Double blind/Same line challenge poems

About time to get these poems out in the open, feel free to comment, guess the Authors and make suggestions whether you contributed or not ....... thank you to those who did Still time to get more in!

1.
UnderYourSpell
.
But who could tell when darkness
deepened in shadowed corners
if a headless wraith sashayed across the floor
re-dancing the rhythms of yesteryear?
Phantoms of the dance macabre
are the only remnants of flames
and conflagration on that fateful night
in the ruined Majestic Ballroom.

2.
Magnetron
.
A headless wraith walks into a bar and says .....

Numerous rumors claim that back then
Corporeal Annie, quite chilled, came unglued
scared out of her bloomers when
composing with quilled pen in hand
torn between paradelle and pantoum
a wraith sashayed headless across the room

According to supposing snickers sneaked now
Corporeal Annie, semi nude
was frightened out of her knickers
"How?" you may ask
Well, she shrieked, "Bloody hell!"
amidst her task of pantoum ( or paradelle perhaps )
when in nothing more than assless chaps
across the room sashayed a headless wraith

The only thing for certain?
Tested this day was her faith
while the truth of the matter to be told
was left to the imagination, unspoken
For all anyone really knows
Corporeal Annie was nip nipply cold
zipper jammed beyond broken
with her bosomers out on full display
during a Royal Navy cosplay session
headless, a wraith sashayed across the room

Across the room a headless wraith sashayed
All along, it was I, Admiral Andrew!
anticipating getting laid
filling my dear Corporeal Annie
with doom, gloom 'n' dread
as I hithered to and fro
swithered her way

unbeknownst during the visit paid
that I was already dead
for almost a year to this day

and of course
completely missing my head

Those are factual details straight from the source
and now that you know what actually happened
the only question remaining
concerns the poem Corporeal Annie penned
Was it a paradelle?
Might it have been a pantoum?

Who gives two shits!
I still can't get over seeing those tits!

A headless wraith sashayed across the room

3.
Piscator
.
a headless wraith sashayed across the room
looking so sexy gainst bright winter moon
wherever she’s going she must get there soon
otherwise triage might well spell her doom

a doctor named Frank lifted his stein
chugged down his beer, then filled it with wine
fore turning his gaze to wraith walking the line
declared blow jo’s no go; cunt and ass fine

4.
Casanova's Last Judgment
greenmountaineer
.

A headless wraith sashayed across the room
as if coquettish she; I'm sure it was
a she beneath sheer fabric, nude, her nipples,
suddenly black widow spiders each,

injecting venom in my mouth that stings
the mind with lust unsatisfied. Sweet lips
I wish to kiss do not exist on her
nor tongue, no willing mouth fellating me,

no eyes to delve within, nor ears to whisper
secret words she swoons to willingly,
for I am dead in hell forever damned

each night to see another spider titted
headless wraith my poison prick once stung
consume my head what's all that's left of me.

5.
Spooked
Guilty Pleasure
.
This stately home has a reputation,
the most haunted place in all the nation.
Mistreated servant or jilted maiden,
this lovely place is tragedy laden.
For a bet and on a whim, we agree
to spend the night. He is brave unlike me
who is scared by shadows, spiders and bats.
The hallways are lined by aristocrats
whose eyes seem to follow us through the gloom.
A headless wraith sashayed across the room
and that was quite enough, for me. at least,
We turned and ran from haunts of the deceased.
My valiant beau, not valiant now
swore me to silence or he’d disavow
saying I’d forced him to rush out of there.
Now the memory is just a nightmare.

UnderYourSpell said:

5.
Spooked

This stately home has a reputation,
the most haunted place in all the nation.
Mistreated servant or jilted maiden,
this lovely place is tragedy laden.
For a bet and on a whim, we agree
to spend the night. He is brave unlike me
who is scared by shadows, spiders and bats.
The hallways are lined by aristocrats
whose eyes seem to follow us through the gloom.
A headless wraith sashayed across the room
and that was quite enough, for me. at least,
We turned and ran from haunts of the deceased.
My valiant beau, not valiant now
swore me to silence or he’d disavow
saying I’d forced him to rush out of there.
Now the memory is just a nightmare.

Click to expand...

Line 12 needs whittling down as it slows down the momentum.

Otherwise, it's a winner.

