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Old 01-06-2018, 07:00 PM   #876
pelegrino
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Many thanks to tazz317 for commenting and to avengerfive for favoring Asphalt Blues


Many thanks to Ash-King for favoring LOVE ZIK-ZAK

Many thanks to tazz317 and to avengerfive for commenting and favoring Vespers Call
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Old 01-12-2018, 10:24 PM   #877
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Many Thanks to TGodd113 for favoriting FORWARDING "PORNOGRAPHIC" VERSE, and also to anonymous for suggesting a new concept for the poem.

Guilty Pleasure,
I'm sorry it did not work for you, but I am certainly not trying to have any fun with anyone in here. I put it under "erotic" as a prologue to other verses in other poems that may be erotic according to anyone's take, like the previous one, LOVE ZIK-ZAK, but not as such (erotic) in this instance.
To help you understand my use of capitalized preambles, or tags or whatever one may call them:
LEMONIA PERFORCE=>ATHENS, CITY UNKNOWN <=> LEMONIA => SUMMER BLAST=>BELLA GIOVENTU BEATA

To me they are not tags but stories, chapters, song cycles etc and can be observed in all poems that I publish in Literotica.
LEMONIA PERFORCE=>ATHENS, CITY UNKNOWN is the book and chapter I am working on currently.
<=> LEMONIA => SUMMER BLAST=>BELLA GIOVENTU BEATA is connected to the above by using (<=>) and going backwards and forwards in time to ten years ago when I was writing live the story of Lemonia (whereas now I write from memory). So this was a prologue to "pornographic" verses that I wrote then. Anyway, this prologue/poem has a 2nd part which will follow shortly if approved and hopefully will make things a little clearer.
In some sense none of my poems are stand-alone pieces, although I try to make them as self-contained as I can.
Thanks for your feedback. It helps by pointing to the difficulties that I'm faced with.
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Old 01-13-2018, 09:13 PM   #878
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Thanks for the nod, GP, regarding “Tony’s Vintage Comic Fetish.”
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Old 01-14-2018, 12:53 AM   #879
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Thanks to pelegrino and Senna Jawa for your comments on Whispers.

To Senna Jawa:

With all due respect to your criticism, lighten up man.

Not everyone is trying to be "serious" or a "student of poetry" when they compose. Readers don't need to be "serious" when they read and certainly a line by line dissection about which tense or metaphor I used was a bit over the top. For the most part I don't use a dogmatic formula. I use a simple 4 line stanza with a line 2 line 4 rhyming scheme, except on those rare occasions when I write 3 line stanzas. This works well with song lyrics and is easy to adapt.

As for the work in question, it was written 23 years ago at a time when I was experimenting in writing without a specific musical idea. Good or bad it conveys a certain point and feeling in time. As such I'm not going to re-write it to correct its "errors".

I'm sorry you didn't like it..
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Old 01-14-2018, 01:29 AM   #880
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mark_j View Post
Thanks to pelegrino and Senna Jawa for your comments on Whispers.

To Senna Jawa:

With all due respect to your criticism, lighten up man.

Not everyone is trying to be "serious" or a "student of poetry" when they compose. Readers don't need to be "serious" when they read and certainly a line by line dissection about which tense or metaphor I used was a bit over the top. For the most part I don't use a dogmatic formula. I use a simple 4 line stanza with a line 2 line 4 rhyming scheme, except on those rare occasions when I write 3 line stanzas. This works well with song lyrics and is easy to adapt.

As for the work in question, it was written 23 years ago at a time when I was experimenting in writing without a specific musical idea. Good or bad it conveys a certain point and feeling in time. As such I'm not going to re-write it to correct its "errors".

I'm sorry you didn't like it..
With all due respect to you, Senna gave you some good advice in his comment. You may not agree with it, you may find it insulting in places (I do), and you may have written your poem many years ago. (I can understand that you might not want to revisit it decades later.) However you only come off sounding defensive in your comment here. Maybe you should open your mind some and consider what he is saying for future writing you might do. His point is well taken about not having a third person, the narrator, in the middle of a love scene for two.

It takes time and thought for a reviewer to say more specific stuff than that he did or didn't like a poem and that, to my thinking, deserves a thank you for reading and thinking about the poem, not scorn. I find it best to not get emotionally involved with my readers' comments. I try to learn from them and move on. And if I disagree I don't take their recommendations and move on anyway.

