Here's a link to the story in question.
Mind Control, 3 Lit pages.
The OP has a bunch of comments saying, "Get an editor" - which he definitely needs - plus the usual, "Love it, can't wait for more."
Badbane, the usual process is write, find editor, submit, lap up adulation.
You're doing it backwards: write, submit, get both good and bad comments, think oh dear, is that what editors are for, better get one.
Someone will pop by and take a look, so make sure your Private Messages is activated, coz that's how they'll contact you, and go from there.
When you have your new copy, resubmit with the same story name plus EDIT in the title, and fill in the Notes to Editor box, saying "This is an edited story." That way,existing scores and comments will be kept. Good luck.