This is the answer, now what's the question?

After 2 weeks in the field the infantry 1sg had enough of seeing all the same males being stupid. When the USO arrived with a couple of female performers what did the 1sg say to the Co when all the soldiers went to the show?

Rice beans and rice didn't miss her

Light arms/machine guns were called 'Rice',RPG's,mines and granades were called 'Beans' by the 191st regiment... What did Lieutenant Dan say that got a good laugh from the gallery at the public enquiry into what happened to the outgoing colonels removalist truck at the regiments base??

Thaarr She Blows Lads!!!!!
 
Light arms/machine guns were called 'Rice',RPG's,mines and granades were called 'Beans' by the 191st regiment... What did Lieutenant Dan say that got a good laugh from the gallery at the public enquiry into what happened to the outgoing colonels removalist truck at the regiments base??

Thaarr She Blows Lads!!!!!

What did they cry as they attached the blow-up doll to the air hose in the fuel station?

It smells of strawberries now.
 
What did they cry as they attached the blow-up doll to the air hose in the fuel station?

It smells of strawberries now.

Just before licking her out, what did Mark say after rubbing and squeezing fresh strawberry juice into Margaret's pussy? :rolleyes: (obvious question, right?)

I told you it was vanishing cream!
 
Just before licking her out, what did Mark say after rubbing and squeezing fresh strawberry juice into Margaret's pussy? :rolleyes: (obvious question, right?)

I told you it was vanishing cream!

After applying extreme deep heat cream to her sisters perverted/cheating husbands penis and nuts, what did Gertrude proudly declare to her sister as he ran down to street naked screaming for help??

Misinterpreted body language.
 
After applying extreme deep heat cream to her sisters perverted/cheating husbands penis and nuts, what did Gertrude proudly declare to her sister as he ran down to street naked screaming for help??

Misinterpreted body language.

Why was Roger slapped as soon as he started groping the woman on the bus?

Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum!
 
Why was Roger slapped as soon as he started groping the woman on the bus?

Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum!

Why do you have 2skanky looking women hanging from your finger on string going up and down an what are you drinking???(yeah probably a bad play on yoyo..i know..:))

A scurvy rat and some stinky Blue vein.
 
Why do you have 2skanky looking women hanging from your finger on string going up and down an what are you drinking???(yeah probably a bad play on yoyo..i know..:))

A scurvy rat and some stinky Blue vein.

Ted realised there was a 2 stage process involved in order to kill the feral cat terrorising his chooks. Apart from the rat trap, what was it?

uh oh...superglue!
 
Ted realised there was a 2 stage process involved in order to kill the feral cat terrorising his chooks. Apart from the rat trap, what was it?

uh oh...superglue!

How did Jamie realize that his prank war with Michael went too far?

A guadalajara combo.
 
What kind of band did you hire for Trump's inauguration ceremony?

Just lay the hog over on its side and ride it down the road in a shower of sparks.

My bike crapped out on the way up the mountain, halfway down was all I could afford to tow it, and it got a flat tire. What do I do with it now?

So that's what linked them together!
 
My bike crapped out on the way up the mountain, halfway down was all I could afford to tow it, and it got a flat tire. What do I do with it now?

So that's what linked them together!

Steve puked when, after listening to the butcher's explanation of sausage making, he heard the last line which was....?

she needs at least 2 paper bags over her head.
 
Steve puked when, after listening to the butcher's explanation of sausage making, he heard the last line which was....?

she needs at least 2 paper bags over her head.

The misogamist paper bag sales man said what about my missus!!??

Bio degradable underwear.
 
What did Sally say to Jerry when he was whining about the wax appointment she made him?


Hide the knives!

My kids are such practical jokers. hahaha! The other night we had my boss and his wife over for dinner. Steak was on the menu. My wife set the dining room table, laid it out beautifully. Candles in silver holders, plates, sparkling wine glasses, table napkins, beautiful table cloth, fresh flowers. It was a truly beautiful scene.
My boss and his wife duly arrived, right on the dot of 6 o'çlock, not a moment too soon or late, we chatted in the sitting room for a good half hour, then we moved to the dining room, where we sat down to eat. My boss's wife congratulated my wife on the table. Then! Shock! We saw there were only forks on the table to eat with.

