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How to ... write a PM to a woman

LikeableMe said:
Well yes it is me in my avatar, but that one line made it clear the rest of the PM was all just bait to reel me in... didn't even try to casually ask whether it was me, just a clear "if you don't look like that, goodbye"

Why would anyone respond to someone with that attitude? :confused:
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Hm. And...shoving your cleavage into the face of the people is...what exactly?
 
How precisely is LikeableMe "...shoving [her] cleavage in the face of people..."?
 
celticlady said:
How precisely is LikeableMe "...shoving [her] cleavage in the face of people..."?
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:D

We all draw conclusions based on an avatar that reveal things about us, and no-one else.

Primadonnalex, can you clarify why, exactly, you drew this conclusion? It might be interesting.
 
celticlady said:
How precisely is LikeableMe "...shoving [her] cleavage in the face of people..."?
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Exactly.. thank you. I'm not sure why I'm suddenly being attacked, just for commenting that someone was only interested in talking if it's me in the avatar, and not to reply if it isn't. Just stating what I've received, I haven't said anything offensive to or about anyone. I receive a lot of horny PMs, I ignore them. My original point was that I actually received one I liked, that seemed different, until the writer said he's not interested if it's not my photo in the avatar.

I replied that it is me, and ignored all further communications. This is 'how to write a PM to a woman' and my point that being witty and interesting was a good way to go about it, and the last line undid all of that is a valid one, and relevant to the topic.
 
Primalex said:
Hm. And...shoving your cleavage into the face of the people is...what exactly?
Click to expand...

Using that logic, I could write a PM to someone with an avatar like yours, saying "hey, I liked what you said on the boards, I think we'd really get on, but if you're not a real king, never mind, don't reply".
 
As I said earlier in this post, I am currently going through a bereavement. I am here to distract myself from it, and thought I was getting into an interesting conversation here. I am not in a place where I can handle being in the firing line. So if it's going to end up that way, I'd rather just leave the conversation. I don't have the energy, or headspace to handle it.

Take care!
 
Compatibility

Farawyn said:
Well said!

https://goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/guys-stop-thinking-owes-anything-mkdn/
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I only just read this link, and it is perfect ... although they do really skirt around the elephant in the room - compatibility. You can't make yourself be the 'right' person for someone else, no matter what you do, and to some extent you just have to trust that person when they indicate that they're just not that into you. I've had guys put huge amounts of energy into me, and still just be friends ... and then another guy just has to glance across a room at me and I'm totally there.
I think a certain environment needs to be created for you to establish whether or not you're compatible ... I'm not entirely sure whether the things I've mentioned here are about creating that environment, or just indicators of a lack of compatibility for me.

But even once the environment has been created, if you're still not feeling it, that's unlikely to change. So is that maybe the problem - we're saying 'X, Y and Z need to be in place to create an environment in which I can work out if we're compatible' ... but the result of that may still be 'no', and hence the (mostly) guys are saying 'but I did X Y and Z, and she still said no'.
 
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KimGordon67 said:
I only just read this link, and it is perfect ... although they do really skirt around the elephant in the room - compatibility. You can't make yourself be the 'right' person for someone else, no matter what you do, and to some extent you just have to trust that person when they indicate that they're just not that into you. I've had guys put huge amounts of energy into me, and still just be friends ... and then another guy just has to glance across a room at me and I'm totally there.
I think a certain environment needs to be created for you to establish whether or not you're compatible ... I'm not entirely sure whether the things I've mentioned here are about creating that environment, or just indicators of a lack of compatibility for me.

But even once the environment has been created, if you're still not feeling it, that's unlikely to change. So is that maybe the problem - we're saying 'X, Y and Z need to be in place to create an environment in which I can work out if we're compatible' ... but the result of that may still be 'no', and hence the (mostly) guys are saying 'but I did X Y and Z, and she still said no'.
Click to expand...

Eloquent yet succinct. Even "No" from such a gentle women, would be a treasure.
 
KimGordon67 said:
This is sort of related to point 3, and really shouldn't need saying, but apparently it does. OK, we all edit ourselves a bit online, but if you're trying to be 'someone else', we're going to work it out eventually. (See my 'Some poly ...' thread for the story of the NY steel worker.) The totally fake persona thing is one thing ... but this extends to just trying to be more anything or less anything than you actually are. Following on from Point 3, a couple of times when I've said 'I'm just not feeling it', the guy has said 'What do you want me to me - I can be anything you want'. Sigh. If you're not explicitly working in a RP context, this is an impossible question. Can you be Clive Owen - like, actual Clive Owen, not just RPing Clive Owen? I'm suspecting probably not, so no, you can't be anything I want - similarly, I probably can't be anything you want, unless you're wanting a slightly grumpy 50 year old woman who never goes to the gym (which seems pretty unlikely). And if I said 'I want XYZ', it would just be mean ... and also a bit egotistical. I'm OK, but I'm not that amazing that you should want to alter your personality in order to keep me talking to you.
This is hard, I know. When I first started mucking around online, I was quite nervous about being honest about myself, and even recently it's bitten me in the arse a bit. But oh well ... ultimately I'd rather be disliked for being myself than being someone else. I say stupid things, I'm grumpy, sometimes I think of something quite clever, I'm often quite kind, I have somewhat unpredictable morals ... we're all weird combinations of complex stuff. That's the fun of it all. So try to be honest about yourself ... and if you can't put it all out there, which really no one does, just be honest with the stuff you are putting out there.
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Well I have now read all your advice about PMs, so I think I will take the safe road and not try to send a PM to you. :) Seriously though, its all good advice! I apologize to all those women that have had to delete pics of my body parts! Oh wait, fortuantely I have not sent any of those.

I really just wanted you to know that your advice would be good for all of us men to read. I am sure I have broken the rules more than once, but for the most part I try to just put a smile on the receiver's face (without the use of pics!).

Well done!
 
thinkingofyou3000 said:
Well I have now read all your advice about PMs, so I think I will take the safe road and not try to send a PM to you. :) Seriously though, its all good advice! I apologize to all those women that have had to delete pics of my body parts! Oh wait, fortuantely I have not sent any of those.

I really just wanted you to know that your advice would be good for all of us men to read. I am sure I have broken the rules more than once, but for the most part I try to just put a smile on the receiver's face (without the use of pics!).

Well done!
Click to expand...

*suggestions ...
 
Nice thread, much needed here on Lit! I have some pretty simple rules for PMs. I'm likely to answer if the man is:
1. Polite
2. Sincerely interested
3. Not sending a copy-and-paste message I've seen before and is sent to the masses
4. Capable of writing complete sentences
5. Not into sending me pics of his manly parts, particularly parts that are dolled up in little costumes

Be nice, be yourself and don't try to be so clever. That is all. 🙂
 
bbwpeach said:
Nice thread, much needed here on Lit! I have some pretty simple rules for PMs. I'm likely to answer if the man is:
1. Polite
2. Sincerely interested
3. Not sending a copy-and-paste message I've seen before and is sent to the masses
4. Capable of writing complete sentences
5. Not into sending me pics of his manly parts, particularly parts that are dolled up in little costumes

Be nice, be yourself and don't try to be so clever. That is all. 🙂
Click to expand...

That happens? At least it demonstrates some sort of creativity and/or a sense of humour!
 
KimGordon67 said:
That happens? At least it demonstrates some sort of creativity and/or a sense of humour!
Click to expand...

It happens. But quite honestly, seeing a dick dressed up like a little sailor makes me double over laughing...and not in a "sexy sense of humor" kind of way. I just want to salute and say "Ahoy, matey!" And run as far away as I can.
 
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