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Cheating

I would never knowingly do anything sexual with someone I knew was in a relationship. The only time I ever did anything like that was with a guy who completely lied to me about being broken up with his longtime girlfriend. When I found out that they were still a couple, I slapped him hard across the face.
 
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

Only if said stranger either informed me she was in an open relationship or lied to me.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

No. If she's cheating, she's either not in a great place mentally/emotionally and really shouldn't be making these types of decisions or is just a fucking bad person.

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

No. It just means she's either aggressively predatory or desperate. Both are bad.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

Only if they are in a traditional, monogamous marriage.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

No. I've been cheated on by a person who was about to be a spouse. It's a shitty thing to find out. I would not wish that on anyone else.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?

Oh, I blame her 100-fucking-percent. There is no other right answer here. If you are dissatisfied with the relationship, you should be an adult and communicate that with your partner honestly and openly. If your solution is to betray and lie to your partner, you're a childish ashhole.
 
Would you have sex with a married stranger?][/COLOR] Yes I have and mist likely will again.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?* No, it does not matter to me why they are going outside their marriage for sex. It really isn't my business either!

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move? I do not believe it matters. I have had married women make the first move, it actually clears up their true intentions.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them? That depends on the situation, you kind of have to feel them out, to see if they are truly open to a sexual encounter or not.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous? I tend to like women that are promiscuous over just fulfilling avone time need, as most that are just fulfilling a need may grow attached to that fulfillment from one person.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?

It takes two to Tango!
 
SandraMustard said:
I see MagicalMoments resurrected this old thread. I guess I'll add my answers but all are based on the altered thread premise I gave in the title. I will NOT get involved in someone's problems or be the cause of them.
Click to expand...


Thank you Sandra. I am not sure I entirely understand your altered thread premise. I can see that you are not cheating because of the nature of your relationship and lifestyle, but the other person could be cheating, no?

Just to be clear I think you and I both make a distinction between sex and cheating.

My relationship is not monogamous. I have explicitly taken the view that my sexual partners are my own choice. The parameters of our sex life are very clear between my husband and I and that is the only relevant reference point. My sexual activity is not cheating because I am not violating our commitment.

Conversely, if I violate our agreed upon parameters I am cheating. And no amount of rationalization or minimizing of my actions will change that.

I don't mean to be overly simplistic. And I am not qualified to be judgmental so I will just say this about myself. If I fuck 100 guys in an explicitly open marriage I have done nothing wrong. If I fuck 1 guy while in a monogamous relationship I have violated a fundamental trust and committed a despicable act.

Of course relationships are complex and I am far from perfect. But the one time I cheated before our marriage became open......I was wrong and I violated a fundamental trust and sought his forgiveness without qualification or excuse.

I started this thread because I am often surprised by the rationalizations we apply in real life.

For many (especially women, sorry to say) sexual promiscuity is a bigger sin than cheating with a good excuse.

Lots of people get mad at the person their spouse fucked but let the spouse off comparatively light. I think this is just our inclination not to be mad at the one we love but what does it say about your respect for your SO that the path to fidelity isn't through them but to expect the other 3 billion members of the opposite sex to stay hands off.

Many of us talk a big game about not doing certain things but the main impediment is lack of opportunity. Once the opportunity is present we fold like a cheap tent.

Lots of us rationalize the reasons why the person is cheating. She's unfulfilled in her marriage. Maybe her husband isn't attentive and is himself cheating. Or maybe he is a wonderful and doting man and she is a selfish bitch with unreasonable expectations. One really can't know by just listening to one side of the story.
 
Most like to think that their significant other was preyed upon by a homewrecker, and the their Significant other was put in a helpless situation, therefore pinpointing blame onto the person that their SO had the affair or encounter with.

Most, if not all of the married women I have had encounters with were perfectly aware of what they were doing, so pointing the blame on the one person is not right, as far as I am concerned. As said in my other post, I maintain an attitude of it not being my business of why they are stepping out on the other person. This also allows me to remain nonjudgmental.