UnderYourSpell said:

4.
Casanova's Last Judgment

A headless wraith sashayed across the room
as if coquettish she; I'm sure it was
a she beneath sheer fabric, nude, her nipples,
suddenly black widow spiders each,

##### rather coquettishly; I'm sure it was
a she beneath sheer fabric, nude. Her nipples,
suddenly black widow spiders each, #####

injecting venom in my mouth that stings
the mind with lust unsatisfied. Sweet lips
I wish to kiss do not exist on her
nor tongue, no willing mouth fellating me,

no eyes to delve within, nor ears to whisper
secret words she swoons to willingly,
for I am dead in hell forever damned

each night to see another spider titted
headless wraith my poison prick once stung
consume my head what's all that's left of me.

Click to expand...

I don't see much need in emphasizing the wraith is a "she" twice; the word cocquette rarely if ever is used to describe a male entity.

The final stanza is all kinds of wonky.

I do like me some spider nipplies though. Makes for a strong visual.

UnderYourSpell said:

3.

a headless wraith sashayed across the room
looking so sexy gainst bright winter moon
wherever she’s going she must get there soon
otherwise triage might well spell her doom

a doctor named Frank lifted his stein
chugged down his beer, then filled it with wine
fore turning his gaze to wraith walking the line
declared blow jo’s no go; cunt and ass fine

Click to expand...

How could triage spell doom to a headless wraith?

UnderYourSpell said:

2.
A headless wraith walks into a bar and says .....

Numerous rumors claim that back then
Corporeal Annie, quite chilled, came unglued
scared out of her bloomers when
composing with quilled pen in hand
torn between paradelle and pantoum
a wraith sashayed headless across the room

According to supposing snickers sneaked now
Corporeal Annie, semi nude
was frightened out of her knickers
"How?" you may ask
Well, she shrieked, "Bloody hell!"
amidst her task of pantoum ( or paradelle perhaps )
when in nothing more than assless chaps
across the room sashayed a headless wraith

The only thing for certain?
Tested this day was her faith
while the truth of the matter to be told
was left to the imagination, unspoken
For all anyone really knows
Corporeal Annie was nip nipply cold
zipper jammed beyond broken
with her bosomers out on full display
during a Royal Navy cosplay session
headless, a wraith sashayed across the room

Across the room a headless wraith sashayed
All along, it was I, Admiral Andrew!
anticipating getting laid
filling my dear Corporeal Annie
with doom, gloom 'n' dread
as I hithered to and fro
swithered her way

unbeknownst during the visit paid
that I was already dead
for almost a year to this day

and of course
completely missing my head

Those are factual details straight from the source
and now that you know what actually happened
the only question remaining
concerns the poem Corporeal Annie penned
Was it a paradelle?
Might it have been a pantoum?

Who gives two shits!
I still can't get over seeing those tits!

A headless wraith sashayed across the room

Click to expand...

Did the writer mean Corporal Annie and Admiral Andrew?



How about Cop A Feel Annie and Secret Admirer Andrew ...... ?

UnderYourSpell said:

1.
But who could tell when darkness
deepened in shadowed corners
if a headless wraith sashayed across the floor
re-dancing the rhythms of yesteryear?
Phantoms of the dance macabre
are the only remnants of flames
and conflagration on that fateful night
in the ruined Majestic Ballroom.

Click to expand...

Get your but out of Line 1.

Not sure if both flames and conflagration are necessary.

It does get HOT in my Majestic Ballroom for sure.

6.
Always Hungry
.
The whole performance must have gone awry.
A headless wraith sashays across the room
To vehement applause, and as the gloom
Of evening deepens, now must you and I
Decide: because we know that, by and by,
A denouement must come that may consume
The actors and the crowd, and make a tomb
Of this pretentious theater, then why
Can't we reject the premise, and the script,
Perhaps unmask the author as he hides
Among the cast, and let the stage be stripped
Of opulent deceits that it provides?
Let's craft a tale that isn't from the crypt,
And find out if the audience abides.

7.
UnderYourSpell
.
Still blissfully unaware
of the consequences
of loose chandelier fitments,
crashing down five minutes ago,
.... a headless wraith
................ sashayed
........................ across
................................ the
.................................... floor.

8.
UnderYourSpell
.
Selling off the real estate was always
going to be a problem, when a
headless wraith sashayed across the floor
at the most inappropriate moment.
It was okay in Harry Potter's day,
when such things were of the norm,
but nowadays even Myrtle moans alone.

UnderYourSpell said:

6.

The whole performance must have gone awry.
A headless wraith sashays across the room
To vehement applause, and as the gloom
Of evening deepens, now must you and I
Decide: because we know that, by and by,
A denouement must come that may consume
The actors and the crowd, and make a tomb
Of this pretentious theater, then why
Can't we reject the premise, and the script,
Perhaps unmask the author as he hides
Among the cast, and let the stage be stripped
Of opulent deceits that it provides?
Let's craft a tale that isn't from the crypt,
And find out if the audience abides.

