How to get a guy when you are shy

Like for real, i have been single for 3 or 4 years like no kissing no anything! Problem is, i am shy, and not so confident with my self. Dont tell me to get over it i wont! But seriously to compound this issue i dont go out to clubs because i dont like them nor do i dance. And online dating is not my cup of tea.... I really cannot figure out this dating or even hooking up thing.... Help!

loveroflove said:

Problem is, i am shy, and not so confident with my self. Dont tell me to get over it i wont!

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Is the shyness just toward people you feel an attraction to? Are you the same for just smiling and saying hello?

Perhaps aim to just bring new friends into your life initially. Hopefully that may drop the anxiety of "I'm attracted to this person how do I let them know?"

Try practising greetings - being serious here - if someone gives you good service at a shop or cafe step up your normal thank you to include "What a lovely day" and offer a warm smile.

Try to find ways to start a friendly conversation with people who you won't feel that communication pressure from. Think of it as offering a gift to people who are nice to you. I'm sure the more you do that the more confident you will become with the "hello".

Searching for a partner places expectations on communications that can feel overwhelming but just engaging in polite conversations may increase your friend circle allowing the possibility of that someone special finding you.

The more people you are around will obviously increase your chances, so yes you will have to make an effort and push yourself a little - but you can do that gradually. Set yourself little challenges of gifting and gaining smiles, of extending the hello or thank you out to a question "what do you think of this weather today". You may just be surprised how a simple question breaks the ice to start further communications.

There are a lot of shy people out there who would enjoy a smile and simple greeting - totally without expectations. You are not the only shy person, so how would you like to be approached? If you are genuine then no one would ever be offended for a smile, a hello, a compliment.

The wonder person is not really going to knock on your door, especially if you are hidden inside and they don't even know you are there. You have to step out... so clubs are not your thing, push yourself to one outing each week, art gallery, theatre, ballet and just try the smile and hello for each occasion "I'm loving this exhibition, how do you find it?".

Maybe take a friend along to these outings for some support and added courage. Make a game of it by seeing who first can get a "hello" or "thank you" back first. It may just lead to "would join us for a coffee?".

So - aim to increase your contact with people first before thinking about finding a partner then the ideal partner may just find you when you least expect it.

loveroflove said:

Like for real, i have been single for 3 or 4 years like no kissing no anything! Problem is, i am shy, and not so confident with my self. Dont tell me to get over it i wont! But seriously to compound this issue i dont go out to clubs because i dont like them nor do i dance. And online dating is not my cup of tea.... I really cannot figure out this dating or even hooking up thing.... Help!

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Self love. You need to learn that. Love yourself and you will attract them wherever you go.

Also, Law Of Attraction. Look up Dan Radiostyle on Youtube. He'll tell you what to do.

I understand that it's really hard psychologiclly. Especially getting rejected.

Maybe someone will disagree with me, but I think that women get it a bit easier when approaching men. When a guy asks a random girl out, chances are she will be quite annoyed by it, because women get asked out much more often. Men however, don't have such a problem - women ask men out FAR less.

That's why I think that if you approach any man - he will most likely be flattered. Of course he can still reject you, because girlfriend or any other reason, but he will still be very positive and remember you with a smile.

I hope knowing this helps a bit.

Another advice I can give you - practice in front of a mirror. I know that feels really dumb, but just do it - right now get up, find a mirror and say "hello" to it a hundred times, as if you are talking to a guy. Then tell a mirror you like it and ask if it's interested to meet sometimes. Every time, try to be genuine and put effort into it.
I know this feels REALLY stupid to do that. But what this does is it numbs you to saying those words. After doing that exercise a few times, no matter how nervous you are you'll be able to say those things without stuttering or being too awkward. And that's what's important - a first approach. After that, the guy would pick things up or politely refuse.

Another thing you should do is ask a guy out once a day. One guy a day. I guarantee you that you will get rejected sometimes. I also guarantee you that you will get a date.

Start with these simple things. Later you may want to expand the arsenal of tricks.

One last thing. In my country there are pick-up meetups where people TEACH you and coach you to ask people out. There are groups both for men and women. For a reasonable money - a coach will spend time with you training you to be less awkward and more confident. They will walk with you and help you ask people out.
I'm sure there're similar things in your country.