Just offering my thoughts and not trying to pick a fight or anything like that. Reviews take time and effort: that kind of feedback is always a good thing imho.
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Old 01-14-2018, 02:42 AM   #881
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
With all due respect to you, Senna gave you some good advice in his comment. You may not agree with it, you may find it insulting in places (I do), and you may have written your poem many years ago. (I can understand that you might not want to revisit it decades later.) However you only come off sounding defensive in your comment here. Maybe you should open your mind some and consider what he is saying for future writing you might do. His point is well taken about not having a third person, the narrator, in the middle of a love scene for two.

It takes time and thought for a reviewer to say more specific stuff than that he did or didn't like a poem and that, to my thinking, deserves a thank you for reading and thinking about the poem, not scorn. I find it best to not get emotionally involved with my readers' comments. I try to learn from them and move on. And if I disagree I don't take their recommendations and move on anyway.

Just offering my thoughts and not trying to pick a fight or anything like that. Reviews take time and effort: that kind of feedback is always a good thing imho.
Point taken...
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Old 01-14-2018, 08:37 AM   #882
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Point taken...
Thanks for listening and not minding my sticking my two cents worth in! It's something I feel strongly about.
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Old 01-14-2018, 06:38 PM   #883
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Thanks for listening and not minding my sticking my two cents worth in! It's something I feel strongly about.
I said my piece and what's done is done.. Tilting at windmills doesn't change anything and only serves to hurt the horse..
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:34 AM   #884
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
With all due respect to you, Senna gave you some good advice in his comment. You may not agree with it, you may find it insulting in places (I do), and you may have written your poem many years ago. (I can understand that you might not want to revisit it decades later.) However you only come off sounding defensive in your comment here. Maybe you should open your mind some and consider what he is saying for future writing you might do. His point is well taken about not having a third person, the narrator, in the middle of a love scene for two.

It takes time and thought for a reviewer to say more specific stuff than that he did or didn't like a poem and that, to my thinking, deserves a thank you for reading and thinking about the poem, not scorn. I find it best to not get emotionally involved with my readers' comments. I try to learn from them and move on. And if I disagree I don't take their recommendations and move on anyway.

Just offering my thoughts and not trying to pick a fight or anything like that. Reviews take time and effort: that kind of feedback is always a good thing imho.
I agree with all this, Ange, with reference to improving future technique and to learn from serious criticism, even if harsh like I thought Seena's was in this instance. I just felt that these points cannot improve a poem written years ago. Better leave it as it stands, imho, it still has its charm.
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Old 01-18-2018, 07:32 AM   #885
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Many Thanks to BVMLover for commenting on and favoriting FORWARDING "PORNOGRAPHIC" VERSE
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Old 01-19-2018, 04:17 AM   #886
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Dear Ashesh9, greenmountaineer,
Thank you for your comments on Beyond but Remaining. I appreciate them.

Ashesh9,
It was a nice surprise, seeing the title of one of my stories coming back to me like that. I do hope that the poem doesn’t give the impression of putting the blame on someone.

greenmountaineer,
Less is more, in your opinion?
I was unsure about adding the illustration, but I do think it has additional value. Would it better fit in Non-Erotic Poetry according to you?

I appreciate feedback.
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Old 01-19-2018, 05:22 AM   #887
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubenR View Post
Dear Ashesh9, greenmountaineer,
Thank you for your comments on Beyond but Remaining. I appreciate them.

Ashesh9,
It was a nice surprise, seeing the title of one of my stories coming back to me like that. I do hope that the poem doesn’t give the impression of putting the blame on someone.

greenmountaineer,
Less is more, in your opinion?
I was unsure about adding the illustration, but I do think it has additional value. Would it better fit in Non-Erotic Poetry according to you?

I appreciate feedback.
Ruben,
I just wanted to get across a message that I read your stories too!
your poem doth not Blame anybody....but I used your story title in my comments : and you are a fine writer !!!
best regards,
ash9
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Old 01-19-2018, 11:15 AM   #888
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thank you Tazz for commenting on Balance and BVMLover for compliments to Buttocks , an Illustrated skirt and JLo or Kim!!!
all the above mentioned poems are of and in the illustrated category.
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