the marks of a slave

the fact that biologically, the female orgasm is useless.

This point fascinates me.

If the female orgasm is biologically useless, why does it exist at all?

It must either be the foundation or an inadvertent consequence of the male orgasm.

As embryos, aren't we all gender neutral up to a certain point?
 
I have a rather... unique... view upon my own slavery (and while being a Christian and living this kind of lifestyle may seem paradoxical, it's not... I rather feel it goes hand-in-hand).

Spiritually, I am a slave to God. I am to obey Him at all times, doing that which He wants of me, and not doing that which He has called sin. I am not perfect, but nevertheless, I still try, for His sake. Even so, God has given me things so that I may take pleasure in them, be it passive pleasures (like gazing upon the birds in the sky, or smelling the wildflowers in the field) or active pleasures (such as the results of His sacrifice, or the gift of wisdom). Because they are His gifts to me, I would not be serving Him if I held back, and didn't permit myself to fully use and enjoy them within the limits He has set.

Between my Husband and I, I feel it is much the same way. I am to likewise obey my Husband at all times, doing his will for me, and avoiding what is off limits (under what God has deemed acceptable, of course). As a result of pleasing him, I, too, am given the gift of pleasure (be it passively, from seeing his smile; or actively, from him reciprocating). And likewise, I would be doing him a disservice if I did not fully enjoy what everything he gives to me.

They both are more than able to give to me freely, and take and deny from me freely (to the extent of his limits, in the case of my Husband). If I treated their gifts with the same enthusiasm of getting socks for Christmas, I would not deem myself worthy to receive any further gifts (or even a continuation of my current gifts) from them. The effort they put into pleasing me... as a slave, what right have I to deny them what they want? Being selfless does not equate into gaining no pleasure for myself... it means doing all I can to do what my Master and my Husband want me to do. If they want me to be pleased, who am I to argue?

Has your husband ever asked you to do something that you feel goes against God's will? What would you say? How would you phrase it?

I've confused myself over this point before. Whereas we share the same fundamental values, my husband and I don't share the same beliefs. And sometimes I think he's letting his desires get the better of his ethics and morality.

Wait, that's not quite true. Sometimes I think his desires don't match my models of ethics and morality. But my desire is to please him.

How do we resolve those differences without a common scripture?
 
Maybe it's a slave thing? Eastern Sun, do you like getting socks as gifts? :D

I'm afraid I may not be a "true" slave. I don't get presents unless I buy them for myself.

(I do love to buy myself really soft socks, though. Does that count?)
 
I'm aware that in many little ways I'm trying to retain power and control. Some ways I'm aware of and do not really interfere as total power exchange is not expected. Other ways thou, end up clashing with the Ds and are what creates the most struggles and hurt.

*nods*

Rida, of everyone on the board, your experience of your sexuality resonates the most closely with my own. I enjoy everything you write, and often wish I had written it myself.

Thank you. :rose:
 
Do you masturbate? Are you ever asked to bring yourself to orgasm?

not really, and no. like you (and like many kids i think) i started masturbating when i was very very young, as far back as i can remember. i would hump my firmer stuffed animals, the arm of a Chippendale sofa (got serious spankings for that), or my fists balled up under me. i was also sexually abused as a young child, and while i would like to believe there is no relation, perhaps there is...who knows. the point is that i never connected the yummy humping and subsequent release i experienced with anything sexual. then i started having consensual sex, around age 13. from that point forward, whenever i tried masturbating, it just wasn't the same. the same buttons weren't pushed, and i would just get bored or sleepy. that remains the case now. every once in a blue moon i may try to masturbate...using the same childlike humping method (anything else is strange and pointless to me), and it just doesn't hold my interest or feel sexual at all. i need the male touch in order to feel any sexual energy, otherwise it's all just very forced and clinical.

