Ask a MtF TG a question

Whether male, or female, we all dress and act in a way to avoid trouble, I don't think that has anything really to do with feminism, its part of being a member of society.
What is acceptable to wear when at a nightclub, isn't necessary acceptable to wear when picking up the kids from nursery, but I have seen that happen, and the strongest reaction against it was from other women.
What is acceptable to wear in a gay club, crotchless chaps for example, would certainly get an adverse reaction if worn at the supermarket.

A way a women or man dresses is no excuse, for them to molested or raped and that is without question. In reality I do not actually think that occurs more than rarely.
I think it s a way a person will behave especially under the influence of alcohol and drugs, that can unfortunately lead to sex that is not consensual, or is thought of as non consensual by one of the participants afterwards, this can often be the case when people have sobered up and realised what they have done, especially if married or in a relationship. Whether male or female we both have a responsibility to ensure the signals we give off can not be misinterpreted.

Personally I avoid taking anyone to bed when I have been drinking or if they are under the influence of drugs or are drunk.
Well said Naughty. I also feel it is still the "old double standard" in place. People often mistake how someone looks for who they are!! (PS, THAT EXPLAINS THE STARES i GOT WEARING MY CHAPS TO THE MARKET!!!!)
 
Thanks Silky, PA and yes I've seen members of, as it turned out, an orchestra walking up the road in the middle do the day and it immediately attracted attention. All the same there are those schools of thought amongst feminists: some that advocate dressing plainly to avoid the 'slut' stereotype and others that say 'fuck society I'll dress how I like- it's your problem'.
 
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Silky and I were having a good discussion but we decided it was a distraction from the original intention of the thread: to inform people about the life of trans women.
 
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Silky and I were having a good discussion but we decided it was a distraction from the original intention of the thread: to inform people about the life of trans women.

yep slapped wrists for us both for digressing the thread :D:rose:
 
Hello all, well been away a while but did have a good question that maybe someone else might be too shy to ask. It's safe to assume that most men when learning about transgender women for the first time it's through porn. Now I like it as much as the next guy, but what might be a way of crossing the line into meeting and dating them. Cause I don't think they make softcore erotica movies like they do for ciswomen, featuring tgirls. Granted I learned by reading more literotica then most men probably would. So any thoughts?
 
Just curious - why are you interested in dating a transwoman? Are you by any chance looking to meet someone who looks like they belong in a porn flick?
 
Hello all, well been away a while but did have a good question that maybe someone else might be too shy to ask. It's safe to assume that most men when learning about transgender women for the first time it's through porn. Now I like it as much as the next guy, but what might be a way of crossing the line into meeting and dating them. Cause I don't think they make softcore erotica movies like they do for ciswomen, featuring tgirls. Granted I learned by reading more literotica then most men probably would. So any thoughts?

well I am assuming you have not had a quick read through of this thread:rolleyes:

Go out, meet people talk to them, but if it imperative in your mind that its a tgirl you want, then you are wasting your time.

Real life is not a porn movie, its full of real people with genuine feelings and emotions, and it does not matter whether you are MTF or not, a person wants to feel sexy, wanted and cared for because of who they are, they are not there just to satisfy some fiction induced fantasy. sorry:rose:
 
First of all - thanks for your question, DF.
Unlike mainstream porn for hetero or homo sexual tastes, shemale/transsexual porn is fulfilling a pure fantasy.

From my point of view, which I know is shared by the majority of trans women that I speak to, I'm not interested in dating someone as a chick with a dick - I want to date them as a woman, because that is what I am. Right now, I happen to have a penis and, as a woman, I'm not too happy about that, but until I can have surgery to correct the problem, I'm stuck with it. It can make dating very stressful and I am avoiding dating altogether, because most guys expect to find something quite different in my knickers. I'm immediately on the defensive because, at any point a guy can accuse me of deceiving him.

If a guy knows in advance that I am trans* then I wonder if he's asking to date me because I have a penis - he doesn't even know me yet as a person but he wants to date me… like huh?

But going back to the porn videos you've seen. Those are just commercial businesses and the girls may have taken enough hormones to produce a little breast growth but most simply have implants: they probably spend a lot of money maintaining their looks with electrolysis etc - it's all about money.

Ah, you say, but what about the amateur images with transsexuals? Well, girls feel sexy too sometimes and young girls like to show off. I think they're acting unwisely because once a photo is on the web, it's there for ever. If you look closely you might also see that those 'girls' are just cross-dressing boys, with their heads awash with testosterone but their legs shaved super smooth. Look again and you'll see it's a cis-woman with a dick photo-shopped on.

I'm sorry to pour cold water on your enthusiasm but unless you want to pay for a prostitute then the odds are against. Where would they hang out? LGBT bars possibly but maybe just with their friends because that's where they'll feel safe?
 
Very well put, Sticky. I have known some "trans-people", (both sexes), & in all honesty have wondered what it would be like to be with them. Not just because of their "uniquicness", but because they were very sexy!! (Plus I am a horny one!!!])
 
Well my question was more a first experience seeing, knowing about. I'm not putting anyone down or thinking transwomen are going to be exactly like what porn portrays. I know way more then that. And yes I'll be honest and am curious to date one that's a woman and not as it was put a boy in a dress. But I would argue that the first time a man encounters transgenderism is unfortunately through porn. In fact I am chatting with a young lady off a different website and she and I get along very well. A normal attractive woman. So to close, I would think just talk and get to know her for her and not treat her like a fetish. I hope this clears some of my thoughts about it up.
 