I really do not wish to be a shoulder to cry on, or a sounding board for a person to vent their marital problems to. I am there for sex, if you need someone to talk to, go talk to a shrink or better yet your Signifant other.

Just my two cents!
 
These in many ways are loaded questions! It's a moral issue you are either morally opposed to it or you are not! But they are good questions none the less.

Would sleep with a married woman? Yes!

Have I? Yes! Her hubby knew about it though. I would probably not sleep with a stranger nowadays though. Too risky.

Does it matter that they are cheating? If I didn't need there spouse to know first! Then my answer would be fuck no, we are all adults here and we can make up our own minds.

Is it more acceptable? Again depending where both your moral compasses are and how you view infidelity, no it doesn't matter who hits on who to me!

Does the fact they are married impact my decision? Yes very much so! Their spouse would have to know beforehand.

Fulfilling a need? I am no ones counselor and I would not care about that quite frankly. I would fuck them because we were hot for each other and that is it!

Who's to blame? We all are. If my wife cheats on me because she is missing something sexually. (I'm to blame.)
She didn't communicate it with me well enough to correct the situation or leave my lame ass if I was unwilling to change! (My wife's to blame.)
Married is married. If you see it as doing something wrong don't sleep with them. (Lovers to blame.)

This is all from the view of a man who has cheated and been caught. Been cheated on and caught them. and has been in a loving open marriage! I have seen it all and done a lot of it.

KC

P.S. I know I have contradicted my self. That is because I don't follow a black and white out look, I live in the grey!
 
KinkyGAGuy said:
Most like to think that their significant other was preyed upon by a homewrecker, and the their Significant other was put in a helpless situation, therefore pinpointing blame onto the person that their SO had the affair or encounter with.

Most, if not all of the married women I have had encounters with were perfectly aware of what they were doing, so pointing the blame on the one person is not right, as far as I am concerned. As said in my other post, I maintain an attitude of it not being my business of why they are stepping out on the other person. This also allows me to remain nonjudgmental.

I really do not wish to be a shoulder to cry on, or a sounding board for a person to vent their marital problems to. I am there for sex, if you need someone to talk to, go talk to a shrink or better yet your Signifant other.

Just my two cents!
Click to expand...


I think you are correct but what does that say about your SO or how you view them?

I can respect an openly promiscuous woman a lot more than one too stupid or vulnerable to keep guys from talking their way into her pants. There will ALWAYS be guys trying to pick-up any attractive woman, married or otherwise. If she can't be trusted to be faithful in the face of that reality there is no hope aside from locking her in the basement.

As you are alluding to, most women (and men) know very well what they are doing. The cheated on spouse doesn't want to believe they were a willing participant. But in the long run the alternative interpretation leads to a worse outcome because it is premised on the notion that she can't take care of herself and is therefore a risk to cheat every time she is out of site.
 
SandraMustard said:
I see MagicalMoments resurrected this old thread. I guess I'll add my answers but all are based on the altered thread premise I gave in the title. I will NOT get involved in someone's problems or be the cause of them.
Click to expand...

policywank said:
Thank you Sandra. I am not sure I entirely understand your altered thread premise. I can see that you are not cheating because of the nature of your relationship and lifestyle, but the other person could be cheating, no?

Just to be clear I think you and I both make a distinction between sex and cheating.

My relationship is not monogamous. I have explicitly taken the view that my sexual partners are my own choice. The parameters of our sex life are very clear between my husband and I and that is the only relevant reference point. My sexual activity is not cheating because I am not violating our commitment.

Conversely, if I violate our agreed upon parameters I am cheating. And no amount of rationalization or minimizing of my actions will change that.

I don't mean to be overly simplistic. And I am not qualified to be judgmental so I will just say this about myself. If I fuck 100 guys in an explicitly open marriage I have done nothing wrong. If I fuck 1 guy while in a monogamous relationship I have violated a fundamental trust and committed a despicable act.