i have had some vanilla guys in the past tell me to masturbate for them...inside i just laugh, on the outside i would sometimes attempt to mimic the actions i saw in porno, actions that mean absolutely nothing to me. sometimes i would just be honest and say, "i don't do that." they never seemed to believe me.

men who have an interest in or need to make women cum are not pleased with me, and i am very much turned off by men with that need...therefore it is best if we avoid each other. utterly selfish and aggressive men make the best sexual partners for me, as we understand each other and the purpose of sex. i do not want someone to care whether or not i have an orgasm, or even whether or not i am physically aroused. what does it matter? my body is a vessel.

but several years ago i did notice something kind of interesting...it is much easier for me to become physically aroused with other men than it is with my Master. now of course my being physically aroused does not necessarily mean that i am mentally aroused or in any way enjoying what is happening, more often than not it is just a biological response from being used sexually. it is actually something which has caused me much shame and embarrassment my whole life, for reasons mostly relating to the childhood abuse. my Master is well aware of this emotional baggage, and also happens to greatly enjoy fucking a dry pussy, therefore he conditioned me early on to NOT be physically aroused when he used me. He did this using a variety of psychological and physical methods. it succeeded probably more than he ever could have imagined, as now it is almost impossible for me to be physically aroused with him, despite the fact that i find him to be the most sexually desirable human being on this planet.

but with others, while sometimes the conditioning of my Master carries over, many times it does not and i have the old automatic physical response to sexual use. what i would honestly prefer would be if it could be consistent across the board, and i was simply not capable of being physically aroused with anyone, ever. then the issue would no longer be a cause of stress or anxiety.


eastern sun said:
The point . . . sex was never about making me cum. And I, like you, equated sexual pleasure with being an exceptionally good fuck. :D

that is still the ultimate sexual pleasure, in my book. ;)
 
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This point fascinates me.

If the female orgasm is biologically useless, why does it exist at all?

It must either be the foundation or an inadvertent consequence of the male orgasm.

exactly. it's a wisdom tooth of sorts. and with that being the case, why celebrate it/worship it/desire it? that is, if you're wired all strangely and "unhealthily" submissively like myself.
 
And actually, my first post wasn't about orgasms at all.

It was about not disliking what was happening.

oh i get that. i just went off on an "enjoy" tangent. why do you think your Husband doesn't want you to dislike things? does your dislike of something effect your service, your behavior? also just how deep does your "dislike" really go? i mean, i dislike many things happen to me or that i must do, but underneath that is the contentment in serving well and being of use.
 
Has your husband ever asked you to do something that you feel goes against God's will? What would you say? How would you phrase it?

I've confused myself over this point before. Whereas we share the same fundamental values, my husband and I don't share the same beliefs. And sometimes I think he's letting his desires get the better of his ethics and morality.

Wait, that's not quite true. Sometimes I think his desires don't match my models of ethics and morality. But my desire is to please him.

How do we resolve those differences without a common scripture?

Well, my Husband was the one who introduced me to Christianity, so he and I wound up sharing the same ethics and moralities. In the past, though, it has happened... so we'd yank out the Bible and find out why it's okay or not, and discuss our own feelings on it, before proceeding (we had that discussion over masturbation. I had no qualms, he had doubts- we discovered that the "mass media" view of Christianity on it was wrong, but the passage commonly applied was dealing not with "don't masturbate" but rather "don't do something to spite God and your own duties"... we felt the thing God told the guy in question could have been anything- "Carry the box" and the guy puts it in a cart instead, or "Go sell that land and give the money to those who need it" and he keeps the money for himself instead... in that case it was "Go impregnate her", and he masturbated instead... it was the defiance that was punishable, not the act itself). We both agreed long ago that neither he nor I have the final word, but God does, in those cases.

