My sub has changed, help?

bicurnow said:

I am thinking you may be correct. My impression is that there is an impression out there that you are all dealing with a neophyte in sexual and personal matters. If someone tells you it is raining, do you have to go outside and get soaked before you believe it?

The fact is that there is no shortage of lubrication, there is no shortage in use of toys including a vibrator that sorry to say is larger than me.

Yes both of us have lots of stress from various sources that does get misdirected on both of our cases. We get that.

Thanks to all of you for your efforts anyway.

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Well, it's kinda hard to glean a lot from a pretty short post.

Other questions have been asked besides the pain factor....

Has the fact your bi curious now affected anything or is that a Lit exploration thing?

You say it's been two years full-time. Did the topping from the bottom start right away or was it gradual?

Why do YOU think she feels the need to control the relationship?

We can't grasp on to anything other than what you tell us. You're exasperated. You're tired. You feel duped. You've had enough. That's what I heard.

I don't think any of us are going to tell you to kick her to the curb or agree that your'e right - she's a complete monster for duping you without more info. And that wasn't forthcoming.

I wish you the best - feeling like you do sucks.

bicurnow said:

I am thinking you may be correct. My impression is that there is an impression out there that you are all dealing with a neophyte in sexual and personal matters. If someone tells you it is raining, do you have to go outside and get soaked before you believe it?

The fact is that there is no shortage of lubrication, there is no shortage in use of toys including a vibrator that sorry to say is larger than me.

Yes both of us have lots of stress from various sources that does get misdirected on both of our cases. We get that.

Thanks to all of you for your efforts anyway.

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Every single relationship problem thread I've read, the best advice is to talk to to your partner, a lot. Aside from provide you with our own personal experiences, and potentially missing information, there isn't anything else we can do.

CutieMouse said:

A lot of people get into BDSM, then discover this thing called real life. They think 24/7 is going to be all naked and kneeling and sex, and get disappointed when they discover everyone still has bad days, work stress, bills to pay, kids to raise, and house/car repairs to deal with.

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^^ ALL the above!! ^^!

bicurnow said:

I think I was duped by a sub topping from the bottom.
Thoughts?
Frankly I have had enough.

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Duped? What a hateful word, and it's sad for you both that you feel that way. Why try to place blame here? Maybe her ideas on the matter of D/s have changed over time. It happens. People grow and change together, or they don't. The ending result doesn't have to be caustic. Unfortunately, too many people think it has to be.

My thoughts- I think you want to be done with it all and you came here to vent, instead of having one more difficult conversation with her, to seek validation for ending things. I don't think coming here to figure things out with her will be the way to a copacetic resolution. Perhaps it will lead you to a better way to discuss the situation with her.

Have you had children?

So often when someone is no longer interested in sex or have pain it comes from being touched out or something went wrong in the delivery and needs to be fixed.

So what answers are you after?
Sympathy? A headpat coupled with a 'there there'?
You say topping from below, I say she's trying to communicate and your ego is getting in the way of listening to her.
There are myriad reasons why sex would hurt, and quite frankly a doctor saying 'nothing wrong' is simply a symptom of the kind of attitude many doctors have to women's pelvic pain. Many don't want to know, and quite frankly the tone of the OP tells me that you are also in that camp. If you disbelieve her, then just fucking say it instead of hiding behind the passive aggressive bullshit.

butterfly_flip said:

So what answers are you after?
Sympathy? A headpat coupled with a 'there there'?
You say topping from below, I say she's trying to communicate and your ego is getting in the way of listening to her.
There are myriad reasons why sex would hurt, and quite frankly a doctor saying 'nothing wrong' is simply a symptom of the kind of attitude many doctors have to women's pelvic pain. Many don't want to know, and quite frankly the tone of the OP tells me that you are also in that camp. If you disbelieve her, then just fucking say it instead of hiding behind the passive aggressive bullshit.

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Yep. There have been studies that found often women's pain is dismissed or minimized by doctors.

Okay, so first and foremost, I'm sorry you're in this stressful situation. It sucks, and while I haven't been in the same situation, I can comprehend that this isn't how you'd like to spend your life. So, instead of adding to the stress by trying to put a lot of blame on you, I'm just going to say that if you need to vent, my PM channel is available.

That being said (and I'll be the first to admit I got rather tired of a lot of the responses and skipped to the end) I'd suggest talking with her as well. A sit down no phones, TV, anything talk, and spell it out to her how you feel. Then listen to what she says as well. If things get better, that's great! If they dont...well you're already at a point of dissolving a relationship. I don't see how you have anything to lose.

CutieMouse said:

A lot of people get into BDSM, then discover this thing called real life. They think 24/7 is going to be all naked and kneeling and sex, and get disappointed when they discover everyone still has bad days, work stress, bills to pay, kids to raise, and house/car repairs to deal with.

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Also, kinky relationships are still relationships. The change may have nothing to do with kink at all.