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Submissive is married to a vanilla guy

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ddtstartrex

Virgin
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Posts
12
Well here is one for you all....tell me your thoughts.

So my Submissive is married to a vanilla guy who she loves but loves me also and is a very good submissive listens to all my demands and rules but she doesn't want to leave him but she doesn't want to loose me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place... so i ask this what should I do.... its hard sometimes but we manage.... so comment and give me your thoughts everyone
 
I agree, this is not BDSM related but more relationship related.

You entered as a second in an already dedicated relationship. I am not going to judge you as to whether it was right or wrong.
Depending on whether her significant other knows about said relationship, it could become a very tangled web, where one or all will end up hurt. Of course you being the third wheel so to speak, will end up loosing the least.
JMHO
 
Yes it is a bdsm topic master / submissive
Well interesting thoughts thank you but i dont care about him i just care about my Submissive
 
chicken/ egg.

ddtstartrex said:
Yes it is a bdsm topic master / submissive
Well interesting thoughts thank you but i dont care about him i just care about my Submissive
Click to expand...

My thought is as follows. Its not a BDSM issue.

If this was about YOUR submissive then why is she not capitulating to your wish?

Her initial realtionship dominates.

Sounds like one is not strong enough to issue an ultamatum.

I see weakness
 
Last edited:
ddtstartrex said:
Well here is one for you all....tell me your thoughts.

So my Submissive is married to a vanilla guy who she loves but loves me also and is a very good submissive listens to all my demands and rules but she doesn't want to leave him but she doesn't want to loose me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place... so i ask this what should I do.... its hard sometimes but we manage.... so comment and give me your thoughts everyone
Click to expand...

The space between rock and hard place is uncomfortable.
The only thing you can do about it is to decide whether this is a tenable situation for you in the long run or not and then act on your decision.
 
ddtstartrex said:
Yes it is a bdsm topic master / submissive
Well interesting thoughts thank you but i dont care about him i just care about my Submissive
Click to expand...

It would seem as though you care for neither other than yourself.

If you cared for her, you would take into account the relationship she has with her current husband/family and what repercussions may come about as to her being found out cheating as well as what impact it may have on the children and or spouse.

Likewise, she doesn't seem to be totally vested in the Dom/Sub relationship otherwise she would have submitted to you totally before it got to her being torn.

This is just my opinion and I am sure that there will be many others to follow.
 
You say the situation is hard but you manage. Then you ask us what you should do. I say: give up. Either you just don't have as strong a connection to this woman as you think you do or you're just not smart enough to recognize that the situation is untenable or strong enough to remove yourself from it.

Either way, you lose. Game over. Pull the plug. Put the rest of your quarters back in your pocket. Try another game. I hear that calling 1-900-BLOWME is a stunningly effective source of relief in cases like this.
 
Why do you need her to leave him now? You knew about her husband when you got together with her presumably.. I'm guessing at the time you were ok with you being an affair for your sub, rather than being her committed SO. What has changed to make that no longer acceptable?

Both me and my Dom are married to other people.. our relationship works perfectly. We are getting what we both want/need from our relationship, yet neither of us are interested in leaving our spouses. I don't see a problem with striking a balance that works for all parties involved, but it requires you both to be 100% honest with one another and with yourself about your own ability to handle that type of arrangement emotionally.
 
I'm a bit surprised here

Why is everyone acting as if this situation is all your fault. All 3 are at fault in some way or another. And you all seem to act as if pulling the plug will allow her to go back to the relationship she was 'so committed too.' From personal experience i can tell u that won't work. The problem the sub is having with her love for her husband but her need to be a sub grows and grows and grows and after so long of just being vanilla, u begin to resent your partner. You love them but u always feel like theres a peice of u missing. U get frustrated, depressed, among other things and it doesn't get better only worse. So not that its right but to get her needs met and have her husband she probably feels alot more leveled out. Content. She feels she is ok.

I just happen to be the sub in a vanilla marriage that once was kinky. And i have never yet cheated or had a dom on the side but i have comptimplated it so many times because sometimes my needs are just so overwhelming that it hurts and i cant focus or function on anything. Anyway this was just my opinion based on my experience their fellings thoughts or situation may be completely different.
 
.....
Damn! Why would you even bring such a topic up? HOW do you even find it? Don't tell me you surf the forum 100 pages deep, looking for threads that interest you?

Damn. I wrote a reply and then I saw that it's not relevant any longer.
 
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Maybe people are searching a topic. I know I've searched (stalked?! :rolleyes:) people's posts and wandered across old but interesting topics.