Of course relationships are complex and I am far from perfect. But the one time I cheated before our marriage became open......I was wrong and I violated a fundamental trust and sought his forgiveness without qualification or excuse.

I started this thread because I am often surprised by the rationalizations we apply in real life.

For many (especially women, sorry to say) sexual promiscuity is a bigger sin than cheating with a good excuse.

Lots of people get mad at the person their spouse fucked but let the spouse off comparatively light. I think this is just our inclination not to be mad at the one we love but what does it say about your respect for your SO that the path to fidelity isn't through them but to expect the other 3 billion members of the opposite sex to stay hands off.

Many of us talk a big game about not doing certain things but the main impediment is lack of opportunity. Once the opportunity is present we fold like a cheap tent.

Lots of us rationalize the reasons why the person is cheating. She's unfulfilled in her marriage. Maybe her husband isn't attentive and is himself cheating. Or maybe he is a wonderful and doting man and she is a selfish bitch with unreasonable expectations. One really can't know by just listening to one side of the story.
Click to expand...

I described my actions poorly. Less than altering the premise, I more accurately justified my stance against cheating by saying I don't cheat. I could have left the title alone and made my declaration in my opening remarks.

You said the other person might be a cheater. I answered that two ways. I'm very certain none of mine are because all my sex with married partners is in front of their spouse. The rest are unmarried. If I ever find a partner lies to me to cover their cheating, I'm done with them. I might even out them in retaliation.

We are totally on the same page about our own relationships but you may allow more latitude in your partners.
 
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KINKYCanada said:
These in many ways are loaded questions! It's a moral issue you are either morally opposed to it or you are not! But they are good questions none the less.

Would sleep with a married woman? Yes!

Have I? Yes! Her hubby knew about it though. I would probably not sleep with a stranger nowadays though. Too risky.

Does it matter that they are cheating? If I didn't need there spouse to know first! Then my answer would be fuck no, we are all adults here and we can make up our own minds.

Is it more acceptable? Again depending where both your moral compasses are and how you view infidelity, no it doesn't matter who hits on who to me!

Does the fact they are married impact my decision? Yes very much so! Their spouse would have to know beforehand.

Fulfilling a need? I am no ones counselor and I would not care about that quite frankly. I would fuck them because we were hot for each other and that is it!

Who's to blame? We all are. If my wife cheats on me because she is missing something sexually. (I'm to blame.)
She didn't communicate it with me well enough to correct the situation or leave my lame ass if I was unwilling to change! (My wife's to blame.)
Married is married. If you see it as doing something wrong don't sleep with them. (Lovers to blame.)

This is all from the view of a man who has cheated and been caught. Been cheated on and caught them. and has been in a loving open marriage! I have seen it all and done a lot of it.

KC

P.S. I know I have contradicted my self. That is because I don't follow a black and white out look, I live in the grey!
Click to expand...



Yes the questions are loaded. I am trying to provoke response for conversation. In particular and in relation to your openings comment is the moral issue sex or deceit? For me it is deceit, but a lot of people mix the two in my observation.
 
policywank said:
Yes the questions are loaded. I am trying to provoke response for conversation. In particular and in relation to your openings comment is the moral issue sex or deceit? For me it is deceit, but a lot of people mix the two in my observation.
Click to expand...

I agree, it is a gray area that gets mixed, but I agree the moral issue is deceit in my mind.
 
SandraMustard said:
I described my actions poorly. Less than altering the premise, I more accurately justified my stance against cheating by saying I don't cheat. I could have left the title alone and made my declaration in my opening remarks.

You said the other person might be a cheater. I answered that two ways. I'm very certain none of mine are because all my sex with married partners is in front of their spouse. The rest are unmarried. If I ever find a partner lies to me to cover their cheating, I'm done with them. I might even out them in retaliation.

