Having sex for the first time.

So, at 23 I'm the only virgin I know. It doesn't necessarily bother me, and I'm by no means embarrassed about it, but I'm beyond ready to start having sex. The only problem is I'm horribly shy when it comes to guys, and the farthest I've gotten aside from making out is giving a guy a bj once (which I thoroughly enjoyed). I'm just nervous. I don't want to be awkward, and even though I've never done it before, I want to know the basics so I don't completely suck when the time comes.

xtinelauren1 said:

So, at 23 I'm the only virgin I know. It doesn't necessarily bother me, and I'm by no means embarrassed about it, but I'm beyond ready to start having sex. The only problem is I'm horribly shy when it comes to guys, and the farthest I've gotten aside from making out is giving a guy a bj once (which I thoroughly enjoyed). I'm just nervous. I don't want to be awkward, and even though I've never done it before, I want to know the basics so I don't completely suck when the time comes.

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You've heard the saying before, right? Even when it's bad sex is pretty freakin' good?

Find a guy you like, who turns you on, who isn't a jerk. Have an absolutely great time!

NiceNastyMann said:

You've heard the saying before, right? Even when it's bad sex is pretty freakin' good?

Find a guy you like, who turns you on, who isn't a jerk. Have an absolutely great time!

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That sounds east enough, buy how do you even go about initiating sex without it feeling awkward or forced? Should I bother mentioning I'm a virgin?

Seriously, we are talking about men having sex, they don't normally remember anything except you got naked and let him ride.

Mostly you just have to remember to suggest sex if he doesn't bring it up. Which is not as rare as most say, I mean men are pigs and disgusting and all that but many are actually perfectly wonderful people. So if you have a guy picked do things with him and at the end of the night if he is getting ready to go home, mention you want him on top of you.

All that you have to do. Once you give him permission to let his dick out he will move things along. I will mention one thing, it is better if you have a relationship with the guy. I mean more than just a good friend, wonderful guy you are dating is going to give you better sex than your best bud, or the hunk down the hall, especially better than the guy who carries you to his place or yours to pass out.

xtinelauren1 said:

That sounds east enough, buy how do you even go about initiating sex without it feeling awkward or forced? Should I bother mentioning I'm a virgin?

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You mentioned you were a virgin in your first post.

ImagineMe2 said:

You mentioned you were a virgin in your first post.

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I'm aware. I was asking if whenever the time comes, should I mentioned I'm a virgin (if it hasn't already come up) or just go with the flow and not say anything. I guess what I'm getting at is, are guys put off by that. Especially considering most people lose their virginity in high school.

1 - Only give yourself to someone who truly respects you.
2 - Yes, he should know you are a virgin.
3 - Everything goes to YOUR pace! If you say stop, that means STOP! It doesn't matter whether his undies are just hitting the floor or if he's half way into penetrating you, STOP MEANS STOP!
4 - You are ALWAYS in control, you do not have to do anything you do not want to.

As long as the guy you choose can live with these rules, then go for it! Good luck, and lease report back with your results.

NippleMuncher said:

1 - Only give yourself to someone who truly respects you.
2 - Yes, he should know you are a virgin.
3 - Everything goes to YOUR pace! If you say stop, that means STOP! It doesn't matter whether his undies are just hitting the floor or if he's half way into penetrating you, STOP MEANS STOP!
4 - You are ALWAYS in control, you do not have to do anything you do not want to.

As long as the guy you choose can live with these rules, then go for it! Good luck, and lease report back with your results.

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5. Use protection!

Cathleen said:

5. Use protection!

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QFT! I'd even go as far as to suggest you carry a condom or three with you. Just in case he forgets, or his are past the use by date, etc.

Find yourself a nice married man that you know and trust and go to a motel. Not your house, not his, and certainly not a car or park lawn or ... whatever: a neutral place that is nice but which you will never go to again.

Make sure that he knows you are a virgin and that you want to be "broken in" but gently and slowly. The basics: oral sex and intercourse. No alcohol; maybe a glass of wine.

Make sure that he understands that this is a one time thing, that you just want to lose your virginity in a nice but enjoyable way.

I did this once with a young woman I knew, and it was a good time. (I wasn't married, but I knew it was just a one time thing. It actually turned out to be three nights over a month, but same thing: we knew it was just "education", and that she would then be turning to men her own age, which she did.)

xtinelauren1 said:

Should I bother mentioning I'm a virgin?

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If a 23 y/o babe I am attracted to told me she is a virgin my desire for her would increase ten fold and I'm pretty certain my testosterone levels would max out, causing me to develop a temporary case of Priaprism, insuring she will be well fucked when I am through deflowering her and turning her into a love Goddess.

xtinelauren1 said:

...I'm just nervous. I don't want to be awkward, and even though I've never done it before, I want to know the basics so I don't completely suck when the time comes.

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You are going to be awkward. Get used to it. Everybody is their first time. ( Sex is natural; choreography is not. )

You are going to be incompetent. Everybody was the first time. ( Anybody who claims otherwise is lying or was blind drunk at the time. Or both. )

The important thing is not to do it perfectly, but to have chosen someone who doesn't care if you aren't doing it perfectly.

