Submission is beautiful.

LockedDreams said:

Do you think a submissive woman needs to feel protected and cared for?

Click to expand...

I would say no, at least I do not feel that I need protection. Cared for, yes. But that goes for almost everyone I think.

[/QUOTE]LockedDreams; Do you think a submissive woman needs to feel protected and cared for?[/QUOTE]

You didn't ask this of me, but here's my opinion; I'm a switch, but when I am feeling submissive I definitely crave a safe way to explore that. The Dom has to have a sense of protectiveness and be in control of his/her own actions in order for me to trust enough to truly submit. A Dom without such protective instincts is unfit and unworthy of my trust. Further, I would never fully submit to anyone until I know him/her very well in a nonsexual way first.

Stockholmblondie said:

I would say no, at least I do not feel that I need protection. Cared for, yes. But that goes for almost everyone I think.

Click to expand...

That is true. Sometimes even men want to be cared for. Not sometimes, mostly.

Do you like to express your submissiveness in a relationship?

LockedDreams; Do you think a submissive woman needs to feel protected and cared for?[/QUOTE]

You didn't ask this of me, but here's my opinion; I'm a switch, but when I am feeling submissive I definitely crave a safe way to explore that. The Dom has to have a sense of protectiveness and be in control of his/her own actions in order for me to trust enough to truly submit. A Dom without such protective instincts is unfit and unworthy of my trust. Further, I would never fully submit to anyone until I know him/her very well in a nonsexual way first.[/QUOTE]

Interesting. Male dominance has a lot to do with a strong characteristic presence, it seems. I thought so too.

On the other hand, a female dominant does not need to be so protective. She needs to be self assured. At least that is what I think. What do you think?

yukonnights said:

Just so you know that someone agrees with your take , I agree Unfortunately there seems to be some confusion between Sadists and Doms. As you said, each person is welcome to their own cup of tea, but not all "subs" are also masochists. Just from my own personal reading, it seems that only a minority of submissive people are into being treated badly with no overarching intention by the Dom to enhance the sub's experience and growth.

The higher calling of BDSM is for enhanced mutual intimacy and personal growth into self awareness. This places the greater burden on any Dom to be equipped with intelligence, empathy and self-control. Such Dom's are out there, and it is incumbent on any sub to thoroughly evaluate anyone claiming to be a Dom.

Click to expand...

Hey, nice that someone agrees with my thinking.

Stockholmblondie said:

I view myself as a submissive, but do need to feel that the dominant part needs to be able to express caring and passion too. So many of the so called doms here I have met just use it as an excuse to treat women badly. A true dom (to me) is supportive and giving at the same time he is demanding. But we all are different, not judging anyone with different views.

Click to expand...

As a Dom, passion can be easy.
I support be caring - I think a bigger part is trust between the two with the hierarchy of who is sub and who is the Dom is a given understanding- to encourage her desire to want to experience a range of feelings that they feel/know are a apart of her being and inner core feelings.
Safety is a part of trust. knowing that your 'mentor' is always making sure you are safe and confidant that his 'power' over you always includes making sure you feel safe and can be totally open.

LostBabygirl3489 said:

So I've been harboring these thoughts for awhile...and I know there are others out there who feel the same, but they are honestly hard to find. I don't see submission as weakness or power play really. I don't see it as degrading or humiliating at all. I'm sure many will laugh at me or call me corny, but I see it as a beautiful gesture, to surrender myself completely to a man or woman with no shame or remorse. I've never felt degraded or humiliated when I am getting face fucked or when a guy comes on my face or body. It makes me feel beautiful and alive. I'd love to chat with others who feel the same. It's okay if you see D/S differently, but the predominant theme I seem to pick up on is that I am labeled as worthless/inferior/weak/pathetic by many dominants and I completely disagree. I could never get with a dom that views his sub that way. Hence the reason I haven't submitted yet.

Click to expand...