We are totally on the same page about our own relationships but you may allow more latitude in your partners.
Click to expand...


You are correct Sandra, I probably do allow more latitude in my partners. If I know he is deceitful it is a big turn off. But I am not as diligent in making sure he isn't.

When I have been with married men I take the view that his rationale for going outside his marriage is his own. It isn't my responsibility to keep him faithful and relationships are complex so who am I to judge.

I can see how that is somewhat self-serving, but in my particular case it would be hard to do otherwise without seeming hypocritical.
 
NC_OBX80 said:
I agree, it is a gray area that gets mixed, but I agree the moral issue is deceit in my mind.
Click to expand...


It certainly gets mixed, but I think it sometimes gets reversed. I have known women who disagree harshly with my honest promiscuity but can support (or at least accept) another woman who cheats with a relatively weak excuse.
 
In the past, I would have judged you for the unequal nature of your Hotwife relationship with your SO. However, I have a more nuanced take on things these days. It doesn't matter if the relationship is equal per se. It matters whether or not both parties are favorable to it (or more if it is a poly deal), but rather that it is a consensual, deliberate arrangement satisfactory to all parties.

Deception is an attempt to deny that choice to one's partner to decide whether or not they accept whatever arrangements are being imposed on them by the cheating party. No one is making your SO accept the boundaries that you and he have. No one is tricking him into accepting them, either. He presumably enjoys living the way that the two of you do, and that being so, it's nobody's business if you do that. That is very different from pretending to be faithful and thus tricking him into staying with you and being faithful under false pretenses.

That being said, I have slept with another man's wife before and he didn't find out until she and I had gotten it on. Of course, she was leaving him for me at the time. Only then was he open to trying to save their marriage, but it was too late. In my defense, I didn't go after her until she had made it clear that she was leaving him.

Nowadays, we have an open marriage, so it's moot for us.
 
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Would you have sex with a married stranger?
Yes, but only as a one time thing. Unless I don't know he's married.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?
None of my business.

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?
"Acceptable" is not the right word here, but it would increase the chances of it happening.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?
Yes, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't play along if they hit on me. Mostly depends on the circumstances.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?
I don't do anything I (will) feel bad about.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
I wouldn't blame the other party at all, and wouldn't blame the spouse 100% either - I'd probably have my share of the fault
 
Would you have sex with a married stranger? Yes, if their partner knew, and my spouse was invited too.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating? No, but if their partner knows, it's really not cheating.

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move? Doesn't make any difference.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them? Yes

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous? No

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party? It's all on them.
 
Cheated wife stopped haveing sex so i looked elsewhere i also wanted to try giving anal and having my cum swallowed both things she would not due. So i found someone who would.
 
policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?
Yes

policywank said:
Does it matter to you why they are cheating?
Click to expand...
No

policywank said:
Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?
Click to expand...
Yes

policywank said:
Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?
Click to expand...
No

policywank said:
Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?
Click to expand...
Yes

policywank said:
If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
Click to expand...
Both - spouse and other party, as well as myself

I try not to judge - people have reasons for their actions.
Click to expand...
 
policywank said:
Thank you Sandra. I am not sure I entirely understand your altered thread premise. I can see that you are not cheating because of the nature of your relationship and lifestyle, but the other person could be cheating, no?

Just to be clear I think you and I both make a distinction between sex and cheating.

My relationship is not monogamous. I have explicitly taken the view that my sexual partners are my own choice. The parameters of our sex life are very clear between my husband and I and that is the only relevant reference point. My sexual activity is not cheating because I am not violating our commitment.

Conversely, if I violate our agreed upon parameters I am cheating. And no amount of rationalization or minimizing of my actions will change that.

I don't mean to be overly simplistic. And I am not qualified to be judgmental so I will just say this about myself. If I fuck 100 guys in an explicitly open marriage I have done nothing wrong. If I fuck 1 guy while in a monogamous relationship I have violated a fundamental trust and committed a despicable act.