OregonWriter14 said:

Find yourself a nice married man that you know and trust and go to a motel. Not your house, not his, and certainly not a car or park lawn or ... whatever: a neutral place that is nice but which you will never go to again.

Make sure that he knows you are a virgin and that you want to be "broken in" but gently and slowly. The basics: oral sex and intercourse. No alcohol; maybe a glass of wine.

Make sure that he understands that this is a one time thing, that you just want to lose your virginity in a nice but enjoyable way.

I did this once with a young woman I knew, and it was a good time. (I wasn't married, but I knew it was just a one time thing. It actually turned out to be three nights over a month, but same thing: we knew it was just "education", and that she would then be turning to men her own age, which she did.)

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This sounds like a really bad idea to me.

There's almost certainly going to be an emotional bond formed, probably for both of you, and it may well get messy.

Fall in love with someone nice and let it go where it naturally will. Don't rush it but don't back away either. The best time to have sex is when neither of you can wait another minute for it.

And make sure you enjoy and remember every minute of the journey and the wonders found at the end of it.

OregonWriter14 said:

Find yourself a nice married man that you know and trust and go to a motel. Not your house, not his, and certainly not a car or park lawn or ... whatever: a neutral place that is nice but which you will never go to again.

Make sure that he knows you are a virgin and that you want to be "broken in" but gently and slowly. The basics: oral sex and intercourse. No alcohol; maybe a glass of wine.

Make sure that he understands that this is a one time thing, that you just want to lose your virginity in a nice but enjoyable way.

I did this once with a young woman I knew, and it was a good time. (I wasn't married, but I knew it was just a one time thing. It actually turned out to be three nights over a month, but same thing: we knew it was just "education", and that she would then be turning to men her own age, which she did.)

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Don't do this unless you have spoken to his wife and she knows and agrees that it's okay. DO NOT sleep with married men whose wives don't know, don't help a loser cheat on his spouse!

This person doesn't seem to understand that wine has alcohol in it, either. But whatever.

ETA: If you get together with a young guy, chances are high he won't know your clitoris from a hole in the ground. I mostly blame porn for making so many dudes think that jackhammer penetration with a MASSIVE dick is the only thing that women need to orgasm. However, porn is nothing like good sex.

I'm not above assuming you already know how to masturbate to orgasm, and that you're like most women in that you can only reach orgasm through external clitoral stimulation.

Please do not hesitate to speak up and show/tell your partner how to please you. Please understand that sex with a new person (and first time sex) is incredibly awkward and you may not orgasm anyway, because of nerves, even if he does everything right.

Be patient. Keep practicing. Sex gets so much better later on, especially when you have a partner for a while who can get to know your body and what you like.

OregonWriter14 said:

Find yourself a nice married man that you know and trust and go to a motel. Not your house, not his, and certainly not a car or park lawn or ... whatever: a neutral place that is nice but which you will never go to again.

Make sure that he knows you are a virgin and that you want to be "broken in" but gently and slowly. The basics: oral sex and intercourse. No alcohol; maybe a glass of wine.

Make sure that he understands that this is a one time thing, that you just want to lose your virginity in a nice but enjoyable way.

I did this once with a young woman I knew, and it was a good time. (I wasn't married, but I knew it was just a one time thing. It actually turned out to be three nights over a month, but same thing: we knew it was just "education", and that she would then be turning to men her own age, which she did.)

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Even if it weren't my first time, I'd never sleep with a married man. I develop feelings for people rather quickly, so this probably wouldn't work for me. Thanks for your input though.

...................

xtinelauren1 said:

So, at 23 I'm the only virgin I know. It doesn't necessarily bother me, and I'm by no means embarrassed about it, but I'm beyond ready to start having sex. The only problem is I'm horribly shy when it comes to guys, and the farthest I've gotten aside from making out is giving a guy a bj once (which I thoroughly enjoyed). I'm just nervous. I don't want to be awkward, and even though I've never done it before, I want to know the basics so I don't completely suck when the time comes.

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One thing: don't mysticise the first time. I mean, yeah, it's a major life milestone for most people. But it's not this Magic Moment that has to be absolutely perfect. It almost certainly won't be the best or the most memorable sex you have in your life, and it may be easier to relax and enjoy it if you don't put too much pressure on yourself to be an expert out of the gate.

xtinelauren1 said:

I want to know the basics

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xtinelauren1 said:

That sounds east enough, buy how do you even go about initiating sex without it feeling awkward or forced? Should I bother mentioning I'm a virgin?

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a) If there is something you know, then the basics. They are simple.

b) The traditional way of initiating sex is to make out and to either not stop when he or she starts to get more bold and intimate or to be bold yourself and get more intimate and figure out, if the other person stops it.

c) I would not mention it. Even a "not-virgin" might want it slow and gentle, so for an experienced or emphatic lover it doesn't matter. And if you happen to have sex your first time with someone who is neither, then this information won't help either to make it better for you.

xtinelauren1 said:

I'm aware. I was asking if whenever the time comes, should I mentioned I'm a virgin (if it hasn't already come up) or just go with the flow and not say anything. I guess what I'm getting at is, are guys put off by that. Especially considering most people lose their virginity in high school.

