Comedy: the rules of erotica

RicoLouis

Literotica Guru
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Started writing a comedy story making fun of sex stories in general and used the following two lines in diffrent parts.

“Of course it is. I am the main character it’s in the rules of erotica that all women must be awestruck when they see my cock for the first time.”

“Of course I do all mature women are cock hungry cum guzzling sluts according to the rules of erotica.”

Just wondering if thier was a list of rules what would they be.
 
Rules? We don't need no stinking rules!;)

seriously, one I'd add would be that if you introduce a nubile character, they need to join in the sex, if not in this story, then in a sequel. If not there needs to be a plausible reason.
 
Rules? We don't need no stinking rules!;)

seriously, one I'd add would be that if you introduce a nubile character, they need to join in the sex, if not in this story, then in a sequel. If not there needs to be a plausible reason.

How about that every character can always size up the exact dimensions of any cock or breasts.

I had a pretty wild past and I could never tell you - even of men I've been very close to. I could never tell you a woman's bra size either... Though of course I could know if someone is more likely to be an A cup than a DD.
 
By "rules" I believe you to mean "tropes" and in that regard...

All men have big dicks and never get soft
All women are young nubile innocent virgins
All people are sexual experts (in spite of any lack of experience)
All women are physically fit and have huge bouncing boobies.

conversely, there are unspoken tropes (or tropes between the lines)...

Dweebs never have sex
Nobody every sneezes on someone else during sex
Nobody farts (unless that is a fetish)
Pussy farts never happen
people are always the right height to each other. (You don't have really short and really tall characters knocking boots)

I'm sure there is more that I'm not thinking of.
 
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A penis that goes in the pussy stays in the pussy (and never accidentally pops out and goes up her ass in a jarring and painful "ouch! get away from me, time out, never come near me with that thing ever again" kind of way).

The guy never feels bad if his dick accidentally pops out of her pussy and accidentally goes up her ass in a jarring and painful "ouch! get away from me, time out, never come near me with that thing ever again" kind of way.

Anal sex is always instantaneous and you don't need the long prep prior to doing it.
 
Arguments rarely happen unless they preclude angry sex. I'm not sure if this is a trope or just good story telling though...
 
People don't change their mind about sex when it is about to happen or is happening.
-corollary - men can't lose their erections
-corollary - life doesn't intervene

Women don't care about Protection
-corollary - Women always prefer no condoms because semen
 
Frank Zappa said USA pop music only has lyrics because listeners demand words, even if they make no sense. Motivations in erotica are similar. A participant needs a motive, but the motive needn't be sensible, not for a story to 'work'. She's a slut. Why? Because she is. He's a dork? Why? Born that way. Any psychoanalyzing only muddies a stroker, distracting readers from the all-important physio-sexual descriptions. The only motivations needed are issues: daddy, mommy, small-dick, hot-cunt, sibling, self-esteem, biology. Invent as desired.

So, a rule of erotica: People want sex (in any particular variant) just because they want it. No other reason is needed. But a nice ridiculous motivation can be fun. My pituitary made me do it.
 
And nobody ever has to excuse himself/herself during a bout of savage sex in order to go to the bathroom. Unless, of course, that turns out to be part of the sex.
 
And nobody ever has to excuse himself/herself during a bout of savage sex in order to go to the bathroom.
I think I wrote that into a Ron+Peg encounter (RON'S JOURNAL 07). If not, I should have, and I will in an expanded adaptation.

Unless, of course, that turns out to be part of the sex.
Not my fetish. Wait, I recall writing something where the M+F pair MUST break off from fucking to pee, both of them. Or maybe it was an MFF trio. Anyway, one F on the toilet, and the other participants standing in the shower, draining. THEN shower sex. Or golden shower sex?
 
More trope:

Semen is always hot and thick, and always shoots in copious streams or jets, between five and seven times per orgasm.

Men can always get it up immediately after an orgasm.
 
Something to remember is that intentionally bad is still bad. These kinds of stories always just fall flat with me when it's just so obvious like that. I'd much rather it be more subtle and display an awareness of tropes without just saying them out loud.
 
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