I suppose, in your case, the two of you need to sit down and create "a common scripture" of your own- what both of you feel is personally wrong (be it morally, spiritually, ethically, or whatever applies). Then spend time exploring why "this feels wrong to me" or why "this feels right to me", even if it goes down to the nitty gritty, and exporing the roots of the origins of the opinions. And if they are religious beliefs, they need to be seriously considered. If ya'll are devout in your beliefs, you need to weigh the advantages of pleasing the one who cares for your body for the brief few decades you are here, against pleasing the one who will care for your spirit when your time here is done. The "common scripture" you two agree to would be no different than anything each of you consider that hard line you just don't cross, or the requirements that you both agree must be kept.

In the end, as you are your husband's slave (as I am with mine), it is in his best interest to keep his prized possession in the best possible condition, be it physically, mentally, and spiritually. I'm certain that when you are sick, he provides you with cough syrup, and when you are sad, he provides you the necessary pick-me-up... your spiritual/moral health is no different, and needs to be considered as well. "A happy slave is a productive slave". ^_~
 
This point fascinates me.

If the female orgasm is biologically useless, why does it exist at all?

It must either be the foundation or an inadvertent consequence of the male orgasm.

As embryos, aren't we all gender neutral up to a certain point?

On theory that I've seen is that the female orgasm causes various uterine contractions, and allows the cervix to dip down, if you will, to theoretically make easier contact with any semen present in the vagina. It is not necessary for conception, but may well help.

And, yes, embryos are technically gender neutral up until a certain stage of development. I say "technically" because the genetic info for gender is present, but no physical characteristics are.

--

I'm afraid I may not be a "true" slave. I don't get presents unless I buy them for myself.

(I do love to buy myself really soft socks, though. Does that count?)

I would guess that it is close enough. We can probably assume that you would appreciate socks as a gift.

www.sockdreams.com (Cutiemouse suggested this one a while back.)

Enjoy.
 
On theory that I've seen is that the female orgasm causes various uterine contractions, and allows the cervix to dip down, if you will, to theoretically make easier contact with any semen present in the vagina. It is not necessary for conception, but may well help.

And, yes, embryos are technically gender neutral up until a certain stage of development. I say "technically" because the genetic info for gender is present, but no physical characteristics are.

--



I would guess that it is close enough. We can probably assume that you would appreciate socks as a gift.

www.sockdreams.com (Cutiemouse suggested this one a while back.)

Enjoy.

I was just reading about those contractions, and in this particular article they weren't described as connected to the female orgasm. I say this not to disagree, but just because I swear it is so difficult to find detailed descriptions of how a woman's body works in lay terms. I gotta go dig up a Our Bodies, Ourselves or whatever.

Maybe it's a slave thing? Eastern Sun, do you like getting socks as gifts? :D

That's bullshit! I'm a submissive and I like getting socks as gifts! How dare you! :mad:
 
oh i get that. i just went off on an "enjoy" tangent. why do you think your Husband doesn't want you to dislike things? does your dislike of something effect your service, your behavior? also just how deep does your "dislike" really go? i mean, i dislike many things happen to me or that i must do, but underneath that is the contentment in serving well and being of use.

I've been all over the map with "disliking" things.

I've pulled away, grown sullen, cried, got mad, pushed him away, gone limp, bit him, hit him, felt ashamed, become stoic, lost myself in thought, repeated phrases like "thy will be done" over and over in my mind, thought about other guys, thought about what I would do differently if I were him, waited for it to be over.

(we've been married for a long time)

Sometimes my dislike is very superficial, and hardly affects my behavior at all. Sometimes I feel so threatened I fight him off like a cornered animal.

What's interesting to me is that the things I dislike aren't predictable. An activity I generally love can totally piss me off on a given day. And something that I have hated in the past can excite me another.

That's why I think it has more to do with issues of control.

Though I've been working with it for many, many years, my slavery has never been characterized by a lack of resistance.

Interestingly enough, neither would I call myself "a brat." And I love pleasing him and others more than anything in the world.
 