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You need to know the person at LEAST well enough that you have discussed this before the last minute. And a lot of other things too.

Yes; he needs to know, and to understand that even if it's not all that nice for you the first time, it will get better really soon. Otherwise he may keep trying to help you come, and maybe you're not going to, and he's frustrated and you're not enjoying it because it really doesn't feel good...just tell.

The first time it's possible that neither of you will orgasm. You might want to just lie there and kiss for a long time with him inside you but not moving. That's OK. Just let him know what you want as you go along. If it hurts ask him to just lie still and hold you until it feels better. There will be plenty of time for wild fucking later.

jacktar48 said:

The first time it's possible that neither of you will orgasm.

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Yeah, after the first time you two will always have great mind-blowing orgasms.

time_4sumfun said:

Everybody does it for the first time at some point. Find someone you like/trust and go from there. If he's a decent human being he'll have no problem with the fact it's your first time and help/support you through it.

And if he does have a problem with it, you tell him to take a hike and wait until you find someone who is willing to help/guide you through it.

The more you think about it and pressure yourself, the worse it's going to be.

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This. However, I'd exchange is the word "willing" for the word "want." (You're not asking for a ride to the airport.)

Bramblethorn said:

One thing: don't mysticise the first time. I mean, yeah, it's a major life milestone for most people. But it's not this Magic Moment that has to be absolutely perfect. It almost certainly won't be the best or the most memorable sex you have in your life, and it may be easier to relax and enjoy it if you don't put too much pressure on yourself to be an expert out of the gate.

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This too.

xtinelauren1 said:

So, at 23 I'm the only virgin I know. It doesn't necessarily bother me, and I'm by no means embarrassed about it, but I'm beyond ready to start having sex. The only problem is I'm horribly shy when it comes to guys, and the farthest I've gotten aside from making out is giving a guy a bj once (which I thoroughly enjoyed). I'm just nervous. I don't want to be awkward, and even though I've never done it before, I want to know the basics so I don't completely suck when the time comes.

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That is the world's worst reason for having sex.
Brace yourself for what may be TMI--
I know that this is a very bad reason because it was MY reason for the first time and it's the only encounter I would apply mental bleach to if I were able.

Wait until you're with someone you like and trust.
Above all wait for someone you WANT. If you don't know that feeling then you haven't had it yet. You will.
If you don't want to say he's your first then say you don't have much experience (although I'd just go ahead and tell the truth.) At your age you probably won't bleed but if you do it'll freak him out unless he knows why. Also he won't expect you to know stuff you don't--may even get a thrill out of sort of teaching you. (My second was like that and pretty much everyone since then should be sending him Christmas cards. )

Know right now that it won't be like porn.
You will be awkward.
Your hair will get messed up.

Take off your jewelry.
Don't wear a lot of perfume or scented lotion (that crap tastes bad.)
Don't lay there and wait for it be over! If you aren't sure what you should be doing just do SOMETHING and ask him if it feels good. He'll say yes or he'll show you what does.
Don't rush but don't try to make it last forever either.
Don't try to fake experience or skill you don't have.
Keep your sense of humor, remember that this is supposed to be fun.
BE SAFE!

When you took your first steps your fell on your ass.
Your first day of school was probably as terrifying as it was exciting. You probably didn't know where to go or what to do.
I bet when you learned to drive you didn't just get in the car and go to the mall.
Firsts are fun and exciting and memorable. They also almost never go perfectly. The reason it's a 'first' instead of a single event is because we keep trying and it keeps getting better.

Don't have sex just for the sake of having sex!
If you do then it's likely that the person won't be quite right and you'll probably regret it.

It's not the be-all-and-end-all. The earth will not move.

But if it's with someone that you know well, have a connection with and trust (can't stress how important that bit is going to be) then none of the other stuff matters.

I suspect I'm about to do the equivalent of sticking my ahead above the parapet and getting a face full of bad but what they hey. There's a lot of posts here about meeting mister right, waiting for the right situation and establishing a long term relationship with your lover whose been written in the stars, etc etc etc.

See, is it the sex you really want or meeting someone special? Naturally it would be super nice to have both but I am curious about what's your priority here? My first time wasn't exactly earth shaking. There wasn't rose petals scattered across the bed, violin music playing and neither was it a dear diary moment. It was messy. Awkward and not exactly mind blowing.

If your just fed up being a virgin then I'd just get it out the way with, find a guy you have some attraction to, get him tipsy and invite him back to yours. To be honest, if it were me, I'd be more interested in finding a guy I want to spend my time with, who makes me happy and who I develop feelings for. The sex will come on its own and naturally.

TheSilverLining said:

Don't have sex just for the sake of having sex!

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That's the only reason to have sex. Oh..and reproduction.