The purpose of a BDSM session

I searched the forum for similar threads but found none.

For those more experienced BDSM people, who do sessions, have done sessions, know what a session is, include sessions in their BDSM relationships, and so on, I have a question:

What is the purpose of a BDSM session? In other words, what do we hope to achieve with a BDSM session?

Thank you in advance for your answers.

For me and my husband it has the same purpose as sex does in any relationship:
It makes us feel close to each other.
We enjoy the pleasure of each other.
Sex is fun.
Stress relief for either or both of us.

All of those apply whether there is actual sex or not in our "session"

I hope this answer helps.

How do you define "session" ?

If session is defined as something intentional that causes arousal to both or either of us:

sex, fun, stress relief, connection, have nothing better to do so why not.

ecstaticsub said:

How do you define "session" ?

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Very good question! You are right, we should begin with definitions...

A BDSM session would be, in my humble opinion, a "scene" in which the couple engages in power exchange. It usually involves pain and/or humiliation - though not always. It could involve sexual activities or not.

Now we should define "power exchange", I suppose...

That would be a scene where one person has authority over the other and responsibility of the other, and the other person assumes willingly a submissive or subservient role.

dora_salonica said:

Very good question! You are right, we should begin with definitions...

A BDSM session would be, in my humble opinion, a "scene" in which the couple engages in power exchange. It usually involves pain and/or humiliation - though not always. It could involve sexual activities or not.

Now we should define "power exchange", I suppose...

That would be a scene where one person has authority over the other and responsibility of the other, and the other person assumes willingly a submissive or subservient role.

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By that definition...

Life is a "scene". lol When I have a lover, I meet his needs; he meets mine. Along the way, we enjoy each others company, because we enjoy each others company (otherwise we wouldn't be lovers). It isn't always about sex, or pain and/ or humiliation. Just people who fit well together, like any other relationship.

CutieMouse said:

By that definition...

Life is a "scene". lol When I have a lover, I meet his needs; he meets mine. Along the way, we enjoy each others company, because we enjoy each others company (otherwise we wouldn't be lovers). It isn't always about sex, or pain and/ or humiliation. Just people who fit well together, like any other relationship.

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Yes, if session is defined by power exchange, then this reply works for me as well.

seela said:

If session is defined as something intentional that causes arousal to both or either of us:

sex, fun, stress relief, connection, have nothing better to do so why not.

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I'd say this, plus letting a few things out that aren't always allowed to get out to play in other situations.
I can't really explain it better.

Industrial_Bondage said:

Edited for the evil of Autocorrect: I was coached early on to see a scene as theater; as a result, when I scene I hope to help my sub let go of this world and substitute it with a reality that allows her to let go of her worries, to have permission to do things "good girls don't" without guilt, to be whoever she is in the moment. No matter if it's rape play, interrogations, a witch trial on one occassion or just bound submission the time is about my partner in the scene. Because the truth is, without her I am just a sad guy alone in his basement with some creepy furniture.

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I think that out of all the answers so far, this one is closest to what I had in mind. Because when we have a session with my Master, it is definitely something out of our ordinary existence, although the respect and the love and the devotion are always there. But, for us at least, a session is a journey. We know that now we are going to do something that will transport us somewhere else and it is a little different there, and yet we are still the same.

Some people dislike the words "role", "scene", "theater", because they associate them with something that is not authentic, something that is make-believe. I think we use them for lack of better words, but most of us like to associate with others authentically.

With that in mind, I will agree with you @Industrial_Bondage, that a scene is extra-ordinary, much like going to the theater - though this is a theater of inner truths, and inner comfort, and acceptance, and recognition - for me at least, because these are feelings I often have, during and after a session. In the old days, they used to call these trips to the theater of power exchange, a trance. Now it seems that this is somewhat forgotten...

I will also agree with the people above who expressed the feeling that the whole relationship is one of power exchange. I am like-minded. But I did not see any reason why we should differentiate between sessions of people in a D/s relationship and those of people who just do sessions. Because I think the question would apply to them equally.

I guess under those descriptions we don't have scenes. Sounds fun though.

AikoCrane said:

I guess under those descriptions we don't have scenes. Sounds fun though.