We eventually discovered the reason.

After waterboarding him for 3 hours, then subjecting him to 17 hours of Chinese water torture, and finally a stretch on the rack (he is now 3 inches taller), No 1 son finally confessed that he had said to his brother before the guests arrived..."......what?

Shit or get off the pot!
 
My kids are such practical jokers. hahaha! The other night we had my boss and his wife over for dinner. Steak was on the menu. My wife set the dining room table, laid it out beautifully. Candles in silver holders, plates, sparkling wine glasses, table napkins, beautiful table cloth, fresh flowers. It was a truly beautiful scene.
My boss and his wife duly arrived, right on the dot of 6 o'çlock, not a moment too soon or late, we chatted in the sitting room for a good half hour, then we moved to the dining room, where we sat down to eat. My boss's wife congratulated my wife on the table. Then! Shock! We saw there were only forks on the table to eat with.

We eventually discovered the reason.

After waterboarding him for 3 hours, then subjecting him to 17 hours of Chinese water torture, and finally a stretch on the rack (he is now 3 inches taller), No 1 son finally confessed that he had said to his brother before the guests arrived..."......what?

Shit or get off the pot!

Nice;)

It was a harsh beating blizzard outside, minus 17deg c and dropping, there was no way Jamie was going outside the hut to pee... After eating 1/2pound of jerky his hunting partner had a little constipation problem and had commandered the only pot in the hut to try and deal with it, in desperation what did jamie shout at his jerky eating mate??

Pop goes the weasel!
 
Nice;)

It was a harsh beating blizzard outside, minus 17deg c and dropping, there was no way Jamie was going outside the hut to pee... After eating 1/2pound of jerky his hunting partner had a little constipation problem and had commandered the only pot in the hut to try and deal with it, in desperation what did jamie shout at his jerky eating mate??

Pop goes the weasel!

(To deal with that issue the modern army private also consumes copious amounts of nuts, either trail mix or peanuts, and energy drinks. Also try a new mre, half lb of jerky can't compare to what that'll do to your insides.)

Most bears are vicious killers when they hunt. Remorseless, effecient, death machines. Susan with no cubs to feed or mate prospect in sight was too good. She could hunt enough for 2 bears, if only there was another to share her spoils with. So she spent her time occasionally playing with her prey. She played groundhog golf, skip the fish across the water, and many other games. When National geographic caught her pinching the heads off her prey what was she singing in her head?

Get out and play
 
(To deal with that issue the modern army private also consumes copious amounts of nuts, either trail mix or peanuts, and energy drinks. Also try a new mre, half lb of jerky can't compare to what that'll do to your insides.)

Most bears are vicious killers when they hunt. Remorseless, effecient, death machines. Susan with no cubs to feed or mate prospect in sight was too good. She could hunt enough for 2 bears, if only there was another to share her spoils with. So she spent her time occasionally playing with her prey. She played groundhog golf, skip the fish across the water, and many other games. When National geographic caught her pinching the heads off her prey what was she singing in her head?

Get out and play

What's the best advice you can offer to a flautist with stage fright?

Underneath the duvet
 
Where did Roberta hide her pet elephant?

Salami or cucumber

The financial situation had become dire, and it seemed only right that a refferendum be held in order to select the replacement for the coppers/ 'Bobbie's' truncheon. What were the two favorite options on the ticket??

Slow deliberate circles with my tongue.
 
The financial situation had become dire, and it seemed only right that a refferendum be held in order to select the replacement for the coppers/ 'Bobbie's' truncheon. What were the two favorite options on the ticket??

Slow deliberate circles with my tongue.

What's your favourite technique, then? :devil:

(I tried to think of a clean one, I did... :D)
 
What was a natural progression from dwarf tossing?

Might help if you turn on a light!

The most prolific collector of lightbulbs, kept smashing parts of his collection as he walked through his collection filled house in the dark, scared that by using the bulbs, they would not be collectable if used!
What did his insurance broker say was the reason they declined his latest 'accidental' damage claim??

As the tongue slid in,all reason slid out the door.
 
Back
Top