As The Hospital Pervs

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Union carpenters are replacing the door in the nurses lounge.
His shirt says: Got Dirt?
I told him I liked his shirt.
And I said this place looks nice.
He said: I jack hammered in here for 3 months.
Why am I blushing?
Anyway I ruined it when I said: so there is a lot of building going on around here. Where are the iron workers?
He said: they are gone already done. Why? You know iron workers?
I said: No.
 
I want to write for this magazine.
Nurses+%2526+Doctors.jpg

You get to play with the Doctors and I get stuck doing rounds.:(
 
Just stay away from the ironworkers....nothing but trouble.

you could "nail" the carpenter though...ask him if he wants to do some "banging" with you
 
Just stay away from the ironworkers....nothing but trouble.

you could "nail" the carpenter though...ask him if he wants to do some "banging" with you
I got too busy to flirt but I sure wish I had a warm truck to get into right now...
And a ride home.
 
Snowed! And I do not mean the patient that is over sedated by the nurse.
I often wonder where does that term come from? The patient is 'snowed.'
It really is unprofessional to hear nurses or doctors use the term 'snowed.'
Imagine charting that? Patient is lethargic and....snowed. Of course we would not chart that, but we speak that.
 
Snowed! And I do not mean the patient that is over sedated by the nurse.
I often wonder where does that term come from? The patient is 'snowed.'
It really is unprofessional to hear nurses or doctors use the term 'snowed.'
Imagine charting that? Patient is lethargic and....snowed. Of course we would not chart that, but we speak that.

...And here I was thinking of something going on in the linen closet. :D
 
Dr Werewolf, Neuro MD wants to know where I belong, and if this unit is my new home. I said, "Yes, I left the other place."
He said, "Oh good, you are mine now. You are a great nurse."

Should I be very afraid? I just ate all his biscotti.
 
Going down with the ship is not an option.
Just add: ‘professional handwriting interpreter’ to my resume.
Interpret once and you get to do it all day.

What does that say?
It says: Urine for micro albumin.
What does that say?
It says: Follow up with primary medical doctor.
What does that say?
It says chest physical therapy three times a day.

Now I know why the institution has offered extra money for experienced nurses to work on this unit: All the rest of the nurses are new!

Enter exasperated new nurse: All my ‘line of sight’ Nurse Aides need their breaks and I can’t do it!’

Enter Janey: <phone> Hello Nursing supervisor, this is Janey speaking, we are short on ancillary staff, all of our patients require a line of sight and they all need lunch breaks shortly.

Nursing Supervisor: “If” they get a break, we will do what we can. There are X number of ‘lines of sights’ in the house and they all need breaks.

Janey: “If” is not an option. There are labor laws and these people need their breaks.

Nursing Supervisor: I will work it out and send relief.

Janey: Thank you, we appreciate it and understand the dire house situation at the same time.

Calls to the Surgeon

Janey: Hello. Your patient has recovered and was promised and early discharge today. I need orders to discharge, medication reconciliation, and on what date can the patient restart the long-term blood thinner Warfarin post operatively? I have attempted 3 times to notify your assistant. Your assistant is busy rounding in ICU. What would you like to do?

Surgeon: <nasty condescending tone> did you read the orders from yesterday? No, of course you didn’t. Why would you bother to read my notes? You are the nurse. There are standing discharge orders.

Janey: Yes, I see them clearly. When can the patient resume Warfarin?

Surgeon: WHEN I SAY SO.

Janey: When will that be? When will you be saying so?

<click>

I call the assistant.
Janey: You need to come down here and write discharge medication and follow up orders. We need Warfarin clarification from the Surgeon.

Assistant: I am not writing anything that I am not sure about. I will call him later, I am busy now.

Janey: Thanks anyway. Bye.

Enters Cardiology consult: The patient is discharged? When can I resume his Warfarin?

Janey: I am trying to find out, if you want to you can call the Surgeon for us.

Cardiology: The patient needs anticoagulation. I will write it in my note. Bye.

Janey calls the Surgeon back.

Janey: The patient and the family want to go home. Your assistant is busy. I need follow up instructions and when to resume Warfarin.

Surgeon: <silence> Again with the Warfarin? <longsilence>

Janey: Yes again with the Warfarin, the patient is on Warfarin for chronic atrial fibrillation to prevent clots forming in the atria that can break free and lead to stroke. <BLAM>

Surgeon: No blood thinners till the follow up appointment in one week.

Janey: Great your patient will be discharged shortly.
Janey thinking: And I am not your lover bitch to talk to me that way. Know me: I get what I need for our patients, even if I have to call your cell phone many times to get it.
 
Did Confucius say: "An educated woman is a worthless woman" ?
Anyway I'm not educated. I'm highly trained.
 
Hooray! It's time to calculate intake versus output!
The word 'total' cracks me up. I can't even say it out loud right now.
Shhhh
 
I make it all these hours without a drop of blood or any body fluids on me.
As soon as I open my mouth for spaghetti I get sauced.
 
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