COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Stunned and in shock

Red_Kiss said:
Hi all,

It's been awhile since I've posted but today I need the words of my Lit friends.

My love of 9 months told me today that he 'can't do this anymore'. He dropped that bomb on me before he left for work. To give some background: I know he's been having money problems (a pay cut, late bills) and he just bought into a business (front money loaned to him by a family member). He's also been drinking lately, but not to the point of drunk. He sleeps all the time. The tension in the house has been nauseating for the past few weeks since he's decided to go ahead with the new business. It's as though things are crashing down around him. I've given him space, a supportive ear and have kept things up around the house. In the past few weeks he's been detached from me and his daughter. I feel that he's suffering from depression since we lost our baby in June. He told me today that it's not fair for me to 'settle'. I was stunned and speechless.

He left while I was in the bathroom crying. I moved my things into the storage shed at our house and took what I needed with me to stay in a motel. I don't understand how he can give me a diamond necklace for Christmas then boom, two days after tell me he can't do it anymore. He didn't outright tell me to leave, but I feel that's what was implied today. So I did, and now I'm second guessing myself.

How do I handle this? Is it the perfect storm of stress, money , and depression that's making him this way? Any thoughts, advice or encouragement would really help me out tonight.
Click to expand...

I am just so sorry. I've only read your post and not the thread so, I apologize for any updates I've missed. He sounds stressed and on his way towards depression. Some people drink and sleep more when stressed. It's self-preservation so they don't become depressed. I know this firsthand.

I really am just so sorry. Hang in there the best you can ::hugs::
 
Thank you everyone for your caring words and thoughtful advice. Just to give everyone a small update: I'm now in my new place with two wonderful housemates. (No more motel room!) I spoke to him yesterday about picking up more of my things; he asked if I wanted to come over after he got home from work (at 10 pm) or if I wanted to stop by today after he got home. I opted for today but this morning I awoke to a text saying that he left the door open for me and some money on the table. I drove over this morning and felt incredibly sad to see bare cupboards and the bed as I left it, with no comforter or blankets. I wrote him a letter telling him that as sad as I am I don't hate him, that I care and will always have love in my heart for him and that I know he's overwhelmed right now. I let him know that if he ever wanted to call or get coffee that he should, that he shouldn't feel he has to face his thoughts and worries alone. I feel good about leaving a door open and now it's up to him if he wants to walk through it.
Things are still sad and painful but I feel strong: I lost my baby and my man but I'm still standing and thriving.
 
Red Kiss,

I am not trying to be harsh, but according to post #5, you and your (now) ex are both 60 years of age, so losing the child may be a blessing in disquise and the loss was meant to be.

Many years ago I experienced similar behavior from a long-term girlfriend who couldn't bring herself to tell me she had reconnected with a past lover. Instead, she made my life miserable for months until I did exactly what you did. I finally had enough of her lack of attention, phony depression and other crap. I ended the relationship and less than a week later she was a married woman.

Her Mother, Father and Sister were totally blindsided and shocked by her actions and thirty-some years later, her Dad (90, now) and I are still great friends.

I should add, her Dad and Sister still haven't managed to get an explanation from her, but he told me her marriage lasted seven months.

Hang in there, Babe.
 
Last edited:
Harold_Hill said:
I missed something here. Where did you see post #5 that says she is 60 years old?
Click to expand...

Um, yeah, I was a bit confused on that point too. I believe he misread a comment by LadyVer. Regardless, the baby comment was in poor taste.
 
From post #5

Harold_Hill said:
I missed something here. Where did you see post #5 that says she is 60 years old?
Click to expand...

Here is THE text from post #5:

"Trying thinking from this angle: you're both 60. Life is short. Drama is only good for a few years. After that, it doesn't work well. I'm serious, and I mean no offense.

(Obviously, I bolded the relevent words).
------------

I read that and responded to it. How many 60 year old new Mothers do you know?
 
Last edited:
ToysAreUs said:
THE text from post #5:

"Trying thinking from this angle: you're both 60. Life is short. Drama is only good for a few years. After that, it doesn't work well. I'm serious, and I mean no offense.

(Obviously, I bolded the relevent words).
------------

I responded to it. How many 60 year old new Mothers do you know?
Click to expand...

Lol yeah, sorry mate you've misread it. She was posing a hyperthetical scenario and not that she is literally 60 ;)
 
Doog_kuron said:
Lol yeah, sorry mate you've misread it. She was posing a hyperthetical scenario and not that she is literally 60 ;)
Click to expand...

Actually, I did not misread it because I understand female plumbing issues, but I wanted to dampen my written response.

As I suggested, her short-term special man may have a new 'interest'. If true that is not her fault, but he (like the gf I wrote about) does not know how to properly end a relationship. In some ways he left her hanging and that sucks. I hope she falls back, regroups and has a wonderful 2015 without him.
 