Click to expand...

I'm not really certain what is going on.

UnderYourSpell said:

7.

Still blissfully unaware
of the consequences
of loose chandelier fitments,
crashing down five minutes ago,
.... a headless wraith
................ sashayed
........................ across
................................ the
.................................... floor.

Click to expand...

Starting lines with "of" makes them weak.

Let's be brutally honest: this is not much more than a long sentence.

Yes, the second half is creatively stretched out to mimic something moving further to the side.

So, why not at least make the first half mimic an object falling?

UnderYourSpell said:

8.

Selling of the real estate was always
going to be a problem, but when a
headless wraith sashayed across the floor
at the most inappropriate moment,
< insert something else here, possibly having to do with real estate >
It was okay in Harry Potter's day,
when such things were of the norm,

Click to expand...

but nowadays even Myrtle moans alone.

Click to expand...

I've lost the plot here, as I've never read or watched Harry Potter.

If the reference to Myrtle isn't a bit of book or film trivia, then I don't know what to make of it.

Magnetron said:

I've lost the plot here, as I've never read or watched Harry Potter.

If the reference to Myrtle isn't a bit of book or film trivia, then I don't know what to make of it.

Click to expand...

Your insertion makes even less sense, Hogwarts has several resident ghosts wandering around the place and Moaning Myrtle is one of them except she's stuck in the first-floor girls' bathroom where she died.

Magnetron said:

Starting lines with "of" makes them weak.

Let's be brutally honest: this is not much more than a long sentence.

Yes, the second half is creatively stretched out to mimic something moving further to the side.

So, why not at least make the first half mimic an object falling?

Click to expand...

My take on it is the dancer doesn't yet know it's dead and blissfully unaware carries on dancing.

UnderYourSpell said:

Your insertion makes even less sense, Hogwarts has several resident ghosts wandering around the place and Moaning Myrtle is one of them except she's stuck in the first-floor girls' bathroom where she died.

Click to expand...

My insertion is most fitting and rewarding!

It's just a suggestion capitilazing on the notion that the property was always going to be difficult to sell prior to the wraith's manifestation and now, even more so.

The wording as is already somewhat intimates this, though it was not intended.

Otherwise, it would read more clearer this way:

Selling of the real estate was always
going to be a problem ever since a
headless wraith sashayed across the floor

9.

Interrupted Safecracking
Remec
.
The place was dark,
darker even than being outside
under the silvery dimness of an
almost full moon as it mingled
with the on-then-off-then-on flash of
pastel orange in the window
across the street;

Seemed an easy task,
get in, get out, no one home to
worry about, but a whisper of quiet
ran up my spine and when I turned to look,
a headless wraith sashayed across the room;

And that's why I should never take on
burglary jobs from wizards, witches, or
any bearing gypsy marks upon their
souls. Now where will get my money?

UnderYourSpell said:

9.

Interrupted Safecracking

And that's why I should never take on
burglary jobs from wizards, witches, or
any bearing gypsy marks upon their
souls. Now where will get my money?

Click to expand...

I would change "any" to "anyone".

I suspect the final sentence was afflicted with an auto correct.

10.

My Groomed Revenant
Magnetron
.
A headless wraith sashayed across the room
weaving a shroud of death upon my loom
This shade of Seth leaving me waylaid
and cold. Bones cling to faith, a cloak tailor made

Heartbeat stilled by my groomed revenant
reciting vows pantoumed, chilled breath evident
Killed in such an awful manner dreaded
Life cut short, unfulfilled, much regretted

Never to return home from war
Beheaded merely days before
we were to have been blissfully wedded

.........................

UnderYourSpell said:

10.

My Groomed Revenant

A headless wraith sashayed across the room
weaving a shroud of death upon my loom
This shade of Seth leaving me waylaid
and cold. Bones cling to faith, a cloak tailor made

Heartbeat stilled by my groomed revenant
reciting vows pantoumed, chilled breath evident
Killed in such an awful manner dreaded
Life cut short, unfulfilled, much regretted

Never to return home from war
Beheaded merely days before
we were to have been blissfully wedded

Click to expand...

Looks like an AH sonnet on the surface, but ....... it's not technically up to snuff, especially the final stanza. Lines 9 & 10 don't have enough syllables and there usually isn't a Line 11.