Well my question was more a first experience seeing, knowing about. I'm not putting anyone down or thinking transwomen are going to be exactly like what porn portrays. I know way more then that. And yes I'll be honest and am curious to date one that's a woman and not as it was put a boy in a dress. But I would argue that the first time a man encounters transgenderism is unfortunately through porn. In fact I am chatting with a young lady off a different website and she and I get along very well. A normal attractive woman. So to close, I would think just talk and get to know her for her and not treat her like a fetish. I hope this clears some of my thoughts about it up.
No problem DF. Folks are a bit prickly about the porn link and I can see you understand that and I don't see curiosity as being necessarily a bad thing: if I wanted to date a fireman ( and I do :) ) then that doesn't make me bad! But do understand that it is a territory filled with quicksand and emotionally, trans women can be pretty complicated.
So yes - absolutely get to know her - it will boost her confidence no end and do you no harm either. It's a difficult balance to get right, because we don't want to be regarded as 'special cases' demanding extra rights. More than anything else we just want to be normal, but society ( and that includes the images from porn ) doesn't always allow us to act normally. There are a couple of links to YTube sites I'll include below: these are very sensible women who can help dismiss the stereotype porn image by just being themselves.
Thanks again for your question

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfcSq4JHgjStOny98dadONA

and Yorkshire lass

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCw4plb8kFXFGVJC3L9sikpg
 
Haurni and Silky - you both right to be cautious, as I am, but Dragonfire makes a valid point - that most guys do find out about TGs from porn but it's a double-edged sword. I think most trans women can quickly work out who is genuine and who is a chaser and we're used to men being a bit lead-footed around us because they're not on familiar territory. A lot of younger guys act like idiots around cis-women too because even if they are genuinely nice blokes, they let their trouser-brain do the thinking first.
I will want to date guys and I'd assume every guy I've met has whacked off to porn at some time. If they're the kind of guy that can see past the veneer of porn make-believe and see the person instead, then the chances are they're intelligent enough to empathise and be someone I might date. Cis-women sort the good from the bad and do it pretty well - it's just even more difficult for trans women because even an apparently good guy can be freaked out. It's just something we get used to and we check out a guy very very carefully before getting involved. If I were out on the razz, I'd ask my girlfriends opinion in the restroom - don't we all?! :)
 
most guys do find out about TGs from porn but it's a double-edged sword.
You're very probably right, SG - I know I did, and I know it's affected how I think of transwomen. It's similar, I suppose, to the fetishization that asian women often experience.

I applaud you :rose: for making the effort to educate those of us who have been beguiled and led astray by untruths. :rolleyes:
 
You're very probably right, SG - I know I did, and I know it's affected how I think of transwomen. It's similar, I suppose, to the fetishization that asian women often experience.

I applaud you :rose: for making the effort to educate those of us who have been beguiled and led astray by untruths. :rolleyes:
Ooo blimey 'beguiling and led astray' - makes it sound like the Good shepherd gathering the flock :) If I thought there was something wrong with porn I wouldn't be here, haurni.

I can only speak for myself and I've learnt to accept that lots of men look at porn images of trans women and I don't have a problem with that, so long as they keep a foot on the ground and realise life isn't like the movies: surely most people know this? Lets face it, if a guy doesn't like porn images of trans women, then he very unlikely to find the real thing acceptable either, assuming we're talking about pre-op women.

Post-op isn't nirvana though, because if dating is getting serious then she's still going to have to raise that topic that "yes, I was born a boy" at some point. If a guy has his heart set on having kids then adoption would be the only route and if he's a knuckle-head then he's going to end the relationship on principle.

It's this whole expectation thing with society - what people anticipate is going to be in your knickers. It shouldn't matter, but it sure as hell does. Maybe one day huh?
 
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Sticky, very well said. However instead of "knuckleheads" I think you mean "knuckle-draggers". Everytime I think society is moving forward, it seems to go backwards.
 
Ooo blimey 'beguiling and led astray' - makes it sound like the Good shepherd gathering the flock :)
O, chastise me, sister! :D

It's this whole expectation thing with society - what people anticipate is going to be in your knickers. It shouldn't matter, but it sure as hell does. Maybe one day huh?
I doubt it, if only because I believe that a significant portion (but not all) of our sexual orientation is determined in the years before we become truly conscious of the world around us.

That certainly shouldn't stop us from trying to be understanding and inclusive and accepting of our fellow human beans.
 
this all reminds me of something that happened not that long ago. one of my wife's schoolmates is a pre op as a side note she is totally gorgeous and dating this guy. one of the other guys in her class was talking to the boyfriend and the question of being gay was brought up. the boyfriend was like I am not gay. and the other guy could not get it.

my point is if it is not to obvious the boyfriend did not consider himself gay because he was dating a girl.
 
this all reminds me of something that happened not that long ago. one of my wife's schoolmates is a pre op as a side note she is totally gorgeous and dating this guy. one of the other guys in her class was talking to the boyfriend and the question of being gay was brought up. the boyfriend was like I am not gay. and the other guy could not get it.

my point is if it is not to obvious the boyfriend did not consider himself gay because he was dating a girl.

Well duh?
I never understood why so many people find that concept so difficult. And I'm guessing those same guys would probably be freaked out (or at least confused) about having gay thoughts about a trans man, if they were attracted to him.
 
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Good point - we need to hear it for bf's and gf's of trans* people because they take a lot of shit like this ^^^ :heart::heart: for lovers :)
 
“I am attracted to my trans partner, but not *because* they are trans, but also not *in spite of* the fact that they are trans. Because, after all, I believe that trans people and trans bodies are attractive and deserving of love. But by saying that, I am not trying to imply that I am specifically attracted to my partner’s more trans-specific traits, but at the same time, I am not grossed out by them either. Honestly, I view my partner’s body the exact same way that I view cisgender bodies. Oh God, I hope that last comment doesn’t come off as too cisnormative...”

I love that line :D

From http://juliaserano.blogspot.ca/2013/10/in-defense-of-partners.html
 
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