Last edited:
Perhaps it is not a misreading thing, more a comprehension issue.


But you really do need to explain the female plumbing, where it fits in all this, and if the plumbing contributed to the dampening of your response.
Please, if only to help me recognize female plumbing issues when they present themselves.


ToysAreUs said:
Actually, I did not misread it because I understand female plumbing issues, but I wanted to dampen my written response.
Click to expand...
 
Red_Kiss said:
Thank you everyone for your caring words and thoughtful advice. Just to give everyone a small update: I'm now in my new place with two wonderful housemates. (No more motel room!) I spoke to him yesterday about picking up more of my things; he asked if I wanted to come over after he got home from work (at 10 pm) or if I wanted to stop by today after he got home. I opted for today but this morning I awoke to a text saying that he left the door open for me and some money on the table. I drove over this morning and felt incredibly sad to see bare cupboards and the bed as I left it, with no comforter or blankets. I wrote him a letter telling him that as sad as I am I don't hate him, that I care and will always have love in my heart for him and that I know he's overwhelmed right now. I let him know that if he ever wanted to call or get coffee that he should, that he shouldn't feel he has to face his thoughts and worries alone. I feel good about leaving a door open and now it's up to him if he wants to walk through it.
Things are still sad and painful but I feel strong: I lost my baby and my man but I'm still standing and thriving.
Click to expand...
I can't help thinking about the daughter you mentioned.
Is she going to be alright?

Emerson40 said:
Perhaps it is not a misreading thing, more a comprehension issue.


But you really do need to explain the female plumbing, where it fits in all this, and if the plumbing contributed to the dampening of your response.
Please, if only to help me recognize female plumbing issues when they present themselves.
Click to expand...

It's the issue with long hair clogging the shower drain. :D
 
IrisAlthea said:
I can't help thinking about the daughter you mentioned.
Is she going to be alright?

Good question, Iris. He has full custody and her mother sees her every other weekend. Her mother has a lengthy list of psych issues and wouldn't be able to care for her full time. I know that she'll be adequately cared for physically, but emotionally the little one is already having problems. She's smart and extremely sensitive to her dad's moods. So needless to say, she's been a pretty unhappy kid lately. For instance, the last day I was there she was crying because she "couldn't calm down" (her words). I know that because of the new business she'll have to stay with a babysitter and this is a kid that doesn't cope well with change. I'm worried about her and what's going to happen down the road. I'm also worried about him because he's gone from a good dad to a checked-out dad.
Click to expand...
 
Red_Kiss said:
Hi all,

It's been awhile since I've posted but today I need the words of my Lit friends.

My love of 9 months told me today that he 'can't do this anymore'. He dropped that bomb on me before he left for work. To give some background: I know he's been having money problems (a pay cut, late bills) and he just bought into a business (front money loaned to him by a family member). He's also been drinking lately, but not to the point of drunk. He sleeps all the time. The tension in the house has been nauseating for the past few weeks since he's decided to go ahead with the new business. It's as though things are crashing down around him. I've given him space, a supportive ear and have kept things up around the house. In the past few weeks he's been detached from me and his daughter. I feel that he's suffering from depression since we lost our baby in June. He told me today that it's not fair for me to 'settle'. I was stunned and speechless.

He left while I was in the bathroom crying. I moved my things into the storage shed at our house and took what I needed with me to stay in a motel. I don't understand how he can give me a diamond necklace for Christmas then boom, two days after tell me he can't do it anymore. He didn't outright tell me to leave, but I feel that's what was implied today. So I did, and now I'm second guessing myself.

How do I handle this? Is it the perfect storm of stress, money , and depression that's making him this way? Any thoughts, advice or encouragement would really help me out tonight.
Click to expand...

I've been through this before too. I am sorry, this must really hurt. The most ATTRACTIVE feature any of us has is the ability to walk away from somebody. It's OK to be civil, but please don't be accommodating. I don't care what somebody is going through, they still don't have the right to shit on their partner. Let him know you will honor his decision and move on. Don't return calls. Don't help him. Let him really realize what he as lost. You'll have your mojo back in no time.
 
I have an update for everyone who had such good advice and kind thoughts during my breakup: the ex is getting married. I learned of it today via the photo and tasteless announcement he has on Facebook. I'm shocked. It feels like I've been betrayed again since I find it very suspicious that he would be that deeply 'in love' a month and half after he bailed on me. I did figure out that she's a woman he dated (and was dumped by) more than a decade ago. (I know this because he had to tell me about all his exes while we were together. This has really shaken me. I loved him, was going to have his child, embraced his daughter as my own and committed myself to the relationship... this scares me that he is not the same person I gave my all to, though I know this devious, cruel bastard must have been there all along. Discovering this has reinforced my belief that he is psychologically unstable, hurtful and impulsive.