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Well, there are many different ways to get where you are going.

The question was general enough to include pretty much everybody. I was wondering if people knew what they were doing - and why. Just curious, you know...

I asked a Greek Master and he said that the purpose of a session is to hug the animal part inside of us. To humanize it. To bring it closer to politics, science, religion and art. To put it into dialogue with the human part in us.

Does that sound totally strange?

dora_salonica said:

I asked a Greek Master and he said that the purpose of a session is to hug the animal part inside of us. To humanize it. To bring it closer to politics, science, religion and art. To put it into dialogue with the human part in us.

Does that sound totally strange?

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Not strange, interesting.

For me, it's a chance to wave hello to my id and check to make sure it's still breathing and snarling. Civilizing it a little more isn't really part of the plan or desired.

For me, endorphin high.

For him, ???

Netzach said:

Not strange, interesting.

For me, it's a chance to wave hello to my id and check to make sure it's still breathing and snarling. Civilizing it a little more isn't really part of the plan or desired.

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Perhaps just waving hello to it is a kind of dialogue with it. Perhaps it is enough to put it into this procedure, of recognition. Maybe that is what the Master meant, when he said that we humanize it...

(I will be away until the 24th but I will read your answers when I get back, so please forgive my absence...)

I am back, but there were no further answers to the question...

Once I read in a book that little birds sing for no apparent reason. If they knew why they were doing it, they would probably lose all desire to continue to sing...<smiles>

Now, why do I have the feeling that this does not describe me at all?... <smiles>

Quite simply, it is an escape from reality - the cares and thoughts of real life are gone. During a session, however long it lasts, nothing else exists except what's going on in that room (or rooms), and both the dom and the sub get the ability to check out of the world - the feelings, the sensations, the taboo, the trust, the helplessness, the affection, all become completely absorbing to both parties if it's done correctly. For myself and my wife, it has always been the ultimate way to break away from the stresses and cares of everyday life.

For me it was to find out what it was really like on the receiving end.

Read about dungeons, but wanted to go to one.


As a warning .... I brought my BFF along so she could insure it all stayed safe. Overall, a wonderful experience that I now enjoy on a regular basis.


Good luck!

A BDSM session for me is, like you say, a scene. Look at it as a sort of date with your partner. You both have your role to play, just like in any other date, and you respond to each other in the same way.

If you are already involved with this person, this session is just a way to continue that involvement, or maybe to expand your emotional and physical connection with them. If you are just testing the waters with this person, then the "date" part of this still holds true in that you are evaluating your connection with this person to see if there is any real chemical attraction and if so, is there a chance for an emotional connection.

And, sometimes people just like to get together and play. A BDSM session could be nothing more than that, too.

SeraphinaCD said:

Quite simply, it is an escape from reality...

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So it is an escape from the usual everyday life. A trance, so to speak...

Now, I have heard that before, by old Masters and Mistresses, that the sub goes into a trance-like state during the session. They used to call that "substate".

Then someone (a Greek Master) told me that in a D/s relationship the trance is permanent for the sub. The session only intensifies it. The sub never returns to the mundane old reality. I tend to agree actually... Although I do realize that D/s relationships are a bit rare and people prefer things in life not to get too complicated or too demanding.

Amberchgo said:

Good luck!

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Thanks!

DVS said:

And, sometimes people just like to get together and play. A BDSM session could be nothing more than that, too.

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I will definitely agree with that. I do play too, sometimes... And I know the old saying, that sometimes a pipe is just a pipe!

Thank you for your answer!

dora_salonica said:

Then someone (a Greek Master) told me that in a D/s relationship the trance is permanent for the sub. The session only intensifies it. The sub never returns to the mundane old reality.

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Not sure how this is really possible unless you're living some kind of Gorean fantasy where the sub just lounges around the house in a metal bikini all day waiting to get whipped and fucked.

Kinda hard to be suspended in a semi-functional state 24/7 when there's like, rent to pay. And cat shit to scoop. And IBS to contend with. Etc.

Way too much cat poop scooping and not enough whipping and fucking.

I don't think I've ever reached subspace, but I've had some fucking awesome orgasms.