I can see what you mean. I'm on the opposite side of things (as a Dom), but it has always seemed to me that one of the duties and obligations that Dom's have *to* their submissive is to help them understand that they do matter, they are significant, and that while they may be the submissive, they are a wonderfully alive human being who just needs firm guidance and love in ways that others dont. That their submission helps make them fulfill the role they were meant to be fulfilling at that time.

If you'd ever like to discuss more, feel free to PM me.

LostBabygirl3489 said:

So I've been harboring these thoughts for awhile...and I know there are others out there who feel the same, but they are honestly hard to find. I don't see submission as weakness or power play really. I don't see it as degrading or humiliating at all. I'm sure many will laugh at me or call me corny, but I see it as a beautiful gesture, to surrender myself completely to a man or woman with no shame or remorse. I've never felt degraded or humiliated when I am getting face fucked or when a guy comes on my face or body. It makes me feel beautiful and alive. I'd love to chat with others who feel the same. It's okay if you see D/S differently, but the predominant theme I seem to pick up on is that I am labeled as worthless/inferior/weak/pathetic by many dominants and I completely disagree. I could never get with a dom that views his sub that way. Hence the reason I haven't submitted yet.

Click to expand...

Some of us wont do that. I wont do that Id treat it just as it is a game and thats it
and not meant to hurt someone.
Steve

LostBabygirl3489 said:

So I've been harboring these thoughts for awhile...and I know there are others out there who feel the same, but they are honestly hard to find. I don't see submission as weakness or power play really. I don't see it as degrading or humiliating at all. I'm sure many will laugh at me or call me corny, but I see it as a beautiful gesture, to surrender myself completely to a man or woman with no shame or remorse. I've never felt degraded or humiliated when I am getting face fucked or when a guy comes on my face or body. It makes me feel beautiful and alive. I'd love to chat with others who feel the same. It's okay if you see D/S differently, but the predominant theme I seem to pick up on is that I am labeled as worthless/inferior/weak/pathetic by many dominants and I completely disagree. I could never get with a dom that views his sub that way. Hence the reason I haven't submitted yet.

Click to expand...

I completely agree lostbabygirl. It's the reason I haven't submitted too. The sex to me will not be happening until he earns my trust. I had my fair share of being approached, and To submit and surrender to someone who earns our trust, to me, would be a godsend. The Doms that won't give aftercare after a drop, the tenderness of soft love, and communications is a must, and that's not through experience I'm talking because I've never been in a real life D/s relationship. It's just what I've read.

Like others have said here, not all people who you meet will be true Doms. I think it was pussy galore that said to James Bond that she only submitted to him because she never met a real man before. Them kind have self awareness, compassion, empathy as well as a strong will and self controls. Good Doms that teach the wannabes is what we need!!

Xx

On the other hand, a female dominant does not need to be so protective. She needs to be self assured. At least that is what I think. What do you think?

Click to expand...

I think she in particular needs to be protective. For one thing, if she's doing any anal play, she's dealing with delicate tissue - and if she's pegging him, she's using a dildo, and any missteps won't be something she immediately feels. Plus, she may well get carried away - so she has to stay in control, at least enough to take care of his body.

And then there's the psychosocial aspect of it all; as many other people on this thread have noted, a man being submissive is something American culture denigrates constantly. He's heard this constantly, and yet is able to get past it to be true to what he wants. As is she, of course - this culture is full of "ball-buster" stereotypes. I can't tell you how often growing up I was asked if I was a lesbian - because a straight women would never be smart, opinionated, and uninterested in learning to walk in high heels and finding the perfect mascara.

In fact, it wasn't until very recently and thanks to a Litser than I realized I'm undoubtedly "a Domme," whatever that means. I now wear high heels and can blend my eyeshadow with the best of them, but some of my fondest memories are of tying down boyfriends and gently biting them - and it's finally fairly clear why.

So tl;dr version: protectiveness is key, but that's true for everyone.

Submission is a beautiful and delicate gift given by a sub to a Dom/me. The level of trust and intimacy I need to fully submit is substantial. While slut, whore and other degrading words may be part of our play, we have communicated well enough in advance to know the spirit in which they are used is comfortable for both of us.