Just when I was starting to feel at peace with the situation, this ripped it open again. The only person I feel sorry for in all of this is his daughter; I can't imagine the roiling emotions and thoughts in her mind right now.
 
Red_Kiss said:
I have an update for everyone who had such good advice and kind thoughts during my breakup: the ex is getting married. I learned of it today via the photo and tasteless announcement he has on Facebook. I'm shocked. It feels like I've been betrayed again since I find it very suspicious that he would be that deeply 'in love' a month and half after he bailed on me. I did figure out that she's a woman he dated (and was dumped by) more than a decade ago. (I know this because he had to tell me about all his exes while we were together. This has really shaken me. I loved him, was going to have his child, embraced his daughter as my own and committed myself to the relationship... this scares me that he is not the same person I gave my all to, though I know this devious, cruel bastard must have been there all along. Discovering this has reinforced my belief that he is psychologically unstable, hurtful and impulsive.

Just when I was starting to feel at peace with the situation, this ripped it open again. The only person I feel sorry for in all of this is his daughter; I can't imagine the roiling emotions and thoughts in her mind right now.
Click to expand...

Oh bugger!

I understand your feelings, but you should add a: "stercus sanctum, it is good that I got out in time!"

I only have your description, but based on that, he is not a type I'd want any of my daughters to spend their life with!
 
good Lord, woman..
unfriend him.
why would you continue this drama intentionally?
Facebook stalking is the modern day equivalent to driving past his house every evening to see if he's home and alone. Don't do that to yourself!
 
GiggLeGasm said:
good Lord, woman..
unfriend him.
why would you continue this drama intentionally?
Facebook stalking is the modern day equivalent to driving past his house every evening to see if he's home and alone. Don't do that to yourself!
Click to expand...
Yup.

But don't just unfriend him. Block his ass.
 
I'm actually not even a fb member, a friend saw it and brought it to my attention. I'm definitely not an avid follower of his activities. FB ignorance is sweet bliss, until, you know, someone bursts your ignorance bubble.:)
 
Personally, I think you are taking it the wrong way. You should be getting down on your hands and knees, kissing the earth and thanking God that he is no longer an option in your life.
 
subwannabe said:
Personally, I think you are taking it the wrong way. You should be getting down on your hands and knees, kissing the earth and thanking God that he is no longer an option in your life.
Click to expand...

So right!
Today I certainly am thanking God that I escaped that emotionally toxic nightmare. I'm amazed at his level of dysfunction and SO relieved it's no longer a part of my life.
 
Last edited:
if

If you are like me, you will, at some point, get around to thinking about how it was you missed all the signs that said "avoid this guy like he carried the plague". It is not fun to do but should help for the future.
 
red kiss, you really dodged a bullet! you should consider that date your independence day. :>

but yeah, that poor kid. jeez, she's never gonna have a healthy relationship.

ed
 
Red_Kiss said:
Hi all,

It's been awhile since I've posted but today I need the words of my Lit friends.

My love of 9 months told me today that he 'can't do this anymore'. He dropped that bomb on me before he left for work. To give some background: I know he's been having money problems (a pay cut, late bills) and he just bought into a business (front money loaned to him by a family member). He's also been drinking lately, but not to the point of drunk. He sleeps all the time. The tension in the house has been nauseating for the past few weeks since he's decided to go ahead with the new business. It's as though things are crashing down around him. I've given him space, a supportive ear and have kept things up around the house. In the past few weeks he's been detached from me and his daughter. I feel that he's suffering from depression since we lost our baby in June. He told me today that it's not fair for me to 'settle'. I was stunned and speechless.

He left while I was in the bathroom crying. I moved my things into the storage shed at our house and took what I needed with me to stay in a motel. I don't understand how he can give me a diamond necklace for Christmas then boom, two days after tell me he can't do it anymore. He didn't outright tell me to leave, but I feel that's what was implied today. So I did, and now I'm second guessing myself.

How do I handle this? Is it the perfect storm of stress, money , and depression that's making him this way? Any thoughts, advice or encouragement would really help me out tonight.
Click to expand...

He actually told you? I usually do the manly thing and stop returning texts or phone calls.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Giftboy
How?
Replies
2
Views
305
Giftboy
Giftboy
pink_silk_glove
Need Help with some Naughty Spanish
Replies
2
Views
181
pink_silk_glove
pink_silk_glove
N
Posting true stories
Replies
17
Views
1K
bobsyouruncle55
bobsyouruncle55
C
Wife has questionable past
2
Replies
38
Views
3K
NormalMarriedWhiteGuy
N
CiaoSteve
Pegging
Replies
14
Views
2K
CassandraMcQuarry
CassandraMcQuarry
Back
Top