lips...
Youthful... innocent...

daughter...
my daughter...


I held her. I held her so tightly.

Time...
Tissue pulling together
Nerve endings making connections...

I watched them enter into her... into my wife...
So many of them... so much blood and ejaculate...

They kicked me
Broke my legs...
Broke my body
Broke everything about me

Burn the witches..."

"The sound of a shotgun shell sliding into place is an unmistakable sound. And one you never forget if you've ever been on the receiving end.

Step..
Step...
BLAM!

head shot.
Glancing.

Cracks my skull.
Blows my ear off.

Mistake


I stand.

My breathing is difficult
But I stand.

He cracks the gun open. Fumbles for another round.

I can feel the crack in my skull begin to fuse back together.

Another round in the chamber...

I can feel the bud of another little ear begin to sprout into place

BLAM!

Another lung shot but the slug stops deep into my flesh just shy of cracking a rib.

I lunge towards him
With the back of my hands touching together and my palms turned out I felt my clawed fingers pierce his sternum.

We tumbled to the ground and I opened him up. The night became all the more silent to the sounds of his cracking ribs opening up like French doors on a refrigerator.

Straddling his open chest I took hold of his throat and proceeded to beat his face with my fist.

I could feel the warm beat of his heart fade against my balls as they nestled between his still rasping lungs as I beat his face deep into the back of his skull.

I beat him over and over
All his internal organs had loosened
And I just kept at it
Over and over and over...

I felt something softly touch me upon my back... something delicate

something I hadn't felt in a long time

A touch

A sweet soft touch.




I can't do this any more...
Tonight's visit is over.

Please... leave."

"No. I am staying."


He didn't turn around.
He didn't acknowledge me.
He just looked out the window.

"I bolted.

Ran off far and deep into the woods.
Just as I've always done.

There is safety in the dark.

I ran
Brambles and briars cutting into me
The thickets pulling me down against the earth
Holding me there
Like a mother subduing a child prone to throwing tantrums

A well rehearsed dance
The more I struggled
The tighter her embrace

The tighter her embrace
The more my panicked yelps become deep heaving sobs.

Snot
Blood
Dirt
Sweat
All streaming down my face

And she holds me until exhaustion takes hold.


And I sleep."

It's too bad I'm unable to actually write

At least in such a way that includes everything all in my head.

So much gets left out.


It makes a person wonder how much of a story they are actually getting from their favorite author.

Every time some literary asshole bitches about some movie adaptation of their favorite book... about how much better the book was etc... I want to counter with how much better the book was inside the authors head prior to being published.

9:30 am.

Carry on...

Feeling nostalgic

Thinking back upon my early days on lit

The intimacy.



It's weird.
It's also gone.



I find myself
Reminiscing upon jealousy and envy.

That smoldering feeling I would feel whenever I happened upon learning or discovering how someone that took me long to get to know was so free with themselves with someone else.

And upon being found out am told

"but I didn't know that's what you wanted..."




Those were the days.

y=mx+b said:

Thinking back upon my early days on lit

The intimacy.



It's weird.
It's also gone.



I find myself
Reminiscing upon jealousy and envy.

That smoldering feeling I would feel whenever I happened upon learning or discovering how someone that took me long to get to know was so free with themselves with someone else.

And upon being found out am told

"but I didn't know that's what you wanted..."




Those were the days.

Click to expand...

Lit’s a strange bloody place, but you are still here and still posting your gorgeous pics so I hope that’s indicative of you actually getting something out of being here,

I cannot shake this...

I stopped at Wal-Mart to get some snacks for work. There's a subway shop in the store and I planned on getting something to eat after I got my shit.

I'm checking out and looking towards subway already contemplating what I want to get

There was a young woman sitting at a table eating her meal, facing out towards the store.

She's wearing a low cut black outfit. I could only make out the top half of her and below her pretty face was a beautiful amount of healthy cleavage. And I was like... "well... hello there!" And that was pretty much it.

So I pay for my stuff and make my way to subway and I had to pass her table to order.

The closer I got
The younger she became
And I was like... "Jesus Christ I'm old and have zero business looking at that."

Confirming the assessment of myself she didn't even acknowledge me in anyway. Didn't even get a remote sense that I registered on her radar.

Which was kinda nice because it's nice feeling as though I'm not a threat. Because I'm not. I'm just a nice old man.

So I get to the counter and am told it will be a minute and I said "Okay. That's cool."

As I'm standing there waiting, the girl walks to the register end of the counter and asks for a cup for water. Which she was given. She then makes her way in my direction. Without a sense that I was even there.

I of course look

And that's when I happen to see that she's expecting. As in 7 to 8 month pregnant.

All sorts of needles go off multiple records.

First my latent pregnancy fetish alarm sounds off. Because seriously...

But that was quickly quieted by this absolute dire want to scoop her up and be all like... "okay... clearly something somewhere in the trajectory of your life went sideways. I don't care. You are with me now."

The reaction fucking about kicked my goddamn knees out from under me. Say what you will about me assuming things aren't alright and miss placed feelings that she needs a white knight. Fuck you. Perhaps you're right. I don't care. The feelings I had for her and her child were visceral and real and they pissed me the fuck off. Well they didn't up until now.

Which is why I guess I'm writing about it.

I got my sandwich (6" steak and pepper jack cheese --toasted-- mayo, pickles, black olives, and fresh spinach. Regular Doritos and Root beer instead of coke this time)

Eating it all on the way to work I got to thinking how I can see it. How if I were single and independently wealthy... I can see it.