One last thing - as others said, LOVE YOURSELF. Work on yourself. If you feel you are overweight - time to go to gym. If you feel your face looks bad - invest some time into learning better makeup techniques. FYI, most people on earth don't like their own face or voice. Read books to be more interesting person. There's so many reasons for lack of confidence that I can think of, but barring fringe cases everything can be remedied.
Also there are things that may not necessarily be bad. Some men love shy girls. Some men love geeky girls. I personally quite like girls who have flat chests and small asses. The traits you are less confident about - are probably someone's fetish.

I never figured out dating or clubs either. Good news is, they're not the only way to find somebody, and for us shy types they're probably not the best way.

I found my partners through my social circle. I had hobbies; I hung out with people who had the same hobbies, and through that I met lots of people who already had at least one thing in common with me, and eventually some of those friendships turned into relationships.

Jada59 said:

Self love. You need to learn that. Love yourself and you will attract them wherever you go.

Also, Law Of Attraction. Look up Dan Radiostyle on Youtube. He'll tell you what to do.

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I looked this up as I have listened to another one. Thank you for sharing.

LanguageOfLove said:

I looked this up as I have listened to another one. Thank you for sharing.

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Great!

It not that i have that much problem actually talking to men. It is the asking them out because usually i find them either more friend like or they are already in a relationship with someone. I am shy when meeting new people in a new place for me. So i guess i will have to work on that!
Thank you all for the wonderful advice!

loveroflove said:

It not that i have that much problem actually talking to men. It is the asking them out because usually i find them either more friend like or they are already in a relationship with someone. I am shy when meeting new people in a new place for me. So i guess i will have to work on that!
Thank you all for the wonderful advice!

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I'm not shy but one almost sure fire thing to do is have a party and invite him. Party doesn't have to be at your place. Could be at a restaurant or bar. Of course there is the chance that he'll bring a date. But doing it this way is less obvious than asking him out.

Jada59 said:

I'm not shy but one almost sure fire thing to do is have a party and invite him. Party doesn't have to be at your place. Could be at a restaurant or bar. Of course there is the chance that he'll bring a date. But doing it this way is less obvious than asking him out.

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Well, I'm not much on clubs, either., and internet dating proved a flop in the waybackwhen.

If I understand this aright, there are two problems. The first is meeting somebody and the second is interacting with him.

Bramblethorn had a good point re hobbies. Expanded, thst can include hobbies, volunteering, classes, clubs, etc. Where to guys go (asides from bars)? You can eliminate, for all practical purposes, things like quilting classes, ringette leagues and so forth. The question to ask yourself is where do your interests (including potential ones) overlap?

Let's say you sign up for an introduction to auto repair. Useful life skill for either sex, even if you don't intend to use it much. The point is that it is likely to be mainly guys. Your odds just got better, right?

And Jada59's party suggestion is a good one.

Heck, most of the suggestions here seem good. The thing is, most guys (like Nezhul notes) are not going to be offended. The worst thing that can happen is that they say no, which is what every guy ever has had to deal with.

Good luck!

loveroflove said:

Like for real, i have been single for 3 or 4 years like no kissing no anything! Problem is, i am shy, and not so confident with my self. Dont tell me to get over it i wont! But seriously to compound this issue i dont go out to clubs because i dont like them nor do i dance. And online dating is not my cup of tea.... I really cannot figure out this dating or even hooking up thing.... Help!

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Find a hobby, something you REALLY enjoy. Find a local club for that hobby or even start off slower with like an online forum that enjoys said hobby. Slowly get to know people that way. To a guy, nothing is hotter than finding a woman that enjoys the same HOBBY as he does...

Hmm o like to hobby thing... I always wanted to take up ziplinning and maybe i can do the wildlife tours that are offered around here...think i need to expand my hobbies...

My current girlfriend was really shy, but over a period of many months during our occasional interactions at work she sent some subtle messages to me, like making good eye contact when we saw each other, putting a lot of attention into our conversations, no matter how brief they were, and always ending a conversation by saying stuff like "take care".

One time at a work party, we were talking about music events in town, and I finally got the nerve to actually ask her out to see some music together. She finished my sentence as I was asking her. Both of us had been interested for a while, but neither of us were certain the other was interested until that moment.

That whole period before we went out had been a dance, over a period of many months.

It's difficult for both genders. I've been in your boat before. I'd just recommend that, as being shy and an introvert, take your time. Maybe join meetups or groups that naturally put you in contact with others while doing something you enjoy. I used to belong to hiking meetup groups and it was a good way to meet others. I also tried online dating and it wasn't my bag either. I found I was eventually going out with so many different types that it kind of muddied the waters and I lost track of what I was really was looking for in a partner. I'm interested in shy introverts, too, so me finding my ideal match is doubly hard.