As a sub, I do need to feel cared for and protected. I have to know I am safe or I cannot give my all. In terms of feeling supported, I need that but believe that in a relationship such as this, a Dom/me should feel supported by his sub as well. For me, being submissive doesn't mean being a doormat with no thoughts and opinions. I am actually a very strong woman who enjoys surrendering control with the right person. Even Doms have a bad day or go through stressful situations that require them to draw on the strength of their sub for support from time to time. Both parties are exposing vulnerability when fully engaged in D/s.

AddingAnother said:

Submission is a beautiful and delicate gift given by a sub to a Dom/me. The level of trust and intimacy I need to fully submit is substantial. While slut, whore and other degrading words may be part of our play, we have communicated well enough in advance to know the spirit in which they are used is comfortable for both of us.

As a sub, I do need to feel cared for and protected. I have to know I am safe or I cannot give my all. In terms of feeling supported, I need that but believe that in a relationship such as this, a Dom/me should feel supported by his sub as well. For me, being submissive doesn't mean being a doormat with no thoughts and opinions. I am actually a very strong woman who enjoys surrendering control with the right person. Even Doms have a bad day or go through stressful situations that require them to draw on the strength of their sub for support from time to time. Both parties are exposing vulnerability when fully engaged in D/s.

Click to expand...

Beautifully said.
Wish I had known what D/s was supposed to be many years
Ago. Maybe my marriage would have been more thrilling.
Thank you all for your input and insight

Primalex said:

What if the Dom views every other human being as inferior?

Click to expand...

Her/his perogative. As a sub, our choice is also our choice.

LostBabygirl3489 said:

So I've been harboring these thoughts for awhile...and I know there are others out there who feel the same, but they are honestly hard to find. I don't see submission as weakness or power play really. I don't see it as degrading or humiliating at all. I'm sure many will laugh at me or call me corny, but I see it as a beautiful gesture, to surrender myself completely to a man or woman with no shame or remorse. I've never felt degraded or humiliated when I am getting face fucked or when a guy comes on my face or body. It makes me feel beautiful and alive. I'd love to chat with others who feel the same. It's okay if you see D/S differently, but the predominant theme I seem to pick up on is that I am labeled as worthless/inferior/weak/pathetic by many dominants and I completely disagree. I could never get with a dom that views his sub that way. Hence the reason I haven't submitted yet.

Click to expand...

Submission is NOT a weakness. Rather....it is simply giving one's self to another who has also given a part of THEMselves to the submissive one. That is NOT a weakness at all. What you said is THE way to look at it, in my opinion. I would add one thing to what you said however. Let's take those negative attributes you mentioned and turn them 180...and ADD...BE PROUD of WHAT and WHO you are! You ARE worthy, NOT inferior (just the opposite in fact!) ,STRONG, SURELY NOT pathetic in ANY sense of the word...and PROUD!
Submission is a beautiful gift...not to be taken lightly. Degrading? humiliating? ohhh HELL NO! ! It is just the opposite my dear!
You've GOT this !

LostBabygirl3489 said:

So I've been harboring these thoughts for awhile...and I know there are others out there who feel the same, but they are honestly hard to find. I don't see submission as weakness or power play really. I don't see it as degrading or humiliating at all. I'm sure many will laugh at me or call me corny, but I see it as a beautiful gesture, to surrender myself completely to a man or woman with no shame or remorse. I've never felt degraded or humiliated when I am getting face fucked or when a guy comes on my face or body. It makes me feel beautiful and alive. I'd love to chat with others who feel the same. It's okay if you see D/S differently, but the predominant theme I seem to pick up on is that I am labeled as worthless/inferior/weak/pathetic by many dominants and I completely disagree. I could never get with a dom that views his sub that way. Hence the reason I haven't submitted yet.

Click to expand...

I feel the same way. I loved being a submissive, not only to my darling husband but others as well. Love to chat with you.