Sometimes dredging up old posts offers up "new" info.
Usually it just feels random and odd.
 
cookiecat said:
This thread is a year and a half old. :confused:
Click to expand...

I'm holding you responsible for my wasting precious time reading an outdated post. In the future, could you please post this information at the top of the page :D

(note to self: always check post dates before getting in too deep)
 
yukonnights said:
I'm holding you responsible for my wasting precious time reading an outdated post. In the future, could you please post this information at the top of the page :D

(note to self: always check post dates before getting in too deep)
Click to expand...

lakesailer_mi said:
Somehow, "before getting in too deep" just strikes me as funny.
Yes, I recognize, I have the mind of the 13 year old....
Click to expand...

LMAO... you guys have no idea how much I needed this levity right now.
*Pulling up a stool at the bar to try to figure out just how ancient threads pop to the top...
~who's gonna pour me a drink? :D
 
It kinda piqued my interest. Can someone please play the role of the OP so we can continue in a meaningful way?
 
1fallenangel said:
Why is everyone acting as if this situation is all your fault. All 3 are at fault in some way or another. And you all seem to act as if pulling the plug will allow her to go back to the relationship she was 'so committed too.' From personal experience i can tell u that won't work. The problem the sub is having with her love for her husband but her need to be a sub grows and grows and grows and after so long of just being vanilla, u begin to resent your partner. You love them but u always feel like theres a peice of u missing. U get frustrated, depressed, among other things and it doesn't get better only worse. So not that its right but to get her needs met and have her husband she probably feels alot more leveled out. Content. She feels she is ok.

I just happen to be the sub in a vanilla marriage that once was kinky. And i have never yet cheated or had a dom on the side but i have comptimplated it so many times because sometimes my needs are just so overwhelming that it hurts and i cant focus or function on anything. Anyway this was just my opinion based on my experience their fellings thoughts or situation may be completely different.
Click to expand...

This response, right here. I fully agree and feel as though I could have written this myself. It's a very painful situation for all parties involved.
 
ddtstartrex said:
Well here is one for you all....tell me your thoughts.

So my Submissive is married to a vanilla guy who she loves but loves me also and is a very good submissive listens to all my demands and rules but she doesn't want to leave him but she doesn't want to loose me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place... so i ask this what should I do.... its hard sometimes but we manage.... so comment and give me your thoughts everyone
Click to expand...

Introduce him slowly into what you want then tell him how sexy is when you do this soon he will come to know that you want certain things and will succumb to what you want to make you happy this is a slow seduction enjoy it and eventually you will find that he will come around to what you want
 
This is an old topic, but I'll play. :cool:

ddtstartrex said:
So here is my question..... my Submissive and i married to oth people but i control her 24 / 7 question is when i give her a punishment say not allowed sex with him for whatever time frame and then when we get together i find out she has and i ask her again and she lies again I'm at a point i just don't know what to do.... like i understand its her husband and she has to have sex with him but a punishment is a punishment.... like when it comes to this type of punishment its because she was really really bad and broke our rules in our contract plus it is starting to feel like i am just being used to by her stuff take her on trips etc..... like fml.... so what say you all????
Click to expand...

^^From another thread the OP started. He's a complete fucknut and can't seem to get that he's really not her number one. He also has no concept of boundaries and thinks that his "sub" should avoid sex with her husband to avoid punishments from him. Seriously? I gotta say, yeah I agree that these two are complete idiots and both at fault. Him for believing he's more important than a side-dick and her for putting up with his childish behavior. Hey, he's married too! OP isn't coming back, but I'm curious if he ever planned to leave his wife for his side-vagina?

ddtstartrex said:
Yes it is a bdsm topic master / submissive
Well interesting thoughts thank you but i dont care about him i just care about my Submissive
Click to expand...

Suuuuuuure.
 
It's been a long time since this problem happened. Well, shoot now I want to know what happened with these people.
 
I think marriage life had better seperate from serious bdsm relationship or games.
Your wife is the one you need to love, take care and develop your family together throughout your rest of life. A bdsm partner is just a play mate that play and venting sexual pressure together. Marriage choice should always be chief and on the top.
 
Maskray said:
I think marriage life had better seperate from serious bdsm relationship or games.
Your wife is the one you need to love, take care and develop your family together throughout your rest of life. A bdsm partner is just a play mate that play and venting sexual pressure together. Marriage choice should always be chief and on the top.
Click to expand...
Uh, what?
 
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