In any event, good luck in your search.

Just going out there and talking to people and being friendly. Meetup has a lot of events. I struggle with dating too and it is hard to meet people, but you have to keep trying I find. Also when you meet someone still have friends and keep active.

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loveroflove said:

Like for real, i have been single for 3 or 4 years like no kissing no anything! Problem is, i am shy, and not so confident with my self. Dont tell me to get over it i wont! But seriously to compound this issue i dont go out to clubs because i dont like them nor do i dance. And online dating is not my cup of tea.... I really cannot figure out this dating or even hooking up thing.... Help!

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Go to Home Depot. Wander around in the tool section and look lost. And SMILE!

It's been touched on, but I think it's important to learn about and understand yourself as much as possible. You use the word shy, but have you read the latest info on introverts? You may be an introvert and not know it...and suffering because of it.

And then, as others have said...find folks that match your comfort zone on the introvert to extrovert scale. For example, as an introvert I find most extroverts to be very draining...like literally draining the energy out of me. But, I'm not shy at all and smile and say hi to strangers more than most folks do. Best wishes ~

loveroflove said:

Like for real, i have been single for 3 or 4 years like no kissing no anything! Problem is, i am shy, and not so confident with my self. Dont tell me to get over it i wont! But seriously to compound this issue i dont go out to clubs because i dont like them nor do i dance. And online dating is not my cup of tea.... I really cannot figure out this dating or even hooking up thing.... Help!

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The best way to make a friend is to ask that person to help you. It's a good way to meet people also. Men can be found in coffee shops, fast food places, retail stores. Just pick out a guy who is alone and whose looks appeal to you, then approach him and ask him for help selecting something or ask him to explain how something works.
Good luck in your endeavors.

For any lonely person, shy or not:

Figure out what you like to do. Find social groups of people with the same like(s). I met my long-time partner at a Sierra Club Singles' Hike. I met others when I gave a first aid class (a bit of tongue in CPR training), when I took botany classes (flowers are intensely sexual), at music festivals, in church (yeah, I used to do that), at pot parties and political campaigns, etc. Wine-tasting clubs sound promising. And amateur theatre folk fuck a lot.

Socializing gets you talking. Talking gets you laid.

loveroflove posted:

Hmm o like to hobby thing... I always wanted to take up ziplinning and maybe i can do the wildlife tours that are offered around here...think i need to expand my hobbies...

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Good for you! Make a list of your interests, then pick some of those men might be interested in. Guys love to meet women who have the same interests as them. Lots of luck in your quest!

I have the same issue with girls

Newcummer37 said:

I have the same issue with girls

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We have all been through that. Or at least most guys feel shy or even scared asking a girl out.

What I would recommend is the same I recommended to the OP:
1) Practice a few casual phrases in front of a mirror until they become automatic. "Hello, what's your name?". Not cheesy pick-up phrases and not baseless cheap compliments about her eyes or smile. You can tell her those things later.

2) Make a point of going out for a walk each day and asking one girl out. Each day, one new girl. Not cat-calling, but politely stopping her to ask her name and suggest to hook up. You'll quickly find yourself a match. You WILL get rejected for many reasons, most of which have nothing to do with you, but that's totally OK. Just ask another girl the next day and don't give up.
Also if you do this for a week, you will find that it becomes very easy to routinely approach women for a small talk like that. It will become MUCH easier.

3) Also it doesn't matter really if you aren't Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, and it doesn't really matter how much you make per month. There are gold diggers, and there will be women who will turn you down based on looks or whatever, but I'll tell you a secret: Most of women who earn more than you do - still want to find a good man. In fact, because they earn enough, your money become exponentially less important to them. I found that your wage isn't really as much of a factor as your personality.
That being said, your WILL increase your chances if you pay attention to your body, your clothes, and your mind.

I have the same issue with females

He feels,goof by p

EyeStruggle said:

Find a hobby, something you REALLY enjoy. Find a local club for that hobby or even start off slower with like an online forum that enjoys said hobby. Slowly get to know people that way. To a guy, nothing is hotter than finding a woman that enjoys the same HOBBY as he does...

Take it further. Every guy is programmed to enjoy being praised by gals for helping. "Jamie, "I can't firgure out how to rewire/program/rearrange/fix this. Fan you help me, please?" Big eyes, inside normal personal space, gentle touch on forearm add to request efficiency.

When nep

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