I suppose, in your case, the two of you need to sit down and create "a common scripture" of your own- what both of you feel is personally wrong (be it morally, spiritually, ethically, or whatever applies). Then spend time exploring why "this feels wrong to me" or why "this feels right to me", even if it goes down to the nitty gritty, and exporing the roots of the origins of the opinions. And if they are religious beliefs, they need to be seriously considered. If ya'll are devout in your beliefs, you need to weigh the advantages of pleasing the one who cares for your body for the brief few decades you are here, against pleasing the one who will care for your spirit when your time here is done. The "common scripture" you two agree to would be no different than anything each of you consider that hard line you just don't cross, or the requirements that you both agree must be kept.

In the end, as you are your husband's slave (as I am with mine), it is in his best interest to keep his prized possession in the best possible condition, be it physically, mentally, and spiritually. I'm certain that when you are sick, he provides you with cough syrup, and when you are sad, he provides you the necessary pick-me-up... your spiritual/moral health is no different, and needs to be considered as well. "A happy slave is a productive slave". ^_~

It's too bad that we'll never really take the time to do this.

We've crossed many of the hard lines we thought we had . . . except one. We haven't broken up. And most of those lines weren't crossed with great care and thoughtfulness.

I also don't mean to be contrary, but he doesn't take very good care of me. He figures I'm an adult and can take care of myself.

On the other hand, because he takes this attitude, he genuinely listens to the needs I express and rarely refuses me (whether it's rest or food or an AA meeting or even a canary :)).

But I find myself sometimes using my concern about the spiritual effects of certain behaviors to resist him. And I have no way of knowing if my fears are groundless or not, until we take action. Sometimes, I'm right. And even he wants to back off. Sometimes I'm wrong.

I feel like we're engaged in this big game of trial and error. Sometimes it feels clumsy, and I worry whose heart I just stepped on. And sometimes it feels inspired, like some divinely choreographed tango we didn't even know we were dancing.
 
I've been all over the map with "disliking" things.

I've pulled away, grown sullen, cried, got mad, pushed him away, gone limp, bit him, hit him, felt ashamed, become stoic, lost myself in thought, repeated phrases like "thy will be done" over and over in my mind, thought about other guys, thought about what I would do differently if I were him, waited for it to be over.

(we've been married for a long time)

Sometimes my dislike is very superficial, and hardly affects my behavior at all. Sometimes I feel so threatened I fight him off like a cornered animal.

What's interesting to me is that the things I dislike aren't predictable. An activity I generally love can totally piss me off on a given day. And something that I have hated in the past can excite me another.

That's why I think it has more to do with issues of control.

Though I've been working with it for many, many years, my slavery has never been characterized by a lack of resistance.

Interestingly enough, neither would I call myself "a brat." And I love pleasing him and others more than anything in the world.


I totally get this, and don't associate it with bratty behavior either. I found I had this panic over the disconnect between wanting to please and dislike. And I'd also get pissed at myself because I'd think, well, shit I wanted this yesterday, why know? So I just let myself be in the moment. If I hate this, I hate this. I don't say stop, but I don't fake it. I just kind of wallow in whatever I'm feeling. It's made for some intense scenes and I really dig it. I have no idea what this flavor of submission will evolve into in five years, ten years, yada yada, but here's where we are now.
 
It's too bad that we'll never really take the time to do this.

It needn't be all at once. You've a lifetime to work on it, one thing at a time. ^_~ The concept behind any scripture is "how to best serve the one(s) in charge, and how the one(s) serving can have their own interests best served at the same time"... ie... how to respect one another.

We've crossed many of the hard lines we thought we had . . . except one. We haven't broken up. And most of those lines weren't crossed with great care and thoughtfulness.

You see my point regarding "keeping it" though, I hope... to keep it as surely as the sun rises each morning, and you wake with <insert your morning routine here>.

I also don't mean to be contrary, but he doesn't take very good care of me. He figures I'm an adult and can take care of myself.

