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Dick will make you slap somebody

Rainshine said:
That was quite fascinating, but I most enjoyed Michaels. I giggled the whole way through.
Click to expand...

There were a couple good ones in there - good find Night!




Also wanted to point out that Bubbles is one fortunate SOB Rainy One. ;)
 
To arsehole or asshole

I have noticed a metamorphosis or is it just identity crisis going on lately with pmann. Down there va-jay-jay burning issues with Nair while discovering his 'nads, curly eye lashes and mascara and of course being beaten into submission regarding the spelling of arsehole.

pmann said:
Let the record reflect that you are all a bunch of arseholes.
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Can I hear someone singing her rendition of the following song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10YJNWyKoPU

I digress - back to compelling spelling issues...

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, David Cameron, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

  1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.

    Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

  2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

  3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

  4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

  5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

  6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

  7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are terrible and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

  8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

  9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

  10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

  11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

  12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

  13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

  14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

  15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese


well actually got nothing to do with John Cleese
http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp
 
NightL said:
I have noticed a metamorphosis or is it just identity crisis going on lately with pmann. Down there va-jay-jay burning issues with Nair while discovering his 'nads, curly eye lashes and mascara and of course being beaten into submission regarding the spelling of arsehole.
Click to expand...

There is something definitely going on.

He has identified and defined himself by his massive penis for so long, I wonder if he is forgetting there a man attached to the base of that bad boy.

tumblr_lb1j3nfAx41qzz97h.gif



I've also put it down to some sort of slight eunuchification, a result of repeated pulling and snapping back of the ballsack from repeated waxing by his Vietnamese beauty team, coupled with the constant inhalation and absorbing (through the skin) of beauty products and aerosols.

I believe we are witnessing the darker and rarely spoken of side of metrosexualism.

I've not met the man, but I hear he is even hotter than Avril's beau, Chad.

I hope vanity, that dirty bitch, does not steal another from us.
 
Sweet B-Hole Treats

What gift do you get for the asshole that has everything?


edible-800x400.jpg



Each box contains 3 tushy truffles, made from Belgian chocolate - Dark Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, and to satisfy the sweet tooth needs of the B-Hole Bleacher, White Chocolate.

The heiney B-Hole shape comes from a mold designed from the stunning turd-cutter of a sexy butt-model.

*** Contains traces of nuts and milk protein (Heh...right. Milk protein.)
 
This adorable, vacuous ex-stripper does and says everything to perpetuate a whole multitude of stereotypes.

<<< Click image to hear her views on dogs having brains.


** Warning ** - You will experience feelings of superior intelligence during the watching of this, followed by regret at not being able to get back the time you spent watching. Enjoy
 
Emerson40 said:
** Warning ** - You will experience feelings of superior intelligence during the watching of this, followed by regret at not being able to get back the time you spent watching. Enjoy
Click to expand...

You will not find beauty in the facade of a being, you must look deeper, hear their words, for this is who they truly are.
 
I want your body

Everybody wants your body

So let's jack

Let's jack


<<< C1iCk 2 jAcK
 
Just clicked on the ex-stripper vid. It's a good thing she is kinda pretty in a plastic barbie way and blonde or she would already be in a ditch somewhere. Strippers for Jesus and devil dogs. My brain hurts now.




Samuel L Jackson reading a children's book

The music makes it even better
 
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I understand why that book was written. My girl child had colic from 2 am to 6 am every night for about 4 months. My then energetic 2 year old was up at 6 am every day and I was maybe getting 2 hours of sleep a night. I was a wreck. I remember walking her (because that was the only time she was quiet) and saying "awww mommy wants to rock you to sleep with a real rock."

It was laugh or cry, or go take the gas pipe. I went with amusing myself.

Now that she's a teen--I'd still like to "rock" her to sleep on occasion. :eek:

But I never would because I love her dearly--the brat.
 
Caught having a wee wank in Walmart

Brian Hounslow Allegedly Caught Masturbating At Tulsa Walmart: Witness Beth Davis Shot Video Of Oklahoma Man Fleeing Store

An Oklahoma man who allegedly masturbated in the women’s bathroom of a Walmart was caught after a woman recorded him on her cell phone fleeing from the store.

Brian Hounslow, 37 of Broken Arrow, Okla., was arrested Wednesday morning at his home after the female witness, Beth Davis, told police she saw Hounslow masturbating while standing in the front mirror of the bathroom at a south Tulsa Walmart, Fox 23 reported.

Davis’ video was posted to YouTube, where Hounslow can be seen running away after the victim recounts what she said she saw in the women’s bathroom.

“You were masturbating in the women’s restroom,” Davis says as Hounslow is seen walking away toward the exit. “My name is Beth Davis and I witnessed it. You were naked, you had your pants down around your ankles. Someone stop him! Do not let him go out that door! Stop this man! Stop that man!”

Davis told her story to Tulsa television station KOTV.

"So, I walked into the restroom, and there was a man completely naked, no shirt, nothing, pants around his ankles [touching himself] in front of the mirror," she said. "He was a deer in headlights. That's when he said he really didn't know it was the women's restroom. Really, dude? That's what you have to say here?"

Davis said nobody at the Walmart tried to track Hounslow down.

"You know what really made me mad? No one responded to me, No. 1," she said. "And No. 2, what if there would've been a young child who'd gone into that restroom?"

Davis said she has only one regret before taking the cell phone video.

"I wish I had my stun gun and stunned the sucker and laid him out then took the movie," she said.

Hounslow was stopped and arrested within two hours of the incident, KOTV reported. The 37-year-old was charged with felony indecent exposure. He allegedly confessed to the crimes. The Broken Arrow man was given $5,000 bond, according to KJRH.

You can view Davis’ video below:

Bathroom Fiend
 
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