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Old 02-13-2013, 01:51 PM   #1
spurious
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Audio feedback request

I'm relatively new to the audio scene here, but I'm enjoying it a lot. I'm sitting on a bunch of interesting ideas but wanted to complete and record a trilogy I started years ago first.

I was delighted when the first part went down really well, but the second chapter fell relatively flat. We'll see how the third does - it was put up today.

I have a few suspicions about why the second apparently didn't do it for many people, in comparison to the first at least, but I'd be interested to hear if anybody has any theories here. By all means go and listen (submission page here) and let me know. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
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Old 02-13-2013, 03:23 PM   #2
annanova
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I'm listening now, so I can't speak to the content. One thing I can suggest is that other authors have stated that this is something that happens with chaptered stories - the first does great, but subsequent chapters tend to fall off in views and/or ratings.
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:02 PM   #3
spurious
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I agree, I think that's probably a big part of it. Ongoing chapters can be a little more plot-driven as well, especially if they're building on the first part. I tried to sprinkle the sexiness liberally but it was inevitable there was going to be a bit of narrative if the story arc was to build and expand in what is hopefully a satisfying way.

This particular story is also pretty sacrilegious, and deliberately so. That's the kink. The plot reveals reasons for this in the third part, but it's unlikely anyone not into it is going to stick around for the literary justification. Still, odd that the first story did well considering this is peppered liberally throughout, including the first story.
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Old 02-13-2013, 04:51 PM   #4
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Minutes 0 to 9 certainly do not lack for sexual activity.

In my opinion (as one who listens to audio books every day) - I found the reading somewhat bland, as you (or the reader) make no attempt to distinguish between characters through vocal tone. I am used to male readers using a slightly higher pitch for a female character and their normal voice for male characters and narration. Also changing tempo during the sexual activity could add to the listening experience; you (or your reader) works very hard to maintain an even pace throughout the reading.

The story appeared to be good enough but I have not listened to parts 1 and 2, so it began with unfamiliar characters in an unfamiliar setting and it is jarring to jump into apse sex when expecting some lead-in for familiarization. I did not begin to associate with the characters until the opening sexual (30% of the story) event finished and they finally began dialogue and story.

Pubic sex in front of a congregation which includes children might just be a bit of a problem for some of your readers, but the good book is filled with begats and begetting so I'm not going to jump on you for that. The pulpit oral sex was a bit gimmicky.

It is difficult to grammar check in audio, but I heard no egregious errors, so you get a well done.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:10 PM   #5
spurious
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Thanks, kbate. Yeah, part 3 is not designed to be heard in isolation, I'm certainly not catering for new listeners at this point. I guess nobody would really bother to listen to the third part of a story they hadn't already invested in, but then I did ask you to in this case.

Differing the character tone was problematic, in the sense that part one has a much more distinct contrast but by the third and final chapter, they're both pretty much on the same page so achieving some distinction felt more difficult.

I think the thing can be understood better in context, but I take your point about public sex in a family environment, and the fate of the wife was a bit overlooked in hindsight. I'm also aware of the problematic nature of writing about freedom from religion in a positive light and by doing so framing the immoral actions the protagonist made at the end appear more acceptable than I meant them to. I was aware of that while writing but it weighed the story down significantly by getting into that whole area - this is erotica after all, not a thesis on ethics. Still, it's a flaw I recognise and would re-draft to either address or write around if I were to go back to it.

The discussion about whether you can write stimulating erotica even if you don't buy into it ethically is an interesting one. In that sense I expect the story to be divisive, and don't necessarily have a problem with that.

PS The feedback I was most interested in was part 2, which is the chapter at which some people appear to have jumped ship.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:20 PM   #6
kbate
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spurious View Post
PS The feedback I was most interested in was part 2, which is the chapter at which some people appear to have jumped ship.
I'll listen to part 2 tomorrow after taking the kids to school. Ya know, that ethical thing.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:26 PM   #7
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Ha Ok cool, but if you're going to take the time, can I suggest part one? You'll get a proper handle on things then. Don't feel obliged obviously, I'm not begging for listeners here, but you seem to know what you're talking about and I value your input. Thanks again
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Old 02-28-2013, 08:38 PM   #8
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part 2 was well written, well read.

I am uncertain that it added a lot to the story other than another sexual encounter and a furthering of Derek's failure (or success).

Perhaps the reason it was rated lower than you (and I) believe it deserved, is that the quote (James 3:13 - 14) was not correct, the section you quoted is James 1:13 in the King James version.

I was rather amused and aghast at your choice of a quote from James for an erotic novel, although as your characters did indeed choose to be tempted with their tongues (James 2), it was rather fitting.

The sudden ending is a possible downrating item. I expected it, but when the story simply stopped and the audio ended at "Derek." I was stunned and had to back up to be certain it had not locked up. I expected more, although as you had already promised it in chapter 3, I should not have demanded it.

I think if this was rated down, it was the blaspheme and temptation that caused it. The story is not bad.


I apologise for "do it tomorrow" being "in a couple weeks".
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