:p Quit being contrary. lol You see my point though. Spiritual needs are just as important as needing rest or a canary, if not moreso. ^_^

But I find myself sometimes using my concern about the spiritual effects of certain behaviors to resist him. And I have no way of knowing if my fears are groundless or not, until we take action. Sometimes, I'm right. And even he wants to back off. Sometimes I'm wrong.

I don't wish to sound... erm... preachy... but instead of worrying about the "what if it's wrong"s, or waiting until after discovering first-hand whether it was right or wrong... learn beforehand about your own spirituality... take time to develop what you believe as an individual, and use the <insert scripture of *your* choice here> as a guide for yourself, and consider why "this" is prohibited and why "that" is promoted. (OMG, I hate being so vague, it makes wording things so hard!).

Worrying over what might be is only wasted energy on what probably won't happen (and is extra energy that could've been spent better on other purposes)... and experiencing the negative aspects of what happened could've been prevented if there was time spent considering "what could go wrong, and why?".

I hope all that makes sense. ^_^
 
and thanks for this too Rida, and particularly the bolded part :kiss:

I think you are right about retaining control. Sometimes it almost feels defiant. I remember him telling me once when I was in that mindset to unclench my fists :eek: I think that I had already decided that I was not comfortable with this, it was pushing my limits and I that I wouldn't enjoy it.
The strange thing was I enjoyed ''it'' more afterwards, if that makes sense :confused: I think once I was able to be calm and reflect I realised how much.

Yes.
It has been only in the last month that I fully realized and acknowledged that my fear of failure was a sneaky way used by my controlling mind to exercise power.

You see, if I'm the one giving up or deciding that I have failed, I'm in control, even if only of my failure. If I decide what is failure and what is success, I retain power by controlling the outcome.


*nods*

Rida, of everyone on the board, your experience of your sexuality resonates the most closely with my own. I enjoy everything you write, and often wish I had written it myself.

Thank you. :rose:

*blush*
Thank you for such nice words. I have felt the same with your writing, at times, and it took me a while to "dare" tipping my toes in your thread.

This thread has provided me a lot of food for thought.
Especially when the experiences described felt far from my own and when I found myself having strong reaction to totally armless concepts.

Thank again.

:rose:


I've been all over the map with "disliking" things.

I've pulled away, grown sullen, cried, got mad, pushed him away, gone limp, bit him, hit him, felt ashamed, become stoic, lost myself in thought, repeated phrases like "thy will be done" over and over in my mind, thought about other guys, thought about what I would do differently if I were him, waited for it to be over.

(we've been married for a long time)

Sometimes my dislike is very superficial, and hardly affects my behavior at all. Sometimes I feel so threatened I fight him off like a cornered animal.

What's interesting to me is that the things I dislike aren't predictable. An activity I generally love can totally piss me off on a given day. And something that I have hated in the past can excite me another.

That's why I think it has more to do with issues of control.

When Hubby and I were "vanilla", I had expectation on how things were supposed to be in our relationship. And often I'd get angry or frustrated or annoyed or what not and make my dislike loud and clear. I wanted him to change and fit those expectations, that I felt were few and reasonable. In my vanilla days, the dislike were pretty much established and had very little to do with the bedroom and everything to do with the kitchen (jk). The bedroom thou would end up being the battlefield.

The contradiction was that I hated being in charge, that half of those dislikes were what I though I was supposed to dislike and not what I really personally disliked.

Then D/s was introduced, bedroom only. It took a while but when it finally happened, it made things better. Although it was bedroom only, to me it spilled out enough that I felt I could let go of those vanilla dislike, and with that I also felt I did not need to be in charge anymore.

I went to far the opposite way, and new dislike appeared, this time more personal and as such stronger. The would express themselves in apparently random situations, or for tiny little things, and my reaction would be disproportionate. Still I tried to keep them locked in, not to show them, and they found their ways around until it got to the point that I was just pretending to have given up any control.