Of course relationships are complex and I am far from perfect. But the one time I cheated before our marriage became open......I was wrong and I violated a fundamental trust and sought his forgiveness without qualification or excuse.

I started this thread because I am often surprised by the rationalizations we apply in real life.

For many (especially women, sorry to say) sexual promiscuity is a bigger sin than cheating with a good excuse.

Lots of people get mad at the person their spouse fucked but let the spouse off comparatively light. I think this is just our inclination not to be mad at the one we love but what does it say about your respect for your SO that the path to fidelity isn't through them but to expect the other 3 billion members of the opposite sex to stay hands off.

Many of us talk a big game about not doing certain things but the main impediment is lack of opportunity. Once the opportunity is present we fold like a cheap tent.

Lots of us rationalize the reasons why the person is cheating. She's unfulfilled in her marriage. Maybe her husband isn't attentive and is himself cheating. Or maybe he is a wonderful and doting man and she is a selfish bitch with unreasonable expectations. One really can't know by just listening to one side of the story.
Click to expand...

Well said, Couldn't agree more.
Your situation sounds identical to mine, which was my first marriage.
I've been happily monogamous in my second marriage for the past 16 years and that is despite my wife's consent to see others for sex if i desire.
 
littlecordelera said:
There is no such thing as a person who will not cheat. Give anyone the right circumstances, and they will cheat.
Click to expand...


I might not be quite so definitive but I think there is a lot of truth to this comment.

I heard a comedian recently talking about Tiger Woods. He made the point that everyone was all upset about the 6 or 8 or whatever number women he fucked while married........but that was 6 or 8 out of thousands that he had the opportunity to fuck which is actually pretty loyal. I guarantee that 90% of the people who judge others for cheating would jump at the chance if there were a dozen hot women or men waiting for them overtime they left work.
 
policywank said:
I might not be quite so definitive but I think there is a lot of truth to this comment.

I heard a comedian recently talking about Tiger Woods. He made the point that everyone was all upset about the 6 or 8 or whatever number women he fucked while married........but that was 6 or 8 out of thousands that he had the opportunity to fuck which is actually pretty loyal. I guarantee that 90% of the people who judge others for cheating would jump at the chance if there were a dozen hot women or men waiting for them overtime they left work.
Click to expand...

It's not just the "hotness," it's the excitement of cheating and getting away with it. Knowing that he has no idea what you did.
 
davenjenn said:
It's not just the "hotness," it's the excitement of cheating and getting away with it. Knowing that he has no idea what you did.
Click to expand...

Its also the thrill of the chase and the prospect of something new in different
 
davenjenn said:
It's not just the "hotness," it's the excitement of cheating and getting away with it. Knowing that he has no idea what you did.
Click to expand...

Agreed. Right or wrong that can be a factor.

My focus was primarily on the opportunity factor. A lot of people take a fairly black and white view of it not just in terms of whether it is wrong but also in terms of whether they would ever do it. And in many cases those who take that stand have just never been exposed to a powerful temptation in a moment of weakness.

If someone says cheating is wrong and deceitful I agree with them whole-heartedly. If they say there is never an excuse to cheat I would say well maybe not a good excuse but I can envision situations in which it is at least understandable or reflective of human weakness. But if they say that they would never cheat under any circumstance I would say that unless they are regularly presented with exciting opportunities with very attractive sexual partners that is not necessarily a credible stand. It is like anyone declaring with absolute certainty what they would do in a circumstance that they know they will never have to face - the certainty is sort of bullshit.
 
When I was younger I was not a good person. I didn’t care about others nor myself. I’ve seen the emotional damage that can cause. There are more than a few things I regret and have learned a few life lessons. I would not cheat on my wife and if I was single I would not be with someone who is cheating.
 
Have and usually the guy makes the move, but I'm married too. Wgen I cheat, my husband blames me, when I'm being used to cheat with, the guy's wife blames me. Lol
 
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