We are still working around it.
For a while I blamed him for not taking full reign over me. But each time he would try to extend his control further that I felt was my tolerance, I would fight it. Eventually I got at peace with myself in the acceptance that, with Hubby, I cannot give him all the control all the time. And he does not want it either.

The balancing act is being ready to give it up when is demanded and hold on it when is not.

And, is it such a bad think to "act" the reaction that would make him happy, even if I have to force it on me? If I can "fake it till I make it", am I deceiving or simply "trying hard"? Am I holding on to control when I should let it go? Or it is service as it provides him what he wants?

My answers fluctuate between both extremes and are settling in a compromising middle: "As far as it makes him happy and fulfill his needs".
 
The point . . . sex was never about making me cum. And I, like you, equated sexual pleasure with being an exceptionally good fuck. :D

that is still the ultimate sexual pleasure, in my book. ;)

Me three :D

(I can make myself cum just fine on my own. Sex with a partner is not about it for me. It is about the pleasure they can take from me. And the fact that I just enjoy the act of fucking in itself, is just bonus points for me. )
 
I was just reading about those contractions, and in this particular article they weren't described as connected to the female orgasm. I say this not to disagree, but just because I swear it is so difficult to find detailed descriptions of how a woman's body works in lay terms. I gotta go dig up a Our Bodies, Ourselves or whatever.

This is something I saw. Apparently, the woman's orgasm, useless or not, is just not a valid area of study. Nobody cares enough to look into it.

Jumping Jesus Fuck, are we that blind as a society?

That's bullshit! I'm a submissive and I like getting socks as gifts! How dare you! :mad:

I'd just like to chime in with my two cents. I'm neither slave nor sub and I absolutely adore receiving socks.

Y'all are just blowing my sweet little theory to bits here.

*sad panda face*
 
If I treated their gifts with the same enthusiasm of getting socks for Christmas, I would not deem myself worthy to receive any further gifts (or even a continuation of my current gifts) from them. The effort they put into pleasing me... as a slave, what right have I to deny them what they want? Being selfless does not equate into gaining no pleasure for myself... it means doing all I can to do what my Master and my Husband want me to do. If they want me to be pleased, who am I to argue?

I got distracted by the socks, and missed this earlier point.

You're suggesting that . . . to be ungrateful for the gifts I receive from my husband should make me, in your opinion, feel and/or be unworthy to receive further gifts.

In other words, cultivate gratitude for the simple pleasures and they will multiply.

(which is true in my experience)

Though I once lived in a harsh, grey world, I am surrounded today by creative joy and inspirational love.

And cultivating gratitude for the simple "gifts" my husband gives me, like coming home every night, making me laugh, or holding my hand, have gone a long, long, long way to ease the habits of resentment I fostered as a young woman.

But then there are these moments when the "gift" he's giving me is painful. (not the fun kind . . . the kind that seems frightening and unbearable)

I'm enough of a masochist to stay in this relationship. I'm enough of a masochist to recognize . . . later . . . that the pain had some beneficial outcomes, and was rarely as bad as I thought it would be.

I am not enough of a masochist to be grateful in the moment. At least, not yet.

Interestingly, he doesn't feel my lack of gratitude makes me unworthy to receive further gifts.
 
like you (and like many kids i think) i started masturbating when i was very very young, as far back as i can remember. i would hump my firmer stuffed animals, the arm of a Chippendale sofa (got serious spankings for that), or my fists balled up under me.

I used to masturbate like you. :) And, like you, I didn't associate that "yummy humping" with sex at all. (I love that phrase.)

Actually, there was a relationship my freshman year in college where I was expected to be the more sexually aggressive partner. (I had been sexually active much longer than most of the guys my own age.) But what did I do with my young bad self? I tried to hump him the same way I humped my fist. It was the only way I knew to make myself cum. I thought he was the most beautiful guy I'd ever seen, and our sex was totally unsatisfying for both of us, until he started pissing on me in the shower, and we changed our focus to other things.

Years later, when my husband introduced me to phone sex, I got involved with a couple of men who would talk me through mutual masturbation sessions over the phone. They were often highly complex activities that involved a lot of fingering, and slapping, and props, and stuff. At first it felt pretty weird - I was getting aroused more by being told what to do (by someone other than my husband :rolleyes:), than the actual activities themselves.

But, sexual conditioning is one of the most powerful forces in human nature, in my opinion. Simply linking arousal with these new activities changed my behavior. And once I started having orgasms during these phone sessions, by turning over and humping my fist . . . . I started experiencing even more arousal in the other stuff.

The force of that sexual conditioning applies equally to other behaviors, too - like housework. The only way I've been able to lead this upstanding middle class mainstream family life with any sense of integrity, is by saturating it with sexual arousal and a perverse erotic infrastructure.

(Aside - I did have to wean myself from the expectation of reward once the new behavior had been established. That expectation can lead to real "bratty" behavior on my part.)

I'm curious, osg. Do you cook? I have only ever imagined you in sexual situations. How far do your responsibilities extend?
 
I suppose, in your case, the two of you need to sit down and create "a common scripture" of your own- what both of you feel is personally wrong (be it morally, spiritually, ethically, or whatever applies). Then spend time exploring why "this feels wrong to me" or why "this feels right to me", even if it goes down to the nitty gritty, and exporing the roots of the origins of the opinions. And if they are religious beliefs, they need to be seriously considered. If ya'll are devout in your beliefs, you need to weigh the advantages of pleasing the one who cares for your body for the brief few decades you are here, against pleasing the one who will care for your spirit when your time here is done. The "common scripture" you two agree to would be no different than anything each of you consider that hard line you just don't cross, or the requirements that you both agree must be kept.

My earlier response to this was too flippant. It's really very good advice.

My husband and I so frequently pretend to resolve issues like these by "agreeing to disagree." But we might save our children from some of the more turbulent disagreements, if we took the time to examine our belief systems in order to resolve fundamental points of conflict. Often, in practice, our conflicts are easily resolved at very superficial levels. We just dig into them in order to preserve our self-integrity.
 
I totally get this, and don't associate it with bratty behavior either. I found I had this panic over the disconnect between wanting to please and dislike. And I'd also get pissed at myself because I'd think, well, shit I wanted this yesterday, why know? So I just let myself be in the moment. If I hate this, I hate this. I don't say stop, but I don't fake it. I just kind of wallow in whatever I'm feeling. It's made for some intense scenes and I really dig it. I have no idea what this flavor of submission will evolve into in five years, ten years, yada yada, but here's where we are now.

Yeah. I think the idea behind our thinking is that if you're actually able to stay in the moment, you can transform suffering at the root. Because you're able to see what's causing your suffering and apply the antidote.

Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.
 
I'm curious, osg. Do you cook? I have only ever imagined you in sexual situations. How far do your responsibilities extend?

ooh so you have envisioned me a pampered sex slave? ;) how naughty and extravagant...but not my life at all, lol.

yes, i cook everyday, two meals a day on weekdays and three on weekends, unless he takes us out to eat. an average day for me is waking up early with him, preparing his breakfast, packing his lunch, going back to sleep for a couple of hours if i can, then getting up and tending to all the housework. dusting, vacuuming, laundry, floor mopping, toilet cleaning, shower scrubbing, organizing, litter box freshening, etc. because he whores me out on a regular basis also, i usually have to talk to a couple of clients a day. i cultivate really personal relationships with most of them as it is important to Daddy that my service to them is as therapeutic as possible. when Daddy's son comes home from school i prepare a light snack, then the same for Daddy when he gets home. i also remove his shoes, massage his feet, snuggle, etc. :eek: we always have a couple of hours of quality time where we do pretty much nothing except enjoy being in each other's presence. then it's preparing and serving dinner, clean-up, then possibly being taken to the gym.

so i guess i am your basic old-fashioned house slave, lol.
 
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